by Jane Toombs
No skirting issues for Victoria—she fired both barrels. He gave her a lopsided grin. “I was hoping to sort of taper off, not quit cold turkey.”
She didn’t smile back. “We do things differently—you ought to know that by now. I’ll make a list of baby care agencies in the morning and you can start calling around to find a caretaker for Heidi. We’ll talk then. Good night, Steve.”
He refused to be dismissed like a throwaway lover, damn it. But he did agree this wasn’t the time to argue the point. Exhaustion dragged at him and he was apt to fly off the handle when he was tired. She must be bone tired, as well. Tomorrow they’d both be calmer.
“Good night,” he said, and went off to share a bed with Bevins.
She was right, Victoria thought. He didn’t really care about her, except for lovemaking. Wonderful as that was, she wanted—needed—more from him. It was best to continue as she’d begun and get away from him as quickly as she could. Over was over. Period.
She’d known from the beginning that Heidi wasn’t hers, though that wouldn’t help the heartache when she had to leave the baby. Steve had never been hers, either. How had she managed to let herself get so deeply involved? Because he’d changed, that’s why. Changed from the order-barking button-lipped person she’d first met to an amusing, caring individual who just happened to be the sexiest man she’d ever encountered.
Not that he was ever really frank and open. Steve would never be a blabbermouth, that’s for sure. But he’d learned to care for Heidi, even though he’d known from the beginning she couldn’t be his daughter. He’d acquired Joker and even accepted Bevins. As for her? Victoria shook her head.
Maybe she’d been more than a convenience to him, but with Steve it was difficult to tell. Come morning, she’d do her best to find him someone to care for Heidi and then she’d get out of his life.
Because she had trouble falling asleep again, Victoria woke late. Heidi wasn’t in the crib so she knew Steve would be taking care of her. Since he’d also left her bag in the baby’s room, she decided to shower before she changed into clean clothes. Think of it—a hot shower. She’d almost forgotten what that was like. Pure luxury.
Yet she hadn’t minded roughing it in the cabin. Now that they’d returned to civilization, though, being up on the mountain with Steve was already beginning to seem like something she’d fantasized.
She’d expected to find him or somebody in the kitchen but she was alone there. She poured herself a cup of coffee from the pot and slid a slice of bread into the toaster. Coffee and toast downed, she wandered into the living room. No Steve, no Heidi. Bevins, though, was curled up in a corner of the couch on top of a cushion. He jumped down and followed her as she explored the house.
Muted voices led her to a small room near the door to the garage. Inside, a TV news commentator was talking about the stock market. Steve was sprawled in a lounger with Heidi cuddled against him, both of them sound asleep.
Victoria stood watching the two of them, trying not to let tears flow. They’d been a trio she was a part of, but she was no longer needed and it broke her heart.
Bevins brushed past her and climbed onto the lounger. He sniffed at the baby, gave the top of her head a few licks with his tongue, then settled himself onto what was left of Steve’s lap. Despite her melancholy mood, Victoria smiled.
Without warning, Steve woke, glancing around as if unsure of his surroundings. Seeing her, he nodded.
“What a bunch of lazybones,” she said, trying to keep any emotion from leaking into her voice.
He looked down and said to the cat, “I don’t recall inviting you up here.”
“Bevins considers an empty lap—or even a partly full one—enough of an invitation.”
Steve smiled at her as he switched off the TV with the remote control. “I’d consider a two-for-one trade. How about it?”
Victoria knew Heidi would probably make the transition from lap to crib without rousing. Bevins could and did sleep anywhere. As she considered this, she all but felt herself snuggling into Steve’s embrace. Which was not going to happen.
She struck a pose. “I fear I must decline your overgenerous offer, kind sir. Business before pleasure, you know.”
“Business can wait forever as far as I’m concerned.”
“I beg to differ. We need to find the baby a caretaker, and the sooner we start looking, the better.”
He shook his head. “Wrong.”
She stared at him. “What do you mean?”
“Sit down and I’ll explain.” He waited until she took the chair angled toward the lounger before he continued. “You still have off time and Heidi prefers you to anyone else. And why not, considering your attributes? I’ve certainly taken to them.”
“Make sense!” she snapped.
“Are we a tad cross this morning? That’s the nurse ‘we,’ in case you wondered.”
Victoria gave him a reluctant grin. As usual, she found it impossible to stay annoyed with Steve. “Okay, what now?”
“The agency doesn’t want me back in my town house until the case is closed. And I’m definitely not going up to the cabin for a while. Can’t stay here indefinitely. They may need the place at any time. So the perfect solution occurred to me.” He looked expectantly at her.
“Not my apartment!”
“No, even you can’t stay there yet, same reason as me.”
“But that’s ridiculous.”
“The agency doesn’t think so. They intend to keep us out of our usual haunts until this entire Malengo bit is cleared up. Overcautious, maybe, but that’s how they are. I’ve solved our problem, though. I twisted Mikel’s arm until he agreed to take temporary custody of Bovins. and the rest of us will fly to Nevada. Joker’ ll love the ranch.”
“Just a tiny little minute here. Why Nevada?”
“I told you about my brother-in-law’s ranch. He’s got plenty of room. Wouldn’t consider it if I thought we’d bring danger with us, but that’s all over.”
She glared at him. “There you go again, making plans without consulting me. What if I don’t want to go to Nevada?”
“You told me yourself you were thinking of relocating to the West Coast. Nevada’s close. Zip over the Sierras and there’s California.”
“I don’t know....”
“Yes, you do. It won’t be forever. Besides, you’ll like my sister and brother-in-law.”
“I’m sure I would. That’s not the problem.”
“Then what is? Heidi needs you.”
But do you? she asked silently. Can’t you understand we need to end this, that I can’t stand having it drag on?
The baby stirred on his lap, opening her eyes. She focused first on the cat. offering the oblivious Bevins one of her charming toothless smiles.
I can’t bear to leave her, Victoria thought. Not yet.
“All right,” she said abruptly. “For Heidi’s sake I’ll go.” Even as she agreed, she knew she was making a mistake. Instead of going with him, she ought to be running away as fast as possible.
His satisfied smile told her he’d expected her capitulation all along. Annoyed, she spilled out some of her frustration with him.
“If you’d been honest with me from the beginning, we wouldn’t have to be flying off to Nevada,” she said. “If you’d bothered to tell me about the danger we were in, I wouldn’t have sent the mailbox key to Alice and gotten us in a real jam.”
“Think about it. If I’d done all that, you’d have missed seeing Nevada.”
“I could have lived just as well without it,” she muttered.
Steve shifted position to prop up the baby, causing Bevins to give him an indignant look and jump down from his lap. “What would Alice the psychologist have to say about all this?” he asked.
“Probably something about never trusting a man who tells you half-truths, ’cause sooner or later the untold half will smack you in the face.”
He chuckled. “We’re even now. That canceled my one up. We leav
e tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” she cried. “I don’t have any clean clothes and neither does Heidi.”
“I brought the boxes of our dirty clothes in from the van—you can use the washer and dryer here. Come to think of it, mine need washing, too. I took our dirty clothes to the Laundromat in Aylestown when we were at the cabin, so it’s your turn.”
“Big deal—you had them washed, dried and folded for you.”
“You mean you’re not going to fold them?”
If he hadn’t been holding the baby she would have shied a pillow at his head. And then he’d grab her and...
Enough of that. Fooling around was out, since it led to what she was determined wouldn’t happen again.
“How long will we he in Nevada? And where ex - actly?” she asked.
“Northern Nevada. The Adams ranch—Zed and Karen’s—is in the Carson Valley, forty some miles from Reno. Can’t say how long we’ll stay there, that’s up to the agency. Which reminds me, I’d better call my sister.”
He rose, handed her the baby and left the room
At least he didn’t call before he asked me, Victoria told herself. He doesn’t take me entirely for granted—for whatever comfort that’s worth.
She lifted Heidi to her shoulder, gently rubbing the baby’s back. “Why did I fall in love with a man who doesn’t love me in return?” she murmured. “When you grow up, I hope you have enough sense not to do what I’ve done.”
Isn’t that what mothers always hoped for their daughters? Do as I say, not necessarily do what I did.
But she wasn’t Heidi’s mother; she never would be. The tears she’d successfully blocked before filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.
Chapter Fifteen
Nevada surprised Victoria, who’d pictured the state as a desert with a glittery oasis called Las Vegas. Northwestern Nevada was nothing of the sort, with the Sierras to the west, still some snow on the peaks, and foothills to the east, the valleys lying green and productive in between.
The Reno airport with its lights-flashing, noisy slot machines was a reminder she’d landed in a gambling state, but by late afternoon they were away from the city, traveling south in the van Steve had rented, with Heidi’s carrier safely strapped in back and Joker in a temporary pen in the rear.
“Inconspicuous,” Victoria said.
“What is?” Steve asked. “Certainly not the scenery.”
“This gray van, your four-by-four gray van back East, plus the car you drove in Maryland is older and black. Like you don’t want to stand out in any way.”
He shrugged. “In my job, it’s better not to be noticeable.”
“I’ll accept that, but you’re on vacation now. I’d lay odds this wasn’t a random choice, that you asked for a black or gray rental.”
“I’d say you know me all too well. My sister’s brother-in-law, Talal, is the exact opposite. Every one of his cars is an exotic foreign make—and red.”
“Sister’s brother-in-law sounds so strange, even though I know she married a twin.”
“Identical. Since Talal shaved off his mustache, you can’t tell them apart until they start talking. Talal’s the one with the accent.”
Victoria fell silent. When she and Steve had shared their few confidences, at first she’d thought he wasn’t particularly close to his parents, though somewhat closer to his sister. Now she was beginning to realize though that might be true of his parents, he was very fond of his sister, Karen. Plus, it seemed, all of the in-laws he’d acquired when she married—his extended family.
It made her feel a little lonely. She and her mother were not close. She and her sister once were but Renee had been gone for so many years that she sometimes had difficulty believing her sister had ever existed.
“You’re lucky,” she said without thinking.
“Why? Because the one quarter I dropped in the airport slot brought back three? I’m not exactly a high roller. My take on gambling is never lose more than two dollars and, if you win before your stake is gone, quit right then.”
“For a man of action when it counts, I’ve noticed you tend to be cautious otherwise. But I was really talking about you being lucky because of the family you inherited when your sister married.”
“Sort of overwhelming at first, especially as the nieces and nephews proliferated.”
Victoria glanced back at Heidi. “It’s good your daughter will have all those cousins.”
My daughter. Steve tried out the words silently. He’d gotten used to thinking of Heidi as his baby, but hadn’t yet come to think of her as his daughter. The last thing he’d ever expected to be was a single parent.
He looked over at Victoria, wanting to share a smile, but she was gazing out the side window at Lake Washoe. She’d been unusually quiet for the entire trip. He’d hoped she’d loosen up after she agreed to come to Nevada. Though that hadn’t happened yet, maybe she’d be more like herself when she got to the ranch.
“What did you think of Mikel Starzov?” he asked, more to get her talking than anything else.
“Ruthless.”
He blinked. Mikel was a dedicated agent, good at his job, a bulldog on a case—but ruthless?
“I don’t buy it,” he told her. “Not unless you consider me ruthless, as well.”
She shook her head. “You’re not. You’re someone who’s learned to be tough. I think he was born that way.”
“Hey, remember he took Bevins in.”
“Maybe his ruthlessness doesn’t extend to cats.”
“He’s a good partner. A good friend.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
Since Mikel as a topic of conversation was going nowhere, he abandoned the subject. He really wanted to ask what it was going to take to get his moonlight Victoria back.
“I miss the cabin,” he said.
She sighed. “The time we spent there is like a dream.”
“It was real.” He spoke emphatically.
That earned him a glance. “Was it? Time out of mind, rather.”
“For a time we were out of our minds? No way.”
He got no response. Now she was looking straight ahead.
“When I saw Willa there at the last, I told her I’d be sure to have Karen and Zed check out possible Carson Valley sites that might suit her taste and income,” he said finally.
“I can see she might like this part of Nevada.” Victoria spoke with the same sort of cool detachment she’d laid on him for the entire trip. Only with Heidi had she behaved like herself.
He’d never before thought of the trip from Reno to Zed’s ranch as long but at the moment it was beginning to seem endless.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded. “If you didn’t want to come, you should have stayed in Maryland.”
She scowled at him. “You know perfectly well you deliberately pushed my guilty button by telling me you didn’t want to entrust Heidi’s care to some stranger for this trip. Besides, there really was no place for me to go until your agency allowed me back into my apartment. I could have called Alice to ask if she’d put me up temporarily, but no, they didn’t want me anywhere in the complex.”
“For your own safety, damn it!”
Her grimace told him what she thought of that remark. He more or less agreed that with Malengo dead any danger was minimal, but by now he was too annoyed with her to say so.
“You made me come but you can’t make me like it,” she snapped.
Heidi began to cry.
“Now see what you’ve done,” Victoria accused.
“We’ve done, you mean. It takes two to fight.”
“I wasn’t fighting!” she cried.
Fighting was exactly what they’d been doing but it was time to call a truce if for no other reason than they were upsetting Heidi. Ordinary conversation and Joker’s barking didn’t trouble the baby’s sleep but their raised voices woke her immediately.
Since they were now in Carson City, Steve pulled off into a strip mall
and parked so Victoria could tend to the baby more easily.
Doesn’t this idiot male understand what the trouble is? Victoria asked herself as she changed Heidi’s diaper in the back seat with the side door open. Steve had gotten out to walk Joker, so it was safe to complain to the baby.
“Your father has the vision of a bat—without the built-in radar. He’s blind to the way I feel, he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t care.”
Heidi waved her feet in. the air and little sounds.
“So, okay, he loves you, no question.” Victoria sighed. “I do, too.”
If only he’d let her go, back there in Maryland. If only she’d had the sense to take off on her own and leave him far behind. Her mother lived in Florida now, she could have visited her, difficult as it would have been for both of them because they weren’t at ease with each ether.
She suspected her mother has bored a secr et wish it had been Victoria who disappeared st of Renee, her favorite, and that it made her feel guilty. They’d never discussed the possibility because her mother’s way of dealing with unpleasantness was to deny it existed.
“I try not to blame her for staying with my drunken father for so many years,” she told the baby. “Bat we both think that’s why Renee left home. You’re lucky to have a father like Steve.”
“Thanks for the kind words.” Steve spoke from behind her. She hadn’t heard him come up. “I was beginning to believe you had none left for me.”
Joker leapt into the back seat, sniffed at Heidi, licked Victoria’s hand and jumped back down, apparently satisfied all was well.
Victoria wished she felt that way. “I’m tired, that’s all,” she said, which was half the truth. “I think I’ll ride in back with Heidi the rest of the way so I can tend to her if necessary.”
Conversation thus eliminated, Steve finally clicked on the radio and settled on a station playing songs so old, she’d never even heard some of them before. But the music was soothing, which apparently was what he intended, and she half dozed.
Victoria jerked fully awake when the van pulled off the highway onto a gravel road. Peering from the window, she saw mountains in the distance and, up close, fields, then a low, rambling house with a barn and other outbuildings scattered behind it.