by Kylie Parker
I reach out and put my hand on Eddie’s tombstone. I wish I could talk to him. I’m thankful I did have a chance to apologize and to sort of make amends for my asinine behavior, but that just wasn’t enough for me. After he was hurt and he started waking up and talking to me, I thought maybe –just maybe –we could work on rebuilding our obviously broken relationship. Whoever killed him is going to pay for this. A shiver slightly at the thought that the culprit might not ever be found. The police have precisely zero leads. I think of this random Suzette character –who is she? Why all the secrecy? Could she be the one behind all of this? Is she working with Éclair? Is Éclair even involved at all?
Éclair. Geeze, I don’t want to think about her right now. This weird, sinking feeling of lonesomeness will only be made worse by thoughts of her. I don’t know how I’m going to tell her that I no longer want anything to do with her.
I should really get going, but I can’t bring myself to remove my hand from the top of my brother’s tombstone. My big brother. My brother who, despite our differences, always had my back. My brother who came to work at my company –who pretty much ran the entire place –despite the big middle finger he received from my father beyond the grave. My brother who grew up with me, joked around with me as kids, and my brother who deserved so much better than the shit the world threw at him.
“Hey-” a voice behind me jolts me from my trance, and I lower my hand from the tombstone and turn around.
Awe fuck. It’s fucking Ricardo Smith –Eddie’s biological father. I hate this fucking asshole. He’s worse than my own father. He’s standing behind me with his hands in his pockets, his big black leather jacket over his shoulders, and that stupid-ass swastika tattoo on the side of his bald head. Fuck this guy. I grit my teeth. “Missed you at the funeral,” I say.
“I don’t do well in crowds,” he says, “Besides, you really think Eddie would have wanted me showing my face up there for everyone to see?” He laughs when he says it.
I look over his shoulder, and a good ways back is Tommy –one of Eddies’ half-brothers –the unlucky son of a bitch who wound up being stuck with Ricardo. Tommy is standing by a beat up, old pickup truck smoking a cigarette. I draw my eyes back on Ricardo and take a breath, knowing I should try to make nice, but my last interaction with the fucker had not been a pleasant one. “Probably not,” I say angrily. “But regardless, you’re still his father.”
“Why do you think I’m here?” he grumbles and holds up a single rose. He just tosses it over to the grave, not daring to come too close.
I take another breath. At least the old man came to visit the grave. “You’re right,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
“You really don’t like me, huh?” he asks.
“Not particularly, if we’re being honest,” I say.
“Well,” he says, “at least the feeling’s mutual.” He prances past me and stares down at the grave covered in flowers. He pats the top of the tombstone. “I do feel bad, you know?” he says, not bothering to turn around to look at me when he says it.
“I would hope so,” I say. I notice him turn his head; he’s looking at my mother’s grave, and there is something about him doing that that makes me sick to my stomach. “I’m sure I’m going to regret asking you this,” I say, “but how did you and my mother meet exactly?”
“It’s not really that special of a story,” he says as he turns around to look at me, “she was a newlywed wife of a billionaire asshole who just wanted to leave the house for a night. My guess is the sudden change in lifestyle had her on edge. I saw her at a bar. I saw the wedding ring, but that shit never really mattered much to me. Believe it or not, I wasn’t sore on the eyes back then. Neither was your mother. She was drunk, and the two of us hooked up in the bathroom at some nasty bar. That was it. We parted ways. I saw her one other time out in public with Eddie once. The boy couldn’t have been but five years old. She had a little guy on her hip too. My guess is that was you. I came up to her because it didn’t take a genius to figure out that boy was mine; he looked just like me. We talked around it, you know, since the kid was listening, but she confirmed it for me. She actually told me to fuck off. I remember Eddie looking at her and going ‘Mom, that’s a bad word.’ And she just patted his head and walked off with you both. I didn’t really care. I just remember thinking that was a close one.”
“Yeah, a close one,” I grumble, “can’t risk having too much responsibility and having to take care of your own kids, right?”
“You asked me, so I told you,” Ricardo hisses. “You know, you’re a little asshole, right? I ought to-”
“What?” I snap at him. “What are you going to do, you old fuck? You going to push me again? Look, I appreciate you coming here and paying your respects, but just stay the hell away from me from now on.”
Ricardo just laughs. “Fine, kid, whatever. I did want to ask you, though, before we part ways, whether or not Eddie thought of his old man in his will?”
“Go to hell,” I say, “and no, he didn’t. You didn’t mean shit to him anymore than he meant to you.”
The man looks pissed. His shoulders tense up, and he has the audacity to turn and spit on my brothers grave right in front of me. I react, reaching out and grabbing him by his arm. “You fucking asshole!” I shout, my other hand forming a fist at my side.
I see Tommy from the corner of my eye darting towards us. I assume I’m about to have to tussle with these two, and Tommy I know from experience carries. Turns out, Tommy’s not running to his father’s aid. I feel this horrible, piercing sensation in my side, and I look down to see my own blood trickling out of me. Tommy grabs his old man by his shoulders, throwing him back onto the ground. “What the fuck did you just do?” Tommy screams, but I can hardly hear him. “Get out of here! Get the fuck out of here!”
Ricardo gets up and starts rushing out of the cemetery, still walking –but walking fast.
I take a few steps back, grabbing hold of Eddie’s tombstone to keep myself balance. My other hand grips my side, and I realize the damn knife is still in me. Holy fucking shit. I feel Tommy’s hands on my shoulders. “Relax, I got you, man,” I hear him say before I drop to my knees. Yeah, I’m going to black out. I feel it coming. I go to pull the knife out of me, but he stops me. “Don’t. Trust me, don’t.”
Maybe I will be going to an early grave after all.
69
I slowly blink my eyes open and realize I’m staring up at a ceiling fan. Of all people, Bobby –Eddie’s nephew, is staring back at me. “Well what do you know,” Bobby says, grinning, “He’s not dead.” I’m at Bobby’s home –his mom, Kate’s home. Why am I here lying on her couch?
I see Tommy approaching me from the corner of my eye. “What’s up?” he says with this awkward grin.
“You dumbass,” I groan, “Why didn’t you take me to a fucking hospital?”
I’m shirtless, and I can see that I’m well wrapped up around my waist with bandages. “Don’t worry,” Tommy says reassuringly, “my wife patched you up.”
The fucking egg woman! The crazy woman who broke into my house with Tommy and made eggs in my kitchen? Is he insane? “What?” I snap –what did she do, slap a Band Aid on it? There was a fucking knife lodged in my side!
“Relax,” I hear the woman’s voice coming from the kitchen. I hold my head up and through the hall I can see a plethora of bloody paper towels piled up around the kitchen sink as she washes her hands.
“Relax?” I snap, starting to sit up, but this pain shoots through my side. “Ahk!”
Both Bobby and Tommy put their hands on my shoulders, demanding that I stay down and not move. “Easy, man,” Tommy says, “Becky is a nurse. She knows what she’s doing. It was faster to have you meet us here than to try to get to the hospital in all the traffic.”
Becky, crazy egg lady, enters into the den. She’s not wearing her motorcycle jacket, but she still looks like white trash in her white tank top, black bra showing through, and her biker bedazzled j
eans and black boots. She’s wearing blue hospital gloves and has a syringe in her hand. I flinch as she comes near me. “You’re going to want this, trust me,” she says, not giving me any time to debate as she pulls my bandages back, revealing a clean stitching, and injects me. “Ooh, I probably should have asked if you’re allergic to anything,” she says.
“Yeah, probably!” I snap as she removes the old bandages and puts on clean ones.
“You’re going to be fine, and that medicine should kick in soon.” She smiles at me.
“You’re really a nurse?” I ask.
“I’m really a nurse,” she says. “Worked in Ricardo’s gang’s hangout bar to put myself through college. That’s how I met Tommy.”
“Well I’ll be damned,” I say. I definitely did not expect that.
The front door busts open suddenly, and Kate comes zooming into her own house. “What the hell? What the hell? There is blood all in my driveway! Tommy, what the hell?”
Tommy stands upright, “I’m sorry, Kate! Dad got Eddie in the side with a knife.”
Kate glances over at me and then back at her half-brother. She marches up to him and slaps him right across the face. “Next time you bring someone into my house who’s bleeding to death, give me a call, why don’t you? Fuck, Tommy! I thought one of my kids had gotten run over in the driveway or something!”
“Thanks for the concern there, Kate,” I say.
“Sorry to sound relieved, James,” she says, blushing. She looks at Bobby, “Where are your brothers and sisters?”
“I made them all go upstairs while Becky was stitching James up,” Bobby says, “I didn’t want them to get in the way.”
She nods approvingly at her son’s decision. “You know everyone is coming over in just a couple of hours, right?” she says to Bobby, “Go unload the car for me.” she looks at Tommy and just shoots him this death glare until he gets up and follows Bobby outside to help with bringing in groceries.
“You need help in the kitchen?” Becky asks.
“I would really appreciate it,” Kate says and then looks at me, “I might have some clothes for you upstairs. In my room there is a large Chester drawer –check the middle drawer, some of my late husband’s clothes should still be in there. “
“Thanks,” I say, rising slowly. “You guys have some guests coming over or something?”
“First Saturday ever month,” Kate says, “We all do a cookout.”
“We who?” I ask.
“We the bastard children of Ricardo Smith,” Tommy says as he enters the home with arms full of groceries. “Eddie used to come too. Call it a family reunion minus the dipshit dad who ties us all together.”
I have to admit I’m slightly enthused by this idea. “You’re welcome to stay,” Kate says, “A lot of them want to meet you, but they did not want to bother you too much at the funeral.”
“I’d love to,” I say and go upstairs to locate the clothes Kate had mentioned. As I am getting dressed, I note that my side is already feeling numb from the shot Becky gave me. Thank God. Well, I guess I can say I’ve got battle scars now. I finish getting dressed, donning a pair of blue jeans and a size-too-small gray t-shirt.
The house is already swarming with people as I make it downstairs. Max, Eddie’s vocally impaired half-brother, meets me at the bottom of the stairs and proceeds to introduce me to everyone as they arrive. Stacey and Sandra –identical twin sisters near Eddie’s age tell me all about Eddie helping Stacey to get clean, bringing the two women back together after years of drifting apart. Donnie, a local mechanic, tells me about Eddie buying his kids Christmas gifts so that there would be something under the tree that year. Troy is a single dad of three girls –Eddie had helped pay for his wife’s funeral after she had died from leukemia. Arthur is the oldest of the bunch, and Eddie helped him to start up his own barber shop, and he’s doing really well now. Jonathan is a flight attendant –a job that Eddie helped to set him up with. DJ is a cancer survivor, and Eddie had been helping him pay for his medical bills that had been piling up relentlessly; he and his wife are expecting their first baby in less than a month.
I do my best to remember names as I am introduced to each of Eddie’s siblings, their spouses, and their children. The house is soon swarming with people. The doorbell rings, and I am closest, so I answer it. I smile when I see Nick, Eddie’s youngest brother, and Donna –his case worker from child services standing in the doorway. Nick’s face lights up when he sees me. “James?” he questions, “What are you doing here?”
I decide not to tell the kid that his dad stabbed me in the gut. I smile and say, “I came to meet everyone. I didn’t expect to see you here, though.”
Donna answers for him, “Nick has been doing so well with his rehabilitation, and he has been wanting to attend his family’s monthly cookout, so we’re loosening the rope a little today.”
I smile. “That’s great!”
Nick lunges in and wraps his arms around me, and I’ll admit it makes me really uncomfortable, but I hug him back. Thankfully he’s tall enough to where he misses my stab wound. He pulls away and then looks very sad when he says, “I’m sorry I missed Eddie’s funeral. They didn’t tell me,” he glances back at Donna angrily when he says it.
“It’s okay,” I say reassuringly. “Eddie would have wanted you to stay at the clinic anyways. Why don’t you come in? I believe everyone is here now.”
Nick nods excitedly and hurries inside, eager to visit with his older siblings and his various nieces and nephews that are actually closer in age to him. Donna enters and we close the door, but the two of us stand by in the doorway. “He’s very excited,” Donna says, “He can’t wait to live with you. Are you nervous at all?”
“Honestly, yes,” I say.
“Good. I’d be worried if you weren’t,” she smiles, “I spoke with your lawyer. It sounds like the lawsuit is being dropped.”
“Looks that way,” I say.
“Good. It will make this process a lot easier. Hopefully after he leaves the program he will be able to just come home with you and not remain in foster care in limbo. We will see, though. Fingers crossed.” She enters into the home, smiling and chatting with the family.
It’s weird. I have this sense of belonging here. They’re not my family, but they might as well be. They were Eddie’s, so that’s good enough for me. I wind up staying for hours, doing my best to get to know every single one of them. It’s nice. I don’t feel alone anymore.
70
After spending a day recouping after, you know, getting stabbed by a Neo-Nazi, I decide it’s time to talk to Éclair. Just the thought of talking to her about all of this makes me sick to my stomach. I know it has to be done though –it has to if I’m ever going to make things work with Sylvia. I decide it’s something that has to be done in person, so I give her a call to let her know I’m coming by. The phone rings three times before she answers.
“James?” her voice is slightly sing-songy –like she’s relieved to hear my voice. I have been avoiding her for a while, and it makes me feel pretty shitty to hear the relief in her voice that I am calling.
“Hey,” I say, taking a deep breath, “listen, I’m in the area. Do you mind if I come by for a little while?”
There is a pause, “Yeah, sure. Could you give me like a half hour? My sister popped by unannounced, so I have to ditch her. She’s one to over stay her welcome, if you know what I mean.” Éclair rarely speaks about her sister; she has an even more estranged relationship with her younger sister than I had had with Eddie. Both Éclair and I had been the successful siblings, which I have to say for me at least has always put a damper on the sibling relationship. Sibling rivalry in the business world is rough.
“Sure,” I say, “I’ll see you in a half hour.” I hang up the phone and contemplate exactly what I should say to her. I suppose just being straight forward would be best. I didn’t call my driver this time around; I figure this is something that could take a while, so I don’t wan
t to leave my driver sitting around outside of Éclair’s house in the event that it does. I drive myself to Éclair’s home, and I time it pretty well –winding up outside of her home almost exactly half an hour after our phone conversation.
I head up the driveway, and I let myself in. As always, I’m slightly taken back by all the pink and silver that make up her home. You would think that I would be used to it by now –it’s the same way at her company office. I hear her heel clicking against the black and white tile floors as she appears from around the corner. Damn it, she looks gorgeous in her cute black suit with red blouse. Her long blonde hair is braided up on one side of her head –flowing down over her right shoulder. Her face lights up when she sees me. “I’m so glad you called me,” she says, more pep in her step than usual. She comes right up to me and touches my chest. “I was afraid you were never going to talk to me again after what happened last time…” she blushes. “Listen, about what you said-” The big smile on her face suddenly terrifies me. Is she going to say it back?
I cut her off before she has the chance. “So your sister came by?” I say quickly.
Éclair frowns. “Yeah,” she says, “she’s crazy, I swear. I haven’t seen her in over a year, and she just drops by for the heck of it. And she’s so damn nosey. I don’t even know what she’s up to nowadays. She’s always been really competitive towards me, and me owning my own company has always gotten to her.”
“Yeah, well, take it from someone with experience in that department –you don’t want to let any sort of disagreements you have with your sister stop you from knowing her. I wish Eddie and I had been closer towards the end,” I can tell that my words struck a nerve with her.