“My mum? Why? She only met you the one time, and she was so rude.”
Liam laughed. “You know I never took it personally. She was only ever nice to Tom.” He grinned at the memory of my brother. “Anyway, she let me stand on the doorstep for all of thirty seconds but refused to tell me where you were. Didn’t she tell you?”
“We rarely speak.”
“The only thing she said was that you’d moved away and married the man who saved you. Is that true?”
I picked up my glass, swirled the ice cubes around. “Yes. That’s Nate.”
Liam’s face clouded over with an expression I’d never seen before. Was it hatred? Jealousy, perhaps? I couldn’t tell. He looked away. “And nothing ever came back about that night?” he said quietly.
I shook my head. “No. I gave up trying to remember. What’s the point? It’ll never bring Tom home. Nothing will.”
Liam flinched, his brow furrowed. “I miss him.”
“Me, too,” I whispered. “Every day. Every single day.”
“You weren’t at the funeral. You never returned my letters, my calls and—”
“I couldn’t, I—”
“—sometimes I stood across from the Kettle Club, just to see you.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“And then, zap.” Liam snapped his fingers. “You disappeared. Off into the sunset, well, South London area anyway, with your knight in shining armor.”
“I couldn’t stay. It was too hard.”
“I should have been there for you.” He rubbed his eyes. “You shouldn’t have gone through it all alone.”
I put a hand on his arm. “I pushed you away, remember? And I wasn’t alone.”
Liam looked at me with such sadness in his eyes, such pain and hurt, it made me want to shrivel up into a speck of dust and fall to the floor, ready to be swept away.
“And you’re happy?” he said. “With...Nate? As happy as we were?” He looked at me, and I imagined his fingers sliding down my bare skin, his lips on mine, our limbs entwined. I didn’t have to try to remember how much I loved him. I didn’t need to. It had never gone away.
I cleared my throat, drained my glass. “Yes.” There was no alternative. “We’re happy.”
Liam remained silent for a moment. “And what did he think about stealing you away from me? Did he at least have the decency to feel bad?”
“I never told him about us.”
“Didn’t you? Why?”
I shrugged. “I couldn’t. It was too hard to talk about you. I said I’d split up with a boyfriend a while before the accident. I never told him your name.” I paused. “What about you? Did you tell your wife about me?”
“No. Those memories are mine. They’re...they’re not something I want to share. I don’t want to answer her questions.” He got up, and for a moment I thought he was going to thank me for my company, wish me a nice life and leave. But instead he grabbed my hand. “Let’s get out of here. Pretend the last six years never happened.”
I pulled a face. “Liam...”
“Just for a little while,” he whispered, squeezing my hand.
We wandered outside into the chilly air. When Liam put his arm around me and I rested my head against his shoulder, I felt his muscles tense and could smell his deodorant. I breathed in his scent as I closed my eyes for a second, letting his movements guide me. As we walked around the conference building and into the gardens at the back, a distant church bell struck midnight. The earlier rain shower and cooler temperatures meant we were the only ones outside. We made our way over to a bench and sat down, leaning back and looking toward the sky.
“It’s so quiet here.” I half closed my eyes and listened to the crickets. “Peaceful.”
Liam kissed the top of my head. “I wasn’t looking forward to being here,” he said as he pulled me closer. “Now I wish I could stay.”
“What time are you going tomorrow?”
“Around eleven,” he said quietly. “Eleven thirty at the latest.”
“I’ve got meetings from eight thirty until lunchtime... Maybe we can meet before breakfast. To say goodbye?”
“We can spend the whole night saying goodbye, Abby.”
“Liam, we can’t...” I put a hand on his chest and felt the beating of his heart. As I raised my head and looked at him, whatever words I had planned to say got caught in my throat. My eyes wandered over his face, taking in the ruggedness of his cheekbones, the gentle curve of his mouth. His breath had the sweet scent of wine, and his two-day stubble was so close, it almost grazed my chin. And as he sat up and his lips came nearer, I closed my eyes, letting the last few images of Nate I’d been clinging on to slip away like sand through my fingers.
We didn’t speak again until we were in Liam’s room, where we slowly lay down on the tiny bed. “I’ve missed you Abby,” he whispered. “God, I’ve missed you.”
He undid my blouse, one button at a time, without taking his eyes off mine. His hands slipped under the fabric, his fingers over my skin. I closed my eyes as he kissed me, and as I felt his mouth slide down my neck I moaned, wanting him to touch every part of me. Liam eased off my bra and cupped my breasts with his hands, then lowered his head toward them. Back arched, I pulled him up toward me, grinding my hips against him, feeling how ready he was.
“I need you,” I whispered in his ear as I reached to unbuckle his belt. “I need you now.”
And finally he was inside me, our bodies fitting together so perfectly, moving with such familiarity, it was as if we’d never spent a single moment apart.
“I still love you, Abby,” Liam whispered as he held me afterward.
“I still love you, too.” The words spilled out of me as the tears rolled down my cheeks, settling in a damp little pool on the pillow. Tears of happiness at first, the ones you cry when you realize you’re finally, at last, exactly where you should be. But then they were replaced by tears of sadness because I knew it wasn’t somewhere I could stay.
After we’d made love again, slowly this time, and Liam had fallen asleep, I stayed awake, listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing, forbidding myself from drifting off, too. I needed time to stand still or, at least, slow down. I wanted to relish every second that passed. Because I already knew I’d never see Liam again. Could never see him again. I told myself over and over this was the closure we’d never had. From now on we’d be walking two distinctly separate paths that would never, ever cross again.
It was three in the morning before my body betrayed me and gave in to exhaustion, and I fell asleep wrapped in Liam’s arms, thinking I couldn’t possibly feel this safe again.
Timid sunlight made its way through the gap in the curtains when I woke up, my legs and arms still entwined with Liam’s. I slowly managed to untangle our bodies without him stirring, and I stood there for a moment, watching him sleep, his mouth slightly open and a hint of a smile playing on his lips. It was one of those moments where everything was perfect, where everything would remain perfect, as long as nobody moved. But as I slowly bent over to pick up my clothes, the illusion began to waver, then shattered around me.
As I dressed, I willed myself to feel terrible about what we’d done. I wanted my heart to fill with guilt toward Nate, anger toward Liam and hatred toward myself. But instead a sadness so heavy pulled at me, I thought it might rip me straight through the floor.
Standing in the middle of the bedroom I forced my gaze away from Liam’s face, gathered my bag and shoes and tiptoed toward the door. I barely made it two steps before he spoke with sleepy confusion in his voice.
“Abby?”
I turned around, clutching my things against my chest. Tears prickled my eyes because I could see what last night had meant to him, to me, to the possibility of us.
“Don’t leave yet.” Liam held out his hand. “Come here.”
“I have to go. I can’t risk anyone seeing me.”
Liam sat up. “Leave him.” His voice was loud, determined. The voice of a man on a mission who had no time to waste. “Leave Nate.”
“Liam, I—”
“I’ll leave Nancy.”
“But you—”
“No. I don’t want to be with her. Not when I can be with you.”
“We can’t—”
“We can. We can move anywhere you like. Anywhere.” Liam held out his arms toward me. “We’ll start again. Just you and me.”
“But...but...it’s not just you and me, is it?” I said. “There’s Nate and Nancy and—”
“They’ll cope, they—”
“And you have a son, Liam. A son.”
“And I’ll support him. I’ll be there for him, whatever it takes. And when we have kids of our own he’ll have half sisters or brothers. Don’t you see it’s—”
“No,” I said. “You can’t ask me to do that.”
Liam stood up, naked and vulnerable. “I want to be with you, Abby. And I know you want to be with me.”
“No,” I said, more loudly than I’d intended. “I can’t do this. You’re a father now. A good father. I won’t be responsible for breaking up your marriage and—”
“You won’t be responsible. I will.”
“No. My dad left Tom and me and look at me.” I tapped my chest, the heel of my shoe digging into my ribs. “It screwed me up. You, of all people, should know and—”
“Abby, you’re not your dad, you—”
“Then don’t ask me to make you be like him.” I shook my head. “I can’t. I won’t. We’ve both made our choices.” My hand grabbed hold of the doorknob, but I wavered, confused about whom I should listen to—my mind telling me to go, or my heart screaming to stay, stay, stay.
“Abby. Please.”
“This was a mistake,” I whispered, unsure of whom I was trying to convince more. “Last night should never have happened.”
Within half a second Liam had his arms around my waist and held me tight. “You leaving is a mistake and you know it. So don’t. Please don’t.”
“I have to. And you have to let me.” I pushed him away and opened the door.
“Wait! You haven’t told me where you live. I don’t have your phone number.”
“It’s better this way. Believe me, Liam. It’s better for both of us.”
I closed the door behind me, but it took every fiber of my being, every iota of self-control I’d ever possessed, to stop me from opening it again. Forcing one foot to move in front of the other, I scurried back to my room, where I stripped down, stood in the shower with the water as cold as I could bear and sobbed until no more tears came.
I shivered and assessed the damage in the mirror—dark circles under my swollen, bloodshot eyes, and tear-streaked cheeks. It was already seven. Even if I skipped breakfast to avoid bumping into Liam and exchanging pleasantries over the croissants and fruit salad, I’d have to join Olivia and the rest of the team by eight thirty. In an hour and a half I’d be sitting in a conference room with my colleagues discussing feedback charts and company procedures.
“Get through the morning,” I told myself as I reached for my foundation and started the process of erasing the night before. “Get back home and you’ll be fine.”
Five hours later I stood at the reception.
“How was your stay?” Shirley beamed at me. “I do hope you enjoyed yourself?”
“Great.” I smiled tightly as I handed over the room key.
“Excellent,” Shirley said. “Oh, before I forget, Mr. Jefferson left this for you.” She slid a hotel envelope toward me and leaned in, her ample chest resting on the desk in front of her. “He insisted I give it to you personally.” She sat back, apparently satisfied she’d completed her assignment. “He’s such a nice man.” Her gaze flickered to my left hand and I quickly moved it behind the counter. “A very nice man indeed.”
I grabbed the envelope, muttering a quick thanks as I tore it open, my heart tightening as I read Liam’s neat handwriting.
Abby,
We know we belong together. We always have.
Please contact me. I can’t let you run away from me again.
I love you.
Liam x
I rubbed my thumb over the phone number and email address he’d added at the bottom, contact details I immediately and irrevocably swore I’d never use.
“Abby!” Olivia waved from across the hallway and sauntered up to me as I stuffed the letter back into the envelope. “You okay? You’ve hardly said anything all morning.”
“I didn’t sleep well.”
“Nothing like your own bed,” Olivia said as we headed for the door. “But that was a fun evening, wasn’t it? That Liam seems nice. Funny how you ended up seeing an old mate, eh?” She leaned in closer. “I spent the night with Francis again. I know it sounds over the top, but I was gutted when he left.”
“Oh, well.” I shrugged. “Plenty of fish but not enough time. That’s what you always say.”
She stopped walking and put a hand on my arm. “Abby, I think he’s the fish.”
“The fish?” I tried to keep my voice neutral and stop it from going up a couple of octaves.
“Uh-huh. This wasn’t just a shag, Abby, not for me, and from what he said, not for him either. But we live hundreds of miles apart,” she grumbled as we went outside to the car. “For god’s sake. Why does life have to be so bloody complicated?”
“I have no idea, Liv.” I shoved my bag onto the back seat. “Not a sodding clue.”
“Well—” she popped her sunglasses onto her nose “—he said he’d call me tonight.” Olivia suppressed a squeal, and my heart raced as I processed the information.
“This doesn’t sound like you. I mean, how serious can it be already?” I said.
“I’m going to Birmingham to stay with him in two weeks.” Olivia’s face lit up and I recognized the look. I used to have it whenever I thought of Liam. She sighed. “I can’t wait.”
“Give me a second. I need the loo before we set off.” Back inside I splashed my face with cool water and gulped in a lungful of air to slow my breathing. If Olivia and Francis were in contact, Liam would know how to find me. I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t. And to make sure I kept my end of the bargain, I pulled Liam’s letter out of my pocket and threw it away.
NOW
ABBY
NOT EVEN A week had passed since Liam and I had made love in the forest. After we’d pulled our clothes back on, and despite knowing it was absolutely inappropriate considering what we’d done, I’d started to giggle. Quietly at first, but then a loud belly laugh escaped from deep within me, a sound I didn’t recognize at first because I’d suppressed it for years.
A giddiness invaded my heart, like a child who’d been invited to live in Disneyland forever. It felt as if I’d been opened up, freed from some invisible, twenty-year-old shackles that had restrained me, keeping me firmly on the ground.
“What’s so funny?” Liam said, and his face broke into a grin, too.
“I...it’s not...” I tried to compose myself as I gestured with my hands. “This isn’t...”
He wrinkled his nose. “Not quite the romantic setting you had in mind?”
I laughed again. “Not really, no.”
“Up against a tree,” he said, his shoulders shaking, “like a pair of lusty teenagers. The least I could have done is bought you a bag of chips first.” I put my arms around him, and he looked at me, his smile fading like a sunset. “So now what?”
“Oh, god, Liam.” I sighed. “I know I should hate myself for this. And I know I should feel guilty. But I feel guilty that I don’t.”
“If it’s any consolation, I don’t either. Not yet. Christ. Are we bad people or what?”
Nate’s and Sarah’s faces popped into my mind, and my face fell. “Yes,” I whispered, “despicable. And we can’t do this again. We said we wouldn’t.”
“Abby, we—”
“Wait. I was going to say not until we figure out what we’re going to do.”
“Well, that’s easy. We’ll be together.”
I closed my eyes. “Yes, I know b—”
He kissed me. “Don’t even think about saying but.”
I smiled at him. “I won’t. Although...we have to be more respectful of Nate and Nancy, and the kids. It’s not right.” He pulled me back toward him, buried his face in my neck, so I gently pushed him away. “No, listen to me. There can be no more of this. Not until we’ve decided. Not until we’ve made a plan. Okay?”
“Okay.” Liam exhaled. “Okay. I can wait.”
But it was me who couldn’t. Instead of doing our Wednesday evening training, I told Liam to drive to a hotel in Guilford, where we now lay on the bed after making love twice already, whispering how much we’d missed each other, how we couldn’t bear to be apart.
“We broke our resolution again.” Liam smiled as he stroked my hair. “You can’t keep seducing me like this, you know.”
I gently slapped his back. “Yeah. And you said no how many times? Let me see...hmm...oh, that’s right...none.”
He grinned and rolled off me onto his back, putting one hand behind his head, the other around my shoulder. I pulled the hastily discarded sheets over our bodies and closed my eyes with a sigh.
“You okay?” Liam murmured.
“Yes.” I smiled. “More than okay. I know everybody’s about to go through hell, I know it’s going to be really hard, that we’re going to cause people pain...but I haven’t been this sure of what I’m doing in...well...ever.”
“Everything’s going to be all right,” Liam said. And as I snuggled up closer to him, I tried to silence the quiet whispers warning me to be careful, reminding me true happiness wasn’t something I deserved.
“We can’t go to sleep,” I said. “Okay? Nate’s working late, but we have to leave soon.”
The Neighbors Page 24