Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  But Wait: The version released to the public ends with a freeze-frame of the two stars making their final charge, thereby immortalizing them instead of killing them.

  THELMA AND LOUISE (1991)

  Original Ending: Similar to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon’s car falls all the way to the canyon floor, presumably smashing them to bits.

  But Wait: Fearing a negative reaction to killing off the film’s stars, the theatrical release shows their car sailing off the cliff, but leaves their fates up in the air, so to speak. The DVD includes the alternate ending.

  THE PRINCESS DIARIES (2001)

  Original Ending: The original finale had Mia (Anne Hathaway) simply agreeing to fly off to the fabled European kingdom of Genovia to become a princess.

  But Wait: Director Garry Marshall’s five-year-old granddaughter felt shortchanged; she wanted to see the castle. Marshall acquiesced and had Disney buy stock footage of a European castle and digitally add the flag of Genovia to it. “It cost us a penny or two,” explained Marshall, “but it made my granddaughter happy.”

  Charge! First year Americans used credit cards more than cash: 1995.

  MOTHERS OF INVENTION

  There have always been women inventors…even if they’ve been overlooked by the history books. Here are a few you may not have heard of.

  MARY ANDERSON

  Invention: Windshield wipers

  Background: In 1903 Anderson, an Alabaman, took a trip to New York City. One snowy afternoon she decided to tour the city by streetcar, but instead of sightseeing found herself staring at the streetcar conductor, who had to keep stopping to wipe the snow off his windshield.

  On the spot, Anderson made a drawing in her sketchbook of a device consisting of a lever that “activated a swinging arm that mechanically swept off the ice and snow” from the windshield. She got her patent the following year; ten years later windshield wipers were standard equipment on automobiles.

  DONNA SHIRLEY

  Invention: Sojourner Mars Rover

  Background: In 1991 Shirley, an aerospace engineer, was appointed manager of NASA’s Mars Explorer Program. Her team was charged with developing the rover vehicle that would go to Mars aboard the unmanned Pathfinder spacecraft. The rover was to be about the size of a pickup truck, with rockets to blast it off the surface of Mars and back to the Pathfinder for its return to Earth. They’d already built a one-eighth-scale prototype; now they were using it to design the full-scale rover.

  There was just one problem: sending a truck-sized rover to Mars and then returning it to Earth was too expensive. The craft only had a budget of $25 million. That may seem like a lot but, says Shirley, “for a planetary spacecraft it’s incredibly cheap; $25 million would pay for a few commercials for the Super Bowl.”

  That’s when Shirley got the idea that saved the mission. “While her male colleagues were ready to scrap the whole project, Shirley suggested that perhaps size was not that important,” Ethlie Vare writes in Patently Female. “Could not the prototype of the rover become the vehicle itself?”

  A man once lost his car in parking garage for two years. The tab: $3,400.

  It could and it did: On July 4, 1997, the Sojourner Rover landed on Mars and began exploring the surface. It’s going to be there a while, too—the rockets that were supposed to send it home got cut from the budget.

  LAURA SCUDDER

  Invention: Potato chip bag

  Background: Before a Southern California businesswoman named Laura Scudder came along in the mid-1920s, potato chips were sold in bulk in large barrels. When you bought chips at the store, the grocer scooped them out of the barrel and into an ordinary paper bag. If you got your chips from the bottom of the barrel, they were usually broken and stale.

  It was Laura Scudder who hit on the idea of taking wax paper and ironing it on three sides to make a bag, then filling it with potato chips and ironing the fourth side to make an airtight pouch that would keep the chips fresh until they were eaten. Scudder’s self-serve, stay-fresh bags were instrumental in turning potato chips from an occasional treat into a snack food staple.

  MARTHA COSTON

  Invention: Signal flare

  Background: Martha Hunt was only 14 when she eloped with a Philadelphia engineer named Benjamin Coston…and only 21 when he died bankrupt in 1848, leaving her destitute with four small children. Not long after his death she found something interesting among his possessions: a prototype for a signal flare. She hoped that if it worked, she could patent it and use it to restore her family’s fortunes.

  But it didn’t—so Martha started over from scratch, and spent nearly 10 years perfecting a system of red, white, and green “Pyrotechnic Night Signals” that would enable naval ships to communicate by color codes over great distances at night. (Remember, this was before the invention of two-way radio.) The U.S. Navy bought hundreds of sets of flares and used them extensively during the Civil War. They are credited with helping maintain the Union blockade of Confederate ports, and also with saving the lives of countless shipwreck victims after the war.

  Amount Tiger Woods’s caddie made in 2000: $1 million.

  ROMMY REVSON

  Invention: Scünci

  Background: In 1987 Revson was divorced from Revlon cosmetics heir John Revson, and the divorce settlement was so bad that she had to find a job to support herself. Appearances count, so she had her hair bleached before she started applying for jobs. Big mistake—the chemicals damaged her hair to the point that “it was coming off in handfuls,” Revson remembers. She decided the only thing to do was pull her hair back into a ponytail, but it was so brittle that she couldn’t use rubber bands. She came up with something better: an elastic band covered with soft fabric.

  So did Revson ever get around to applying for a job? Who knows—she decided to patent her ponytail holder instead, naming it the Scünci after her Lhasa Apso puppy. Today they’re better known as “scrunchies,” and at last count Revson has sold more than two billion of them.

  SPEEDY JUSTICE

  Defendant: John Cracken, a Texas personal injury lawyer

  The Crime: Flaunting his wealth in public

  Background: In 1991 Cracken represented a disabled widow in a lawsuit against her husband’s employer, the Rock-Tenn Company. Rock-Tenn was a recycling company, and the man was killed in a bailing machine. Cracken sued for $25 million, but Rock-Tenn’s case was so weak that there was talk that the jury might award as much as $60 million. Shortly before deliberations were to begin, however, some of the jurors happened to spot Cracken in the courthouse parking garage, driving a brand-new red Porsche 911.

  The Sentence: The jury awarded Cracken’s client only $5 million. Why so little? One juror explained, “There was no way I’m going to buy that lawyer another fancy car.”

  Wearing a neck tie in some parts of Iran can get you thrown in jail.

  IT’S A RACKET

  Sports are part of the fabric of our culture. They’re part of our language, too. Here are the origins of a few common sports terms.

  ALLEY-OOP

  Meaning: In basketball, a high pass caught in midair by a teammate who tries to stuff the ball in the basket before landing Origin: “Probably coined by American soldiers during World War I. It’s from the French allez (go) plus oop, a French pronunciation of the English up. During the 1920’s, allez-oop became alley-oop, commonly said upon lifting something. In the late 1950s, San Francisco 49er quarterback Y. A. Tittle invented a lob pass called the alley-oop that was thrown over the heads of defenders to his very tall receiver, R. C. Owens. By the 1970s, it had been adapted to describe the schoolyard basketball play it is today.” (From Grand Slam, Hat Tricks & Alley-oops, by Robert Hendrickson)

  BOGEY

  Meaning: In golf, one stroke over par

  Origin: “Bogey, ‘an imaginary thing that causes fear,’ gives us the bogeyman, who scares children, and a popular 1890 song called ‘Colonel Bogey.’ In England, when you were doing
exceptionally well it was said that Colonel Bogey was playing with you. When someone did well on a particular hole, they thought the Colonel was lending a hand; a player doing poorly was said to be losing to Bogey. As golf became organized, par became the standard score and a bogey became one more than the duffer’s aim.” (From Where in the Word?, by David Muschell)

  BONEHEAD PLAY

  Meaning: A very stupid play

  Origin: “The original bonehead play was made in 1908 by Fred Merkle, the New York Giants first baseman. It was the bottom of the ninth innning. There were two outs. Moose McCormick was on third and Merkle was on first. The next man up singled to center, and McCormick scored the winning run. But Merkle ran into the dugout—he never touched second base. Johnny Evers of the Cubs got the ball and stepped on second, forcing Merkle out. The winning run was nullified and the Giants lost. The Cubs and Giants finished the season tied for first place, and the Cubs won the pennant in a play-off game. A sportswriter’s reference to Merkle’s blunder as a ‘bonehead play’ introduced the phrase into the lexicon.” (From Grand Slam, Hat Tricks & Alley-oops, by Robert Hendrickson)

  Downtown: Downtown London has sunk about one inch since 1997.

  HAT TRICK

  Meaning: The scoring of three consecutive goals in a game—usually hockey or soccer—by the same player

  Origin: “This American phrase comes from the 19th-century tradition of awarding a new hat (or the proceeds of passing a hat) to British cricket bowlers when they bowled down three wickets with three successful balls. Although it’s now mainly associated with hockey, hat trick has also been used for a jockey who wins three consecutive races, or a soccer player who scores three goals in one game.” (From Southpaws & Sunday Punches, by Christine Ammer)

  RACKET

  Meaning: In tennis, a bat with an oval frame, strung with nylon

  Origin: “Tennis balls were originally hit with the palm of the hand, called raquette, probably from the Arabic rahat meaning the same. As tennis evolved, gloves were used, then boards, then paddles, and finally the long-handled racket used today. All were called by the name raquette, which became the English word racket. The French still call tennis le jeu de paume (the palm game).” (From Word Mysteries & Histories, by the American Heritage Dictionary)

  TEE

  Meaning: The small peg with a concave head that is placed in the ground to support a golf ball before it is struck

  Origin: “The first tees were just small handfuls of sand or dirt off which golf balls were hit. The Scottish word was first recorded in 1673 as teaz, but people thought this was the plural of tee and over the years, tee became the singular form. The little wooden pegs we call tees today were invented in the 1920s by William Lowell, a dentist from New Jersey.” (From Word and Phrase Origins, by Robert Hendrickson)

  Queen of fashion: When she died in 1603, Queen Elizabeth I owned 3,000 dresses.

  UNCLE JOHN’S PAGE OF LISTS

  Some random bits from the BRI files.

  5 Most Germ-ridden Places at Work

  1. Phone

  2. Desktop

  3. Water fountain handle

  4. Microwave door handle

  5. Keyboard

  5 Movies That Feature a One-Armed Man

  1. Bad Day at Black Rock (1955)

  2. The One-Armed Swordsman (1967)

  3. The Fugitive (1993)

  4. The Blade (1995)

  5. Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)

  7 States with Lowest Life Expectancy

  1. South Carolina

  2. Mississippi

  3. Georgia

  4. Louisiana

  5. Nevada

  6. Alabama

  7. North Carolina

  4 Forest Service Tips on What to Do if You Encounter a Cougar

  1. Don’t “play dead”

  2. Be aggressive Don’t act like prey

  3. Don’t run

  4. Blow an air horn (if one’s handy)

  3 Most Dangerous Foods to Eat in a Car

  1. Coffee

  2. Tacos

  3. Chili

  2 Topics at the 2002 Taiwan Toilet Seminar

  1. Practical Means to Eliminate Bad Smells in Toilets

  2. Citizen’s Satisfaction of Public Toilets in Korea

  2 Famous Number Threes

  1. Dale Earnhardt

  2. Babe Ruth

  7 Places You Can Legally Carry a Concealed Weapon in Utah

  1. A car

  2. A city bus

  3. A train

  4. A mall

  5. A bar

  6. A church

  7. A school

  3 Things Rats Can Do

  1. Wriggle through a hole the size of a quarter

  2. Survive being flushed down a toilet

  3. Multiply so fast a single pair could have 15,000 descendants in a year

  5 Things That Have Been Sold in Vending Machines

  1. Emu jerky

  2. Poached eggs

  3. Holy water

  4. Beetles

  5. Live shrimp

  A humpback whale can eat 5,000 fish in a single sitting. (Who knew they could sit?)

  YOU AIN’T GOT IT, KID

  It’s hard to imagine anyone rejecting the opportunity to hire Harrison Ford, but people make mistakes. Here are a few examples of a few unbelievable rejections.

  What They Said: “With your voice, nobody is going to let you broadcast.”

  Who Said It: CBS producer Don Hewitt, 1958

  Rejected! Barbara Walters (she signed with NBC)

  What They Said: “Stiff, unappealing. You ain’t got it, kid.” Who Said It: Columbia producer Jerry Tokovsky, 1965 Rejected! Harrison Ford

  What They Said: “You have a chip on your tooth, your Adam’s apple sticks out too far, and you talk too slow.”

  Who Said It: Universal Pictures executive, 1959

  Rejected! Clint Eastwood

  What They Said: “The girl doesn’t have a special perception or feeling which will lift that book above the curiosity level.”

  Who Said It: Anonymous publisher, 1952

  Rejected! The Diary of Anne Frank

  What They Said: “Go learn to cook. Your book will never sell.” Who Said It: A literary agent in the early 1970s

  Rejected! Danielle Steel, who got a new agent, and has since sold over 350 million books.

  What They Said: “The band’s okay but, if I were you, I’d get rid of the singer with the tire-tread lips.”

  Who Said It: BBC radio producer at a 1963 audition

  Rejected! The Rolling Stones—and their lead singer, Mick Jagger

  What They Said: “His ears are too big. He looks like an ape.”

  Who Said It: Talent scout Darryl F. Zanuck

  Rejected! Clark Gable

  Companion comes from the Latin word com, “with,” and panis, “bread”—someone you break bread with.

  HAS ANYONE SEEN MY STRADIVARIUS?

  Everybody knows a Stradivarius is the world’s most valuable kind of violin. (Read more on page 359.) So how could anyone lose one? Here are a few amazing stories of violins that got away.

  VALUABLE VIOLINS

  Master violin maker Antonio Stradivari created more than 1,100 instruments during his lifetime. The several hundred that survive are so valuable and so well documented, you’d think nobody would try to steal one because it would be immediately identified as stolen property. Considering their worth, you’d also think their owners would take good care of them. Guess again.

  Missing! The Gruenberg Stradivarius, made in 1731; estimated value (1990): $500,000

  Background: In July 1990, violinist Erich Gruenberg arrived at Los Angeles International Airport and was met by a friend. As he was loading his luggage into the friend’s trunk, he let his violin case out of his sight for just a moment. When he looked back, it was gone.

  Outcome: Police put out an international bulletin alerting the music world to the theft…and in April 1991, police in Honduras arrested
30-year-old Nazario Ramos when he tried to sell the violin to a member of a local orchestra. Police speculate that he was just a petty airport thief who didn’t know what he was stealing until after he got it.

  The violin was secretly flown back to Los Angeles. It was met at the airport by an armored car and taken immediately to a bank vault, where an insurance company executive verified that it was the genuine article. News of the violin’s return was kept secret for several days. “We weren’t going to give anyone a chance to steal it again,” says police spokesman Bill Martin.

  Missing! The Davidoff Stradivarius, made in 1727; estimated value: $3.5 million

  Background: The Davidoff Stradivarius vanished from the Manhattan apartment of its owner, 91-year-old Erika Morini (considered one of the greatest violinists of all time) as she lay dying in a hospital a few blocks away. For years the former child prodigy had kept the violin locked away in a closet rather than in a safe, because she wanted it to be within close reach. While Morini was hospitalized, someone entered her apartment, unlocked the closet, and stole the violin, leaving an inferior violin in its place. It was insured for only $800,000.

  The theft was discovered when Morini’s goddaughter Erica Bradford and her daughter Valerie Bradford let themselves into the apartment to prepare it for Morini’s return. Morini made it back home and lived out her last few days in the apartment, but the violin never did. Friends substituted a fake so that when she asked to see if the violin was safe, they could point to it and assure her that it was.

  Outcome: The Davidoff Stradivarius is still missing. Reward: $100,000. According to news reports, Valerie Bradford “keeps failing lie detector tests and doesn’t quite know why.” The question she keeps failing: “Do you know who took the violin?”