«What do you want, Khyla?»
«Nothing.»
«I think I know you, by now. You want to ask me something.»
The guy has got intuition. He reads in my mind as if he had a printed page of paper in front of his eyes. Yet he doesn’t understand that I don’t want him to tell me just one thing. I just want to know everything. Every detail of his past life that is still obscured to me, has to be clarified. Even if he could tell me something that could kill all my expectancy of a future with him. Even if reading in the folds of his past could annihilates me or provokes pain to me.
Even though I’m upset inside, I try to ask my question as if from the answer wouldn’t depend all my certainty.
«Answer me something. I miss a few element out of your story. You had a clandestine relationship with your stepsister, but it’s still unclear who has denounced you to the authorities.»
«To talk about a relationship is too much, Khyla. We were in love...»
That’s it! Just what I didn’t want to hear... I was hoping that between them there was only a strong physical attraction. Instead to hearing about him loving another woman that isn’t me, creates an inner movement of despair. It almost seems that my organs are collapsing and that I could become mush from one moment to the next. He continues to speak, without caring about my broken heart.
«Anyway we knew that we could have caused pain to our parents. Since the first time we made love, it was a continuous approach and getting away. To say the truth, it was mostly me to push her away. She felt offended, fell into the arms of some schoolmate and then returned to me and I couldn’t stay away from her. Then, one day...»
«Have you been caught?»
«Yes, our parents got back earlier than expected from a meeting. It’s been awful. They caught me in the highlight moment. It has been impossible to defend myself. Actually, I tried to tell them that Tracy and I were in love, but George called the police.»
«What about your mother?»
«You know what? I think this was the biggest disappointment of my life. She was crying, but she didn’t try to save me once. I think she believed I was a perverted. She let the agents take me away without moving a finger to defend me.»
«Maybe she was shocked.»
«Probably. Anyway I will never forget her. Hell! I’m her only son. I’ve always been a clever boy, never had strange ideas...»
«What I don’t understand is why had the law to persecute you so much? You were a first time offender and you two were just in love.» In love... I hate to use this word to describe the feelings of Matthew and Tracy, but it makes nonsense pretending otherwise and interpreting what he was feeling –and maybe still does- about her. To be in love... How I would like this to be for us... but I am just a body to satisfy his will, I’m a puppet that Matthew bosses around. I’m so depending on him that I don’t recognize myself anymore.
«I was not a first-time offender» replies him, and this affirmation leaves me surprised. A long series of questions is now in my mind. What mess did he make to have a criminal record? Who’s the man I’m dealing with? In what hands have I put my life? From this question emerges just one answer. Maybe I trusted him too much.
«I can see that you are judging me without knowing the facts. You are thinking that I’m a criminal making fun of you. No, unfortunately I’m not a hard-core criminal. I used the word unfortunately because otherwise I could better take in everything that is happening to me. When I was fourteen I was indicted because I helped Bart after he made a robbery. He already had a criminal report because he dealt some drugs. One day he went into a chemist shop wearing a full face helmet and black leather gloves and stolen the cash. Thank to my father’s colleagues, the police was about to take him. He was risking to go in a reformation jail. He implored me to turn myself in, in his place. He was sure that my father would never let me go in jail. So I agreed. The result? He was caught the week after organizing a gambling establishment and they sent him in a reformation jail, while I disappointed very much my father one week before his death. I still bear the weight of his pain on my conscience.»
I saw a tear running down his cheek. He soon wipes it away, but I know his heart is in turmoil.
«I’m sorry, Matthew. Anyway I think your father, anywhere he is, is looking at you and knows what a gorgeous man you are.»
«It would be nice, but I don’t believe it.» he dryly answers. «I hope I clarified all your doubt, now.»
«There’s one more thing I want to know. Why Tracy didn’t defend you? If she loved you, why she didn’t move a finger to show your innocence? She was very young, but in her place I would have move seas and mountains to save you.»
«About this I have no doubts, knowing your tenacity, but you couldn’t help me even with all the persistence of the world. Here in California, as you know, if a man at least four years older goes with a girl aged less than eighteen, it doesn’t matter if she consented having sex with him. And Tracy didn’t sit back. She made all the efforts to defend me. But any effort made before and during the charge was useless. I was indicted for abuse and pedophilia.»
«And the fact that she was pregnant didn’t help you? The judge should have been more indulgent. At least they could give you the opportunity to prove that you could have been a good father.»
«No, nothing of all this. In fact they interpreted it as an aggravating circumstance. Khyla, you liked me as soon as I met you because of your pure heart, but in the world there are a lot of wolves ready to tear you to pieces.»
I decide to stop asking. At every answer Matthew takes on an increasingly painful expression and I’m not feeling better. I keep wondering what the hell am I doing still here, next to him. I truly believe that I left all my neurons in los Angeles.
To lighten the sadness, I become ironical and say: «About wolves! I’m really hungry. Couldn’t we have breakfast in the motel?» I complain.
«You’re insatiable!... Luckily we still have some time before my appointment and we are in front of Starbucks. What would you like?»
«A chocolate muffin and a capuccino would be wonderful, thank you.»
Matthew gets out of the Volvo and I take advantage of the break to look around and to stretch my legs. This is the first time I’m in San Francisco. It’s a pity I can’t visit it calmly. I think we are in the Financial District. Mirrored windows feature the urban profile of this part of the city. Wherever I look, I see people walking fast among the skyscrapers standing out above our heads. Even though Matthew didn’t confirmed it, maybe we will really go to the bank to withdraw money on behalf of Carl Grasshopper and finally we can go to Mexico.
As I turn to look some more at the spectacle of this swirling city staring straight to the sky, Matthew joins me and hands me the cappuccino and the muffin.
«Hurry up. Our appointment is in twenty minutes.»
I support my back to the Volvo, quickly drink the cappuccino while I eat big muffin bites not to let Matthew get angry. Because of the hurry, I nearly choke myself with a piece of chocolate. All this hurrying up is killing me. I hate to be frightened. I can’t stand the anxiety. I’d like to stay calm, to look at the future with confidence, but I just can’t. Everything is going all right, and I would like to think that we were more wise than the Los Angeles Police, but I’m not going to deceive myself. Actually I know that the worst is yet to come. I know Fred very well and that, even though he’s an asshole, he does his job with commitment and dedication. I’m sure that he won’t have peace untill Matthew will be arrested. And when he’ll understand that I’m not a victim but an accomplice, it’ll be the end for me too.
CHAPTER 22
FRED
I finally arrived. I drove all night and I’m terribly tired. I leave the car and head to the motel. Seen from outside it doesn’t promise anything good. It’s an old-fashioned three floor structure very old and shabby. Maybe it’s better inside. As I get in, the first impression is confirmed: it’s a dive.
«At least it’s c
lean» I think touching the counter and seeing that there’s no dust on it. It’s for the best: my Khyla hates dirt and disorder.
There’s nobody, so I ring the bell and wait for some minutes. What a place! Where the hell the concierge is? I’m about to look at the register by myself and go straight to the bedroom where the kidnapper is hiding with Khyla. But I’m doing an unofficial investigation and I can’t afford to do so. I have to proceed with caution.
As I’m drumming on the counter with my fingers, somebody comes. A portly and bald man about forty, joins me with a smile.
«Good morning, what can I do? Do you have a reservation?»
«No» I say nervously.
The man looks at me questioningly and suspicious. «I’m sorry, but the motel is full. If you don’t have a reservation I can’t help you.»
«I don’t need a bedroom.»
These words seem to illuminate. Did he understand the situation without others explanations?
«Do you want to rent the bedroom by the hour? In this case I could have more availability.»
Forget it. He didn’t understand a fuck.
«Nothing about this. I only need a... confidential information» and pointing to the adjective I show him the badge. It’s better to be direct, otherwise I won’t conclude anything.
«What’s the matter, agent?» asks worried the concierge.
«I want to know if Carl Grasshopper and his companion slept here last night.»
«Let me see... Yes, but they left at half past seven this morning.»
What a pity! What am I going to do now? Without other clues to follow, I’m at a dead point. San Francisco is a huge city. How can I know what’s their direction? And who knows if San Francisco is their goal? They could be anywhere.
«Listen, do you mind if I go to have a look to the bedroom?» I ask in the attempt to find any trace.
The fat man nods and accompanies me through the long and narrow corridors of the motel. When we are in front of the room he opens it and let me in. I search everywhere, but I find nothing that can lead me to them. Meanwhile the man keeps talking and talking: «Listen, I don’t understand what those two might have done. I talked to them. They were so cute and in love. Do you know they are waiting for a baby? In my life I have never seen such a well assorted and affectionate couple.»
I avoid answering. The less I say, the best. Nevertheless I’m dwelling on what he said. He’s the second one who describes them as very much in love. How did that criminal persuaded Khyla to be his accomplice? She is one with the balls and she is very sincere. She couldn’t pretend so shamelessly. There could be just one explanation. The bastard should have drugged her. Maybe he gave her something to drink... one of those drugs they use to rape the girls. It can’t be otherwise.
As I leave the room without the slightest clue, my cell phone starts ringing.
«Jim, is it you? Yes, I’m at the motel, but they already leaved. I don’t know what to do now. I think I’m going back to Los Angeles... What? Really?»
«Yes, Fred. After you called, I remembered that San Francisco reminded me of something, so I checked.»
«Do you mean that...?»
«Maybe I’m wrong, but if I was in you, I would go to have a look.»
No sooner said than done, I greet the concierge and run to the car. This time they won’t escape.
CHAPTER 23
KHYLA
Matthew is driving through the busy streets and I’m trying to interpret his thoughts. It’s impossible! As far as I strive, he has self confessed even pretending that I don’t exist.
We are now in front of a skyscraper and he park the Volvo in the only empty place.
«Let’s go, Khyla. They’re waiting for us.»
As we go through the automatic door, I look at the plaques pointing to the various activities inside the building, trying to understand where he is leading me, but he goes so fast that I can’t read anything.
Luck is probably still on our side, because we can get to the lifts without arousing interest in anyone. Matthew presses the button of the twentieth floor. I notice that the lift has a glass paret looking outside. I cannot help but admire the vertical show of this area of the city. So, as the elevator rises fast, my gaze goes to the underlying road that moves away more and more and the optical effect produces a strong sense of nausea on me. I’m beginning to come out in a cold sweat, but Matthew’s hand squeezes mine and I feel better right away.
The elevator opens directly into a large office with a lot of employees who work hard. Some are answering the phone, others are working at the computer or looking at big sheets of paper with designes that... I don’t understand.
Matthew walks fast through the central corridor and goes straight to the end of the big office. He talks to a young woman with ear buds on, who looks at us boldly. She’s wearing a suit that surely costs as much as my poor penitentiary salary.
«You are mister...?» she asks to Matthew, meanwhile sending him clear subliminal messages. She crosses her legs, the chin resting on her hands, the languid eyes are all signs of her interest in my partner. Even though he has now dark eyes and bushy curly hair. If she knew what he was really like, she would certainly have already put her phone number in the pocket of his shirt. Instead, to me, she reserve a compassionate look, as if I didn’t deserve so much goodness. Of course the tiredness and the big rubber-foam belly are not helping, but I’m not so ugly. What a goose she is! If I could, I’d punch the face of that asshole to take away her pity expression.
«I’m Carl Grasshopper. I’ve got an appointment at nine.»
The receptionist starts playing with the pencil and to put the lip gloss in a sensual way. Then she speaks in the intercom to announce our arrival.
«Please, go in. The president is waiting for you.» she says with a reassuring big smile.
Approaching the door of the office, I notice that Matthew’s jaw stiffens, and I know this doesn’t promise anything good.
I decide to take over the reins of the situation. I open the door and enter the room greeting as cordially as I can. This surprises Matthew that follows me with a grim look. I’ve got the impression that is going to happen something irreparable.
In front of us there is the president sitting on the swivel chair, looking over the big window. He looks very much intent on observing some detail of the skyscraper in front of him.
«Please, mister Grasshopper, come in. Among the many opportunities, I think I have the apartment that suits you.»
Apartment? We are fleeing. What does he want to do? Is he buying an apartment? What a stupid idea...
The president suddenly turns and I can finally observe his face. He’s a good looking man with grayish hair, green eyes and a square jaw. He’s got a warm, charming smile, but when he looks at Matthew I can see on his face an expression of pure terror.
«Is it you? What are you doing here?» he asks with trembling voice, while trying to take the phone on his desk.
«Stop and nothing will happen to you.»
I don’t understand anything. I turn to Matthew and I too sink in a sensation of fear and horror. With a lightning movement he pulled the gun with which he kidnapped me. I don’t know why, but I was sure he got rid of it during the escape from Los Angeles. Yet he’s got it in his hand and he’s pointing it to an helpless man.
«Matthew, what are you doing? Put it down» I whisper.
«Leave me alone, Khyla. Hard ways works better, with certain people, isn’t it George?»
George? As soon as I hear this name, the ideas begins to clear up, but fear grows even more. Matthew organized this appointment to revenge on Tracy’s father, guilty of having him locked up in jail. My God! I soon will be witness of a murder!
«Go back with the swivel chair to the window, George. I’m not going to let you activate the alarm.»
He obeys keeping his eyes on the gun.
«What do you want from me, Matthew?»
«Guess it...»
«If you kill
me, you’ll be lost. The police will catch you and the judges will condemn you to the electric chair.»
«I’m not worrying about dying. And you, George?»
He removes the weapon’s safety and advances a few steps.
«Why are you doing this?» the man whispers and I would like to make the same question, but it is as if the words drained in my throat.
«You asking me? Do you know what does it mean to go in jail at 21 years old? What for? For following my heart?»
«That’s not true. You’re a pedophile. It’s just your fault if you went in jail. You ruined my daughter and squashed the respect I had for you. I welcomed you as a son and you betrayed my trust. You’re a bastard, a cruel man. You abused Tracy to satisfy your cravings.»
«No, you are wrong. I loved Tracy and still love her!» he exclaims aloud. To these words my heart goes in thousands pieces. Despite the things we are experiencing together, his thoughts are still all for her, after all this years. When he ends his confession, I see that Matthew still breaths heavily for a few seconds, then tries to recompose himself. When the anger seems to be over, he starts speaking calmly again.
«I’m not here to kill you, even though I’m not going to rule out that I will do it, if you force me. But I want to know where is Tracy now. My friends looked for her and they are sure she’s not in Los Angeles anymore.»
«I won’t tell you. I turned her away from me, to save her from your unworthy love. A real man would have told me what he felt, he would have told me his emotions. You, however, have done everything in secret. You didn’t have the courage to tell to me and your mother your feeling for Tracy. She doesn’t deserve a man without spine. She is now safe in another State.»
«You can’t do this to me. Yes, I was wrong. I was young and insecure. Yet it isn’t right for me, to pay for this. We could try to forget it all, once and for all. Help me, George. I want to see her, talk to her. I want to meet my son.»
I Don't Belong to You Page 10