by Caroline Lee
Jotting down her total, she compared it to Cam’s, and nodded approvingly. She straightened then, curious to see how her husband would react to her double-checking his work. But he didn’t look concerned. His hip was cocked against the doorframe, and he had his sleeves rolled up to reveal those glorious forearms, folded easily across his chest. Was it her imagination, or did the sunlight make him glow golden? She caught her breath, as she did at least once a day, realizing that she was married to the sexiest man in creation.
There was just the faintest grin—that crooked little one that always made her stomach tighten—on his lips, and a strange look in his eyes. They were soft, like he was looking straight into her soul, and liked what he saw. She was suddenly reminded of what he’d said on the way back from town, about how he had wanted her as soon as he’d seen her, and how he thought she was beautiful. When he looked at her like he was looking now, she felt beautiful.
Then, slowly, his gaze changed. His eyes were knowing, and sensual, and watching her like he wanted something from her… and wanted it now. Oh my. Tess swallowed past a suddenly dry throat, wondering how the man could make her want him with something as simple as a glance.
In an effort to distract herself, she blurted out, “I’m sorry! I probably shouldn’t have touched them, but your numbers looked so wrong. Your nines… and your sevens… and…” she trailed off when she realized what a mess she was making of the explanation.
Cam pushed away from the doorframe and stepped into the room. There was wariness now, on his face. “What?”
“I…” She took a deep breath, “I was cleaning, and your sums were incorrect, so I checked them.”
His face clouded with anger now, he crossed to the desk and frowned down at the open book, and all of her marks. She pushed away, and then forced herself to exhale. Cam might be angry, but he’d never hurt her. She’d noticed that her husband had strong emotions; his sudden bursts of laughter or lust were familiar and appealing. Likewise, he could turn angry in a heartbeat. She’d never seen him angry at her before, though.
Then he turned those green eyes on her again, and she realized she’d been wrong; Cam wasn’t angry at her. He was angry at the thought that his bookkeeping was off. She hastened to assure him. “They’re not as bad as I thought, though!” Golden brows drew in, and she bent back over the books again, in an effort to explain. “See? I was having a hard time telling your nines and fours apart, and sometimes your twos and sevens. But once I did, almost everything added up correctly.”
“Almost everything?”
“Well…” she sucked on her lower lip for a moment, and then flipped back three pages. Pointing at a column on the left, she followed it down to the last row. “I think you’re off a few dollars here.” Another page, another column. “And here, it looks like you overpaid Smitty in June by two dollars and seventy-five cents.”
His relieved chuckle surprised her, and he smiled at her reaction. His moods! How could he let go of his anger so quickly? He grabbed her left hand and brought her palm to his lips. “Two dollars and seventy-five cents, sweetheart?” She shivered at the endearment. “I thought you meant something big. Some big miscalculation.”
Frowning, she pulled her hand away. “You’re not so rich that you can afford to throw away money, Cam.”
“We’re not rich, Tessa, but we’re not throwing it away. What’s a few dollars, give or take?”
“’What’s a few…’?” Tess trailed off incredulously. “We can’t afford to live like that! Everything must be accounted for. That’s why your sums—and your atrocious handwriting—are so important!”
Chuckling now at her ire, he leaned his hip against the desk. “My records are always off by a few dollars, here and there.” He shrugged. “I’m not the best at sums, but I’ve managed to get by all these years.”
She gasped. She actually gasped aloud at the thought of trying to run a business with such an attitude. “Cam MacLeod! You owe Sebastian thousands of dollars—I’ve seen the contract!—and you’re not concerned with every penny? How could you possibly expect to run a ranch, to grow the Open Skye into your dream, thinking like that?”
He shrugged again. “Sebastian’s good at math, and I trust him not to cheat me. Like I said, my sums never balance perfectly anyhow. Sometimes I’ve spent a little more than I realized, and sometimes I’ve got more than I expected at the end of the month. I just deal with it.”
“’Deal with it’?” Tess didn’t care that she sounded like a parrot—a shrill parrot. She couldn’t help it. “Absolutely not. You married me, Cam. I’m part of the Open Skye now, right?”
He was still grinning when he nodded, but she didn’t let herself notice. Snatching up her pencil again, she plopped herself right back down in his chair. Not caring that he now towered over her, she pulled the ledger back towards her. “Then I’m going to do your books. No, don’t argue,” although he didn’t look like he was going to say a word. “I’m pretty good with sums, if I do say so, and my handwriting is considerably neater than yours. I will keep the Open Sky’s books, and I will make sure that we don’t lose even ‘a few dollars’.”
But she couldn’t keep up her act of pretending great interest in the numbers in front of her. Before long, she’d peeked up at him, to find that crooked grin back on his face. She stuck out her chin. “Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“Oh, am I allowed to, now?” he teased. She narrowed her eyes at him, and he chuckled. “I think that, since you’re so determined, it’d be stupid of me to get in your way.” He reached out, and brushed a rough finger over the back of her hand, where it lay on the ledger. “I admire that about you, Tessa. How determined you are. How strong. You’re just what the Open Skye needs.” Almost against her will, her gaze was drawn to his. “You’re just what I need.”
Turning her hand, she twined her fingers through his. “And you’re just what Jacob and I need.”
He squeezed, and smiled, and a sudden, certain thought sprang into her mind. Narrowing her eyes, she stood up. She tilted her head and glared up at him. “Cameron MacLeod. Did you just manipulate me into keeping your ledgers?”
Still smiling, he took her hand in both of his, and started drawing small circles on the back of it. “You’re better at it than I am, Tessa. I wouldn’t have asked you, but…”
She sighed. “But I could get affronted and demand to do it?” He shrugged, and didn’t look at all repentant. “Wait a minute. All of that ‘it’s just a few dollars’ nonsense? Surely that was all claptrap to get me angry enough?”
He grinned. “If I say yes, are you gunna take back the offer?”
She couldn’t help herself; she smiled at his teasing, and then sighed. “No. I’m going to do it. If nothing else, so poor Sebastian doesn’t have to read your writing.” He brought her palm to his lips again, and she felt his touch clear down to her toes.
“Thank you, Tessa.” A gentle tug, and she found herself leaning against him, her arms somehow wrapped around his middle. “Thank you for sharing in my dream. Thank you for sharing my life.”
He made her feel so right… so how to explain this nagging feeling that something was missing?
After the afternoon that she agreed to double-check the ranch’s ledgers out of pity, Cam spent almost every evening with Tess in his study. Sometimes Da joined them, but only when he had something he wanted to discuss. The older man preferred the privacy of his room, and that was fine with Cam, who wanted Tess all to himself. He’d hunch over the books at his desk while Tess put Jacob to sleep upstairs, and not really relax until she slipped into the study and took up her mending beside the grand leather chair by the cold hearth. He’d often quit his ponderous calculations then, and prop his boots up on the desk, and ask her about her day.
They’d talk about all sorts of things. He enjoyed hearing about her childhood; it didn’t seem especially happy, but it was interesting to hear about her father’s life and stories. In return, he told her all about his younger y
ears, growing up as part of a huge extended family, surrounded by resilient Highlanders. She seemed just as interested in his stories as he was in hers, and finally realized that she had no experience with a big family, and wanted to know all about it. Other times, he’d explain problems he was having on the ranch, or with the men, and she’d give him advice and opinions. Sometimes she was dead wrong in her approach—especially when it came to cowboy work—but she knew how to handle a business better than he did, and he would listen to her advice with an open mind. More often than not, he’d end up doing what she suggested.
One evening, he was struggling with numbers from his recent sale. Kelley and Sanderson had driven the contracted beef to Fort Laramie, and Colonel Gibbon had paid as arranged. The quartermaster up there knew that Open Skye beef was good meat, and jumped at the chance for more of it. Cam had written a letter to Gibbon with updates about his marriage, and hadn’t been too surprised when Tess had penned three pages to Mrs. Gibbon and her children.
So Sanderson had returned with long letters and a wad of cash, which Cam couldn’t balance out for the life of him. He found himself straining to hear Tess’s light footsteps on the stairs as she returned, knowing everything would be right when she joined him. But when she did, he didn’t let himself be distracted by the soft wave of femininity that followed her into the room. Instead, he narrowed his eyes and tried to figure out why he alternately had fifty-seven less dollars than he’d expected, or four extra head of cattle.
Finally, he dropped the pencil and growled in frustration. Tess put down her mending, or whatever it was she was bent over so industriously. It looked like one of Da’s shirts. “What’s wrong?”
Cam rubbed a hand over his eyes, and then stretched, groaning to feel the way sore muscles pulled across his shoulders. Sighing, he dropped his arms again. “I can’t make this payment even out.”
In a moment, she was standing behind him, looking over his shoulder. He wondered if she’d just been waiting to be asked, and felt his lips quirk into a rueful smile. He should have said something as soon as she came into the room. Then he felt her small, strong hands on his shoulders, and he stopped thinking altogether. Knotted muscles melted under her ministrations, and he groaned again. “God, Tessa…” The day’s tensions faded as he focused on the pleasure and release her hands brought.
“You’ve misplaced a six somewhere… right there.” He felt her bend over his right shoulder, and opened his eyes to see her pointing to an innocuous row of numbers halfway down the page. She turned a proud smile on him, and he chuckled. Reaching around, he pulled her into his lap and burrowed his face in the crook of her neck.
“I should have just let you do it from the start.”
“No, I was busy. But I’ll double-check your numbers for you.”
“Always, Tessa?”
“Always.” It sounded like some kind of vow, and he wondered if she knew it.
She was an amazing woman, and he appreciated the way that she made his life so… complete. Her help, her support, and her kindness had filled his home with warmth and laughter. He liked the way she always seemed to know what he needed. He liked the way she could make him smile with a touch, a word. He liked the way his heart tightened when he looked at her.
Like? Hell, he was in love with the woman. She was everything he’d ever imagined in a wife, and she completed him.
“Tessa, I…” love you. Why was it so hard to say? Because he didn’t know what she would say in return. She hadn’t given him any inkling about her feelings towards him. She’d hinted at being grateful, and seemed to enjoy his company. Lord knew she liked his body, his touch. But as far as he could tell, that was as far as her feelings went. She hadn’t mentioned love, and had been uncomfortable when he’d told her he was falling for her.
So he caught the words behind his teeth, and didn’t tell her his real feelings. Did that make him a coward? Maybe.
“What?”
“Thank you.”
“Of course!” She kissed him lightly on the forehead, and he had to smile then.
“You feel like checking the rest?”
“Sure.”
And so, Cam spent his evening with his wife perched on his lap, going over his spidery handwritten calculations, catching his mistakes and making him chuckle with her observations. He was amazed how happy it made him… but something was missing.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
They were wrapped around one another. Her heartbeat was still racing from the way his touch had made her feel, the ecstasy he’d brought her to. He had rolled off of her, and taken her with him. Now his cheek was tucked against her shoulder, his lips resting against her neck. She felt his heavy breathing, and knew that he was struggling to regain control as well. She smiled, knowing he couldn’t tell. It was empowering, knowing that she could bring such a mighty man down. She ran her fingers up his back and played with the curls at the base on his neck, and loved the way he shuddered at her touch.
Cam groaned lightly, and kissed her neck. “We have to stop doing this every night, Tessa. You’re gunna kill me.”
She laughed, and felt him move against her. “I don’t recall this being my fault, husband. You’re welcome to try to stay away.”
She felt him smile against her skin. “You know I can’t. I’m hooked on you, Tessa. I’ve fallen for you, sweetheart.” She stiffened. “Hard.”
Why did the thought of him being in love with her cause her to knot up inside? “Could you maybe try not to?”
He apparently didn’t like the hesitation in her voice, or her response, because he sighed, and burrowed closer. “Too late, love.”
She didn’t respond, and he didn’t say anything for the longest time. She thought he was asleep, there in her arms, until he yawned, and whispered again, “Too late.”
She fell asleep wondering what was wrong with her, that she couldn’t love him back.
What was wrong with him? How come Tess didn’t feel the same way about him that he did about her? He wondered if he should stop mentioning his feelings to her. If she was never going to love him, then he shouldn’t admit it to her. He didn’t want to be completely humiliated.
But it was too late. Somewhere in the span of their short marriage, he’d fallen completely in love with her. He thought that he had been in love before, but knowing Tess, knowing what they shared, had made him realize that what he’d felt for Serena had been… laughable. It hadn’t been love. It hadn’t even been close to love. It had been a vague sense of desire; desire mostly for what she represented. But with Tess… with Tess it was different. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, and when they were together, he couldn’t stop himself from touching her. He loved the way she made him feel. He loved the way she was so serious all the time, and then could burst into laughter at the most surprising things. He loved her devotion to her son, and her growing devotion to his dream.
Yeah, he loved her alright, but he wasn’t going to lay his heart open for her to wreck. It was hard enough to watch her close up, to turn away when he hinted at his feelings. He didn’t know how he would feel if he told her the full truth and she changed the subject, or worse, dismissed his feelings.
A whistle cut through his musing, and he realized he’d been staring at the rear end of a longhorn for the last forty minutes. He pushed his hat back on his forehead, and scanned the rise. A horse and rider were picking their way towards him. As they got closer, he recognized Nate Barker. He and his brother owned the spread north of the Open Skye, and were good friends of his.
“Hey Cam. I was hoping to find you.”
“Yeah?”
The younger man smiled slightly. “Yeah. Who’d you think mentioned to Kelley that these beeves needed moving?”
Cam chuckled. “I wondered where he’d got the idea. The kid means well, but he just can’t seem to remember anything. When he said they were too far from the creek, I figured I’d better check it out myself.”
“I thought so. I told Ash I’d check on how tha
t fence is holding up west of here.” Nate and Ash raised and trained horses—mainly broken mustangs—and sold them for a tidy profit. They let many of their animals run semi-wild on their fenced spread, and kept track of them ‘til they were ready to be fully broken. Because the horses ran in herds, they’d started fencing in their land before Cam did. Now they shared some stretches of fence.
“Well, thanks. You were right. This group is stupid enough to suck mud when the creek’s still flowing.” Cam jerked his chin towards the dry streambed and rolled his eyes. “I’ll push ‘em west.”
“Figured as much.”
The two men sat in companionable silence for a minute, and then Nate swung down. “I’ve got a pretty filly I’m saving for you, you know.”
Cam laughed as he swung down as well. It felt good, after such somber thoughts. “And you know I can’t afford another one of your horses. Thanks for the offer, though.”
“She’ll make a fine cutter.”
With the fences up, there would be fewer round-ups, and thus less need for a horse specially trained to ‘cut’ cattle from the group. Still, a good cutter—especially one trained by the Barkers—could be priceless. It was tempting… “Alright, I’ll take a look at her. But no promises.”
Nate shrugged. “I’m not selling her to anyone else. Next time you visit, I’ll point her out.” He uncapped his canteen, and took a long swallow.
Wishing there was some shade nearby, Cam, stretched out his long legs in the dry Wyoming grass, and lay back, adjusting the brim of his hat to protect his eyes. “Sorry I haven’t stopped by in a while. I keep meaning to.”
“You’ve been busy, I hear.” Nate joined him in the grass, pulling out a piece of jerky to chew on.
“Yeah? What have you heard?”
Around a mouthful, Nate replied. “That you got married.” His drawl was familiar, and Cam could hear his friend’s slow grin. “Molly’s angry that you didn’t mention it. She had to hear about it from Serena.”