"I haven't practiced seriously in years," she protested.
"You'll get it right back, I'm sure," Liz said confidently.
"No, it's too much pressure. If I screwed up, I'd ruin your wedding. I think you should hire a professional."
"Our wedding is going to be a small affair with family and close friends. I would much rather have you play something than a stranger."
"But I'm going to be your maid of honor," she reminded Liz.
"You could do both. Just one or two songs before the ceremony starts. It would really mean a lot to me, and you owe me, Jules. I listened to you practice a lot in high school and college, too. Let's not forget that you had thoughts of joining an orchestra at one point."
"So music was more than a childhood passion?" Matt questioned.
"I had thought about playing in an orchestra, but I wasn't good enough." She turned back to Liz. "I'll think about it. But no promises."
"I'll take that for now, but we are going to keep talking about it," Liz said.
Knowing the level of Liz's stubbornness, Julie thought it would probably be a good idea to pull out her flute very soon.
"What about guys?" Matt asked Liz. "Did Julie have any notable high school boyfriends?"
"You know I'm right here," Julie interrupted.
"Yeah, but you're not going to tell me anything," Matt said with a grin. "I think Liz will give me more information."
"There is no information," Julie said. "I didn't have any boyfriends in high school. Tell him, Liz."
"What about Shawn Parker?" Liz asked.
"He was my biology lab partner. The only thing he was interested in was whether I would dissect the frog when he got grossed out."
"That's true. But you did take him to that one dance."
"Only because I didn't want to sit at home and be a total loser," she retorted. "But he was definitely not my boyfriend."
"Okay, I'll agree with that," Liz said. She looked at Matt. "Julie didn't have a boyfriend, but she did have a lot of guys who were interested in her. She just didn't realize it."
"You are so lying," Julie said.
"No, she's not," Michael put in. "I know a lot of guys who wanted to date you, but they were afraid to ask you. You had a definite hands-off vibe about you, especially senior year."
Which had been after her dad left. That entire year had passed in a blur of pain and anger.
"Julie always thought that the guys only wanted to talk to her because she was Jack Michaels' kid," Liz interjected.
"That was the reason most of them were interested," she said. "They thought I could get them tickets, or I could hook them up with my dad's agent. It didn't matter that my dad had divorced my mother. They were still convinced I could do something for them. When they finally figured out I couldn't or wouldn't, they quickly disappeared."
"Not all of the guys were like that," Liz said quietly. "But you were anti-men for a while there."
She shrugged, knowing that Liz was right, but what did it matter now?
"I know what it feels like to have people use you to get ahead," Matt said, giving her a compassionate look. "I'm sure Michael does, too. I'm sorry you went through that Julie."
"Thanks," she said, surprised and touched by his words. A look passed between them that went on far too long, but she couldn't seem to drag her gaze away from Matt. Was it possible that this guy she should hate actually understood her better than anyone else?
Liz cleared her throat. "We're going to get going. I have to finish up some work before my early call tomorrow. Will we see you guys next week?"
"I should be able to come," she said. "I'm not sure Matt wants to repeat the class."
"I'll see what my schedule is," Matt said. "I wouldn't mind doing it again. It was more fun than I expected."
"Matt, it was great to meet you. I hope to see more of you in the future," Liz said. She gave him a pointed smile. "Don't let Julie scare you off."
Matt smiled back at Liz. "I don't scare easily.
Julie sighed. "Again, I'm right here."
Liz laughed. "Bye. Talk to you soon."
"Goodnight," she said, giving Michael a smile as he followed Liz out of the restaurant. She turned back to Matt. "Are you ready to go?"
"Sure."
"I'm glad you enjoyed the class," she said, as they walked down the street. "Or were you just saying that to be nice?"
"I never say what I don't mean," he told her.
"Never? You make a lot of big claims, Matt. You don't break promises. You don't say what you don't mean…"
He put his hand on her arm, stopping her in the middle of the sidewalk. "Maybe I feel the need to be direct, because it's clear you don't trust me."
"I don't know you well enough to trust you."
"That's why we're spending time together."
"Is that why?" she asked, feeling a little bewildered by it all.
"Well, there's this, too."
He lowered his head and covered her mouth with his.
Chapter Seven
Matt's hot breath mixed with the cold night air and all Julie wanted to do was get closer to the heat. He kissed the way he did everything else—with focus, energy and determination to get it right—and it certainly felt right. His lips were firm, his tongue a devilish delight, and the way he slid that tongue in and out of her mouth made her heart pound against her chest.
He angled his head to gain better access, and she went with him, kissing him back with a fervor that surprised herself. But she'd wanted another kiss since the last one they'd exchanged. And even if it was stupid and reckless, she couldn't seem to stop herself from tangling her tongue with his and letting desire and emotion take over.
Kissing Matt was like getting on a runaway train. The thrills kept building, but at some point she started to worry what would happen in the end.
Would they crash or would one of them be able to throw on the brakes at the last minute? And would that person be her?
It turned out to be Matt who lifted his head first, who stared down at her with intense, glittering eyes that told her just how much he wanted her.
She drew in a gulp of air as she tried to catch her breath.
Matt's hands fell from her waist as he stepped away and ran a hand through his hair in what appeared to be bewilderment. "That was…"
She waited somewhat breathlessly for him to finish that sentence, but he couldn’t seem to find the word he wanted. "Amazing, fantastic, unbelievable," she prodded.
He smiled. "All of the above."
"Yes," she agreed. After the way she'd kissed him, there was no point in trying to pretend she wasn't attracted to him. "But we can't do it again."
"Why not?"
"You know why," she said, waving a vague hand in the air.
"Are you really going to let my job stop you from going out with me?" he asked. "Haven't we moved past that?"
"We can never move past it. And while the ride with you might be really fun and exciting, I know what happens at the end."
You're jumping ahead, Julie. We're just having fun. Tonight doesn't have to be the start or the end of anything. It's just tonight. Live in the moment."
It was hard to argue with logic, but she knew they were only postponing the inevitable.
Matt turned his head toward the sound of music wafting down the street. "Let's go check that out."
"I'd rather just go home," she said, but Matt was already walking down the street.
She jogged a little to catch up with him and then followed him into a dimly lit bar where a female folk singer strummed a guitar and sang about love and heartbreak. The woman was good, and the music seemed more than a little appropriate Julie thought. Maybe they should listen to the music. Maybe they should pay attention to the lyrics, too.
"Let me buy you a drink," Matt said. "It's still early."
"All right." As much as she knew she needed to say goodbye to Matt, she wasn't quite ready.
They sat down at a table and ordered t
wo beers while they listened to the singer. The bar was only half-full, and all attention was on the woman whose smoky voice commanded attention.
"She's really good," Matt said when the woman paused between songs to grab a bottle of water.
"She is," Julie agreed. "She has a soulful tone to her voice. It's pretty."
"Tell me about your former music ambitions."
"You already heard pretty much the whole story."
"I don't think I did. Liz mentioned that when you were playing in college, you wanted to get into an orchestra. Why didn't that happen?"
"I wasn't good enough."
He stared back at her, doubt in his eyes.
"What? You don't believe me?" she challenged.
"You don't seem like a woman who just quits."
"Sometimes you have to accept reality. Not every little boy who dreams of being a professional baseball player makes it to the big leagues. And not every girl who plays the flute makes it into a professional orchestra. Some dreams don't come true."
Her words only deepened his frown.
"I'm not being negative," she said defensively. "I'm just practical. Sometimes chasing an impossible dream is a waste of time."
"Is that being practical or being afraid of putting it all on the line?" he challenged.
"It's being practical," she said, refusing to let his question sway her. "It's not about fear. It's about playing the cards you're dealt."
"I don't agree."
"Then we'll have to agree to disagree." She settled back into her seat as the woman began to sing again, grateful for the interruption. Even though she'd told Matt she didn't agree with him, his words had gotten into her head. She didn't need him questioning her decisions. She was doing all right for herself. Maybe it would have been cool to play in a professional orchestra, but she liked the job she had now. She wasn't going to waste another minute thinking about what ifs. There was just no point to regret. It didn't change anything.
The music gradually seeped into her soul, lessening her tension, slowing her pulse. Music had always been her escape, and tonight was no different. By the time they left the bar, she was feeling a lot calmer.
The trip back to her apartment was made in relative quiet. Matt insisted on parking and walking her inside. She should have liked his attentiveness, but the closer they got to her apartment, the more she worried about saying goodnight—or not saying goodnight. She could ask him in. She could hook up with him. It would be amazing; she knew that. But she wasn't that kind of girl. She didn't start relationships that couldn't possibly go anywhere. And she didn't want to have sex with a man she probably wouldn't see again after the cook-off. She knew herself. And getting that close to a man would involve her emotions. Once those got into the mix, she could get hurt, and she was not going to let Matt hurt her.
She unlocked her door and stepped inside, turning on the lights as she did so. Then she turned back to Matt, who hovered in the doorway.
For a long minute they just looked at each other. Then she said, "I had fun tonight."
"I'm glad you can admit that at least. I did, too."
"I guess the next time I'll see you will be the cook-off."
"I have a feeling I'll see you before then."
"I'm pretty busy—"
"And you're afraid if we spend time together, you won't be able to keep your hands off of me," he said with a cocky note in his voice.
He was absolutely right, but there was no way she was going to tell him that. "Goodnight, Matt," she said pointedly.
"No kiss?"
"Apparently, I can keep my hands off of you," she said dryly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
He laughed. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?" He quickly bridged the gap between them and stole a quick kiss before she could uncross her arms and push him away. "Goodnight, Julie. I'll see you soon."
* * *
She wasn't going to call him, wasn't going to see him, wasn't going to think about him, Julie told herself for the hundredth time as Monday afternoon dragged on. But in truth she could think of little else. She couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten so wrapped up in a guy. She was smart to cut it off now.
Smart, but not particularly happy.
With a sigh, she tried to focus on the spreadsheet on her computer. She was supposed to be going over the final arrangements for the cook-off, not mooning over one of their celebrities.
A knock came at the door of her office, and she looked up to see her mother in the doorway. Alicia Michaels gave her a tentative smile as she jumped to her feet.
"Mom, what are you doing here?" she asked in surprise.
"I was in the city, and I wanted to talk to you. I thought you might be able to get off work a little early and get a drink with me. Maybe one of those wine bars that are so popular now."
There was absolutely nothing about her mother's reply that made sense. Her mom rarely came to the city, never dropped by her office, and didn't drink anything stronger than diet coke. "What's wrong?"
Her mom fidgeted with the strap on her bag. "Nothing is wrong. I just want to talk to you. I mentioned that yesterday."
"You also said we could do it next weekend."
"Well, I can't wait that long. Can you get away for a bit?"
It was almost five, so she gave a nod. "Sure. There's a coffee place down the street. We can go there."
"Good," her mom said with relief. "That's perfect."
Julie grabbed her purse and ushered her mom out of the office, pausing a moment at the reception desk to say she'd be back in about an hour if anyone was looking for her.
"Do you really have to go back to work?" Alicia asked as they walked out of the building. "Isn't the day over?"
"There's a lot going on. My days rarely end at five."
"You work too hard, Julie."
"Everyone works hard. We're a non-profit. We run lean so the money can go to where it helps the most."
"Maybe you should consider getting out of non-profit and working on the corporate side of fundraising. I'm sure you've made a lot of connections."
"I'm not interested in that."
"It would pay you more money."
"What's going on, Mom?"
"Nothing. Can't a mother be worried about her daughter's financial future?"
She frowned but decided not to press her mother for more information until they had coffee and a table between them. Kat's Koffee House was warm and cozy with delicious coffee and even better pastries. After picking up their coffees, they sat down at a table by the window, sipping on skinny vanilla lattes.
Her mom looked tired, Julie thought. Her blue eyes were full of shadows and the lines across her forehead and around her mouth seemed more pronounced. The gray was beginning to show in the roots of her hair, and she'd lost weight, too. This was not the woman who'd gotten married with joy and exuberance three months earlier. "Okay," she said decisively. "You have to tell me what's wrong. You're starting to worry me. Is it Kent? Is it the marriage?"
"No, this has nothing to do with him. Well, maybe it has a little do with him, but he's not the reason I haven't been sleeping well the last few weeks." Her mother set down her coffee and twisted her hands together. "A long time ago, I made a decision out of anger. I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway. I should have made it right years ago, but I didn't."
"What on earth are you talking about?"
"Your father."
She stiffened. "We don't talk about him, remember?"
Alicia nodded. "I know that was my rule. It was easier if I could just pretend he didn't exist. But that wasn't fair to you. I want to apologize Julie."
"You don't have anything to apologize for, and I don't even understand why we're talking about him now."
"You know that Kent has helped me deal with my bitterness and anger?"
"Yes," she said warily.
"Well, I confided in him, and he told me that I was never going to be free of the past until I came clean."
Her brows drew together. She couldn't make sense of what her mother was saying. "I don't understand."
Her mother stared back at her. "I know you don't, but you will." She reached into her bag and pulled out a large, thick manila envelope. "After your dad left, he sent you a letter. I don't know if you remember that, but—"
"I remember. I didn't want to read it."
"You gave it to me and told me to throw it away, but I just put it in my drawer. When other notes came in, I put them in the same place. I was angry. You were angry. We were both upset all the time. I thought I was doing the right thing. Or maybe that's not even true. I was just locking him in the drawer so I wouldn't have to think about him. He tried to call you a few times, but I intercepted the calls. I wouldn't give him your cell phone number, and I told him you'd be in touch when you were ready." Alicia gave her an apologetic look. "I realize now that I never wanted you to be ready, Julie. I didn’t want to lose you to him. I was selfish. I wanted you on my side, and I was afraid that your dad might charm you into being on his side. So I deliberately did everything I could to keep you apart."
"After what he did to you, to our family, how could you think I would take his side?" she asked. "That wouldn't have happened in a million years."
"Maybe not, but I should have given you the chance to make that decision. So I'm giving you everything that he sent you over the years, and you can do whatever you want with the information."
She stared at the envelope like it was a snake about to bite. "I don’t want it."
"I think you should look through his letters."
She shook her head, meeting her mom's gaze. "Why? I'm sure they're filled with meaningless apologies. Nothing he could say would change what he did to us."
Her mom let out a sigh. "He did it to me, Julie. He cheated on me. I was his wife. The other women had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. Your father loved you very much. I thought I was punishing him by making it hard for him to get in touch with you, but I was punishing you, too, and it's taken me ten years to realize that."
"Dad could have found me after I left the house. He could have contacted me at college. I've been on my own for years. It's not that difficult to find someone on the Internet, so if he wanted to get in touch with me, he could have found a way."
All Your Loving (Bachelors & Bridesmaids) Page 7