Riley opened up his mouth to speak but promptly shut it. After so many years in the military, it had become natural to hear people speak their minds about him, and he had learned to not react. But this was Grace, and unfortunately, she had a point.
“Fine, so I am having a little bit of a hard time with the whole thing,” he said begrudgingly.
“But why? I thought you liked Ben.”
“I do!” he said a little too loudly and then took a deep breath and began to pace. “I don’t have a problem with Ben. I have a problem with everything changing.”
Okay, now they were getting somewhere. “Did you really expect everything to stay the same?”
He ran a hand through his hair and stopped. This was the longest his hair had been in more than a dozen years. More damn changes. “I never gave it much thought. To tell you the truth, I had planned on coming here for a couple of days and then leaving. I never meant to stay this long. I wanted to convince her to sell the place so I wouldn’t have to deal with coming back here.”
Okay, so he was more willing to talk than Grace had expected. “What is so bad about this place, Riley? It’s a beautiful home and your mother loves it. Why do you hate it so much?”
Riley stopped in his tracks and faced her on the opposite side of the butcher-block island. “This house may be picturesque and wonderful to a lot of people, but to me this is the place that consumed my parents’ lives. Even when my father was alive, we never went anywhere or did anything because of this inn. We never went out of town or away for the holidays. My friends took trips during the summer, but my parents never did. We were always stuck here. When my father died, my mother had to cancel some reservations because of the funeral—three days’ worth. That was all the time I was allotted to grieve because there were always guests here.”
“Oh, Riley…”
He held up a hand to cut her off. “We had our own part of the house, but I had to watch her put on a happy facade for everyone, and I was expected to do the same. When I acted out in school because I was so devastated by the loss of my father, Mom told me that I needed to get it together because she couldn’t take time away from the inn to keep coming up to school.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Riley took a moment to compose himself. “To you, this inn is great and wonderful and someplace that you want to be a part of. But for me? This is the place that took too much of my parents’ time from me.”
Grace didn’t know what she had been expecting when Riley opened up, but it wasn’t this.
“In order to not come off like a total jackass, I tried to tell myself that I was concerned about my mother working too hard, and maybe on some level that was true. But the bottom line is that this place holds too many negative memories for me.”
Coming around the island, Grace stood before him and took Riley’s hands in her own. “Even now? Even now that you and Corrine are making new memories and working on the property together?”
She wanted to ask if her presence had done anything to change his thoughts on the Snowflake Inn, but she didn’t think now was the time for that.
“It is getting better, and then that makes me feel guilty too,” he said, pulling his hands from hers and going to stand by the French doors and look out at the property.
“Why?”
Riley looked at Grace briefly over his shoulder before returning his attention to the winter wonderland before him. “I was angry for a long time. That was part of what defined me and kept me going. I spent a lot of years being strong and tough, and to find that in a matter of weeks I can be so easily manipulated into changing who I am—”
“No one’s manipulated you, Riley,” Grace interrupted, anxious for him to know no one was doing that to him.
“Maybe that wasn’t the right word,” he said hastily and let out a sigh of frustration. “I came home and was forced to stay and take an active role in the running of the place and spend time actually talking to my mother instead of avoiding her. It’s made a big difference.”
“I’m so glad, Riley,” Grace said as she came to stand beside him. She wanted to put her arms around him and hug him and rest her head on his chest and take comfort in hearing his heartbeat, but she was afraid to touch him just yet. There were so many more things to talk about. “So what are you going to do now?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. I think a lot is going to depend on Mom and Ben. He plans on proposing on Christmas and wants the barn done for them to get married on the property.” Riley wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a secret or not, but he trusted Grace.
“Is that why he’s pushing so hard to get it done?” Riley nodded. “I think your mother is going to love that.”
“That’s what Ben is counting on.”
“What about you?”
He turned toward her. “What about me?”
Grace smiled. “I know you’re happy for them, and that shows by how much you’re helping Ben to get things done around here. But then what? What are your plans?” She almost hated to ask the question because she didn’t want Riley to think she was fishing for a commitment or for him to feel pressured to make some reference to their relationship.
“I never had a plan,” he said sadly, returning to the view outside. “My discharge wasn’t something I planned. I thought that I was going to be in for life. My injuries… I guess I always thought that I’d recover and go back to business as usual. Then when I realized that I couldn’t, all I had was my anger toward the inn, and I knew that it wasn’t what I wanted. Beyond that, I had nothing.”
“When I was preparing to go to college, I had my whole life planned out,” Grace began quietly. “I was going for a four-year degree; then I was going to go to culinary school. I was going to come home for the holidays and breaks and travel with my parents. I had it all mapped out. And then…everything changed.”
Reaching out, Riley put an arm around Grace and pulled her close.
“Suddenly, I was afraid to commit to a four-year school. I needed to be able to take care of myself. I had money from my parents’ life insurance and the sale of our house, and I got rid of everything in it, but I knew I was going to have to live conservatively in order to make sure I was okay. I was so scared to make the wrong decision.”
“You’ve done an amazing job with your life, Grace,” Riley said softly, resting his head on top of hers. “I know it wasn’t easy, but you’re an incredible woman.”
She shrugged. “Most of the time I’m just trying to survive. I had to come up with a new plan for my life, and so far, I’m making it work. Unfortunately, it’s a long process, and it can be exhausting at times.”
Unable to help himself, Riley turned and pulled Grace completely into his arms and lowered his head to kiss her. His lips were like a gentle caress, and for now, it was enough. When he pulled back, he looked into her big, green eyes and felt like he could stay there forever. “So what’s next for you? What’s the next step in your plan?”
“I keep surviving. I remember to smile and have fun and not spend every waking moment on work.”
“Is working that important to you?” he asked cautiously.
“I want to own my own business. I want to have a place that is mine that no one can take away from me. I need to remember what it’s like to have a place where I belong, and then maybe I’ll be able to relax.”
Riley let those words sink in but wasn’t ready to respond. So he simply held her, and together they watched as fresh snow began to fall.
* * *
Later that night, after all of their guests had gone to their rooms, Grace and Riley sat in front of the large stone fireplace in the living room and enjoyed the fiery warmth of it. They were wrapped up in each other in companionable silence, just relaxing after a long day.
Grace wanted to stay like this forever. In the warmth of Riley’s arms, she felt a peace she hadn’t felt since she’d lost h
er parents. “Riley?”
“Hmm?”
“You never answered my question earlier.”
“Which one?”
“I asked you what your plans were for your future. I know you said that you didn’t have any when you were discharged, but what about now? Are you going to stay here and work the inn with Corrine and Ben, or are you planning on leaving?”
Riley looked at her, his expression serious. “Part of that is going to depend on what my mother and Ben decide to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“What if they decide once they get married that they don’t want to run the inn? What if they want to travel and enjoy their retirement?”
“You could run it,” she suggested shyly.
He chuckled. “I can’t cook.” He kissed the top of her head and pulled her a little closer against him. “I think the guests would get tired of instant oatmeal for breakfast and frozen pizza for dinner.”
Grace found herself laughing too. “You would have to hire people, obviously.”
“I don’t know. If you weren’t here, you’d be a tough act to follow. No one would be able to do what you do or replace you.” Gone was the teasing tone of only seconds ago; his voice was more gruff and serious.
She could only hope he wasn’t strictly referring to her cooking skills, that some part of him knew there wasn’t another woman who would take care of him and love him like she did.
Wait a minute… Love him? Love him? The thought came to mind so easily that it made her heart race. All this time, Grace knew her feelings for Riley were strong, but to love him… That wasn’t something she was prepared to admit. Besides, at this point, from what she understood, Riley wasn’t asking her to stay. He seemed to understand her need to find a place of her own and knew that it wasn’t here with him or the Snowflake Inn. Part of her wished he would ask her to stay, to tell her that this place would be theirs and that they would make it work together.
But he didn’t.
It would be a lie for Grace to say, even to herself, that she wasn’t hurt. Here she was, finally figuring out that she was in love with Riley Walsh, a.k.a. Cute Angry Guy, and all he was willing to say was that no one could replace her. Not the most romantic declaration, or really, any kind of declaration for that matter.
Maybe this was for the best. Grace knew that she planned to leave, and while her heart was definitely going to break, at least she knew now—or thought that she knew—that there would be no scene when the time came for her to move on. They would probably part as friends, and hopefully Riley would remember her fondly.
Grace imagined that she’d keep in touch with Corrine and would probably invite her and Ben to come and visit wherever she settled, but talk of Riley would always bring a pain to her heart. He was going to forever be known as the one who got away.
“You got awful quiet there, Grace,” Riley said, breaking into her thoughts. “What are you thinking about?”
Why it is that you don’t love me…
“I was thinking that I really wish there was a fireplace in my apartment.” It wasn’t a total lie; the thought had crossed her mind a time or two.
“Really?” he asked, his tone conveying his disbelief.
She nodded. “I was thinking how nice it could be if we had one downstairs, where we could lock the door and”—she rolled over so she was facing him—“make love in front of it. I’ve never done that before.”
Slowly, Riley rolled Grace beneath him. Before he could let his weight fully settle on her, he kissed her softly, deeply, and then rolled off her until he stood next to the sofa. “What are you doing?” Grace asked, confused by his abrupt departure.
“The cool thing about old houses,” he began as he walked across the room toward the entryway, “is that there are a lot of hidden features nobody really notices.” He got to the archway between the living room and the entryway and pulled at the wall molding. “Pocket doors,” he said simply as he pulled one out from each side and then locked them together. Once that doorway was secured, he walked toward the back of the room where a swinging door led to the kitchen. On most days, the door was kept open so people could come and go, but Riley closed it and then slid the small bolt at the bottom of it into the hardwood floor.
Then he slowly walked toward the sofa, toward Grace.
Sitting up slightly, Grace watched his every move. She loved the way Riley walked. Every muscle in his body moved with ease, and there was something very sexy about that. When he was standing in front of her, he held out a hand and pulled Grace to her feet. Pulling her in close, Riley cupped her face in his hands and leaned in and kissed her. This time not so slowly or so sweetly. This time it was all heat and passion and need.
Grace got up on her toes and pressed her body as close to Riley’s as she could possibly get while his tongue traced her bottom lip. She gasped as she felt the proof of his arousal pressing against her belly, and that one little movement allowed Riley entrance into her mouth to tease her tongue with his.
She lost track of time, had no idea how long they stood there, holding one another while they made love simply with their lips, but suddenly Riley pulled back. “Stay there,” he said, his breath ragged. Turning from her, he walked over to a large ottoman in the corner of the room and lifted the top from it. Inside were several blankets. He took the first one out and laid it on the floor in front of the fire, then put a second one nearby. Next, he pulled several pillows from the sofa and placed them on top of the blanket.
When everything was where he wanted it to be, Riley walked over to Grace and stopped in front of her. Without a word, without asking permission, he reached out to the hem of her sweater and swiftly pulled it over her head. He bent and kissed her throat, nipped at her pulse, and reached up to cup her breasts. He loved to touch her, to kiss her, and standing here in the firelight with her only seemed to heighten his desire for her.
Taking a cue from Riley, Grace boldly reached out, pulled his shirt over his head, and ran her hands over his chest. He was all finely chiseled muscle, and as her hands roamed, they always stopped right above his heart. She loved to feel it beating beneath her almost as much as she loved how hot and hard all of his muscles were.
Looking up, she stared at the raw desire banked in his eyes. It mirrored her own. “Make love to me, Riley,” she said huskily. “Please.”
Sweeping Grace up into his arms, a move that he was coming to enjoy more and more, he carried her over to the blankets and laid her down. Kneeling beside her, he peeled her jeans from her body before joining her there.
“You are so beautiful,” he said reverently as his hands skimmed her body from her face all the way to her toes.
Grace had no words, no response. The emotion that she heard in Riley’s voice made her quiver. She reached out and ran her hand across the strong line of his jaw, enjoying the roughness of a day’s worth of stubble there. Whispering his name, she cupped a hand around his nape and gently guided him forward. When their lips were merely a breath apart, Grace felt like she was going to burst with the love that she was feeling. The anticipation of the kiss, the touch of his hands, and Riley’s lovemaking left her breathless.
But he didn’t kiss her, didn’t touch her. Carefully, Riley rolled away until he was naked beside her and then pulled the second blanket over them. Only then did he roll Grace beneath him and kiss her.
And then, well into the night and until the fire had nearly died out, he made love to her and said with his body what his words hadn’t said earlier.
Chapter 12
It was the week before Christmas. Grace and Corrine had been baking up a storm, and reservations were filling up for the New Year. A constant bustle of activity was going on at the Snowflake Inn, and Grace was loving it all.
Something had changed the night she and Riley had made love by the fire. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but she felt
as if the two of them had become closer and even more intimate since then, if that was even possible.
When Corrine and Ben had finally come back the following day, they also seemed different. They seemed more at ease with one another, and Grace was certain if she asked Corrine, her friend would tell her she saw the same in her and Riley. Love was in the air at the Snowflake Inn, and as wonderful as it was, it was also bittersweet.
Without saying a word to Riley, during her free times throughout the day, while he was out working with Ben, Grace would go to her apartment to search online for bed-and-breakfasts that were for sale. She wasn’t particular about where the property was located; all she knew was that she didn’t want to be in competition with Corrine. She had found several properties that looked interesting, but none she was willing to travel and see just yet. If and when that time came, she would deal with it. For now, however, it was her own little secret.
It wasn’t that she was in a hurry to leave—far from it. The newfound level of intimacy that she and Riley had was going to be even harder to leave. But she was a realist. Riley hadn’t professed his love, and his life was seemingly up in the air right now. He might not know what he wanted, but Grace certainly did. She had worked hard toward her dream for ten years, and it was finally within her reach. Once she found the perfect property, she was going to move quickly to make it a reality.
Leaving the Snowflake Inn and Riley was going to be the hardest thing she had had to do since saying good-bye to her parents and selling their home. Grace had never wanted to face that kind of heartache again, and to be fair, she never thought she would have to. Meeting and loving Riley was something she hadn’t planned on, but now that she had and knew how it was going to end, Grace still couldn’t say that she regretted it. What was the old adage—it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? She could fully understand that now. She would rather walk away having loved him than to have never had this time together.
Mistletoe Between Friends / The Snowflake Inn Page 24