“I hate to say it, but that’s not surprising.”
“Why haven’t you ever told me what’s going on in your school? I work for the fucking DEA.”
“I don’t know, Jason, why haven’t I?” Delaney’s glare was lethal. “You’ve been a tad . . . preoccupied the last few years. And not to mention, my school isn’t any worse than any other. It’s not like bricks of coke are flowing through the halls.”
Welp, I’d opened the door and stepped in shit. I deserved that and more. But I didn’t want to have this argument in front of Mercy.
“Thanks for the information; we’ll let you get back to work.”
“Sure.”
She and Mercy exchanged pleasantries, and, just when I thought I was out of the woods, my sister went for the kill shot.
“Oh, and, Jason, maybe you can stop by Mom and Dad’s next week for dinner. Hadley and Adalynn’s twenty-first is coming up and the ’rents are planning a blow out, your input would be welcomed.”
“Thanks, I’ll try.”
“I’d try real hard, brother. Word is you’re on a short rope.”
My ire got the best of me when I turned to scowl at my sister. Much to my dismay, the look no longer worked like it did when I wanted her out of my room when we were kids. “How about we not do this now, and you let me worry about my personal life.”
“There’s never a good time for you. Never will be either. Wake up, you’re being a selfish prick, and your bullshit is affecting the whole family. Namely Mom. And we all know what happens when Mom’s upset.”
“My bullshit?”
My sister had some nerve calling my wife dying bullshit.
Delaney’s eyes slid to Mercy before they came back to me. They were softer now, but it was too late, she’d overstepped. “It’s time. It’s been over two years. We all miss—”
“Don’t you say it.”
“But we miss you, too. Enough hiding.”
“I’m not hiding from anything. I have work to do, and you have classes to teach. I’ll talk to you later.”
Damn, I didn’t need another lecture and I really didn’t want to know what a short rope meant. Maybe I should just start going to Sunday dinners again. I could sit and smile and pretend life was terrific for two hours a week. At least it would make my mom feel better. And if my mom was happy everyone else would be, too.
After storming out of the school, I waited by the car for a long time before Mercy finally came out. Great, she was pissed, as well. I didn’t understand what the hell she had the right to be mad about. It wasn’t her sister who’d just embarrassed the living hell out of her. And Delaney had almost said it, the name was on the tip of her tongue. I didn’t want to hear Kayla’s name when I was awake. God knows, I heard enough in my sleep. Every goddamn night I live our life together over again in my dreams. It was a never-ending movie reminding me of all the ways I’d failed my wife. All the ways I’d failed our love.
No, I didn’t want to talk about Kayla or how she was planning on leaving me. How my wife had fallen out of love with me. I was a fucking shit husband and a failure.
8
To say Jason was pissed would be the understatement of the year. After he’d stomped out of his sister’s classroom she’d apologized profusely for her behavior. I didn’t see anything wrong with what she’d said to Jason. As a matter of fact, it sounded like it was long overdue. He was silent on the drive back to the office. He went straight to his office and slammed the door. I went up to mine, not interested in his antics.
I sounded like a stone-cold bitch but I understood more than he realized. I knew what it was like to lose someone you love in the most horrific way. But what I couldn’t understand was why he’d shut out his family. The people who loved him and wanted to support him. What I wouldn’t have given to have had family around me when I’d needed them. Instead, I’d been all alone in my sadness and anger. Again, two choices—lie down and take it or rise above. I was all I had, there was no lying down for me.
I plopped down in my chair and tried to forget about the excruciating look of pain on Jason’s face. I dove into work, hoping it would distract me from wanting to go and check on Jason. The desire was a direct contradiction to my earlier annoyance, but the thought of him suffering alone in his office bothered me, even if it was his own doing. I needed to get my head in the game, there was another dead teen, and if we didn’t want more on our hands, we needed to shut this down. I was going over all the toxicology reports when Detective Adams poked his head in.
“Got a minute?”
“Sure.”
“The tox screen came back on Nessa Kular. High levels of GHB. All consistent with the other reports, the chemical composition is the same. And the same compounds as the GBL found in the concoction Emma made for Keith, 1, 4-butanediol.”
“Jesus Christ, these kids are making GHL from industrial cleaner?”
Gamma butyrolactone turned into GHB when ingested. Which was why the liquid Keith gave the lab was GHL but the tox reports on the dead teenagers came up with gamma hydroxybutyrate in their systems. Bottom line was someone had found a recipe to make a potentially deadly sex drug.
“Yes. My guys are tracking down any shipments of cleaners containing 1, 4-butyrolactone. Good news is there are secondary chemicals present. The lab narrowed it down to ink solvent. Bad news is you can buy it at any Walmart or office supply warehouse.”
“So what you’re telling me is, tracking down a shipment is going to be a dead end?”
“Pretty much, yes. We need to find out who’s making it.”
“With the internet anyone with the desire can find any recipe to manufacture any drug.”
The knock on the doorframe nearly had me jumping out of my seat. I’d been so engrossed in reading over the report Bruce had handed me I hadn’t heard anyone approach.
“Didn’t mean to interrupt, but Delaney texted me. Mary Beth wasn’t in school today. Word is she’s in the hospital,” Jason said.
“The Stevens girl?” Bruce asked.
“Yes. We went to speak to one of Nessa’s teachers this morning. She said Mary Beth’s house is a known party house. Her parents frequently leave her unattended.”
“Thanks for the heads-up. I’ll run their credit cards to see where they were this weekend.”
“Are you gonna have someone check on Mary Beth’s whereabouts, or should we start calling local hospitals?”
“I’ll make a few calls. You wanna go with me to interview the Stevenses again? Maybe we can grab some lunch after?” Bruce smiled and I didn’t have to look over at Jason to know he was glowering. Annoyance was pouring out of him in waves. Not that he had anything to be frustrated about.
“Wish I could, but I’m behind on filing these reports. You know how Monday mornings are.”
“Unfortunately, I do. Some other time then?”
“Sounds good. Call me if you track down Mary Beth.”
“Will do.”
Bruce turned to leave, shaking Jason’s hand before he left my office.
“What’s up, Jason?”
I still hadn’t looked up at him, for some stupid reason I was nervous at what I’d find. I heard the door click shut and the snap of the blinds being pulled shut, and my heartrate spiked.
“Does Bruce often hand deliver tox reports?”
That was not what I was expecting and the accusatory tone pissed me off. “Sometimes.”
“And you don’t find that odd?”
Now I was mad. I stood up and walked around my desk. Leaning on the edge, I asked my own question. “Why are you asking?”
“Just trying to figure out if this is the first time he’s asked you out.”
What in the ever-loving hell was he talking about? I’d been working with Bruce for years. Never had he expressed any interest in me. He was friendly but had never made a pass at me.
“You’ve lost your mind. He was not asking me out on a date, and, if he was, I’m not sure what business it would be of yours
.”
“That was him asking you out, Mercy.”
“Fine. Say he was asking me out. Again, I’m unclear why that would bother you or what business it is of yours.”
“It bothers me.”
Whoa. What? It bothered him? I was still trying to gather my thoughts and formulate a retort to his declaration when he stalked toward me. His blue eyes narrowed and his lips pinched together in two flat lines.
“It’s none of your—”
My statement was cut off when his hands went to my face, holding me in place, and his mouth slammed onto mine. I was in such a state of shock I stood frozen until his tongue licked the seam of my lips, and I automatically opened for him. There was nothing soft about his kiss, it was punishing and brutal. But it was so damn good my legs wobbled. He took and took, devouring me, and I happily let him. When he pulled away, our eyes locked, and I wished I knew what he was thinking, but he was so good at hiding his emotions I didn’t have the first clue. His grip on my face loosened, and he leaned in, this time placing a feather light peck on my lips before he walked out of my office.
I must’ve stood cemented in place for a good five minutes before I finally went back to work. What in the actual fuck was that? He’d kissed me. Jason Walker had marched his happy ass across the room and planted a spectacular kiss on me. Then he’d left. Just walked out the door without so much as a have a nice day. And I’d let him, and, what was worse, I’d let him do it again.
The rest of the day had passed by in a blur. Bruce had gotten in contact with the Stevens family and Mary Beth was indeed at the hospital. Her father said she had the flu and he’d taken her in as a precaution. Without a warrant we couldn’t demand a blood test and we didn’t have enough to petition a judge, so Bruce decided not to bother. What he was able to do was interview the mom while she was home alone. The mom was sticking to the story: they were home all weekend, and Mary Beth had never left the house. While his partner continued to speak to the woman, he’d excused himself to use the restroom. With very limited time he’d searched where he could but hadn’t found any cleaners containing the chemicals he was looking for.
After I finished the paperwork I was behind on and finished going over Keith’s reports I watched the videos from the narc’s body cam. The more I watched the more thankful I was to be out of high school and not have any teenaged children. I knew I was bad in high school, and so were my friends, but we weren’t this bad. Not even close. The girl, Emma, had deployed a full-court press to get into Keith’s boxer shorts. I had to hand it to him, he was handling it like a champ. He’d given her one reason after another as to why he wanted to wait. The problem was, each excuse made him more likable. Like when he told her she was too special to have sex with at a noisy party. Or when he told her he wanted her to know he liked her for more than her pretty smile. Those excuses made a seventeen-year-old’s inexperienced heart swoon. Now the girl thought she was in love, where before she just wanted to be the first girl at Polytech to have sex with him. She’d said that. It was in his report. She and her friends were the welcoming committee. She’d even offered to invite one of her friends to join them. I wanted to gag, and Keith’s handwritten notes were all in capitals where he’d scribbled she needed professional help for her low self-esteem.
By the time I was done for the day, I was DONE. All I wanted to do was go home, curl up on the couch, and not think about drugs and teen sex. When I passed Jason’s office, it was empty and the lights were off. My stomach clenched. It had been months since Jason had left without saying goodnight or walking me to my car. It was odd how I’d gotten used to the routine. It wouldn’t be long before the case was wrapped up and he’d go back to the trafficking task force and we’d barely cross paths again. I shouldn’t have let myself get so wrapped up in him in the first place. I’d been so deep in thought on the way home I forgot to drive through Micky D’s and pick up dinner.
Screw going back out, there had to be something unhealthy in my house to eat. Too tired to look, I tossed my shit on the counter and went straight to my room to put on my jammies. TV, that was what I needed, anything to stop myself from thinking about Jason, or Bruce, or how we needed to hurry and close this case.
I’d just sat down when there was a knock on my door. Tuesday was still out of town on a modeling gig, and I didn’t know anyone else who would stop by my house after nine. Or anytime really. I pushed that depressing thought out of my mind and got up to answer. A quick check of the peephole told me Jason still hadn’t gotten over his snit.
“Hey.”
“May I come in?”
“It depends.”
“On what?” His lip twitched. He sure was handsome when he smiled but he wouldn’t be doing it for long.
“On why you’re here and if you’re finally gonna stop giving me motion sickness.”
“I’m here to apologize.”
“Then, no, you can’t come in. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Wait. What?” His hand shot out and he stopped me from closing the door.
“I don’t want an apology, Jason. I want the why.”
“The why?”
“Yes. Why are you so hot and cold with me? Why one minute you’re smiling at me and the next scowling? Then there’s today. So, if you’re ready to talk about those things, come on in. If you just want to say you’re sorry, save it.”
“You’re so fucking different from her.”
“What?” My lungs filled to capacity as I sucked in a breath. Was he comparing me to Kayla? That stung, bad.
“You drive me crazy.”
“Back atcha, Jason.”
I opened the door and let him in. I had no idea what he wanted to get off his chest, but if he was in the mood to talk, I’d lend an ear.
9
Something deep had been brewing over the last few weeks. I couldn’t place the feeling but then that wasn’t surprising. I’d spent the last two years trying to feel nothing at all, so when all of these emotions started firing off, I didn’t know what to do with them. Today, when Bruce had asked her out, I could no longer deny I felt something. I’d done pretty much the worst thing I could’ve done and kissed her.
I gave in to temptation, and the moment I touched her, insane desire mixed with guilt. I’d never wanted to be with another woman other than my wife, even after our marriage was over. Even after Kayla had died, I still hadn’t dared look at another woman, not until Mercy.
After I’d kissed her, I left the office and spent hours driving around trying to get my shit together. But now that I’d managed to crack the door open, I didn’t know how to shut it. I ended up pulling into Mercy’s driveway and, before I knew what I was doing, I knocked on her door. Maybe I wanted her to slam it in my face. Tell me to fuck off and that I was a bastard for touching her. Hell, I didn’t know.
Now that I was inside, I didn’t know where to begin or what to say.
“I’m a goddamn mess,” I admitted.
“You are,” she readily agreed.
Her answer was so typical of her, I lost it and laughed to near hysteria. Leave it to Mercy to agree.
“I can’t stop thinking about you.” I moved toward her, and she made no effort to back up. “I tried. I really fucking tried to stay away from you.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt you.”
She was right there inches away from me. My hands ached to touch her.
“You won’t.”
I needed her to tell me to back off, to stop, something. I wasn’t strong enough to stay away. Everything about Mercy called to every part of me. Even the parts of me I’d thought would be cold and dead forever.
This time, she moved. Her hands went to the back of my head to pull me forward as she came up on her toes. She pressed her lips against mine, and every nerve ending in my body began to spark. She yanked my shirt up and bent forward so she could pull it off. Hers was suddenly off and tossed aside, and her lips were on mine. Within minutes the rest of our cl
othes were torn off, and I picked her up. Her back hit the wall behind us. Mercy’s strong legs wrapped around my waist, her naked body pressed against mine was almost too much to take. Both of us were in a frenzy to touch and taste. Her tongue glided against mine, and I couldn’t remember anything that tasted better—ever. In a smooth, hard thrust I was inside of her, wetness and heat enveloped my dick, causing my eyes to roll to the back of my head. Jesus. Not a word was spoken as I pumped into her welcoming body. She rocked against me, perfectly in sync. Her hands in my hair yanked, and it spurred me on. Standing in Mercy’s living room, up against the wall, I fucked her like she was the first breath of fresh air I’d had in years. And, in a way, she was.
“Jason,” she moaned. “God, yes!”
Her head hit the wall, and my mouth chased after hers. I needed her lips on mine, I had to taste the excitement on her tongue. My balls drew up tight, and heat tingled my spine. Her pussy convulsed and spasmed around my dick, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop the come from exploding out of me. With one more thrust I stayed planted as deep as I could and savored the sensation. The last bit of my orgasm spilled into her, and guilt consumed me. It overtook every ounce of pleasure I’d felt moments before and stole away the peace Mercy had provided.
What the fuck did I do?
Mercy’s lips were on my neck, and she slowly pulled back but before she could look at me, I closed my eyes.
“Don’t you dare shut down on me, Jason Walker.”
When I didn’t answer she unlocked her legs from around my hips and wiggled until I set her on her feet. Both of us stood butt-assed naked, nowhere to go, nothing to hide behind.
“Follow me.” She grabbed my hand, giving me no choice but to follow or yank my hand free. I was too overcome with emotion to do anything but trail behind her. Like the lost fucking puppy I was. When had I turned into such a pansy-assed idiot?
When we reached her bedroom, she flipped on the lamp on her nightstand. I was grateful it was dim, the last thing I wanted her to see was my shame. She climbed onto her bed and pulled me next to her. We laid in silence for a long time. My thoughts were all over the place. Torn down the middle. Kayla was dead, had been for a long time, but a nagging voice told me I’d cheated. But worse than that, I’d just had the single most passionate sexual experience of my life. Mercy was so full of life, she was this force of nature that drew me in. I wanted more of her. More of what we just had against the wall, more of her in my arms, more of the confusion she caused.
Finding Mercy: The Next Generation Page 4