I’m sorry I’ve left it so long to send this letter. I’ve written and rewritten it so many times. I’ve thought about sending it almost as many times too, but I think I owe you some explanation for why I left. I ought to have said this stuff to you face-to-face, but please believe me when I say things have been difficult for me. I can’t explain any more than that, but I swear, I’ve tried to handle things better but leaving seemed the only solution. There are things I have to sort out at home. Things only I can deal with and that I can’t share for all kinds of reasons. I don’t want you to take them on too.
If the good times we’ve had make you smile, then remember them. I’m so sorry there have been only bad ones over the past few months. It tore me apart to leave and I only hope that it’s not as bloody awful for you and that, somehow, I’m wrong about the way you feel for me.
I never ever set out to hurt you. Knowing that I might be causing you pain makes me feel sick to my stomach. There’s no one else. I can at least reassure you of that.
Unlike me, you’re strong, so I know you’ll get through this and I hope you’ll find someone who deserves you a lot more than I ever have.
Adam x
She read it three more times and felt even more shaken and confused than before. Why had he sent it to her now? Over the past months, she’d longed for some explanation, but now she had the letter, it left far more questions than it explained.
Tears wet her face but Jess hastily wiped them away as she heard Lawrence outside the door, whistling as he crossed the yard. He didn’t come into the office which was a relief but she still needed him to help with the VAT. Shrugging on her fleece as she left, she hurried out to speak to him and take the mail down to the fields. She might feel crap, but she could at least bring a smile to people’s faces by delivering the post in person.
Chapter 13
On Monday morning, Gaby had gone straight back to work after getting the early morning plane from Stansted to Newquay and on to Scilly. Her parents had been delighted to see her, of course, and Carly had made the effort to come home too. They’d all visited Stevie’s grave and laid some flowers, which Gaby herself had taken over on the plane. These first ‘landmark’ occasions – Stevie’s birthday, the anniversary of his death, Mother’s Day – were tough and emotional times when his loss was felt even more keenly. Some people had said that such moments would become easier to deal with but Gaby wasn’t sure. Look at how she’d dealt with his birthday: by working herself into the ground and ending up in an awkward situation with Will.
Jess had generously let her have the morning off to get home so she planned on working extra hard to make up for the lost time. She hadn’t been in the fields more than half an hour, however, when she spotted her boss making straight for her, with a bundle of letters in her hand.
She’d seen the postwoman arrive so guessed she had some mail. Jess nodded and smiled to some of the workers, but knowing her boss well by now, Gaby thought the smile hid a lot of pain. Gaby had seen Will talking to Jess in the fields on Valentine’s Day and had heard on the grapevine that it was the day Adam Pengelly had flown off. Poor Jess. She and Adam had seemed so happy the previous August when they’d collected her from the airport. He seemed like a decent bloke and Jess was obviously loved-up at the time, but who knew what had happened between them since.
Gaby had heard plenty of rumours lately. The theories varied from feasible to plain nuts. He’d met another woman. He’d met another man. He’d inherited a lot of money and wasn’t interested in Jess or the flower farm now he was rich. He’d gambled all his cash away and had fled because he was in debt. Gaby’s personal favourite was that Adam had been forced to go into a witness protection scheme while he testified in a postal fraud trial.
The witness protection theory seemed to have taken particular root for some reason, but Gaby thought that was too far-fetched even for St Saviour’s. Personally, she figured it was none of anyone’s business, though she couldn’t help but listen to the gossip. Even if she’d wanted to pry, although Jess was becoming a friend as well as a boss, Gaby definitely didn’t know her well enough to intrude on her personal life. She also knew how it felt to want to keep her personal life private.
She tried to look cheerful as Jess reached her, holding out a bundle of pastel-coloured envelopes. Were Jess’s eyes red or was Gaby imagining it?
‘Hello, Gaby. Carmel’s been. I’ve got some post for you.’
Jess’s voice was suspiciously perky but Gaby was grateful to have the post. ‘Thanks,’ she said, feeling a warm glow as she took the envelopes. She recognised the writing on all of them. Although she’d brought her close family cards and gifts back to Scilly with her, she was thrilled that her old mates back home had remembered too.
‘It’s my birthday,’ she said, thinking out loud.
Jess’s brow creased. ‘Today? I’m sorry, I didn’t know …’
‘Please don’t worry. Actually, it’s tomorrow and I was sort of wondering if you’d like to come to the pub after work? A bunch of us are getting the jet boat to the Driftwood and I know you’re friends with Maisie, so I thought you might like to come along?’
Jess hesitated. ‘Um … tomorrow. I – I don’t know. I think I’m coming down with something.’
Gaby looked closer at Jess and was taken aback. With her rosy cheeks and glossy nut-brown hair tied back with a scarf, she’d always reminded Gaby of the glamorous actresses in fifties movies. Today, she was pale with dark smudges under her eyes. She obviously hadn’t slept well and looked like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and she looked skinnier than she did last August too.
‘Are you OK?’ Gaby asked gently.
‘Yes.’ Jess smiled. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’
‘You look rather peaky,’ she blurted out.
Jess narrowed her eyes. ‘Peaky?’
Gaby could have kicked herself. ‘Well, you did say you thought you were coming down with something … I’m sorry.’
Jess groaned. ‘Don’t be. I’ll live, but I don’t want to spread my germs round. This cold is making me a right old grumpy-pants. Look, I’d really love to come to the pub if I’m not a germ factory. Honest.’
Jess’s smile was back in place but Gaby was still wary. She genuinely liked her boss but wasn’t totally convinced by the ‘cold’ excuse, and usually when people added ‘honest’ onto the end of their statements, it was because they weren’t being entirely honest in the first place. However, Jess didn’t need any more negativity, so Gaby decided to keep up the cheery attitude. She’d already got a reputation as some sort of posh Girl Guide/plucky Enid Blyton type, so why not live up to it?
‘That would be absolutely lovely. We’re going in the fast jet boat at six. Meet at the gig sheds on the beach?’
Jess nodded. ‘Great. I’ll be there if I can …’ She touched Gaby’s arm briefly. ‘What about you? How was the weekend?’
Gaby almost lost it. Her throat was thick with emotion at Jess’s sympathetic gesture. ‘Mum and Dad were happy I went home. I’m so glad I did and it’s another milestone we’ve got through. That’s about all I can say. Thanks for letting me have some extra time off.’
‘It’s the least I could do.’
‘Will didn’t ask why, did he?’
‘No. He just assumed you went home for Mother’s Day and he knows you can hardly fly back on Sunday when we’re all cut off.’ Jess gave a small smile. ‘Besides, he was far too caught up with working on the Athene with his mates.’
Gaby nodded, glad that she wouldn’t have to discuss her weekend with Will, but slightly disappointed he’d obviously had no interest in her absence. Oh well, she couldn’t have it both ways.
Jess moved a few yards away, examining some of the blooms to check the quality.
Meanwhile Gaby spotted Will at the top of the field, deep in conversation with Lawrence. Unless it was raining hard or unusually cool, Will could be found in all weathers in various old tatty T-shirts and jeans that had faded to muted gr
eys and blues, with frays and tears at the knees and other places. Sometimes you could see hairs on his thighs through the threads. The pair with the tear at the top where his thighs met his bottom were her favourite – and don’t even get her started on his Hunters.
She sighed to herself. The shelter incident had done nothing to cool her passion, even if relations between them were chillier than before.
Gaby had a sudden impulse. Which almost always turned out to be a bad idea, but she couldn’t help herself. She trotted up to Jess.
‘Oh, Jess …’
Jess lifted her head from the flowers and frowned. ‘Everything OK?’
‘Yes. Fine. It’s only that I thought, if you happen to see Will, which you’re bound to, him being your brother – ha ha – can you pass on an invitation to the pub? It’s probably not his thing and he’s always busy, but if he fancies a night out …’ Gaby left the sentence trailing, fearing she’d rattled on too much already.
Jess’s lips tilted briefly. ‘I’ll mention it to him, but I think he has rowing training with the men’s crew so I wouldn’t get your hopes up.’
‘Oh. OK. No biggie.’ She bit down her disappointment. She definitely wasn’t expecting anything from Will after his brusque behaviour that night, so why had she even bothered asking? She’d have bet Will wouldn’t come along. Even if it was her birthday and everyone else from the flower farm she’d worked with for the past six months was going along to the Driftwood. Ever since their passionate moment in the barn, he’d avoided spending more than the absolute minimum of time alone with her.
Jess checked her watch. ‘It’s coffee break time soon. You might see Will up at the packing sheds and you can ask him yourself.’
‘Maybe. Thanks for the cards. I’ll take them back to my room at break time.’ Gaby pushed the cards down the large pocket at the front of her dungarees which she wore over a T-shirt with an oversize lumberjack shirt. Her outfit, which was practical and warm for working outdoors, was a source of amusement to Will, who’d managed to defrost sufficiently to ask her when she was going to chop down a tree. At least the mild weather today meant she’d been able to ditch the lumberjack hat with its fold-down earflaps, although she didn’t care if Will did tease her. It had kept the cutting wind from freezing her ears on many days and was only one of the ingenious types of headgear that everyone – including Will – employed to keep themselves warm on cold days.
After work, Gaby spent the evening in the staff house, enjoying the preparations and chat about her birthday party at the Driftwood. The jet boat would take them over immediately after work, leaving enough time for a lightning-quick shower and change. It was early, but the tides were right and that dictated the evening out.
Even without Will, Gaby was looking forward to it. Nights out on Scilly were very low-key compared to London and even to Cambridge. Although Hugh Town had several pubs, the nearest clubs and cinemas were forty miles away across the Atlantic in Penzance, so home-grown entertainment and meet-ups with mates were doubly important. The hard work in the fields sent Gaby off to sleep quickly, as it usually did, even with the excitement of a party to look forward to.
Fortunately, Jess seemed to have brightened up a little by the next day when she called Gaby into the office at lunchtime. She opened a filing cabinet and handed over a shiny bottle bag and a card. ‘It’s from all of us,’ she said.
Gaby ripped open the envelope and pulled out the card, which had a funny meerkat on it. It was signed from Jess, Will and Anna, all in Jess’s handwriting. It made her glow inside to think that the Godrevys had sent her a card, even if it had probably all been Jess’s doing. She found a bottle of fizz from the island vineyard in the bag, together with a bag of chocolate truffles from the deli on St Mary’s. ‘Oh, these are lovely. I’ll enjoy sharing them later. I didn’t expect anything. Thanks so much. This is a wonderful surprise.’
‘No problem. You’re pretty much a fixture now,’ said Jess cheerfully.
Gaby put the bottle on the desk. ‘Am I, really?’
‘You’ve been here longer than most.’
Gaby hadn’t realised she was starting to be considered as one of the ‘OAPs’ among the temporary seasonal workers. She wasn’t quite sure how she felt about this ‘accolade’ as the flower farm was only meant to be a temporary stepping stone on her bigger adventures. ‘Well, thanks. I’ll go and drop these in my room. Will I see you later at the party?’
Jess nodded. ‘Definitely. I’m not feeling grotty like I did yesterday. That cold decided to bother someone else.’
Gaby resisted the urge to ask any more about Will, and had decided not to bother to ask him to the party herself and risk being rebuffed in person. She took her present to join the others back in her quarters. Some parcels had arrived for her that morning, and she opened them along with the gifts from her parents, from Carly and a couple from mates from uni, plus a fresh bundle of cards. One present was missing, of course: Stevie’s. She pulled out the Gardens of the World book again and looked at the inscription, even though she knew it would make her cry. It was a cruel twist of fate that her own birthday was so very close to the anniversary of his death so she was surely allowed a few tears today.
A few hours later, she, Jess and the rest of her workmates were rushing along the concrete track that served as the island’s only road, and down the steep slope to the quay. Laughing and chatting, they waited for the jet boat, although Gaby couldn’t help the odd sneaky glance to see if Will might put in a last-minute appearance after all.
They were all muffled in thick coats and hoods against the stiff wind. After all, it was still only March, and it was going out like the proverbial lion rather than the lamb. Gaby wrinkled her nose in apprehension at the choppy swell while she boarded, then gritted her teeth and held on tightly to the rope around the edge of rib. The rigid inflatable boat had a small cabin, but that was only to provide shelter for the skipper and crew. The rest of the passengers had to brave the elements. Spray hit her face as they bounced over the waves like a stone skipping along. She’d have to redo her make-up when they got to the pub, along with the rest of the girls.
There was a patch of open sea as they rounded the headland between St Saviour’s and Gull Island that was out of the shelter of either island. Whitecaps tumbled over the surface and the wind howled. She braced herself and held on tight. Some people let out little shrieks as the boat bucked like a fairground bronco, but Gaby knew what to expect, even if she hated the rough ride, she wasn’t going to let on how much. There was no way you could live and work on Scilly without using the sea, unless you intended to fly straight into St Mary’s and never step off the island.
The time to worry, Jess had told her when she’d ‘enjoyed’ her first trip on the jet boat, was when Jerry, the grizzled skipper, started handing out the life jackets. At the moment, Jerry was smoking a pipe with one hand and chatting to Lawrence while also steering the boat, so things must be OK.
The sun was setting as they moored up alongside the Gull Island jetty and a few minutes later, they were squeezing into the tiny bar and warming themselves by the fire while Maisie and Patrick pulled the pints and handed round glasses of wine. The rich aroma of curry spices filled the bar area, making Gaby’s stomach rumble.
Jess became a different person when she met up with Maisie. Her eyes lit up and she laughed out loud. Maisie was now almost twenty weeks into her pregnancy and on her slight frame, her bump was now visible. Gaby noticed Jess lay her hand on Maisie’s stomach and let out a little squeal of delight, presumably, Gaby thought, because the baby had moved. Gaby had absolutely no idea when babies first started moving, but she was happy to see her boss in a sunnier mood.
Inevitably, she recognised most of the handful of regulars in the bar, although they were outnumbered by her own workmates: Lawrence and Becca from the office, Natalia and Robbie, the ginger guy who Gaby had thought wouldn’t make it past the first day. One bloke had left from the rookie group, but everyone else had stuck
it out. And so what if Will wasn’t here? It wasn’t often she had the chance of a night out, and she knew Stevie would certainly have made the most of it. She swallowed a lump in her throat, thinking of their final celebration together at home and later at the local pub. She gulped down the rest of her wine, trying not to get maudlin.
‘Another drink?’ Natalia pointed to her glass with a smile.
‘Thanks.’
While Gaby started on her second glass of wine and chatted with her mates, Jess helped Maisie and her mum, Hazel, serve up the curries. Someone put on some music, old-school pop, and the noise levels rose as people got stuck into their kormas and jalfrezis, laughed and drank.
Jess joined her table. ‘Enjoying yourself?’ she asked. Pleased to have some time to chat away from work, Gaby made space for Jess on the sofa next to her.
‘Yes. This curry is fabulous and Maisie looks well.’
Jess smiled as they both spotted Patrick kiss Maisie on the cheek. ‘She is. Patrick too. I’m so happy for them.’
‘You’ve known her a long time, haven’t you?’
‘Yes. Since we were at school. She was older when I started and I was homesick because the off-island children had to board on St Mary’s. Maisie looked out for me in the first year until she left to do her A levels on the mainland. I spent two years at college in Penzance too, but I ended up back here when Dad left.’
‘What about Will? Was he homesick at school?’
Jess blew out sharply. ‘No. He couldn’t wait to get away from the farm and have some adventures even if it was only on St Mary’s.’ Jess paused then added, ‘School was tough at times because our parents’ marriage was in trouble for years before Dad actually left.’
Gaby was surprised but pleased to be able to have a closer chat with her boss. ‘I’m sorry about that,’ she said, eager to listen now Jess had opened up.
‘Thanks, but don’t worry. Mum’s much better off without him, even if she didn’t think so when it first happened. It was hard work because Will and I were only twenty, but we’ve managed OK and the business has really taken off. Will found it hard at first …’ Jess stopped talking, clearly having caught sight of something behind Gaby. She raised her eyebrows. ‘Well, well. Talk of the Devil.’
Spring on the Little Cornish Isles: Flower Farm Page 11