“Fine,” I blasted. “You want more, you got it!” I shoved the gag back in her mouth and buckled it as tight as I could, causing a little yelp as she felt the force. Then I stood tall and pulled her upright with me. I took off her clogs, yanked off her yoga pants, removed my boots and put them on her feet instead. I zipped them up. This was all happening very fast and with a brusqueness that such an object deserves.
From the closet, I grabbed the heavy steel chain I had used on her before and locked one end tightly around her neck. I grabbed the other end and led her forcibly down the stairs to the garage. I loved dragging her by the neck with her hands locked behind her back. It felt like I was a Roman soldier dragging a slave to the coliseum. She struggled to navigate the stairs in her high heels without the help of handrails. Anybody seeing this would have immediately assumed that it was not consensual and that the poor girl was in danger. This was the game in full effect. I felt so tough in acting out with my aggression. I wasn’t my own “Meg” self. And maybe I was a little over zealous because I was really in the mood to cuddle after my orgasm, but she screwed that up. Regina was completely in the zone.
Once at the garage, I took the loose end of the chain, wrapped it several times around the top of a workbench leg, so that she was secured with her cheek laying on the workbench surface. I snapped the padlock closed and she was stuck there, her head on the workbench, her hands in long opera gloves handcuffed behind her back… and a whole lot of aching need. “Is this what you are looking for? Is this doing it for you,” I called out in a dickish intonation. Struggling to understand her through the gag, I heard a mushy version of “Yes, Mistress.” But I wasn’t going to leave it alone.
From the top of the washing machine, I snatched a couple of wooden clothespins. The real “Meg” had a hard time with it, but my dark side fought for me to clothespin each of her nipples that were suspended downward from her position (her head chained low and ass out). The clothespins easily overpowered the thin cotton barrier of her tank top and she gave a big wince when each clothespin was applied.
At the sight of her pain, “Meg” came forth with the most warm and sincerely loving tone, “Hey, baby… are you ok?” Regina, or rather, slave-object-girl defiantly uttered a mushy version of “Fuck you!”
“Really now?” I retorted, snapping right back to the game and away from Meg. I picked up a ping-pong paddle from the shelf and started paddling her bare ass. Her thong gave no protection to her derrière. I smacked her hard with three good swats to blow off my immediate steam. She shrieked with each blow.
Then, I calmed myself down enough to hit her with a softer, more measured cadence for about twenty times. Regina was euphoric and was helping meet the paddle each time by extending her ass for it. She wanted it. She wanted the paddle. And she was moaning softly as if she was in her own world without me. After the paddling, I put both of my hands on her bottom and rubbed gently with loving passion. She was still moaning in that same way. I removed the clothespins. With each one, she screamed as the blood rushed back into the area that had been clamped, causing a rush of sharp pain. But I wasn’t done yet.
In an improvised stroke of genius, I saw the electric sander tool on the workbench and plugged it in. It vibrated like crazy. I wrapped it in a beach towel from the laundry basket and held the padded sander between her legs as her head was stills chained down to the workbench. Within about 10 seconds, she convulsed into an all out eruption of passion. She was shaking and writhing… burning rapture! She had an orgasm that seemed to go on an on. Slowly, it turned into a soft whimper with tears as she felt the discomfort from both the painful pose and the strict paddling she had endured. I could tell she was trying to hold back the tears, probably embarrassed to have her mistress see her so weak.
Fuck her. I decided to go back upstairs and leave her chained in the garage a for a bit. In fact, I went up to my room, grabbed my vibrator, and thought about how in command I was of her. I stayed about twenty minutes, playing with myself and getting so turned on thinking about her being chained in the garage while I was comfortably reclining with my vibrator. I exploded with lust in a very loud climax.
Finally, I thought the poor girl had had enough. I warmed a towel with hot water and took it to the garage. When I opened the door, she was still whimpering. I think the position was especially uncomfortable and causing her to ache. When I surprised her by putting the moist warm towel on her red and tender bottom, she recoiled at first touch… then slowly realized she was in tender care and relaxed herself. I removed her gag.
“That was some crazy day wasn’t it?” I offered. Regina softly answered, “Yes, Meg, it was quite a day.” I knew I had my Regina back. I quickly unchained her and gave her the biggest hug in the history of the world. Of course, she couldn’t hug back since her arms were still handcuffed and the key was up in the house. But she hugged back with all her soul. And we kissed. They were sweet and warm kisses with nothing but joy and honesty for each other. She looked like she had been through the wringer. It had been quite a day, to say the least.
Back upstairs, I uncuffed her and we collapsed on the couch, arm in arm. We both felt like we had just been on a wild rollercoaster and needed to be still together. I took off her boots (or maybe they are mine) and rubbed her feet for a few moments while she laid back with her eyes closed. Touching her feet was like kissing her softly. We were connecting on a deep level. When I’m 38, I hope I look half as beautiful as her. She was very relaxed, content. In hopes of making up for the mean mistress’s ways, I told her, “You must be starving. I’m going to make you a real dinner now! Poor girl never got a chance to eat.”
But first, I poured her a glass wine and poured myself one too (since mine had been shattered in the commotion of violent passion). As she sipped the wine, a fun smile came over her… and then some giggles. “You’re crazy. You’re fucking crazy.” I was laughing at the whole thing too. I gave her a full kiss on the lips and we looked into each other’s eyes. “I just kissed a girl,” I whispered softly with a smile. In each other’s eyes, we saw an emerging friendship that had already been going on for a hundred years and was just now becoming visible.
“I’m going to draw you a bath,” I said. She looked pleased. “After that, dinner will be ready and I promise I will not be mean to you, c’mon.” I led her to the bathroom and started the water. There were some amazing Sonoma bath salts that would make her feel revitalized. I dimmed the lights, lit the candles and put my soft music mix on the Bose speakers. Haha. The first song was a delicate rendition of It Takes Two To Tango by Lester Young. “Oh my gosh, You’re spoiling me,” she remarked. “No, you’re spoiling me,” I responded.
As she settled into her bath, I went downstairs for a minute and returned with an ice-cold glass of cucumber/ginger water with slices of oranges in it. I also gave her the latest issues of my stupid gossip and celebrity magazines. I figured she might like to check in on actors of “The Young and The Restless.”
In the kitchen, I started a stir-fry and listened to my own music, Philip Glass. The rolling minimalism felt just right for being in a place where I was floating with no boundaries.
I had a few thoughts like, “Am I gay now? Am I still capable of being turned on by a guy? Is this some kind of over-the-top rebound or revenge sex from Boyfriend X?” But as the Phillip Glass music started to penetrate and as I stared at the sizzling vegetables, I let all that go away. There was a beautiful woman in my bathtub with a beautiful soul. There was a woman who not only didn’t judge my kinky sexuality, but also reveled in it. And before I knew it, the doubting self was washed away, leaving only the purity of Regina as a person.
Dinner was about ready. I wasn’t going to eat (again) so I made Regina’s plate extra fancy; the stir-fry was sitting atop a bright orange carrot puree and I clipped a little rosebud from the front of the house to complete the plate. During cooking, I had taken the thickest powder blue bathrobe you have ever seen and put it in the dryer on high fo
r 10 minutes. I went to the bathroom to tell her dinner was ready and to present her with the warm bathrobe. She was nude and immediately slipped under the bubbles out of modesty. “Oh, sorry,” I apologized, “I didn’t mean to catch you like that.” It was kind of sweet how we had this crazy sex and then she was worried about me seeing her body. But I completely understood. The body can take on a more utilitarian form when not viewed in the glow of a sexually charged moment. I excused myself back to the kitchen to give her privacy.
A moment later, Regina came downstairs in the bathrobe. “Best bath of my life. Better than a spa day. I loved the magazines. The robe is still warm!” In seeing her coming down the stairs, I was drawn to her and met her near the last few steps. I stood a step below her and she towered over me. On level ground she is almost a head taller than me. Now the height difference was exaggerated. I put my hands around her waist, craning my face upward to look in her eyes, and a conversation flowed:
ME
The flowers you brought me are perfect. I’m really touched.
REGINA
(Sarcastic)
Yeah, I could tell.
ME
Do you think the game is going to get us in trouble? You know, maybe someone’s feelings will get hurt in the game and it would bleed into real life?
REGINA
I think we can keep it straight.
ME
I guess. But it could get tricky in some situations.
REGINA
We’re two smart women. Let’s make it work. I need to serve you. Let’s just say that what ever we say in the game doesn’t count in real life.
ME
So if I say something really cruel to you in the game, you will know that it doesn’t mean anything in real life, right?
REGINA
Totally. When I told you “Fuck you” did you think there may be a kernel of real hostility toward you?
ME
No, but it did jolt me away from my real self quickly. I went instantly to the Mistress bitch.
REGINA
Bitch is right. You’re a harsh one. Ok, the game is its own world. No crossover.
ME
Should we have separate names for the characters in the game?
REGINA
No. It’s cooler to be called Slave Regina and Mistress Meg than some fake names we don’t relate to.
ME
Maybe you’re right.
REGINA
It feels real to me.
ME
What, the game?
REGINA
It feels like I’m literally a different person. It doesn’t feel like an act. What about you?
ME
Oh, it’s real alright.
REGINA
When I’m with Tucker, I’m mommy. When he’s gone, I’m someone else. I listen to different music and have different thoughts. And when we play the game, I’m someone else entirely.
ME
I could never dream of hurting you or being mean to you in real life. But in the game, you bring that out in me.
REGINA
Do you want to be monogamous with me?
I must say, I was blindsided by this! First of all, it really put me on the spot. I didn’t see this coming at all. Secondly, I was really afraid… afraid of being in some kind of gay relationship. It was so foreign to me. I have no idea why I was so scared of that concept. Mainly, it was because I never would have considered myself in such a category. Most of my adult life, I had practically been a sex-addict with guys. I needed some kind of sex at least once a day. Granted, it was usually by myself.
So there I was standing on the stairs looking up at this amazing creature who seems to fit me in every way I can imagine and the only drawback is that she happened to have been born with a vagina.
And that’s another thing… what would it be like to never get dick again? Would I be cool with a monogamous relationship where no penises were involved… ever? Actually, I read that the average dick is only five inches long. That’s not even as long as my hand! So why was I so hung up on the idea of guys?
And then does monogamy mean we are out in public as a couple? Does it mean we go to weddings, funerals, graduations, and Thanksgivings with each other? Would we be an “item” just like straight couples? Then does that all lead to the inevitable next step of co-habitation and ultimately marriage? Then would I be a step mom to Tucker? Agghh! It all just freaked me out!!!
On the other hand, I have never been as sexually turned on in my life as I have with Regina and our game. On a scale of hotness, it was fucking lava. During most of the time at work, I would be so turned on thinking of her that I had to swap out my panties for fresh ones a couple times. I’m serious. With thoughts like that, who needs a penis? Plus, it’s even kinkier to play with strap-ons. That very word seems so naughty and hot… and they don’t even shoot out gross stuff at the end. I’d love to wear a strap-on and watch Regina give me a blowjob on it!
But I guess the monogamous bomb made everything feel so serious. It would be crossing the ocean with no compass. My heart told me to go for it, but my head told me maybe I was just in “lust” with Regina and it would fade or fall apart once the novelty wore off.
Regina must have watched me process all of this in an instant or two. She looked really hurt and confused as I was standing there wondering how to respond. I think she was expecting an immediate “YES! Let’s go steady” instead of my shocked expression. She looked like she was going to cry when the conversation continued:
REGINA
No worries. It was a dumb question. I gotta get going.
I grabbed her hand and tried in vein to pull her in for a closer conversation.
ME
Wait, Regina! I didn’t even say anything.
REGINA
Your face did. I gotta go.
And she turned around and headed back up the stairs to change back into her clothes. I followed and begged:
ME
Regina, please! Let’s talk about it. I was just surprised, that’s all. I was just digesting the concept. That is something very serious and it needs serious consideration.
REGINA
It’s not easy for me, either. But this is magic. It’s beyond reasoning.
ME
I agree. It’s amazing on every level.
REGINA
Then what’s behind your hesitation? My age? You want to play the field more? It’s moving too fast? Or… is it that I’m a woman?
She closed the door to the bathroom so she could change in private. I waited outside the door. A few moments later, she charged out and made a beeline for the front door.
ME
Regina, please give me a chance! I just want to process it a little bit. Everything is so new and crazy.
REGINA
Process all you want.
And she left without a hug or “goodbye.” I had no idea what had just happened. There I was having the best day of my life with the most special person I have ever encountered and then it all blows up as soon as I don’t immediately answer if I want to be monogamous with her or not.
For the past several hours, I have been crying off and on. In my heart of hearts, I can’t envision a scenario where we won’t end up together. I am so sleepy. I just drank a glass of wine and now I’m hoping I can go to sleep and wake up in the morning to learn that her departure was a little blip of a bad dream. C’mon, Regina. Let’s be together. Today was the best of days and the worst of days. Goodnight.
--- FRIDAY MARCH 30 --- Exploring the game
Good morning, Diary. I hope you had better night’s sleep than me. Mostly I tossed and turned and had dreams of Regina. All the dreams were good. I’m going to make a cup of coffee and take a bath where Regina did last night.
I just had a nice bubble bath. With a latte and a bubble bath, a girl can get a fresh perspective on things. I decided I wanted to reach out to Regina and have a mature
talk about all this. I can be open with her. We agreed to never play games. She would surely be receptive. And right on cue, the phone rang. It was her. She said she was sorry about dashing off and wanted to speak with me about it. I told her I was about to call her to say the same thing. Her tone was warm and sweet and mine was the same. We clearly both wanted to work though the monogamy issue and get back on track. We decided to meet for early dinner at Capannina in Cow Hollow. (Vegetarians can always find comfort in Italian food)
At work, I was quiet. There was a meeting with the team about a new commercial. Part of me was in the meeting, my head. Everyone must have thought I was really together… like I was on my game, because they kept deferring to me for answers. But inside, I was wondering what Regina was doing. Meaning, I was wondering what she was doing in her mind with “us.” Where did she see this going? How would it all play out? How could it play out? In five years, what would we be looking back on? Would it be a pivotal moment in a deep, lasting relationship, or merely a recreational activity between two people a long time ago? Even the very idea of looking 5 years out was nerve-racking to me.
Soon enough, it was time to head over to Capannina for dinner. I arrived 15 minutes early… and so did she. I guess we both took our future seriously enough to be ultra-punctual. In order to keep a straightforward tone to our meeting, I wore jeans, a basic black top, and flats.
But Regina apparently didn’t get the memo. When I saw her walking up, my jaw dropped!! Along with an adorable butterscotch sleeveless, simple French floral print dress, she wore some classic mules. Oh, and she had on the shoulder-length, kid leather opera gloves I had just given her! Talk about making a statement with accessories! She looked like a hipper, more slender version of Jackie O. with a twist of Vogue Magazine Paris! The gloves had the effect of setting off both the outfit and me! She noticed me checking out her gloves and played coy. I could see the restaurant patrons checking her out and whispering strong approval for her outfit. She also sported a burgundy scarf around her neck. Friggin fashion plate.
Owning Regina: Diary of my unxpected passion for another woman Page 8