«Matthew, is everything all right?» she asks, getting away from me.
«Yes» I say blethering, but actually I know that it’s a barren answer, without meaning. To be with her doesn’t mean the serenity that I always dreamed.
«As if I didn’t know you... I can see it by the way you move or speak. You are here with your body, but your mind is somewhere else. I want to know the truth, Matthew.»
I try to hide my anxiety showing a sureness that I don’t feel.
«There’s nothing to know. I’m here to ask you to run away with me. We’ll look for Mattie and then...»
Tracy sigh and takes a few steps away.
«And then what? Will we go to another nation and become a perfect family? Is this your proposal?»
«Obviously. I came to Hawthorne because of this. Why? Isn’t that what you want too?»
«Listen, I like your plan, considering that I love you as and more I did then. I lived the last three years remembering you as beautiful and sensitive, that used to embrace me with love and desire. Why are you offering me this opportunity? Why do you want to hurt yourself again? Do you know what I learnt during our separation? That even when we want that everything stays as it is, life force us to grow up, so, at a certain point, you begin to see reality with different eyes. When I was fifteen I could never imagine that you could love another woman in the future. But now that I’m a woman, it is evident that I could never make you happy. It is my fault if you were unjustly imprisoned.. If I accepted to escape with you, every minute spent together would bring us back to our drama of the past. We would live in the nightmare of losing our son. This is why you should go on without me.»
I look stunned at her, as if it was impossible that I really heard those words.
«You are speaking as if my opinion wasn’t important.»
«It isn’t true. The fact is that I know you very well. I can see it by the way you look at me, that something changed. Yes, you probably still feel very affectionate to me, but nothing more. I can’t escape with a person that doesn’t love me as I’d like to be loved.»
«Do you realize what you are saying? I loved you for years. Closed in jail, I didn’t lose myself just because I hoped to meet you again, sooner or later. I hoped to start where we were interrupted.» I say, but without conviction.
«Exactly, you did love me. But now? If you really love me, say that looking in my eyes, and I’ll believe you»
My head remains bent, I’m watching my shoes.
«You see? You’ve always been sincere. I know that you’d do what is right, nevertheless I’m not going to ask you for this sacrifice. We really loved each other and, in the name of our son, we’ll be linked for the rest of our lives, but it doesn’t make sense to stay anchored in the past.»
«So, according to you, what should I do?»
«Don’t ask to me. Ask to Khyla, hoping it’s not too late.»
«How do you know about Khyla?» I ask astonished.
«Everybody knows about you two. Did you think the media stayed with their arms folded? They didn’t reach me just because my father defended my privacy with all his strength. The journalists checked your life in all details. During your flight, they interviewed a lot of people. They all said that you seemed in love. So I understood that you weren’t pretending. Today I saw her and I must admit that I like her. A clever girl. The idea of giving me an appointment here writing it on a flyer it’s been genial. And until a few minute ago I could observe her expression while we were talking. She was hiding behind the slide at your shoulder.»
«Was Khyla really here?»
«Yes, she looked at the scene and ran away when she saw us embracing. If I was you, I would run to look for her.»
I’m beginning to tremble anxiously. She ran away, maybe misunderstanding my feelings. What if I couldn’t find her? What if she climbed on someone car and was far from Hawthorne, who knows where? I was just a crap. To chase the dream of the past, I lost the only woman who really matters to me. I admit that talking to Tracy helped me to open my eyes once and for all. I love Khyla! I want to stay with her, to get asleep in her arms and wake up with her hair on my face. What am I doing here, blocked by fear?
Tracy seems to read in my mind. She touches my shoulder and whispers: «What are you doing here? Go to look for her!»
«And what are you going to do?»
«Don’t worry about me. You can’t take other’s problem and try to solve them. You must take care of yourself. Now that we both have put a point in our story, I think I can manage. There’s a guy who has been courting me for some time, but I always refused because of the respect I owe you. I just think I’m going to give him an opportunity, now. I have the right to live my fairy tale. And now move on. I can’t stop you now that you find your freedom in Khyla’s eyes.»
Hearing these words, I feel reassured. I kiss her cheek and run away from the park, in search of the woman I love.
CHAPTER 49
KHYLA
I’m walking through the street of Hawthorne with my head lost in dark thoughts. Now that Matthew chose his companion, I must think about my future. It’s impossible to go back to Los Angeles and to my old life, to start again with my fake identity in a small village of the county it’s dangerous too. Perhaps I could be left in peace for a day, a week, a month or maybe a year, but I’ll always live with the anguish to be recognized as the girl that helped Matthew Ross to escape. I still think the best solution is to go to Mexico. I know a little bit of Spanish language, I could work in a tourist village as waitress. The road to the border is far farther than before, when we were in Los Angeles, but now that Matthew is out of my life, there’s not much else to do. I can also reach my new goal spending a few weeks.
While I’m thinking about my next step to go toward south, I wince when one hand firmly grips mine. Without having even the time to reason and scream, someone drags me in a blind alley covering my eyes with one hand and my mouth with the other, making my breathing difficult. The grip is so strong that I can’t even move. My God! Did I run into a maniac? Or is it Fred that managed to find me here too? I’m scared and I just wish Matthew was here, ready to fight for me.
I’m thinking how to bite the hand of the captor, when a voice comes to my ear.
«Where were you going without even greetings?»
In a moment I’m free and turn right away. So I find out that it’s Matthew.
«You scared me! I thought it was the police...»
«Sorry, but I couldn’t talk with you in front of everybody. It hadn’t been cautious. Let’s go back to us. Where were you going?»
«What are you asking for? I was going far away. Although I didn’t show it to you yet, I have my dignity. I noticed the way you were looking at Tracy, you embraced her with so much love and devotion. Besides, you were waiting for it for some years... And I really have nothing to do with you and can’t expect anything. I had been just a fool to let me go in this adventure, even though you’ve been clear since the beginning. You asked for my help without promising love, because you already gave it to another woman.»
He tries to argue, but I stop him: «I know that you took the right decision. Tracy is going to make you a happy man much more than I could. Nevertheless you can’t expect me to bear without suffering. I prefer to go away right now and try to forget you as soon as possible.»
He shakes his head, looking at me with tenderness.
«You just said a lot of bullshit one after another. Did you hear yourself? Of course I embraced Tracy with sweetness. We loved each other and we still are united by a special feeling. We grew up together and anyway she’s the mother of my son. Yet it isn’t true that you can’t make me happy. You did it since the first time I saw you. When I said that I only belonged to Tracy, I lied to you, but first of all, to myself. I was tied to the idea that I would be hers for the rest of my life. I think it’s also because of life in jail. It makes you hate the present and nullifies the idea of the future. In this condition you just
live projected in the past. But the time spent with her made me understand a lot of things. Tracy will always be the most important person of my life, but I want to go on... with you... I’ve already told you the other day and I repeat it today. Khyla, I love you.»
I look at him with eyes full of wander and my heart is overflowing joy. In spite of everything and everybody, Matthew is in front of me declaring his love. But there’s still something that doesn’t convince me. Maybe I’m just dreaming or he’s going mad. Perhaps he bumped his head and is no more able to discern the true from the false.
«Are you sure? I don’t think I could endure another disappointment.»
«Believe me, I’ve never been so sincere. And as we are confessing, I want to tell all the truth. At first my plan was to use you as a false hostage just to get out from Los Angeles. I was looking for the right place where to leave you, then Bart should have called the police that would have recovered you without any consequence. But then something went wrong. Every minute I spent with you, remained impressed under my skin. You became my drug. So, when we were in the motel, I called Bart and asked him to get you a new identity. He answered that he already did it. I don’t know how, but in the few days we observed you, when we were in jail, he understood right away that I wouldn’t had been able to let you go after hugging you.»
«I’d like to believe you, yet I’m so doubtfulness. How could I have eradicated Tracy out of your heart? I’m not so special...»
«Why are you so negative about yourself? Why don’t you understand how wonderful you are? You are the emblem of courage and determination, but you are also tender and passionate. When I say that I love you, I’m tremendously sincere. I like your enchanted look, your body looking for mine. I love the self-confident way you express your opinions, even the most uncomfortable. I like you even when you’re angry and wrinkles run on your forehead and your eyes are offended. And I can’t do without your madness. Only a crazy one like you would have thrown herself in an adventure like this, even imagining that I was really a criminal. This is why, when I say that I love you, you must believe me...»
Matthew kneels, take my hand and whispers: «Khyla, do you want to be my perfect accomplice... for life?»
Hearing these words I get antsy. There’s no more reason to deny my feelings for him. So I do the best thing I can do since I know Matthew. I help him to get up and hug him passionately, giving him a breathless kiss that he returns with love, that mix of passion and feeling that can transform a grey life in a full colored rainbow.
EPILOGUE
KHYLA
We still are in the blind alley, without knowing the next step. I look at Matthew with questioning eyes.
«Why are you looking at me like that?» he asks, giving me a quick kiss on the lips.
«Because we are wanted, without any means to escape. I wanted to ask if you made a plan.»
«No, not even one.»
He laughs aloud when he sees my startled face and, although continuing to imagine the worst scenery, I’m infected by his hilarity.
When we recover ourselves, I suggest:
«What if we try to call Bart? Maybe we could have some useful information to find your son.»
He gets upset and stays silent for many seconds, then begins to talk slowly, with a very low voice.
«I really would like to find and hug him. My vicissitudes prevented me from being a father to him. I’d like to see if the color of his eyes is the same as mine, if he’s got blond hair like Tracy’s. If he’s hilarious like his mother or thoughtful like me. But it wouldn’t be wise to start this adventure right away. You too know that when they won’t find our bodies under the avalanche, they’ll start again to look for us.»
«What are we going to do, then?»
«We have no choice, but to leave the Country as soon as possible. We should have done it as you said right away, but I had too many outstanding situations, to consider your project. The only choice is Mexico.»
To hear that word is enough to enlight me. If, as I hope, Matthew and I can cross the border, could start a happy life, become a couple for all intents and purposes. We’ll live drunk by love, deal with any difficulty together. Later, one day, when the dust settles down, we could cross the border again and look for little Mattie. I’m not an egoist. I think he has the right to know his son.
Hand in hand we go back in the road to look for our place in the world. We know where we want to go, but we can’t hypothesize how.
While we are trying to seek a solution, the powerful sound of a horn draws our attention and a familiar voice comes to our ears.
«Laura, John! What brings you to these parts? Didn’t you have a family reunion?»
I turn and see Annie that, once parked the food truck, run to us with open arms and a bright smile.
Within a few second my brain works out a credible answer.
«It ended up in the worst way. There was a terrible quarrel between Aunt Beth and Uncle Robert because of an inheritance. When we tried to pacified, they treated us badly, so we decided to go away.»
«Oh, I’m sorry! But, you know, there’s nothing to be surprised. Often it’s better to deal with stranger than with relatives. Thank to Heaven, I’m orphan and single daughter.»
While we are looking for a nice way to greet her so that we can reason about our problem, she asks
«Can you go back home? Did they repair your car?»
«Actually they didn’t. They said it would take a few more days.» says Matthew.
«If you want a passage, I’m going south.»
These words tickle my fantasy.
«Where, exactly?» I ask with fake indifference.
«To Tucson. I have to attend a street food show.»
Tucson? I don’t know much about Geography, but I know for sure that it isn’t far from the border.
«What a coincidence! We just wanted to go there, after the meeting with our relatives!» I exclaim convincing.
«If that is so, come on. I’ll bring you.»
We accept gladly. She opens the door and Matthew is ready to climb, when I take his hand and push him aside.
«No, John. You’d better sit near the window. The journey is long and you may get sick. You know, Annie, he suffers from car sickness since he was a child.»
She, frightened by the idea that he could dirty the cab because of a sudden sickness, let me go first. So, smiling, I sit near her. I’m diabolical. Now that we confessed our feelings to one another, I wouldn’t have accepted to let him sitting near her. No one can touch Matthew, even with the top of a finger.
Annie starts the engine and we leave for south, this time toward Mexico.
I squeeze Matthew’s hand feeling happy and satisfied. A new adventure with him? This is what I needed.
Of course our situation is difficult to handle. We still are wanted from the police and this will cause new obstacles and difficulties, but now that we have the certainty that nothing could break our love, we can deal the challenges of life bravely, together.
THE END
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
The journey is finished and I hope it gave you pleasant moments and some emotions. To me it gave the wish to really go to California, dress me in black to visit Compton, cross Tioga Road among the natural beauties of Yosemite Park and look up to see the Financial Street in San Francisco.
This is the magic of a book: it let you fly with your mind’s eye in places that maybe you’ll never go to visit.
And now that I gave you my story with a lot of emotion and some tears, I want to thank who was near me during the writing of this book.
I thank my family for the support and the patience. I spent time and sweat to write the events of Khyla and Matthew, getting to my husband and I some sleepless nights.
I must thank my four beta: Monica, Teresa, Vera e Fabiana, all of them extraordinary, even if Fabiana, from beta, has turned to be my editor, so my thank to her is valued twice, if not triple. I thank Vera also for the wonderful poetr
y she made as Foreword to my novel. In it there are all the feelings and the matters I wanted to transmit in the novel.
I thank the bloggers of Pretty in pink, that welcomed in their pages the cover reveal of my book, and the Books Finders, (in Italian Cercatrici di Libri) with whom I organized the promotional giveaway.
I also thank in advance the blogs that will indicate the out coming of the book, who will leave a comment on Amazon or on my FB page or even will only read the novel, because the real strength of the writers, are the readers.
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