by Douglas R.
I get to my home under the ocean. I'm lying on my bed, over the cream covers. My head over my pillow and gazing at the fish out the window. The Lunabees change color in the water. Flashing from yellow to red to blue. Sometimes they flock in the same color, sometimes they get confused and glow out of sync. It's beautiful either way.
There are dark square patches high up. Shadows of the floating houses. Now that I know Stretaka is close and Rhiannon and the Elders can't fool me into calmness, it feels quite fortunate to have a safe home underwater.
"You know when they start to strike, my house won't get blown up. And I have enough Metros to last me a long time here. Should have realized this home was the perfect hideout," I'm speaking aimlessly. More to myself. "Even got myself some sunshine in the other room."
Rhiannon strokes my arm. "Nothing is coming to blow anyone's house."
"You're like Cinder. You treat me like I'm little. I'm six blue moons now. I can handle the truth."
"You shouldn't expect the worst. Your feelings are wrong."
"It's not just a feeling. It's my gut."
Rhiannon sucks in deeply. His chest heaves in the corner of my eye as I continue to stare out into the ocean. It's calm and it flows where it wants to go. No Elders to tell it what to do or what to eat. Or how to live.
"I want a boyfriend. Before Stretaka takes me."
Rhiannon is quite. He presses his lips and taps his foot on the floor. It makes the orb lights flicker and move over his head. He's told me many times the reasons why I can't go on dates like my old friends. The our-lives-will-be-at-constant-risk excuse.
"I'm tired of your reasons," I tell him. "Life is short."
"I know you had a bad dream. Cinder told me about your sleep pattern last night. Did it involve yourself dying?"
I stay quiet.
"You got Zapped?"
My lips part, "Yeah. But it wasn't in Pandor."
"You should sleep. I'll be in the living room for a few hours in case you need me, okay?"
"Just go."
Rhiannon slides off the bed and opens my room door. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight. And if you see Artemis. Tell him that I hate him."
The door shuts and his footsteps disappear. I roll back onto my side. My pillow contains a small speaker that produces ambient sounds of the moving fish. An old gift from my father. It's not the best lullaby but it's good enough to make me forget this pathetic world.
You know, maybe Earth wouldn't be so bad.
5
I wonder what happens in between the moment when you lie under covers waiting for the world to disappear and the moment when you find yourself in a new one.
The trees are tall and it feels like a day before autumn. I'm sitting in a meadow, my hands gripping the grass, gazing out at the rising mountains. A stream of water reflects my face and like Cinder would say, most of it is hiding under my hair. I'm alone even in my dreams. Could my life be more pathetic?
I would love to scream but then I'd wake up. And I wouldn't want to return to Pandor. These woods are calm and make me feel like I can do anything I want. No Elders. No Cinder. And no Oracle.
There is a pain inside. It will come back even stronger when I wake. I don't want to think of it. I want to believe in a place like this. Even though I know it's not real. Right now it is. And a moment like this is all I need.
"Hey!"
My blood runs cold. I'm motionless. Is someone else here?
Footsteps crunch the leaves behind me and I slowly rise up, keeping my gaze still on the stream below. I do not turn around.
"Hey!" he calls again.
I am frozen.
That sounds like a boy.
My feet are planted on the ground. I dread the thought of twisting around.
"What's up?"
Is he talking to me?
The footsteps are so close they're making my heart jump every time the leaves crackle. I feel his motion stop behind me and he is there in the water. Right beside my face. With his dark hair and piercing eyes.
"Well, are you gonna turn around?"
I rotate steadily until I am facing him. For real now.
"There you go! Wasn't so hard was it?"
I open my mouth to speak but the words are missing. I am with a boy! I'm with a GUY! I end up laughing out of disbelief.
"What's funny?"
I stare back at him. A second shot at his gorgeous, striking eyes. "Who are you?"
"A boy."
I laugh again, "I can see that. I was hoping for something like... um, a name?"
"Blake."
"Blake," I repeat his name on my lips, tasting it.
"What's yours?"
I smile. It's been ages since someone ever asked me that. "Myla." On second thought I'm not sure there was ever such an age in my life.
"Myla!" he says with a grin.
"What's up with that?"
"That's a wonderful name. Myla. I love it."
My cheeks are changing color, "Your name is nice too."
"No it ain't. It's just a name. Like a name, name."
"Well, Blake. What are you doing in my dream?"
"Your dream?" his brows jump.
"Yes. My dream."
"No no no," he waves his hand, "This is my dream."
"What are you talking about? I was here first."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Been around for hours."
"Waiting on me?"
My eyes mellow. "I don't know."
Blake smiles and takes my hand. He's making it feel warm. He turns me around, our eyes back on the stream.
"We look good together, don't we?"
I cough a laugh. This can't be happening. I can't be hearing this right now. I don't want to believe this only to wake up with the gut-wrenching feeling of denial. But for now, for the moment, there's nothing else that matters more than this boy who is holding my hand.
"Yes," my lips curve, "We do look awesome together."
My heart swells and I want to scream. It's a good thing I've got long hair to cover the huge blush on my cheeks.
He makes me sit down with him. "Tell me about you."
"I'm not very interesting."
"I don't think so. Anyone with a name like Myla must be interesting."
"You don't want to hear my story."
"Is it sad?" He strokes my hair and I feel electricity. The static is on my skin and my hair is up. Blake looks down at me, reading me. "You... you're a caged bird."
My lips don't part. I pull them in because it's true.
"You can't fly like you want to."
I stare back at him, "Is it obvious?"
"It's on your face."
"You want to know about me?"
"Yeah."
"Okay," I take a deep breath. I've never told anyone my story before. "I don't have anyone to talk to really. No one's that interested in me anyway. Except for my trainer, Rhiannon . And my family... I talk to them sometimes... or never.
"I used to be a normal girl. Until I was chosen to be the next Lebra. After that everyone I knew and loved were ripped out of the picture."
"Sorry, what's a Lebra?"
"You don't know? Where are you from? Arius?"
"I'm from Alaska."
"And where the hell is that?"
Blake gives me a funny look, shaking his head like Alaska was the most obvious place in the universe. "You don't know? Ever seen an atlas?"
"Of course I have. On my atlas there is no place called Alaska."
His eyes meet mine. "Quit fooling around."
"I'm not fooling around. There is no such place as Alaska!"
Blake turns back to the stream and let's his hand drop from my hair.
"Oh!" he bumps his forehead with his palm and then bursts out laughing. "Of course. It's just a dream. You don't exist. You're not real. No wonder you're not making any sense."
Those words are like rocks hitting my heart. I fold my arms and ignore his obnoxious behavior. "You're so stupid."
"You know I can make you kiss me. Do anything I want. You're not real or anything."
I shoot him hawk eyes. "I will pummel you to the bottom of this stream and tie you to a rock and stab you a thousand times before you drown, just try to do that."
"Take it easy, Myla. I thought we were getting along."
"Until you started acting like a total jerk. And by the way I am very much real. You're the impostor."
"Hey," he puts one hand on my shoulder. "I like you. You and your fiery hair. I hope I get to meet you in my dreams often."
I snort, "There is no meeting you again. Like you said, this place isn't real. It's just a dream. And when we wake up we'll see whose dream this really is."
"It's a deal! But how will we tell if this is real or not?"
I bite my lip and turn back to my reflection in the stream. A crazy idea makes me grin.
"What?" says Blake.
I get up and walk behind a large tree. "Give me a minute. Close your eyes."
"Okay."
I undress and pull off my panties. This is crazy. If I wake up without my underwear on then I will know. I get back to Blake. "Here. Wake up with this and there's no denying it. This place is real."
He stands up and when he sees my black panties his face cringes. "Seriously?"
"What do you have to worry about? It's just a dream, right?"
He nods, "Yeah, right." He slides his hand in his pocket and pulls out a small device with a screen. Listening buds are attached to it.
"You're giving me a radio? Isn't that from the museum or something?"
"No, silly. It's an iPod Touch. My mother got it for me a few weeks ago. Since it's so valuable and because this place doesn't exist, I'll let you have it... until I wake up."
I take his so-called iPod. It almost looks like a minimized Nanotop, just a little thicker. "So what does this toy do?"
"If a caged bird can't fly. A caged bird will sing. Maya Angelou."
"Who's she?"
"She's... forget it. There's a ton of music in there to sing to."
"Music?"
"Don't tell me you don't know what music is!"
"I do. We just don't have much music at Pandor, you know? Most of it is just hypnotic tones to give our brains the right frequency to be more productive and creative in our work."
"Oh, boy!" he rolls his eyes up.
"I know. It's boring. The beats sound like they're drilling into your ear."
He puts his hands around my face, my panties locked in his fingers and I swear this would be super weird if it was real.
"You need help."
"I know. Will you do Maya Angelou a favor and set this caged bird free?"
"Sure." His face moves in and my heart accelerates so fast I gasp and my eyes pry themselves open. I'm on my bed and my hand is over my heart.
Was he about to kiss me?
I take deep breaths to calm myself while glancing at the glowing Lunabees out the window. My hand leaves my chest and I feel something smooth slipping under my palms. I look down—Woah!—and jolt back so hard that my back bumps into the wall. My heart is racing. The device glows brightly into my face as a string of words slide across the screen:
Play With My Hair.
6
The alarm blares on but Blake resists the urge to wake up. Her face is a blur. He holds on to all the details. She is quickly slipping away from his hands. The trees behind her have turned into green clouds, bubbling around her face. Before he can kiss her she is gone.
Blake is off the ground. Suspended away. He shuts his eyes to memorize whatever is left to see and for a moment, he is able to hold her image until Sammi comes barking on his bed, licking his hand.
When he doesn't stir he gives Blake a gentle bite and he bolts up into a sitting position.
"Sammi!"
The alarm sounds from a flying saucer hanging from the ceiling. It's the song Blackout by the band Stolen Projects. He reaches up to turn it off.
"What's up, Sammi?"
He strokes the dog's back as it turns around and bounces off his bed. When the song is over Sammi knows it's time to get going. Yawning, Blake turns to the bedside stool where he keeps a glass of water. He takes it down and tosses his legs out of bed, sitting on the edge and gazing out the window.
Some dream.
Her face is still grilled in his head. Her long, cascading auburn hair that looks like it's about to burst into flames. And her face. So cute you would never want to remove your hands if you ever touched it.
Blake, you need to forget this.
He reaches under his pillow for his iPod. Blackout is his song of choice if he ever needs to clear his mind and get hyped. He pats his bed underneath the pillow, but doesn't seem to find it.
"Sammi!" His dog jogs back into the room, "Did you take my iPod again?"
He jumps on the bed and sniffs under his pillow.
"It's not there, boy, I just checked."
But he finds something else and tosses it to Blake with his nose. Right there he is under arrest. He turns pale. Sammi backs away, leaping off the bed and leaving black panties spread out under the covers.
Myla.
He picks it up and holds it out.
"Holy hell!"
Blake shakes his head in disbelief and rolls out of bed in his boxers.
No way!
Sammi scurries over to the desk.
"No boy, leave the computers alone!"
He doesn't get to him soon enough before he punches on the iMac and his mom is staring straight at him in a video call with the black panties in his hand.
"Hey, baby! How's your first day of the new school year? I'm so sorry I can't be there right now for you. I had an awesome weekend with my friend Shirley and..."
"Mom, give me a minute,"Blake spins around and throw the panties on the bed. Hope she didn't see that one.
Sammi barks at the iMac.
"Sammi, be quiet," he runs over to the closet. "No barking at mom."
His mom continues to ramble on the screen, "... Blake, I hope you have everything ready for school. Just talked to Sherri's mom. They're back in town but you gottatake it easy on them. They've had a rough summer—"
"Mom, just a minute. I'm putting on a shirt!"
"... you're my boy and when I get home we'll have lots to catch up on."
"I know. I know."
He crosses over to his bed and throws the bed sheets over the panties.
"Blake, you have to tell me everything about that!"
He spins to the screen and bites his teeth. She's seen it.
"Mom, it's weird—too weird actually, you won't believe it!"
"I'm getting worried about how you're doing."
Sammi barks again and he bends down and urges him to shut up. "There's nothing to worry about."
"You probably miss your friends. Perhaps a girlfriend under my nose that you haven't been able to tell me about yet. I'm sorry if I made you mad about Samantha. She was weird honestly. You have to admit. But if you're going to have girls in the house when I'm away..."
"Okay, mom listen. It's not like that," he reaches under the covers and pulls out the black piece of cloth, holding it in front of the web cam. "I didn't have any parties at home. I crash out with my buds."
His mom doesn't seem to listen. She continues her rant, her eyes fixed straight ahead at the panties dangling in the air. "I know you got your hormones. You're growing up and you've got the whole house to yourself now that I'm in India for these few weeks...
"Blake, I know this is a weird way to have this conversation. But I just thought you needed it. Especially now that you're going to be back to school with a lot more of your friends and those crazy girls. I don't know what you do in your room and with who. That's entirely your business. I can't stop you. But I just want you to be careful."
"Mom, I know what I'm doing. And I think we've actually spoken about this before."
"I know I've bored you with this topic countless times."
"Listen. This is different. I didn't have a girl spend the night here. At least, not in reality."
"... you're the only son I have. I love you a lot..."
"I know. But will you listen to—"he stops in mid-sentence. His mother keeps talking and he realizes it's not a live call. She just sent me a previously recorded video.
He throws the panties into his open closet and breathes a wave of relief. But when he locks the closet shut and remembers what he thought he was saying to my mother, he realizes he's admitted the crazy truth.
My iPod is missing.
The black underwear from a girl I saw in my dreams is lying inside my closet.
Matty and Sherri will shit bricks when they hear this.
7
The device is in my hands. Glowing into my face and begging me to touch the arrow button in the middle, just above the photo of a girl facing away from me, toward a yellow wall. Her back and her long chestnut hair that stretch to the bottom of the photo is all I can see of her.
The words Play With My Hair - Holly Mae slide over from end to end. As I stare down at this so called iPod, I feel as if everything in the world has paused to pay attention to what I've just found.
Quit staring, just tap the arrow!
With my pulse pounding in my fingers I reach for the arrow and it turns into two short parallel lines... the iPod comes to life. First, transmitting the sounds of ocean waves and tides splashing on a beach of some unknown location. Then the sound of sea gulls in the air, followed by a breeze and all this is just preparing me for the most magical part:
Beats!
They are so light and graceful. It feels like stars falling to my bedroom floor. I plug the ear buds in my ears and insert it in the iPod's jack, as if I were listening to Hypnotic tones that the Elders have prepared for me. But it's different. What I am hearing right now is something completely different. And precious. A woman's voice fills in my ears and she sounds so friendly that I want to know her. Her words dance through the beats like a river streaming through the rocks. Everything fits. Everything is perfect. It's the graceful architecture of real music, filling my ears for the first time.
Your beautiful face
Rippling in the water
Your gorgeous eyes