by Viva Fox
Finally she nodded her consent and he led them across the parking lot to his dark town car. He opened the door for her and she let the plush seats envelop her. Once they were pulling out of the parking lot, Brandy turned to him.
“Judging by the car I assume you’re still doing well?”
“I guess so. I’m in my second term as mayor.”
“That’s impressive considering what happened. I guess Rachel wasn’t as forgiving as your voters.” Brandy didn’t bother trying to hide the disdain in her voice.
“After you left I was able to save my career, but not my marriage. If we’re being truthful here I don’t know if I gave it much of a shot. Everything Rachel had said- that I was distant, selfish, cold- was true. I didn’t love her. It seemed backwards to try and patch up something that had been broken for a long time. It’s no excuse for cheating on her and I’m sorry for what I did to her, but we wouldn’t have lasted in the end no matter what.”
“So that’s it then? You cheated, but you weren’t happy anyways so somehow that’s okay?”
“You’re still mad at me.” His voice was still irritatingly calm, but she could see the hurt in his eyes. As much as she wanted to be mad, she wasn’t. And she wouldn’t treat him like she was, either. Her days of lying and being deceitful were long behind her.
“No.” She said. She hated herself for feeling that way, but it was the truth. “I’m mad at myself for getting involved with you in the first place.”
“I’m not.” He said, the confidence she felt ringing through.
She shook her head. “How can you say that?”
“Because it wasn’t until I met you that I realized I could be happy. Before our short time together I felt trapped in the life I had made. Rachel and I married because it was convenient, not because we loved each other. When she found out I was cheating on her she was mad because I made her look bad, not because she was hurt. I didn’t see a way out of my marriage without ruining my political reputation.
When my hand was forced and Rachel called me out it was an opportunity to do things differently. I started making decisions that made me happy, instead of making choices that I thought were expected for a man in my position. I’ve never felt better in my life and I have you to thank for that.”
“You can keep your thanks. I don’t want to have any part of your twisted reasoning.”
“Just because I was a shitty husband doesn’t mean I should be punished for it for the rest of my life. I’ve paid my penance and I want another shot at being happy.”
“You just finished saying you have it all. What else could you need to make you happy?”
“I didn’t say I had it all. I said I was happier than have been in a long time. There’s still one thing that would make me truly happy.”
“What?” Brandy whispered, almost too scared to ask.
He was quiet as he maneuvered his car deftly through the darkened streets, his face only illuminated by the dash lights. After turning into her parents’ neighborhood he finally answered her.
“I want you back, Brandy. And I hate the way I treated you, like you were just a casual fling, instead of telling you how I really felt about you. That’s what I was trying to track you down to tell you. I was hoping you would see that even though I did some terrible things I did it because I felt a pull to you that I couldn’t fight.”
His words shook her, but Brandy knew it couldn’t be true, even though at one time she, too, was convinced they shared a bond. She also knew that once he found out about Luca he would be running fast in the other direction.
“I’m not the same person I was ten years ago.”
“I don’t buy that. I watched you tonight at the restaurant. I could still see that intelligent, vibrant woman I knew you to be. What could have changed you enough to make you a different person?” He said dismissively, pulling into her driveway and putting the car in park.
“I had a baby. That tends to change a person.” She watched him close, hoping for a glimpse of his reaction.
“You’re married, then?” He asked, his eyes flickering down to her hand.
“No. I’ve never been married.”
“What happened?”
She took a deep breath. “You. You happened. He’s yours.”
She watched as his face masked his earlier emotions, taking on the passive politician she had seen many times before.
“Is that why you left?” He asked, his tone devoid of emotion.
“No. I didn’t find out until after.”
“But you chose not to tell me? Or answer any of my calls?”
“Not after everything that happened. I couldn’t face you, this place. I could barely face myself.”
Mark watched straight out the window, staring at the faded paint of her parents’ garage door. The quiet of the car was doing nothing for her thundering heart, so she reached for the door handle.
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way. But now you know that if you were banking on me to come running back to you, you may want to reconsider that plan.”
Brandy let herself out of the car and walked to the front door. When she let herself in Mark still hadn’t moved. She watched him out the window until finally, several minutes later, he started the car and backed out of the driveway.
She turned away from the door and quietly made her way up the stairs to her room. Luca lay tucked into a sleeping bag on the floor beside the bed. Brandy knelt beside him and pushed his hair out of his eyes. She stared at the boy she loved with all her heart. He was more like the father he would never know than she cared to admit. She cared even less to admit that the small reminders of Mark she saw in Luca were some of the things she cherished the most. In the dark, after a long and emotionally straining day, Brandy allowed herself to admit that she was sad neither of them would know that.
******
The next couple of days flew past in a blur of tulle and taffeta and now that the vows had been exchanged, the pictures taken, and the speeches made, Brandy sat back into her chair and breathed a sigh of relief. If she ever married she was going to elope.
Over the past couple of days Brandy kept herself busy by throwing herself into the wedding preparations. While it gained her miles in reconnecting with her sister, it did little to distract her from the conversation with Mark. And as like the days preceding, today had been total organized chaos and she did her best to help things along. By the time Brandy reached the reception venue she had never been happier to see an open bar.
The room was filled with a sea of smiling faces, all sharing in her sister’s joy. It was a warm Merrill welcome to Natalie’s new husband, complete with all the cheesy wedding reception games and songs. Even though Brandy was soaking up every second of it, when the DJ announced that they would be throwing the bouquet, she took that as her cue to get some fresh air. She wasn’t going anywhere near that one.
Out in the parking lot Brandy circled the building, breathing in the cool night air. The sounds of the party could still be heard outside, but there was still a certain sense of tranquility out here. When the crunch of footsteps on gravel interrupted her musing, she was surprised to find it was Mark once again appearing from the shadows.
“If I didn’t know any better I would say you were a stalker.” She said, too happy to try and sound irritated with him.
“I’m not accustomed to skulking around parking lots, or for waiting for anyone. One of the luxuries for a man in my position.”
“So why are you waiting then?” She asked.
“I figured that would be pretty clear. We need to talk about what you told me the other night.” He stepped close to her, blocking the moonlight and casting shadows across his handsome face.
“What good will it do to talk?” She shrugged and diverted her eyes from him.
“Come on, Brandy, not this again. You’re raising my son. You had to know I’d want to talk about this.”
She didn’t. She thought that by telling him he would want to keep his
distance. He had already survived one political scandal, she didn’t think he would want to jump into another. He was crazy enough wanting to rekindle their relationship, he would have to be certifiable to want to jump into this situation.
“Okay, fine.” It was his political funeral. “But not here. I’m pretty sure my family would run after you with pitchforks if they saw you talking to me.”
“Can we go somewhere, then?”
“Not right now. After the party starts winding down. I’ll stop by your place, it might be late though.”
“That’s fine.” He said, relieved. “Thanks Brandy.”
She headed back into the party with the unmistakable feeling of excitement. She didn’t want to be excited to talk to Mark. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to give him the facts and leave. Except she couldn’t hide the smile that tugged on her lips. She would need to work on that.
******
As much as she tried to stay focused on the wedding shenanigans, Brandy couldn’t temper the anticipation she was feeling. At the first signs of a yawn from Luca, she pulled him along behind her, declaring it was time to head home. He didn’t argue, which was a pretty good sign that the activity of the past few days were catching up with him.
As they made their rounds to say goodbye, her mom caught up with them.
“I think I’ll catch a ride home with you, if you don’t mind. Things are going to start heading downhill around here and I don’t want to be around when they do. You know how your father gets.” She said with a wry smile.
“Of course, mom.”
The three of them made their way to the car. Brandy surveyed the parking lot for signs of Mark, but she couldn’t see him or his car. She let out a breath and they piled in. The reception venue wasn’t far from the house and in no time they were back home.
Upstairs Brandy tucked Luca into bed. His hooded eyes could barely stay open.
“Tonight was great mom.”
“You had fun?”
“Oh yeah. Our family is awesome. We should come here more often.”
“You’re right, buddy. Sleep tight.”
Brandy kissed his forehead and closed the door behind her. She heard her mom still up downstairs and she made her way down. She found her mom sitting at the kitchen table, phone to her ear.
“Yes, dear, I love you too.” She put the phone down and rolled her eyes. “You would think your father is too old to drunk dial me, but apparently not.”
Brandy laughed out loud at the thought. Her parents had a great relationship, even after all the years they had been married. She envied them.
“Can I get you anything, honey?”
“No, thanks mom. It’s just that I made plans to stop in to see a friend tonight. I was wondering if I could slip out for a bit? Unless you plan on going back later to pick dad up.”
“Oh no. Natalie hired a car service to drive people home afterwards. I’ll be here if Luca needs anything.” She studied Brandy for a moment. “What friend are you going to see at this hour? I didn’t think you kept in touch with anyone anymore.”
Brandy knew that trying to hide the truth wouldn’t work with her mom. “I ran into Mark the other night after the rehearsal dinner, then he showed up again tonight. He wants to talk.”
Her mom didn’t say anything right away, instead she picked at the lint on her skirt. After a moment she turned her eyes up to Brandy’s.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“No. I don’t. But he seemed so persistent that it felt useless to keep putting it off.” She sighed and sat across from her mom. “I told him about Luca.”
“Ah. That explains it. He wants to know about his son. That’s only natural.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
“It seems as though you don’t have a choice. He’s a good man, I don’t think for a second that he would try to hurt Luca. Or you, either.”
Brandy raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I thought you didn’t like Mark.”
“The situation the two of you got into was inappropriate, but I never hated Mark. He was a good person in a bad situation. I don’t like that he wasn’t responsible enough to see that bringing you into it was a terrible decision, but we’ve all moved on. In fact, I still vote for him.”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this.” She shook her head.
“I’m surprised you didn’t realize long ago that eventually Mark would become part of your life again. Family is a powerful thing. You can’t keep a boy from his father forever. Or vice versa. Go talk to Mark. Just remember to listen to your own voice inside you and not let your anger cloud your judgement. You have to create boundaries that will fit your life as well as his.”
“Thanks, mom.” She said, rising and coming around to give her mother a kiss on the cheek. Her mom pulled her into a hug.
“You’re a smart, beautiful adult now and I’m very proud of you. Don’t let the past haunt you forever.” Brandy hugged her mom back, tears in her eyes, then turned and headed back out to her car.
******
A short drive later, armed with her mother’s words in her head, Brandy walked up Mark’s driveway. The windows were mostly dark, save for a light coming from near the back of the house and Brandy knew he was still up waiting for her.
Steeling her nerves, she rang the bell and waited. When Mark answered the door she kept her eyes trained on his face instead of running them over his body like she wanted to do. Mark smiled at her and stepped back, letting her pass through the door before he pulled it closed.
“Thanks for coming. This way.” He said, leading the way through to the living room and taking a seat in a well-worn leather chair. Brandy chose its match across from him, separated by a small table. “Can I get you a drink?”
“No. I think its best we just get on with it.”
“Very well. Why don’t we start with why you left so suddenly?”
“I thought we were here to talk about Luca.”
“Luca.” He said, letting the name play on his tongue. “Like my middle name. Like my dad’s name.”
She shrugged. “It’s a nice name.”
“So he’s, what? Ten?”
“Almost. His birthday is next month.”
“Shit.” He said, raking is hand through his hair. “I’ve missed so much of his life. I should have tried harder to track you down after you left. I guess I always thought you would come back after things died down here.”
“I had no intention of facing everyone again. When I left I left for good.”
“You never thought that I would like to meet him? That he would like to meet me?”
“No. I didn’t want him to share the guilt I have over how he came to be. He’s a happy kid. A good kid. I want him to hold his head high and be proud of who he is.”
“So you hate me?”
She played with the hem of her dress and admitted what she never intended to. “No. I’ve tried to hate you, Mark, but I don’t. I hate what we did, but not you.”
“I don’t hate what we did. It may not have been right, but the time we shared together was genuine. At the time it was the only thing that felt real in my life and I would never take it back.”
“It felt real to me too, but I just can’t believe that something started on such a dishonorable premise could work.”
“I’m not the kind of guy who minces words, Brandy. I still want you and I think this can work if only you gave us another shot.”
Brandy stood and paced the room, coming to stand in front of a window looking into the darkened backyard. She needed time to figure out what she wanted. What Mark was talking about was something she had never considered. Ten years ago she would have been elated to hear that he wanted to make a real go of their relationship, but so much time had passed that she didn’t know anymore. Her mother’s words rang out in her head. Listen to her voice inside. Don’t let anger affect her judgement. She was trying hard to listen to what her heart was saying, but her thoughts were t
oo jumbled to make any sense out of it.
In the reflection of the glass she saw Mark approach her. He stood behind her, not close enough to touch her, but enough that she could feel the heat of his body.
“I don’t have all the answers. All I know is when I close my eyes at night all I can think about is you. You’re in my head all the time. After all this time that has to mean something. When I saw you walk into the restaurant the other night I had to keep myself from rushing to you. And I know you think it was all about sex, but it wasn’t. It was the fact that I felt free enough with you to act like myself when I had to put on an act around everybody else.