We French kissed. It was easy. It was natural. We fell asleep together, totally nude. We slept straight through until …
--- MONDAY APRIL 2 --- Making sense of surprises
“Oh Crap!”, Regina blared out, alarming me from a dead sleep! She sprung from bed and started throwing her clothes on. “Oh no! It’s 7:20! I gotta get to school. I can’t believe I slept so long.”
I offered to make her a quick cup of coffee, but she had to race home for her papers and a change of clothes. She told me to stay in bed and we would catch up later. It was the start of a Tucker week, so it would be a while until we saw each other in person again. As she was about to take off, she stopped by the bed for a brief connection of looking in my eyes and sweet little kiss. She kissed each of my boobies too. “Can I see your ass?” she requested. I pulled down the covers so she could get a look. GASP! She was visibly affected by the sight of my bruised up and cut up ass. It had welts all over the entire surface of both cheeks and thin horizontal cuts where the belt had occasionally broken the skin.
She instantly recoiled in remorse. Clearly, she felt awful about doing this to me. Very sincerely, she said, “Oh My! I feel so bad. I’m really sorry, Meg. I didn’t mean for it to go that far.” Even though I was really feeling the pain of her whipping, I wanted to assure her that everything was cool, “Don’t worry. Everything is ok. We are clear. There is no problem. It might be very hard to sit at work today, but I will be reminded of you any time I move in my chair. I like that.”
Regina made a funny little “painful” face as if she could directly feel my wounds. “Ok. I can’t wait to be your slave again,” she commented. “You mean the mistress’s slave,” I corrected her. “Yes,” she assured me, “That’s what I meant.” Worried about any more delays, I told her to take off. What a naughty little teacher! We shared a solid hug and a light kiss, and then she dashed out.
Aching along, I dragged my pathetic submissive ass to the kitchen to make some much-needed Black Cat coffee (a San Francisco brand that blasts out flavor). I put the teapot on and prepped the French press. At that point, I noticed both my wrists had perfect circular lines around them from where the handcuffs had been cutting in during my whipping. In fact, I had never seen outwardly visible residual marks from kinky play. They were so prominent on my wrists that it would be awkward to explain away.
Instead of having flashbacks to the torturous struggle I had endured, the sight of the cuts took me to the sexiest part of the evening. It brought me right to that moment when Regina was standing over me with the belt… just staring down at me as I was in that vulnerable position. I was remembering the how unbelievably turned on I was with anticipation. The handcuff cuts gave me that same sexy feeling teenagers get when they get hickies and are proud they have them. It’s a mark of having had an exceedingly passionate sexual encounter. (Later when I was making the bed, I discovered lots of little bloodstains from my wrists and ass).
I kicked on the heater and settled into the sofa with my coffee to wake up. Sitting there, I meandered through a bunch of thoughts as I reflected on the night before. First off all, I was really glad April Fool’s day was over. I don’t like surprises and luckily nobody punked me.
Speaking of surprises, I was coming to understand how Regina was so hurt by me surprising her with Victoria’s visit. Reading between the lines with Regina, it was easy to see that she was, in fact, jealous. There I was, dominating her and sexually controlling her in a very private and intimate experience. Then suddenly, that privacy is pierced by a new person who could be seen as a threat to the moment or even the relationship. And not knowing Victoria, Regina could easily think that Victoria may unfavorably judge Regina as one of those S&M clowns from the movies like “The Gimp” in Pulp Fiction.
Without the right setup of context or mindset, most people who would hear of someone being chained up alone in the laundry room, would think it is some kind of joke or fucked up mental disorder. So in that sense, I can understand how Regina felt violated. It was pretty uncool of me to play the game knowing Victoria was coming and not tell Regina in advance.
However from my perspective, I thought it was fantastically hot to think that I had a beautiful woman chained and waiting for me while I took my sweet time to visit with a friend. Thinking of the power… the sexual power, is super arousing to me. It seemed like Regina would have been totally cool with it if she had known Victoria first and if I had told her about the visit first.
I’m positive that when the two of them finally meet, Regina will clearly see that my rapport with Victoria is anything but romantic. I think it could be a really hot element to include from time to time in our games. For example, I think it would be amazingly sexy to bind and gag Regina in the trunk of my car, then pickup Victoria for a trip to the movies. Of course, Regina would be left in the trunk while I enjoyed popcorn with Victoria.
After the movie, I would drop Victoria at her house and then ravish Regina with loving passion afterward. I would prove to her that being tied up in the trunk would have rewards far greater than the discomfort of being restrained during a movie. I would be the most loving mistress in the world, rubbing her feet, giving her a bubble bath, and reinforcing that she was loved and had served me brilliantly. But of course, it would all depend on Regina’s consent to redefining the no third party rule, which I will never violate again.
See what a little dark coffee can do to me after a ride on an emotional rollercoaster! In further analyzing last night, I reflected about that whole submissive element that reared its head for me.
It was interesting how dominant and callous Regina became. I had never seen anything like that with her. She was a completely different person. Our sexual roles were one hundred percent reversed. For me, it was easy and comfortable to be submissive to her. And she seemed ultra-comfortable as my dominant. Like I’ve said, I always craved kink in the worst way. It really doesn’t matter who is wielding the whip as long as it’s sincere and both people are on the same page. Given the choice, I would prefer to be dominant over Regina. I love that feeling of controlling her and bossing her. It feels hyper-sexual for me to see her perfect yoga body in restraints.
What was particularly interesting about her domination last night was that she was using it outside of our game. She was dominating me from her real-world personality as an outlet for having been emotionally hurt by me. At first, I didn’t mind that she was harming me outside of the game. But when she wouldn’t stop, I was starting to get really scared. I was in so much pain and my trust was starting to fade in her. It almost seemed like she had snapped into a true sadist who wanted to torture me for real. It wasn’t fun any more.
But when the beating stopped, my trust came rushing back. I knew that she had slipped and lost touch a bit. I didn’t blame her. She was just working out some emotions from feeling really violated by me just a little while before. This whole relationship (and all its peculiar sexual trappings) is new to both of us and we are trying to sort it out and make sense of everything as we speed along getting closer to each other. I really don’t blame her for crossing the line into sadism. And upon reflection, I’m sure she doesn’t blame me for bringing Victoria into our private scene. When you are doing something this extreme and emotional for the first time, it seems natural to have a bit of a bumpy road in while working out the kinks ;-)
--- MONDAY APRIL 2 --- Just before lunch
Dear Diary, My butt is killing me!! It is so freaking sore! For the past hour, I’ve been writing in you and need to take an immediate break to get off my seat. Oh, and I ended up wearing a top with overly long sleeves to hide my wrist hickies. Back later.
--- MONDAY APRIL 2 --- Back at home
The rest of my workday was great. I swear I rock that job! It seems so easy for me to excel. Everyone loves me there and I never disappoint. Out of college, I always thought jobs would suck. But this gig really suits me and I’m so efficient at it that I can easily get my work done in thirty p
ercent of the time that they think it requires!
When I make calls, I don’t beat around the bush. I always tell the person on the other end that I only have a couple minutes until I need to be somewhere else. Invariably, they accommodate and we get the call done in three or four minutes, but anybody else could have taken a half hour messing around with un-related conversation. Anyway, I get paid for doing a good job and keeping our production company moving. So it really doesn’t matter if I do it fast. They are still getting quality work out of me.
But man… my butt was killing me so much I had to take an Advil. I never take stuff like that. I pulled down my skirt in the restroom to check it out. The welts had turned to bruises. I took a selfie of my ass and texted it to Regina with a note saying, “Thinking of you!” But rather than laughing about it, she still seemed sensitive and responded with. “Ouch! I’m so sorry!” And of course, that led to a big sexting session on her lunch break that went like this:
REGINA
I promise I’ll make it up to you.
ME
Oh, you’ll make it up to me alright. Actually, you’ll be making it up to your mistress.
REGINA
I would love to please her in anyway I could.
ME
Can you believe how blue the sky is today?
REGINA
Yes, Mistress. How may I please you?
ME
You can tell me that you love me.
REGINA
I adore you, Mistress. I love you with all my heart. I want you more than anything.
ME
Tonight, I’m going to sleep in the corset you gave me.
REGINA
If it pleases you, Mistress. Forgive me for not being present tonight. I have obligations.
ME
Yes. I’m perfectly aware of that. I’m going to have to punish you severely for neglecting me with your other “obligations”.
REGINA
Yes, Mistress.
ME
You will need to be tied and gagged in the garage for a long time. You will need to feel some pain on your nipples.
REGINA
Yes, Mistress.
ME
You will need to have a dildo shoved up your ass that you will have to keep in place the whole time you are being punished. Do you understand?
But there was no reply from Regina.
ME
You must answer me. Do you understand?
Minutes ticked by. Pretty soon it was ten whole minutes! Finally, a new text popped in.
REGINA
Forgive me, Mistress. I was unable to control myself. Went to restroom to pleasure myself. Thought about serving you.
ME
That is unacceptable. You can never do that without my permission.
REGINA
Yes, Mistress. I am weak to your allure.
ME
Weak and pitiful.
REGINA
Yes, Mistress.
ME
That was some kind of crazy day I had.
REGINA
Me too, Meg. I gotta get back to class. I love you.
ME
I love you too.
And that was our little sexting tryst for the afternoon. I can’t believe Regina’s audacity. Not only did she do herself at work, but she did it without her Mistress’s approval. Oh well. She’ll reap what she sows.
As I wound down with a glass of wine at home after work, I was thinking more about how she turned crazy sadist on me and how I had betrayed her by bringing in a third party. We had both done something that had tested each other’s trust. We had both acted without consent of the other.
But we came through it. Something else came through it too. From the minute we awoke this morning, I was feeling like there was a fundamental shift in our relationship. We were different now. I’m sure she feels it too. I’d like to talk with her about it. But things are very different. You cannot un-ring a bell. You cannot unbake a cake.
We both went through something very emotional together, something very traumatic. Even though it was of our own fault, we went through something hard. In the wake of it all, I noticed that there is much more solidity to us, more gravity. Our relationship changed from honeymoon love to solid, sober, unyielding love. The momentary trouble was a rehearsal for how we would be in the event of even heavier circumstances or obstacles that we are bound to encounter.
It was an emotional breakthrough. We are ready to be with each other through thick and thin, corny as that may sound. We are wiser. Strangely, having violated each other’s trust ended up making that trust stronger. I never want to hurt her again. I never want to make her distrust me.
When I was in 8 grade, I thought it would be fun to try alcohol for the fist time on New Year’s Eve with my girlfriends. The parents were out of the house and we were raiding the liquor cabinet. Before you knew it, we were plastered and started calling every boy in school to flirt and reveal secrets. I liked the feeling so much and wanted to keep it going. So I started chugging scotch and rum. Disgusting. But having no prior experience with alcohol, I quickly found myself in over my head. I completely blacked out, waking up the next morning completely naked in a fetal position in my friend’s bedroom. I asked my girlfriend’s what had happened.
They said that I was puking all over myself and they had to take off my clothes because they were so gross. Apparently I had completely ruined my friend’s carpet. So in the morning, I was freezing and freaked out when I discovered myself like that. I stood up to try to find something to put on, but immediately started puking all over again.
Lucky I didn’t die from alcohol poisoning. But after that, I vowed to never ever do that again. I never wanted to be so helpless and scared again. I vowed to never pass out drunk again as long as I lived. And you know what? That’s how it’s been. Sure, I get a little drunk now and then, but I never let myself lose control. I will never drink to that point again. I changed that night.
It is the same way with Regina. I never want to lose her trust again. I want to be good for her. I want her to believe in me. So last night was a healthy step towards solidifying everything we are to each other. We aren’t going to wake up naked in a fetal position.
I just called over there to say hi and see how Tucker is. She seemed so happy to be with him. She said he was really clingy after being gone so long. He’s got some new video game he was excited about and he was trying to teach her to play it. She made him soy hot dogs, mac & cheese, and broccoli. After dinner, she told him that she is really excited about having me as a friend. He asked who is better at yoga. Of course, Regina joked that she kicks my butt. Too bad it’s true ;-)
After dinner, she read to him for a half hour in bed from a Shel Silverstein book. Even though Tucker knows how to read perfectly, there’s nothing like being next to your mom as she reads Shel Silverstein. That’s because Silverstein is a book of crazy short rhymes that are geared toward older kids. The themes are a little dark. Regina read me a chapter on the phone. I’m not even her son, but I loved hearing the crazy, lyrical rhyming. I can only imagine being Tucker and having her next to me and seeing her form those words with her darling mouth!
When I said goodnight to Regina, I suddenly felt lonely, kind of like an outsider. She had the full life and I had half the life. Even so, I was warm inside about my feelings for her and where we were going together. The funny thing was, my bruised ass was still hurting a lot. It was a souvenir of our time together, something to remember her by. But just like a souvenir, it never really can bring back the full joy of being in Paris and serves more to show how mundane life is after the holiday is over. It’s kind of like the Monday blues after the weekend.
--- TUESDAY APRIL 3 --- Daily Life Connection
Regina woke me up this morning with a call to say “Hi” while Tucker was in the shower. Because she was in Mommy mode, I was embarrassed to tell her that I slept in my corset with m
y ankles tied together. It was a quick, but nice little call. After we hung up, I started thinking of how Regina had been chained in the laundry room while I was with Victoria. The corset helped to bring me closer to Regina. I was recalling how good if felt when she first cinched it on me in the restaurant bathroom. I thought about kissing her and licking her. It didn’t take long before I was starting my day with a bang. Hi ho, Hi ho, off to work I went.
The rest of the day was pretty standard. But having Regina in my life really gave an extra bounce to my step, as they say. Everything seemed to have a sunshiny feeling. I usually don’t get too wrapped up in my troubles, but the feeling all day was bright and cheery. It was love, alright.
There’s a little shop by my work where I came across a perfect postcard to send to Regina. It was a vintage-looking black and white card of Bettie Page with her hands hoisted above her head in bondage and a ball-gag jammed in her mouth. The little thought bubble coming out of Bettie’s head said, “Every girl needs a little time out now and then.” Of course, I bought the card and jotted down on it, “Worship me. – Your Owner.) I popped it in an envelope, stuck a stamp on it and sent it off to my little plaything.
We texted each other quite a bit, sending photos of our daily lives. It all started when I asked for a shot of her classroom. And she asked for a shot of my desk. It was great to see a concrete visual to help picture each other’s worlds. She also shot me a picture of Jonathan Martin, III, the class guinea pig. I guess kids take turns taking him home for the weekends (God only knows how they came up with that for a name). Then a few minutes later when the class was on break, she shot me a little 10-second movie of Jonathan Martin, III cruising around on the carpet. He just “happened” to be crawling around our brick red boots she was wearing to school. Ding! Nice job getting me turned on, you little tease!
When I got back home, I shot her a fifteen second movie of a pile of dirty dishes in my sink. My off-camera commentary was, “I hope you want to still be my friend knowing what a slob I am. Guess the maid took the day off.”
Owning Regina: Diary of my unxpected passion for another woman Page 16