So for that reason, she moved away from Dillon and rose to her feet. “I’d better see if Allaire needs some help in the kitchen. I can’t believe she prepared supper for everyone herself.” Erika knew they were having meat loaf and mashed potatoes, hot wings and vegetable casseroles. Wanting to do her part, she had brought a batch of oatmeal cookies for the kids and Waldorf salad for the adults.
“Allaire likes to cook, and I’m sure D.J. didn’t let her do those wings all by herself. Not with his secret barbecue sauce recipe.”
Erika had difficulty moving away from Dillon. She so liked being with him, sitting close, feeling as if they belonged together. But she crossed the room and stopped to talk to Kayla, to make sure she didn’t mind playing with Emilia. The two little girls seemed to be having a good time so Erika went to the kitchen. When she stole a last glance at Dillon, he was watching two-year-old Max with his dad. Was he sad? Was he remembering Toby? Would he consider being a dad again?
In the kitchen, Erika was struck by the beauty of the granite counters and island, the white cupboards hand-painted with a flower pattern that had the flair of Allaire’s strokes. “What can I do to help?” she asked Allaire.
D.J.’s wife was garnishing a tray of celery and carrot sticks with cherry tomatoes. “I think we’re good. It’s not quite time to boil the potatoes. I just put the meat loaves in the oven. D.J. said not to touch his wings in the slow cooker.”
Erika smiled and slipped onto one of the high bar stools at the island.
Allaire slid the tray of vegetables into the large, side-by-side refrigerator. Then she asked Erika, “Iced tea?”
“That sounds good.”
Allaire poured them two glasses and sat at the island with her. “I’m glad Dillon brought you here this weekend.”
Erika tilted her head and waited.
Allaire’s beautiful blue eyes were kind as she said, “Dillon needs someone like you.”
“Someone like me?”
Allaire looked a bit flustered. “I pretty much say what I think. Is that all right with you?”
“Yes, it is. I’d much rather know what a person’s thinking than guess.”
“Good. That’s the way I feel. So when I said a person like you, I meant a woman who has it all together, who’s very attractive, but who also has a child.”
“I don’t think he wants to be around children.”
Allaire smiled. “I’m not sure about that. Dillon’s daddy material and deep down, he knows it. He’s been running from relationships and putting all of his energy into his practice as an escape. I think he’s sidestepped real involvement.”
She took a swallow of her tea then went on. “I noticed he’s good with Emilia. And Emilia seems to gravitate toward him. That’s what he needs to bring him back to life.”
“But he’ll be leaving in a couple of weeks.”
“Will he?” Allaire asked.
What did Allaire mean—was there a chance Dillon would stay on in Montana? Was there a chance he’d ask her to go back to Texas with him? Should she even consider such a huge life change for a man? She’d never known a man who was worthy of that kind of risk, especially one who wasn’t sure he wanted a real family again.
All of the questions swirled in her head until she couldn’t seem to clear it.
Suddenly she needed an escape for a little while, but not before she found out something she needed to know. “I went through a lot of scandal as a pregnant single mom, and choosing a man who didn’t want to be a dad. Dillon seemed to think you’d understand that.”
“Oh, I understand. Talk about scandal. I was the perfect daughter and the perfect wife…until I wasn’t. My marriage to Dax just didn’t work out, and the end of our relationship was food for the rumor mill. When I hooked up with D.J. again, tongues wagged. In fact, they could have torn me and D.J. apart, but we didn’t let them. Gossip runs rampant in a town like Thunder Canyon. You’ve just got to walk away from it and hope that soon they start gossiping about something else.”
Walk away from it. That was a good way to put it. “I’ve never been on a ranch before. Is it all right if I take a walk down to the barn and check out your horses?”
“Sure. I’ll keep an eye on Emilia for you.”
“Thanks, I really appreciate it. I won’t be long.”
She just needed some fresh air to put everything she’d seen and heard into some kind of perspective.
The huge red barn was foreign territory to her. But she loved the big sky and lots-of-land feel of the place. The fresh air, the aspens and oaks, the fir groves here and there, along with the scent of sage, the cooking smells wafting outside and the sound of horses cavorting in pens urged her to feel free. She could see how after living out here on a place like this, town could seem constricted.
Yet she also knew it wasn’t merely a place that could make her constricted or free, but rather the life she chose for herself and the way she felt about it.
Erika heard the thump of Dillon’s boots before she saw him. His ribs were healing and not affecting his daily life. He looked like a down-home cowboy today in his snap-button shirt, jeans and boots that appeared as if they’d seen some work. He’d worn a Stetson when he’d picked her up and she’d smiled. She’d asked if he’d bought it just for today. He’d laughed in return, and said, “No, it’s mine. I just don’t wear it much when I’m treating patients.”
That had been another moment when Erika had realized she didn’t know everything about Dillon. She probably didn’t even know half.
“Do you want to go inside?” he asked, seeing her at the side door to the barn. “A few horses are already inside for the night.”
“Oh, I don’t know…”
“Afraid?” he asked with a sly grin.
“I’m not afraid of anything.” Her shoulders went back and her chin came up. But when she stared into Dillon’s eyes, she knew what she’d said wasn’t true. She was still afraid of him, and what he could do to her heart.
“Come on, then,” he invited, opening a huge door and letting her precede him inside.
The inside of the barn was cavernous and dark, yet the sounds of the horses huffing and pawing gave the place a homey feel.
After Dillon flipped on the lights, she noticed two rows of stalls faced each other. He stopped before a paint pony. “Did you come down here to get away from the crowd, or because something’s bothering you?”
“Maybe a little of both. I don’t have much family, just Mom and Emilia, so being with yours is a bit overwhelming. Enjoyable though,” she added.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Being with everyone encouraged me to think about how I grew up…without an extended family…without a dad.”
She studied the horse, tentatively stretched her hand out to him. He nosed at her fingers and she smiled. “After my father left and I didn’t hear from him again, I thought I’d done something wrong, that he didn’t love me and he never could.”
Dillon leaned against the stall and his gaze lingered on hers. “Do you realize now it wasn’t your fault?”
“On my good days.”
When she didn’t say more for a while, Dillon admitted, “When my stepfather came on the scene, I wanted my real dad back. The missing was already deep and dark and cutting. When Peter was around, it just seemed worse. My dad dying, and then my mom marrying Peter…that was all my first experience with something I couldn’t change and I became even more determined to change what I could. I guess that was another reason I wanted to be a doctor. Yet with Toby’s illness, I learned again I didn’t have control of much.”
“We all like to think we have control over our lives…that we can protect loved ones.”
They seemed to turn to each other simultaneously in understanding. She looked into Dillon’s eyes and found him gazing into hers. They were both searching. For answers? For reassurance? For desire that was undercutting any and all emotions but the need to be kissing each other…touching each other?
&nb
sp; Taking Erika’s hand, Dillon tugged her a little way down the aisle into a vacant stall. They stepped inside onto the clean hay. Dillon pushed his fingers through her hair and held her face in his hands.
The hushed peace of the barn surrounded them, broken the next moment by a horse snorting, then a breeze blowing against a loose windowpane. The resounding awareness that they were a man and a woman, alone in a private place, surrounded them. The bond between them was growing, and so was their attraction.
Erika saw the desire in Dillon’s eyes before he acted on it. His intention became hers. As he bent his head, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Each time Dillon kissed her, she expected—hoped—part of her heart would remain immune. She’d been hurt and she had a wide scar. She’d never expected to feel anything there again. But Dillon was changing all that, not only with his kisses, but his words, his actions. She knew she shouldn’t let her guard down. She knew she should run in the opposite direction. But right now, with Dillon’s hands in her hair, his lips on hers, she didn’t want to be anywhere but in his arms.
Her hands wandered from his neck and played over the shoulders of his denim shirt. The material was thick so she inched her fingers under the collar, found the band of his T-shirt and traced her fingertips along the neck. His skin was as hot as the heat burning inside her belly.
Dillon must have been feeling the same need, because his hands passed down her back, stopped at the hem of her soft pink sweater, then slid underneath until his palms lay along her midriff.
“Are you okay with this?” he whispered into her ear.
“I’m more than okay,” she said breathlessly.
Leaning back a bit, she moved her hands from his shoulders…down the placket of his shirt. She pulled his T-shirt from his jeans and slid her hands underneath and felt Dillon’s stomach muscles tighten at her touch. She couldn’t ever remember being quite this bold.
With Scott, sex had been serious business, and their dates usually ended in his bed. But Dillon didn’t seem to be in any hurry, and neither was she. Once a couple had sex, everything could change…not necessarily for the better, in her experience. She wasn’t ready for any change. Feeling desire for Dillon didn’t have to lead to a burning crash—not if they went slow and easy. Not if she made sure she knew exactly what she was doing. They could play, couldn’t they? Have fun and take some pleasure, and forget for a few minutes the burdens outside their doors?
“Oh, Dillon,” she said, sifting her fingers into his chest hair, reveling in it. “You’re bringing something so different into my life, I’m not sure what to do with it.”
Reaching up under the front of her sweater, he covered her breast with his palm, taking their intimate play to a new level. “This scares me, Dillon,” she managed to say, hardy able to breathe.
“What—my touching you?” he said, kissing her again.
“Not your touching me. The way I feel when you do.”
Slowly he dropped his hand from beneath her sweater and she was sorry she’d said anything.
But he didn’t look sorry. He just looked patient. “I don’t want to scare you. And we do have to go back to the house or Allaire will send out a search party. She’s very protective of her guests,” he teased.
Erika laughed, lightness flowing through her genuine laugh that she felt had been dormant inside of her ever since Scott left.
Dillon straightened her sweater and she snapped a couple of the snaps on his shirt. “Do we look presentable?” he asked, quirking up a brow.
“We both look like we’ve been kissing.” She reached up and stroked a touch of pink from his upper lip. “You’re wearing my lipstick.”
He ran his thumb along her chin. “And you have a little bit of beard scratch on you. Someone like Allaire could tell.”
“They’ll know anyway,” Erika said wryly, one arm around Dillon’s waist, his around hers.
“How will they know?” he asked.
“Women just do. With what Allaire and Shandie have been through, they’ll see.”
“Do you mind? Would you rather take a walk and then go back in?”
“A walk would be nice. But I want to make sure Emilia’s behaving. And it’s okay if your family knows. Allaire and Shandie aren’t the type to gossip. They had enough gossip tossed around about them, so they wouldn’t do it to me.”
“I’m glad that’s settled. That means I can kiss you whenever I want this weekend, and not worry about the consequences.”
But they both would be worrying about the consequences. They could change each other’s worlds.
And that was the scariest thought of all.
Chapter Nine
Dillon’s heart and mind were in turmoil as he glanced at the closed door to Erika’s bedroom and descended the stairs early Sunday morning before sunup. He hadn’t slept much last night. His room was next to Erika’s and he could hear her moving around…hear her bed creak…hear Emilia when she had awakened in the middle of the night, then had soon quieted probably because Erika had gone to her and soothed her. It wasn’t only his time in the barn with Erika yesterday that had caused the conflict in him. Last evening he had carried Emilia to her room, her little arms around his neck. She’d smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek before he’d laid her in the crib. He could so easily become attached to that little girl, let alone her mother.
What he needed was a strong cup of coffee. Not that the coffee would help him make any decisions. Time just seemed to be moving too fast. Frontier Days would start on Friday. Then he’d be here another week and that was it.
Unless…
Should he consider moving his life because of an attraction? Because of tender feelings he felt for a child? Texas was his home. Yet when he gazed out at the mountains from his office, when he looked into Erika’s eyes—
He’d reached the kitchen just as the sun was starting to pop up over the horizon. Angling around the island, heading for the coffeepot on the counter, he caught movement out on the deck. Going to the French doors, he spotted Erika wrapped in an afghan, looking toward the sunrise.
How long had she been down here?
She must have come down while he was in the shower or he would have heard her.
When he stepped out onto the deck, the sky was absolutely golden, streaked with pink and purple to the east and west of the sunrise. The peaks of the pines on D.J.’s property seemed to poke into the gold, making light rain over the whole backyard.
Erika shifted toward him, her profile backlit by the blazing sun. “I just stole down here for a few minutes.”
Without speaking, he just went over and sat beside her, sharing the moment.
“It’s remarkable, isn’t it? There’s so much beauty in these hills.”
He knew Erika was talking about the sunrise, but he was thinking of other things that weren’t as uplifting.
“What are you thinking?” she asked quietly.
Did he want to tell her? Erika was an optimistic woman. She’d had to be to turn her life around as she had. She saw her child as a gift and the beauty in the world the same way.
He liked to think he was an optimist, but he was a realist, too. “I’m thinking people come to Montana to find this beauty so they can take it back with them. It helps them deal with what isn’t so beautiful in their lives.”
“Is that what you did? You came here in the summers and what you saw and what you did carried you through the rest of the year?”
“Yeah, I think that was the case. But I’m also thinking about the guests who come and go home and forget about the sunrise because they have to deal with everyday problems.”
“There are problems here, too,” Erika offered. “You saw some of them when you came to the potluck supper with me—men and women losing their jobs because of this economy, single moms trying to make ends meet on one salary… Thunder Canyon isn’t immune.”
“No, I suppose it’s not. I guess I was thinking about the mobile units I worked with in Houston. The refugees from K
atrina who needed medical care. So often I wish I could do more as a doctor. So much is out of my hands.”
“Like your son passing too young? Like your dad dying when he was in his prime?”
She’d gone straight to the core of it. “Yes. Sometimes I have questions that are just too big for answers.”
Their chairs were close together and now she leaned toward him. “Did you ever consider joining Doctors Without Borders? Or just giving a few weeks to bring health care to children who need it instead of coming to a place like this to practice?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Do you feel me practicing medicine here isn’t worthwhile?”
“I’m not saying that. But I think you believe you’d be doing more good somewhere else.”
Was Erika right? Would a concierge practice just increase his frustration that he couldn’t do more?
“You asked me if I want to manage a resort someday,” she said. “I only want to manage a resort to prove I can. I want to add something like that to my résumé. But eventually what I’d really like to do is to work at a foundation where I can do some good.”
Dillon reached out and took her hand, sliding his thumb back and forth against her knuckles. He felt a tremble run through her and knew he could create desire in her, just as she created it in him. “Sometimes I think you believe that we’re very different, that we’ve come from different worlds. But I don’t think we are.”
“You’re the heir to an oil fortune,” she pointed out. “You can work anywhere you want, do whatever you want to do, go wherever you want to go. You don’t even have to work, if you don’t want to. That in itself makes us very different, Dillon.”
Sometimes her preconceptions about him made him angry. “You don’t think I need meaningful work to do, too? I became a doctor to make a difference.” And becoming a doctor was part of the reason why his marriage had fallen apart.
Erika let out a sigh and pulled her hand away. “You’ll never understand how it feels to not have enough in your wallet to buy food for your next meal. You’ll never understand how a father can walk out because he didn’t want the responsibility of staying. You’ll never understand what it is to have a new life to take care of when you haven’t taken very good care of yourself. We are very different, Dillon. And one of the main differences is in a couple of weeks you’ll be going back to Texas and I’ll be staying here.”
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