Lucy laughs, jiggling against my side. She doesn’t move her head from my chest, though. I’m starting to wonder if it was such a good idea to make physical contact. But I stay put because I sense this is a crucial moment.
“She is awful. But she’s right. I want to hurt people.”
“Lucy—” I start, pulse speeding up in anticipation of what she may say.
“I know, you just told me what I want isn’t okay,” she says, pulling back just enough to look up at me. “But what if the person I want to hurt is bad?”
I swallow, not trusting my words at this moment. She continues anyway.
“The person I want to hurt is the worst person I know. You hate her, too.” Lucy gets up on her knees and throws her arms around my neck.
I stay perfectly still, wishing I could freeze time and come back once I’ve thought of the right thing to say to stop this.
“I’ve been thinking about what went wrong with my spell when I tried it on my dad. I used a spell from my book.” She whispers the secret like it’s something special between us. “I think I was scared and that’s why it stopped. But if it’s someone horrible—someone like Ms. Alvarez—I won’t be so scared.”
“Lucy,” I grasp her hands firmly and hold her at arm’s length to make sure she pays attention. “If you were afraid, it’s because you didn’t want to hurt your dad and because you knew it was wrong.”
“Exactly.” She smiles and slides off the bed, skipping toward the door. “I’m glad you understand, Josh. It has to be someone deserving. And no one I know deserves it more than her.”
Chapter 22
Grace
Like most children, Kobe warms up when I give him genuine attention. The poor guy’s so good at disappearing because he’s practically invisible in his huge family between all his brothers and sisters. Considering all the tragedy they’ve had to deal with and the financial situation his mother carries on her shoulders, it’s no wonder he was leaning toward evil. Evil is easy—that’s one thing Ms. Alvarez taught me that I believe to be true.
Kobe isn’t perfect, nor would I expect him to be. I’m impressed with the lengths he’ll go just to impress me, though. I find him charming and smart. I believe his dark side is born of neglect and being witness to such violence so young. He’s accepted it as a norm he must take part in.
We’ve stopped at a restaurant off 8 Mile Road so Kobe will have both a place to work and a chance to eat something warm. I take a sip of steaming coffee from the chipped, ceramic mug and the waitress comes over to top off my cup.
“Let me see your work,” I coax, having caught him doodling on the papers filled with math problems I gave him. I downloaded an assessment off the internet so I can see where he’s at.
He hands the papers over and sips at the soda I bought him with his hamburger for lunch. The kid’s a bottomless pit. He stuffs the three cheap crayons that came with the kids’ menu into his jacket pocket while I look over his work. The jacket was from me as well. We went to the nearest thrift store and picked out a few things he needed.
“You did this all by yourself?” I ask, shocked. Unless the waitress is secretly prone to helping nine-year-olds cheat on tests, he can’t have had help.
He nods, staring at me, a silent challenge to call him out and lose his trust.
“I believe you,” I say, leaning closer over the plastic, orange booth’s table. “It’s just that this assessment goes from simple math to pretty complex math, Kobe. It’s incredible how far you got. Where did you learn this?”
Kobe shrugs and sips at his soda some more before answering. “I help my sister with her homework sometimes.”
“But you had to have learned it somewhere, right?”
He sinks down in his seat. “I listen. A lot. I listen to everyone I can and I read whatever I get my hands on.”
I smile at him and enjoy the way his eyes sparkle when he returns it.
“Grace,” he starts, “why are you spending so much time with me? If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that nothing good is free. And you’re too good to believe.”
I lay a hand on his and squeeze. “I am quite real and I like you, Kobe. What other reason do I need?”
“Shit, I shouldn’t look a gift-horse in the mouth and all that, but you keep twisting your hair and getting that lost-in-thought look. That’s what my sister does when she’s avoiding something. So what are you avoiding?”
I freeze, caught off guard. I feel the smile melt from my face.
“It’s none of my business, right?” he asks, straightening up again.
“No. You’re right, Kobe. I am avoiding something. A lot of somethings, actually. But mostly I’m avoiding the thing that’s bothering me most because I’m forbidden from fixing it.” My words sound bitter, which surprises me. I’m opening up to a kid when I should be having this conversation with Josh. He was supposed to love me. He was supposed to be there for me—forever. But now he’s with Hope. My throat tightens when I imagine his strong arms pulling her close like he used to do with me.
“How forbidden is it?” he asks. “Sometimes rules got to be broken. Sometimes…if it’s worth it.”
I swipe at the escaped tears and pat his hand again. “Have I mentioned how smart you are?”
“A couple times. But I like it.”
We share a nice moment; his face is open and happy like a boy’s should be, not closed and dark. I’m proud that I’ve helped him already and eager to keep going. Kobe can be a great man someday with all his talents.
I’m about to order another round of fries for our study session when the door to the diner swings open, the bells jangling in chaos. Two men enter. Both are in gang colors, which Kobe taught me to watch out for. These are rivals of his brother’s gang. One has a gun gripped casually in his left hand. The dull metal shows frequent use and I don’t like the way he taps it carelessly against his thigh.
They’re loud and obnoxious. Every other word is fouler than the one before. The one without the gun catches sight of us and I stay still, hand firmly on Kobe’s to let him know not to freak out.
“Hey, it’s Jon’s little brother!” The one without the gun saunters over, eyes fixed on me all the way. He shoves Kobe’s head in an almost-playful way. I notice the waitress is nowhere to be seen.
“What you doin’ with this fine lady, Kobe?” he asks, sitting in the booth next to Kobe and forcing him over to the side. “Shoot, you on the wrong side of the tracks, girl.”
I smile politely as his friend helps himself to a beer from behind the counter. “I’m right where I’m supposed to be, thank you. I’m pretty sure you two should be in school, though.”
He laughs. It’s so loud and crazy I fight the urge to cover my ears. “You’re funny! But you know,” he gets serious suddenly, leaning forward over the table, and I smell cigarettes and alcohol, “this is our territory and I’m happy to offer you protection, especially seeing as you’re connected to my man, Jon.”
“Well, that’s very kind of you,” I say, still sizing up the situation.
“I’m nice like that when it comes to pretty ladies. But I expect you to be nice in return. You know what I’m sayin’?”
I have a feeling I do. “Right now I’m busy with Kobe,” I say.
He slams both hands on the table as his friend joins us at the end, preventing our escape. “I say who’s busy doing what around here. You got that, ho?”
“Don’t you call her a ho,” Kobe says. His voice is clear and much stronger than I would have expected. I shake my head a little to tell him not to interfere.
“She either a ho or a bitch cuz that’s all there is.” He rubs Kobe’s head and shoves it a little more than playfully toward the wall. “I sure as Hell hope she ain’t no perv, hanging out with a kid like you.”
“Look,” I say, standing in the tight space between the guy with the gun and the table. “We don’t want any trouble. I’m just trying to tutor Kobe. So go enjoy your beer.”
The
one with the gun presses closer to me, pinning me with his body against the table. He points the gun, tilted sideways, at my chest, but I continue to stare him the eyes. I have nothing to fear.
“I’ll tell you what, bitch. You take off your shirt and we’ll let you have ten minutes with Kobe. You get ten minutes for every item of clothing you remove. But when you out, you out.”
I laugh. “Strip poker without the poker? No way. I’m going to ask you one more time to leave.”
“Then what you gonna do?” The other guy stands, too, pressing into my side. I’m overwhelmed with their stench and I cough.
Before I can answer, Kobe is over the table. He’s got the steak knife from his burger plate and he brandishes it in the unarmed boy’s face.
“Back off, Ern. You need to learn some manners. Now y’all leave her alone.”
“Whoa!” Ern holds up his palms and backs away. “This is a shame, you know that?” he says. Kobe’s small body presses into my side as he holds out the knife toward the gunman.
“Put it away, Kobe,” I say. “Listen to me.”
“I’m not gonna let them hurt you,” he says.
The gunman backs up and lowers the gun an inch. I let out a sigh of relief. “It is a shame.” He shakes his head as I put a hand on Kobe’s, guiding his fist down to the table so the knife is no longer a threat.
“It’s a shame,” he continues, “because Jon already lost a brother. Then again, he got, what, fourteen more?” He laughs.
“We’ll go,” I say, hating these boys. “We’ll get out of your way.”
“Hell no,” Ern says, joining his friend.
I look him in the eyes, forcing my will on him. “You’ll let us go and never bother Kobe or his family again.”
“You really need to learn how this works,” Kobe says, shaking his head in my peripheral vision. He lunges at the gunman before I can grab him and the shot shatters the air, my ears ringing from the noise. Kobe falls to the ground at my feet, crimson liquid oozing from beneath him.
I’ve never felt so angry. I strike out at the gunman, ripping the weapon from his hand, and lift him easily into the air by his neck, ready to crush his windpipe with one squeeze. His glamoured friend flees, sending the bells on the door into a frenzy. The man in my grip wheezes, gasping for breath, eyes filled with terror. And then I freeze, suddenly scared.
I’m scared of myself.
I back up, dropping him so that he lands on his knees, sucking in air. I catch his eyes and glamour him to call 9-1-1 and turn himself in to the police. To turn in all the names of the gang members, including his buddy.
He leaves, and I drop to the ground and gather what’s left of Kobe in my arms. I will him to heal, but inside I know that it’s too late.
“No!” I scream. “He was good. Why?” I sob into his head, rocking him in my lap while the gunman makes the call to turn himself in.
I don’t care about that. I just care about Kobe and now he’s dead. He had so much promise, so much to live for. And what about his mother? His brothers and sisters? I should’ve stopped those boys the minute they came in. I shouldn’t have waited and tried to convince them to do what was right.
When I hear the sound of sirens I set Kobe’s body gently on the floor and transport myself to where I need to be. Kobe was right: sometimes rules have to be broken. I’m not letting anyone else die while I do what’s “right,” damn the consequences. I’ll deal with Mr. Griffith later. I’ll convince him that it was worth it.
I’m coming, Noah.
Chapter 23
Keira
“So what kind of deal did you make with Lucifer?” Noah asks, pulling me into his arms.
“I told you. I didn’t—at least, not the kind you did. I never knew him during my life. I died and then he offered me the job.” I cuddle in closer, inhaling his scent, all minty and fresh from the shower. It helps me forget Josh and how much our conversation bothered me.
“I wonder how he finds the right people,” Noah says, pressing his nose into my hair. I feel…safe. Come on, Keira. How many men did it take to learn your lesson? Damn. Lucifer really did a number on me with that punishment.
“Mmmm,” I mumble. “It’s his business to know all the souls and which ones are capable.”
“Well, I can’t blame him for seeing something special in you, Keira. Do you have another form?” he asks, laying me back on the bed and towering over me. Fine with me—he can take up my whole world. “You know, like a monster or something?”
I giggle. “Not unless Lucifer wants me to. He gave me the power to change into another girl recently. But she’s no monster.”
“Let’s see,” he challenges.
I sigh and force the change, hoping he won’t like this body better than mine.
He shakes his head. “Beautiful, but not my type. I like the real you.”
I shift back and pull him down for a kiss. I’m just getting into it when I hear a familiar voice.
“Noah!”
Noah’s off of me in a hot second and I snap us both into some clothes, guessing he won’t want to be naked in front of his sister.
Grace rounds the corner, clothes covered in blood, staring at her brother, mouth agape. She looks like a wounded puppy that just watched another puppy get wounded. Ugh.
“Noah. You have to make her leave,” she says. “You don’t know what she is.”
“Actually, Gracie, he knows exactly what I am.” I roll onto my side and prop up my head with my hand.
She looks between us, not knowing what to do.
Noah breaks the silence. “Grace…what? How are you here? You’re dead!” His eyes are so big I’m afraid they may pop out of his skull.
Grace shakes her head, tears bursting free as she flings herself into his arms. “Oh, Noah! I wanted so bad to tell you before now. I’m here. I’m okay. I mean, I’m dead, but I’m in Heaven now. I’m an Angel.”
I want to shove her away from him. Does she even know how much she hurt him? Probably not. That would involve noticing him for who he is, and not who she wanted him to be.
To my immense pleasure, Noah pushes her back to arm’s length to examine her. She waits, smiling, tears streaming, expecting another embrace. This ought to be good.
“You’re an Angel?” he asks. Then he laughs and repeats it again. And again. “Heaven’s not enough for our Grace. An Angel…of course you are!”
She laughs, misunderstanding.
“Do Mom and Dad know?” Noah asks.
She shakes her head. “I haven’t revealed myself to them yet. I had to come to you first. Noah, I’ve been so worried about you. I’ve seen some of the things you’ve done and…and I know it isn’t your fault.” She glares at me. “You’ve been under a horrible influence, but I’m here now and I’ll save you.”
“Save me?” he asks with a snort. “From Keira? I want Keira here. If I didn’t, she wouldn’t be here. Hell, if it weren’t for you, she wouldn’t be here, either.”
“I…I don’t understand.” Grace wilts like she’s been punched in the gut.
“You know how hard it was living in your shadow?” Noah asks, fists formed at his sides. “You have no idea what it’s like being invisible.”
“I do.”
“You self-righteous bitch,” he says and even I widen my eyes. Nice. “No you don’t. You think you know everything. You think you’re always right. You’re perfect and you have to make everyone else perfect, too, because it’s what you want. Well, I don’t want to be perfect. I never did, but you made me think something was wrong with me for hating school and getting Cs. But you know what? I like who I am. Who I’m becoming.” He glances at me with a smirk and my stomach flips.
“Noah, you don’t know what you’re saying.” Grace reaches for him, but he steps back like she’s going to contaminate him.
“Yeah, I do. I used to want to prove to Mom and Dad that I could be just as good as you. But now I know that it’s a waste of time. Mom and Dad don’t matter. What matters
is who I am and who I can become. And I don’t need your help. You’re an Angel now, right? So go enjoy it. Go back to your cloud or whatever and sing some hymns. Play the fucking harp. I don’t care, just leave me alone.”
I’m surprised Grace hasn’t shriveled into a raisin with all the tears she’s shedding. But this is exactly what she deserves after the way she treated him—a good eye opening. In fact, I’d like to give her a good shove and watch whatever’s left shatter to pieces.
Grace shakes her head back and forth like she refuses to believe what she’s hearing. Like she can change what Noah’s saying. Noah’s feelings are clear from the way his fists tremble at his sides. Neither of them says another word, so I figure it’s my turn.
I slither over to Noah and wrap my arms around his shoulders, peering over at Grace. “I think he’s asking you to leave.”
“You shut up!” she screams at me. “Get away from him. Stop whatever it is you’re doing to manipulate him. If you want me, fine, but leave my family alone.”
Noah stiffens, but I hang onto him. I want Grace to see how close we are. “I’m not manipulating anyone. Noah asked for me and I happen to enjoy his company. This has nothing to do with you. It’s not always about you.”
“Please, Noah. Just talk to me. We can go somewhere private.”
“No thanks,” he says, putting an arm around me. “I’m busy.”
“Noah. I’m breaking a rule for you. Please,” she begs, still reaching toward empty space.
“I’m impressed you broke the rules,” he says, “but that’s your problem for once. Maybe it’ll do you some good.”
“I didn’t leave you on purpose,” Grace says. “I know you’re mad. I get it, but I’m here now. It’s not too late. It can’t be.”
Noah draws a deep, staggering breath and I run a hand over his arm for support. “Grace, you need to listen to me. Okay?” He looks at her and waits until she nods, hope lighting her eyes. “I’m not mad that you left. I’m sorry you died. But now, I finally have room to be me.”
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