by Jade Alters
Jared is stroking my hair, and I let my eyes slip shut, basking in this sense of total peace and love. “Will it always be like this?” I whisper.
“Forever,” Jared says. “I promise, Hope.”
I grin, almost embarrassed at my giddiness and rest my head on Dylan’s chest, smiling into his skin.
We rest for a while like that, naked and sweaty and sticky on top of the covers. No one willing to move or part. We’re not tired enough to sleep though, and we get to talking again, mostly about the incredible states of bliss we just reached together. Max is caressing my cheek, and only then do I realize he’s tracing the lines of my scars. But he doesn’t look remotely disgusting, only loving and devoted.
We’re lying around, comfortable in the silence, and I start thinking about how beautiful my men made me feel. When I used to look in the mirror, I felt as if I wasn’t seeing myself. I was seeing myself the way somebody else might see me. Somebody who would no doubt find me wanting.
“My dad used to call me ugly,” I say abruptly. It just comes spilling out of me. Everyone looks at me, their brows furrowed. Dylan strokes my hair, urging me to continue, and I take a deep breath. “All the time, really,” I say, laughing a little. “My friends’ dads would call them beautiful little princesses and dote on them, but my dad was not always the nicest guy, you know? My mom tried to shield me from it, but...he could be mean. He took care of me and gave me everything I needed, but he always acted as if I owed him something for it. And he’d tell me I was ugly and that he wished he’d had a beautiful daughter. He passed away a long time ago, and I’m much closer to my mom now, but I guess it—I guess that always stuck with me.”
Dylan looks sad, and Jared looks angry. I hide my face in Dylan’s chest, and everyone is gently stroking my hair and my back.
“You were beautiful before,” Jared says softly. “And you’re beautiful to us now. Your father was just angry and bitter. That seems obvious.”
“I’m so sorry you had to grow up like that,” Freddie says.
“Yeah, it sucks,” Dylan says wryly. “No kid should have to deal with that.”
“I don’t think I ever realized how much it was in my head,” I tell them. “But I guess it really affected me. It always has. Made me feel like I was never good enough, pretty enough. But you guys make me feel like...whoever I am, whatever I am...I’m always good enough.”
“Are you kidding?” Max says with a snort. “We’re thanking our lucky stars you want to be with us. Good enough?” He gives me a hard look and says, “Baby, you’re everything.”
Everyone else murmurs their agreement, and I rest my head on Dylan’s chest again, relishing in their warmth and love. We fall asleep like that, entwined in each other arms, happy and content.
Hope
I don’t remember what my dreams are, but I wake up smiling. Everyone else is asleep, and we’ve shifted around in the night. I’m sandwiched between Freddie and Max now, and I snort a chuckle to myself. As lovely as it is to wake up with my four mates, I’m feeling too strong an urge to go clean up a little. Freddie frowns in his sleep and tries to hold onto me as I climb out of bed.
“Shush,” I murmur, and press his hand away. He hums and cozies up to Max, hugging him instead.
I am naked and sticky, and I have no real clothes here. I know I wasn’t scheduled to work today, so at least I don’t have to call out. I wonder what the guys have planned for today? It’s all too tempting to blow off all responsibilities in life and just spend the day together. I actually wouldn’t mind them coming over to my place for a bit just so they can see my place properly and meet Mille. In fact, I need to get home soon and take her for a walk and feed her, the poor thing. I didn’t think I’d be staying overnight.
I tiptoe into Jared’s master bathroom, intending to rinse off a bit and brush my teeth with my finger (unless Jared’s good enough to have a spare toothbrush). Reflexively, as I have for the past several days, I avoid the mirror. I just keep my head down. I don’t actually realize I’m doing it. I feel as if my instense self-consciousness about the scars is gone now. It’s a new habit I’ve formed, I guess. I was going to wash myself at the sink, but Jared’s got a nice big, glass shower and here I am, already naked. I get the water good and hot and take a nice shower. Their house is old so there’s nothing fancy, but it feels luxurious. Maybe it’s just because I’m so happy.
“Oooh, eucalyptus body wash.” I soap up and rinse off, though I miss my special facial cleanser and all my creature comforts. I steal a towel for my hair and borrow Jared’s surprisingly fluffy bathrobe. At the sink, I find some toothpaste and I’m brushing my teeth with my finger, blinking at myself as I’ve now caught my own eye in the mirror, and that’s when I notice.
“Oh,” I say stupidly. My mouth drops open. I stare into the mirror, disbelieving, my heart pounding in my chest.
My scars are gone. My face is exactly as it was before. Actually, I think I look better. It’s as if I have some kind of glow about me. I think that’s partly just because I was feeling so badly about myself before, and now I’m feeling more confident. But I think it’s also the love of these men and the blissful happening in me that’s giving me just a little bit of a halo. I clap my hands to myself, stroking my own smooth skin where once there were thick, jagged lines marring me.
The guys made me feel so much better about myself, but still, I feel a weight coming off my body at the sight of myself in the mirror, not necessarily because I’m prettier, but because I’m me. I didn’t feel like I was myself with those scars, pretty or ugly, they didn’t feel like me. When I look in the mirror, I see myself now; plump cheeks, big eyes, the dimple in my chin… It’s maybe not the most perfect face in the world, but beautiful or ugly, it’s me.
I just don’t understand how my scars suddenly disappeared.
I find myself crying looking in the mirror, unable to turn away as I dry my hair. My hair is damp and curly around me, and I comb my fingers through it, sniffing and grinning at myself.
“Hope!” That’s Dylan in the doorway. He gestures to his own face. He’s naked and that’s distracting, but I try to focus on the moment. “What happened?”
“I don’t know!” I say, shrieking a little. “The scars are just gone! Look, it’s my face! My face is back!”
“I’m happy for you!” He runs forward, his feet squeaking on the tile and wraps me in a hug, kissing my neck and the others file in. Everyone is cheering, yet confused at the sudden disappearance of the scars that have caused me so much trouble. Max takes me in his arms and spins me around the bathroom, and it takes a good half hour for everyone to have their fill before I finally leave Jared with a kiss and insist on making coffee downstairs.
The morning feels bright and joyful with promise. I cinch Jared’s bathrobe a little tighter, and I feel like I’m floating as I make my way downstairs, skipping down the steps and humming to myself.
I’m getting used to their kitchen. I feel like I’ve been hanging around this place for years somehow. There’s an old fashioned radio on the counter, and I put on some music, dancing around as I take out the coffee, throw out the old filter, and fill up a new one with grounds. Max is the first one down, looking fresh in clean in jeans and a t-shirt. I know they have two bathrooms up there so hopefully, the fights over the showers aren’t too bad. I fill the coffeemaker up with water, flip it on, and spin around to look at Max who’s just leaning against the counter, watching me and smiling contentedly.
“Dance with me,” I say, nodding at him.
“I don’t really dance,” Max says, seeming almost shy about it.
I shimmy up to him and throw my arms around his neck. “Dance with meeee.”
Max indulges me and we sort of awkwardly ballroom dance around the kitchen, making each other laugh, until the coffee beeps that it’s ready. The only thing that could so swiftly take me away from any of them is the promise of coffee, which seems more than fair. I pour myself a cup and Max wordlessly hands me cream and
then stevia.
“How’d you know how I like my coffee?” I ask him.
He moves my hair and presses a kiss to my cheek. “I like to pay attention.”
I can’t wait to start the rest of my lives with them. I feel like it’s the beginning of something so special, as if whole countries are waiting to be discovered as I get to know them better and better every day.
“Yeah?” I ask him, biting my lip. “What else do you know about me?”
“I know that you like dopey fantasy movies and you love your dog way too much, and that you really want to learn more magic,” he says softly, twirling one of my curls around his finger. “And I know we all want you to move up to the turret room. But we’re afraid to ask.” He looks shy then. “Feels fast.”
My heart leaps in my chest. I love the turret room. It’s small, but I actually like that. It’s like something from a fairy tale, and anyway, the house as a whole has plenty of room for my things. I could see myself living here so easily. It already feels so much like home.
I’m chewing on my lips as I stir my coffee and Max winces, looking worried. “Hmm. You don’t like that idea?”
“No, I do,” I tell him. “Trust me. I’m just thinking about—I don’t want to sell my house. My aunt left it to me. Maybe I could rent it out?”
“That’s a good idea,” he says, nodding.
The thought is interesting to me. I own the house, so it would just be an asset I could hold onto for a while that would give me an extra little source of income. Or it could pay for magic school, and that thought makes me even more excited for the future.
“What’s for breakfast?” Dylan says, sweeping into the kitchen.
“Whatever you’re making for us,” Jared says, coming in behind him.
Freddie follows and sits at the kitchen table looking relaxed as he leans on his hand. “I vote French toast.”
“I want to help!” I spin out of Max’s arms and into Jared’s, and he laughs and kisses my cheek.
“Absolutely not,” Dylan says. “I make a great French toast, that’s why Freddie is asking for it. And you already made coffee anyway. Sit your ass down.”
I pretend to pout, but I sit at the table with my coffee and the three of us talk as Dylan cooks. We can’t seem to stop discussing this bond between us and how amazing it was to watch our blood merge on the tablet. I ask them if they could feel each other’s feelings and mine the way I could feel theirs, and they confirm it. The bond we have that makes us shared fated mates has tied us together.
“I still can’t figure out what happened with your scars,” Freddie says thoughtfully.
“I don’t care,” I say wryly. “I’m just glad they’re gone. I hope they don’t make a reappearance.” But I’m not very afraid of that. I can’t say why, but I feel like everything’s going to be okay now. It’s as if this love has assuaged the worries that I’m used to having. I feel calmer, more peaceful, even as excited as I am about the future. I feel as if I can take on anything that comes my way.”
After breakfast, I invite the guys over to my place, if only so I can change into some decent clothes. The boys meet Millie, and I sigh in relief when she seems friendly with each of them. Millie is a fairly laid back dog, but she has on occasion snapped at new people, especially guys I was seeing. Maybe she knew something about those guys that I didn’t? Anyway, I take it as a very good sign that she likes these guys.
I love having the guys at my house. The time just flies by. We take a walk outside, and we sit down to watch a movie but it ends up getting paused when we start talking, and then somehow I end up straddling Freddie on my couch. It’s not long before we’re all sweaty and naked again. But they go back home that night since it’s not as if they can all sleep over, and I have work in the morning, after what seems like forever. Saying goodbye to them takes next to forever though. We end up all making out with each other on the front lawn under the moonlight for a solid hour until they finally leave.
In the morning, I wake up grinning. I’m a complete goofball, and I think I might end up being one for the rest of my life. That’s what these boys have turned me into. I feed Millie and all but dance into the shower after sending the boys a “good morning” text. I find my towels still on the mirrors in the bathroom, and I snort as I take them down. The way I’ve been acting and thinking for the past few weeks, I guess it’s the only remaining thing that does make me cringe and shake my head. But it’s down to a shitty self-image. It’s something I should have dealt with a long time ago. I guess it’s something I’ll be dealing with one day at a time.
But today is a great day. I wear my favorite skinny jeans and boots to work and skip making coffee. I’ll get it at Cafe Amour. The boys have all texted me good mornings, and by the time I practically float into work, my mouth hurts from smiling. I catch myself in the window, and I actually have to clap my hands to my face and rub my mouth. I don’t want to look like a complete fool when I come in, especially since I’ve been gone so long and supposedly sick.
“Heeeey!” Jacklyne’s eyes light up when she sees me, and she runs to me and gives me a hug. “I’m so glad you’re back! You feeling better?”
“Yeah!” I feel bad, but it’s impossible to explain. It’s just a part of living in both the magical world and the human world. “It was an awful flu. I’m fine now.”
“That’s good to hear,” Bobbi says behind her. “Don’t worry about calling out. We had you covered. Just glad to see you’re feeling better.” Bobbi is a sweet man. He’s roly-poly with a bob of blonde hair.
“Thanks, Bobbi.”
When he’s gone, Jacklyne whispers, “What about that guy?”
I can feel my cheeks burning and that dopey smile is coming back. “Oh, man. I don’t know where to start.”
Because I can’t keep my mouth shut, I end up giving Jacklyne a non-magical version of my relationship with the guys when we take our breaks. I try to downplay the intensity. I describe it as a polyamorous relationship that I’m “trying.” I leave out the part where I’m probably going to move in with them soon and also the part where the five of us are bonded by the fates. Jacklyne is actually more understanding about it than I thought she’d be.
“I think that’s exciting!” She says, her eyes big. “A relationship with four guys? And they don’t get jealous?”
“No!” I love that I can talk about this. I thought I was about to burst with it, and it’s nice that I have a friend who understands. “No, like they’re not just into me, they’re also into each other. It’s like a...very equal five-way relationship?”
“Wow.” Jacklyne nods. “You have pictures?”
That makes me grin from ear to ear. I fumble with my phone in my silly excitement to show off my four boyfriends. We’ve all been taking pictures of each other while hanging out. I skip past the slightly risque ones and show Jacklyne some of my favorites; Max and Dylan with their arms around me, me in Freddie’s lap, and Jared hugging me from behind.
Jacklyne’s eyes are like saucers. “Holy shit, girl!” She shakes her head as if she cannot believe what she’s seeing. “I take it back. I’m against it. That is so unfair that you get four absurdly hot dudes! I don’t even have one!” She squeezes my shoulder, chuckling. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. It’s great. Honestly, I’m really happy for you. But my God, I’ve got to get in one of these polyamorous deals.”
“Do it,” I tell her. “Then we can change the name of this place to Cafe Polyamour.”
It’s a nice day. After work, I decide to bring home mochas for the boys (because ours are better than anyone else’s), and I’m carefully situating the tray of drinks in the passenger seat when I see a dark figure passing by in the parking lot.
It looks like Walter. I can’t see his face but the back of his head looks just like Walter’s; that salt and pepper shaggy hair. He’s walking like Walter too. I grip the steering wheel so hard, my knuckles turn white. I’m scared, yes, but I feel an abrupt rush of rage as I remember what he w
anted me to do—what I almost agreed to…
Then, he turns his head, and I realize it’s not him at all.
I take a deep breath and slump in my seat, rubbing my eyes. I guess I must be paranoid. I’ve been so high on love the past couple of days, I honestly have barely even thought of Walter. But he is out there. I know the guys are going to be protecting me, and as a panther shifter, I can do a pretty good job of protecting myself (as long as there aren’t any beautification spells involved), but I hate the thought of that dark wizard out there. I’ve pissed him off twice. I’d hate to find out how a guy like him takes his revenge.
But I’m not going to let my paranoia about that ruin my happiness anytime soon.
Hope
The next morning, Dylan surprises me when he knocks on my door just as I’m about to leave for work. He’s got blueberry muffins in a bag and a big smile on his face.
“Taxi service,” he says happily. “I thought I’d take you to work this morning if that’s cool? Plus, I’ve been dying to try this one sexy barista’s coffee at Cafe Amour.”
“Oh really?” I take the plate of muffins and wrap an arm around his neck, kissing him sweetly. “Sexy, huh?”
“She has the prettiest mouth,” he says. He sucks on my bottom lip and I hum, a little frustrated that I have to go to work now.
It’s nice to get chauffeured around though. Dylan plays me a playlist he made just for me, and I just about melt when he gives me puppy eyes at each song like he’s nervous about whether I’m going to like it or not.