by Caroline Lee
“Congratulations.” He turned to Cam and offered his hand. They shook, and then Ian pulled his son into a hug.
“Thank you, Da. We’re excited.”
“Good. Ye should be.” He shook his head, almost disbelievingly, and sat back down. “Another grandkid.”
She knew that Ian and Jacob—Jake, as he called him—had become close. The boy seemed to love having someone else who doted on him, and the old man was surprisingly patient. He’d sit and teach Jacob all sorts of things he needed to know about living in Wyoming, and didn’t seem to care when her son got distracted. Still, there was bound to be a different connection with this baby, wasn’t there? This baby would actually be of his blood.
“How many grandchildren do you have?” Cam had told her all about his older sisters, married years ago in Ontario, but she couldn’t remember all of his nieces and nephews.
“Between my three girls, I’ve got eleven grandkids. The oldest, Robert, is close to twenty, but then, Beth got started early.” The youngest of ’em is turnin’ five this winter.” She was amazed that he could keep them all straight, having not even met the youngest ones. “Jake is my youngest grandkid, and now he’s going to be a big brother.” Tess smiled—it seemed that she couldn’t stop smiling this morning—when she realized that he was including Jacob with the rest of his family. It was amazing to her how easily the MacLeod men had accepted her son.
Shoveling another bite of porridge into his mouth, Ian pointed a spoon at her. “Well,” he said around the food, “That explains Tessa’s unnatural giddiness.” She giggled again, and he smiled.
He was right; she was happy. For someone who usually kept her emotions carefully controlled, all of this smiling and giggling felt odd to even her. But she couldn’t help it. She was happy.
Joshua’s death had been hard for her to bear, and not just because she was left alone to birth his son in the middle of the untamed Montana Territory. He had been her friend since they were both children, since he helped her father in the family store. He’d known her youthful secrets, and had been her dearest friend. When he died, it was like losing that last connection to her childhood. She had mourned his loss, because she’d miss him… and because she’d now have to start over all alone, with an infant.
After she’d birthed Jacob, she’d known there’d be no more children for her. No other man would be as accepting of her mixed blood as Joshua had been, and she could barely support the two of them as it was. Jacob was enough for her, and she cherished her time with him, knowing she wouldn’t have any other children.
But now! Now she had a husband and a home and a life, and was going to have another baby. The pregnancy would explain her weariness and achiness that she’d attributed to getting used to life on the ranch. Last night, after Cam had fallen asleep with his arms around her, she’d counted back, and figured that she’d gotten pregnant soon after their marriage. That meant that the baby would be born in the spring. He or she was a symbol of their new beginning here outside of Cheyenne.
She was startled from her musings when Cam slipped one arm around her middle, pulling her close. Jacob chose that moment to transfer allegiance from his Daddy to her, and threw himself against her shoulder. Cam chuckled and braced her, and then dropped a quick kiss to her head. Turning to the stove, he scooped himself a big bowl of the porridge, and when he sat down, his father passed him the honey. They were so alike in their habits and mannerisms, in spite of Ian’s grumpy tendencies and Cam’s cheerfulness.
“Well,” he said around a mouthful of breakfast, as Tess sunk to a chair to cuddle Jacob, “I guess we’ll have plenty to be thankful for this year.”
Ian jabbed his spoon towards his son. “Yer darn right, ye do. The Lord’s blessed ye—” he gestured to Tess as well, “blessed ye both—and Thanksgivin’s the time to appreciate it.”
“Thanksgiving?” Tess knew it was a holiday in the fall, but only because women would come into her parents’ store to buy extra provisions at that time of year. It sounded a bit like Christmas, what with all of the eating that supposedly went on. Her family had never bothered to celebrate it.
Both men were staring at her in surprise. “You mean you didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving?”
She shrugged, a little self-consciously. “We never really celebrated much. There was always work to be done, or money to be saved.”
Ian’s laugh was more of a bark. “But it’s been a holiday for twenty years! Yer President Lincoln made it official here, but we celebrated it even back in Glengarry. It marks the harvest an’ all of the good foods comin’ out of the fields. Ye’re supposed to take a day of rest an’ eat yerself stupid and give thanks for yer blessings.”
He looked like he was still waiting on an answer, but she didn’t know how to explain. In a family trapped between two cultures, few holidays were celebrated. Her mother got Christmas, and her father got the lunar New Year, and everyone celebrated birthdays. But otherwise, they focused on supplying goods to other celebrators. Instead of saying all of that, though, Tess just shrugged again. “My mother always said we were blessed to be able to work hard.”
Cam had finished shoveling his breakfast in, and crossed to the basin to drop in his dirty bowl. He squeezed her shoulder as he passed, as if to tell her that he understood. She was more grateful for his gesture than she would have thought. He was such a kind man that it sometimes brought tears to her eyes. “Tessa’s first Thanksgiving will have to be special, Da. What do you think?”
“I think ye’re right. I’ll see what I can do with her.”
Cam was still smiling when he dropped a kiss to her forehead. She turned her face towards his, and eagerly accepted a more wifely good-morning kiss. As always, his kiss made her heart clench, despite the distraction of Jacob trying to pull the buttons off of her blouse. Cam finished with another light peck, and a wider smile. “Have fun with Da. And rest today, Mrs. MacLeod.” He took his coat down from the hook and pulled it on. On the way out the door, he turned to her again. “And try to figure out soon that you love me, okay?” Then he was gone again.
Ian’s brows were drawn in when she looked back at him, and he seemed on the verge of saying something about his son’s final words, but he must have changed his mind. Going back to his breakfast, they sat in silence for a few minutes. Well, except for Jacob; even having a cold couldn’t keep him quiet, and he chattered in his own language without any input from his mother.
Hopefully her father-in-law wasn’t going to push the subject. He probably wouldn’t understand why she didn’t love his son; why she couldn’t love him. Cam was wonderful, and Ian knew it, and so he knew there was something wrong with her. He was probably appalled that she was married to a man she didn’t love; he’d been in love with his wife for thirty-five years of marriage. In fact, he still spoke lovingly of her, and she’d been gone for five years now. No, he wouldn’t understand Tess’s inability to love her husband.
So she breathed a sigh of relief when he stood to take his bowl to the wash basin, and then rested his hip against the counter, his stance so like his son’s. “So ye’ve never celebrated Thanksgiving before? Ye interested in helping me cook this year?”
“Yes!” Was her agreement a little too forceful? That’s okay; she was pleased he was changing the subject. “Just tell me what to do, Da, and I’ll try.”
A nod, and Ian disappeared for a minute. She put Jacob down on the floor to play—although he wasn’t his usual energetic self—and started doing the washing up. Her father-in-law returned with a piece of paper and a pencil from Cam’s study. Sitting at the table, he began to list aloud the ingredients they’d need to make a special meal. She was drawn into his musings, and started to make her own offers, which he wrote down. The fact that he was giving her ideas credence made her feel more comfortable with the holiday planning, and she started to make other suggestions. Soon they had a menu planned, and a shopping list for the next time they went into Cheyenne. Tess was amused by the ritual of the menu; Ian m
ade it sound like they had to have certain foods in order to make it a traditional Thanksgiving. It was probably more to do with what he was used to than any sort of prescribed meal. Still, it made her smile to see his intent planning.
After the menu, they discussed who to invite. Everyone at the Open Skye would be there, of course, but he asked if she wanted to invite anyone else. She hesitantly suggested the Carderocks and the Selkirk ladies, because she didn’t know too many others. He scowled, and she hastened to take back her suggestion.
“Nah, we’ll invite them.” He wrote down their names. “But if Serena comes, she’s bound to bring those interferin’ old biddies.” Tess didn’t quite smile at his description of Agnes and Agatha, but it was close. “They’re always tryin’ to marry me off.” A giggle escaped then, and Tess was pleased to see Ian smile in response. “An’ how about the Barkers? They might have their own celebration planned…”
“Yes, please! Everyone was so welcoming to Jacob and me, and I’d love to have the chance to repay them.”
“Fine, fine.” He wrote down their names, and did a headcount. “Well, if everyone comes, we’ll need more food, but the ladies will bring some too. Ye’ve never tasted anything finer than Molly’s desserts, so let’s hope she comes.”
“She brought a cake when she visited, and it was the most delicious thing I’ve ever had.”
“Yep. Amazin’ that she can handle three little ones an’ a cake an’ not trip or anythin’.”
Tess smiled then, slightly. “Well, she seems like an amazing woman.”
To her surprise, Ian reached across the table and patted her hand. “Ye are too, Tessa MacLeod. We’re lucky to have ye.”
His words caused a blush to rise up her neck, but she didn’t have a response. Instead she just gripped his hand and squeezed it. He squeezed back, and then grinned proudly. “All these people better show up, so I can tell them all about my latest grandbaby!”
Jacob chose that moment to hit himself in the head with a wooden spoon and began to cry. The sweet interlude with her father-in-law was over, but as she exasperatedly tried to comfort her son, the sense of peace remained. Ian approved of her and cared for her, no matter her feelings towards his son.
She kissed Jacob and gave him a piece of bread to quiet him. Placing her hand over her stomach, she wondered what life was going to be like this time next year, when she had two little ones to care for. The thought made her terrified and excited all at once. She was going to have a baby. She had a husband who said he loved her, and a son who was growing up strong in his new home. She had a purpose and shared a dream with her husband, and she had a father-in-law who approved of her. She had more than she could have imagined only a few months before.
So why did she feel like something was missing?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
He couldn’t figure out if she was being stubborn or just plain ignorant. Nah, that was too harsh a word; Tess was pretty sharp. But she didn’t seem to recognize her love for him. He figured that she needed some kind of epiphany, to make her understand that “love” was nothing more than comfort, acceptance, mutual goals, and concern. And she showed him every day that she felt those things.
It was a good thing that he was a pretty confident man; otherwise he would’ve started to doubt his conviction as the weeks passed and she still didn’t reply to his now-ritual “I love you, Tessa.” He didn’t want to push her. He wanted her to figure this out of her own. To that end, he tried everything. He kissed her around his father and the cowboys, and touched her enough to make her breathless. He was solicitous and caring, and he made sure that she was happy. And she did the same in return, eagerly matching his kisses and caring for his comforts. But Tess just couldn’t seem to figure out that if he was doing it because he loved her, then she must be doing it because she loved him. It was damned frustrating, but Cam took Molly’s words to heart, and vowed to be patient.
They went to Cheyenne again to visit Sebastian and Serena, and catch up on all the news. Sebastian had gotten an earful from his wife after their last adventure, and Cam figured the least he could do was commiserate, after he’d dragged Sebastian into the mess in the first place. Serena was teaching literature at Sebastian’s school now, and Sebastian had been tapped for the headmaster’s position. It sounded like a boring and stuffy job to Cam, but there was a reason he never bothered to finish school. He knew Sebastian would enjoy it, if he took the position, and that he’d probably do great things for the kids in Cheyenne. It was good to see the Selkirk ladies, too; Agnes—or maybe it was Agatha—made a point of asking after his father, and tittered when Cam mentioned he seemed less grumpy since Jake joined their family. They were thrilled to get Tess’s invitation to Thanksgiving dinner, and immediately accepted.
As they were leaving, he realized that Serena hadn’t mentioned Tess’s pregnancy, and he asked his wife about it on the way out of town. Jake was sitting on his lap, driving the team happily, and Tess was relaxing beside him. In response to his question, she just smiled slightly—that little grin of hers that was usually the only indication if she was happy—and said “I thought you might like to announce it at Thanksgiving.”
Freeing one hand from Jake’s, he wrapped his fingers through hers. “We announce it together, Mrs. MacLeod.”
“Deal.” She squeezed, and he felt his heart squeeze as well.
Apparently she was serious about not spilling their secret, because she didn’t mention it to Molly either, when he finally got around to taking her and Jake to visit “Mr. Barker’s horsies”. The two of them really enjoyed themselves, and even though he had to take another full day away from his responsibilities, it was worth it to see their excitement. And to be honest, he’d probably walk across hot coals for a chance at some of Molly’s baked goods. That woman could cook.
He left the womenfolk with the kids, and went to find Ash and Nate. The two men were in the corral behind the largest stable, taking a break from whatever magic they normally worked with the mustangs. They were happy to have the bottles of cold beer he brought, and drank in companionable silence until Nate asked how things were going with Tess. Cam took that as an invitation to spill out all of his woes, and appreciated the way they listened.
Leaning against the fence, Nate seemed unwilling to meet his eyes, but just took another slug of the beer when Cam finished. Ash twisted the bottle in his hands, and then looked out at the two mares comforting each other in the shade of the corral’s only tree. He was quiet, but Cam could see him thinking.
“Seems to me,” Ash finally said in that slow drawl of his, “That you need to show her what being in love means.”
“Like I haven’t been?” Cam tried not to scoff, but Ash wasn’t telling him anything he hadn’t already tried. He turned to Nate. “You got anything obvious to add?”
The younger man snorted. “If I knew anything about women, do you think I’d be stuck moping after a gal who’s obviously moved on?”
The reference to Nate’s trouble with Wendy brought a sympathetic frown to Cam’s lips. At least his wife loved him, even if she didn’t realize it. He sighed.
“Well then,” Ash wasn’t discouraged, “Just teach her.”
“What?”
“Get her alone, away from everything, and teach her what it means to be in love. Explain it to her…”
Cam’s brows rose as he considered the implications, but Nate interrupted his thoughts. “Yeah, and if that doesn’t work, just tell her that she loves you and that’s that.” The younger man straightened as his brother and Cam turned identical amused looks on him. “What?”
Ash’s snort was mocking. “You really don’t know anything about women, do you?” All three of them laughed at that, and Cam felt the tension drain away.
Later, riding beside his wife on the way back to their home, he thought about Ash’s advice. He could do it. He could get Tess alone, maybe something simple like a picnic. He could explain his feelings, and why he felt the way he did, and help her to und
erstand her feelings for him. It was straightforward, and maybe even easy. He’d ask Da about watching Jacob for the day, sometime soon. If Cam worked hard for the next few days, he could make up for the wasted day at the Barkers, and still have extra time for a day alone with his wife.
He found himself getting excited at the possibility. Not just at the thought of her finally understanding this love they had for each other, but at the chance of spending a whole day with just her. As much as he loved Jacob, the little boy had been a part of their lives since they met. The only time Cam had alone with Tess was after the day’s work was done and the boy was in bed. Of course, Cam put that time to good use—he felt his jeans getting a little tight just thinking about what they spent their time doing—but it never seemed enough. He wanted an entire day with her; a day to learn more about her, to discuss their futures and their pasts and their feelings. He wanted to touch her in broad daylight, to see her reactions under the Wyoming sun.
He wanted to teach his wife how to love him.
It was two days before Thanksgiving. Da had told her that the holiday was traditionally held on the last Thursday of November, per President Lincoln’s decree, and Tess had been amazed that he could remember something like that. He hadn’t even lived in America until five years ago! But Ian was a font of historic trivia, and often kept Jacob spellbound with stories from ancient Rome or his own native Scotland. Tess herself had been a small child when the War Between the States ended and Lincoln was killed, and she’d never celebrated Thanksgiving. She’d have to take Da’s word for the date.
She’d been busy for the last few days with cleaning the house and prep work for the meal; Ian had her chopping herbs, cubing old bread, and peeling potatoes to use on Thursday. He said it was easier to cook for that many people if you had all of your ingredients prepared ahead of time. Again, Tess just had to trust him, since she’d never had to make a meal for so many people before. Molly had sent a message via Nate last week that the Barker family and Annie would be pleased to join them for Thanksgiving, and that Molly would be bringing desserts. Tess had breathed a sigh of relief at that last part; she’d been terrified at the thought of having to bake for Molly and have the older woman compare their pies. Now she could just focus on following Da’s instructions for the main meal.