by Emma Slate
“Because you like me. Because I like you. Because you don’t know how to handle all this.” He shrugged. “I’m not really sure, but Anita says you’ve been acting weird.”
My spine straightened. “You’ve talked to my cousin about me?” I asked, raising my voice.
Students turned their heads and glared at me. I lowered my register and took a moment to get myself under control. “You guys have been talking about me behind my back?”
“No—well, yes, but only because she’s been at our apartment the last three nights and she was in the living room talking to Jonah about it. And then I might have…”
“Yes?”
“Asked her if you were sick. She said no.”
Taking off my glasses, I sighed and then rubbed the bridge of my nose. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”
“I’m sorry. I thought—”
“This was all about you? Us? This has nothing to do with you.” I shook my head and stood up. I shut my laptop and slid it into my messenger bag. Hoisting the bag onto my shoulder, I raked Hunter with a scathing look.
“Poppy, wait!”
I ran from the library as tears formed in my eyes. This was about so much more than avoiding Hunter. Sweet, solicitous Hunter, who wasn’t freaked out by my love for spiders, my fascination with them. All that would change if he knew what I’d been dealing with the last few nights. The endless dreams of the dark-haired man with dark eyes, waking up bathed in sweat, my legs tangled in the sheets.
And the spider.
The fucking spider.
I was fairly positive the spider was communicating with me. But that was just insane.
Right?
Because spiders couldn’t communicate with humans.
So the logical conclusion was that I was losing my mind. And if I was losing my mind, there was no time for a boyfriend. Besides, I wouldn’t ask Hunter to take care of me or try and help me keep the pieces together. That wasn’t his job.
It was easier to run from Hunter than to stay and face him.
Raindrops sprinkled my head as I left the library. Tucking my book bag under my arm, I began to jog. If the sky opened up I’d get wet—the computer had to be spared. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket but didn’t reach for it. It was probably Hunter. How was I supposed to blow him off when our roommates were dating?
Wet and annoyed by the time I got home, I was looking forward to a hot bath. Knowing I’d wake up in the middle of the night, I thought going to bed early was a good idea.
Anita was on the couch, and there was no way I could move past her without speaking. The strain between us was palpable.
“Hey,” she said, eyeing my sodden form.
“Hey,” I said as I set my bag down and kicked off my shoes, not wanting to track rainwater farther into the apartment. Feigning interest in removing the rest of my soiled clothes, it was easy to pretend to ignore her.
“Can we talk?” Anita asked.
“About what?”
“About the fact that we haven’t really spoken in days.”
I shucked off my damp jeans and stood in the living room in my mint green boy shorts. “What’s there to say? You threatened to call my mom like I’m a child.”
“But I didn’t.”
“You talked to Hunter about me. Behind my back.”
“I’m fucking worried, Poppy!” she snapped. “Why don’t you get that?”
“Then you talk to me! You don’t talk to my—to the guy that I might—”
“I have tried talking to you. You ignore me, or play it down. But I know there’s something you’re not telling me. So what is it? Just tell me!”
My phone buzzed somewhere near my bag but again I ignored it. “I’m working through something, okay? Something I’m not ready to share.”
Distress flashed across her face.
I shook my head. “No. You don’t get to make this about you, Anita. I know you want to help, but I’m not ready to talk about it.”
“Poppy—”
“You hurt my feelings,” I admitted. “Of all the people in the world—my mom doesn’t get it—she doesn’t get me, and that’s fine. I’ve made my peace with it. But you… You’re not just my cousin, you’re my best friend.”
Anita’s blue eyes filled with tears. “I really am sorry, Poppy. I love you. You know I do. I just hope when you’re ready, you know you can talk to me.”
My anger softened. “I do know that.”
Suddenly we were both crying and laughing. She hopped up from the couch and hugged me. “Forgive me for being insensitive?”
“Nothing to forgive,” I assured her but then pulled back. Glancing down, I realized I was still pants-less. “Maybe I should get into pajamas.”
“It’s not even dark out.” Anita smirked.
“But I’m exhausted. I haven’t been sleeping well.”
She frowned. “I didn’t know that.”
“Well, you have been spending a lot of time with Jonah,” I teased.
“Yeah.” She bit her lip and focused attention back on me. “Hunter is really into you.”
I sighed.
“I’m sorry. I’m missing the part where that’s bad. He’s cute, smart, athletic, and not afraid of your—”
“I know, I know,” I muttered. I headed to my room, and knowing Anita would follow me, I quickly picked up the spider in a cube and hid it in the back of my closet.
Anita stood in the doorway and peered inside with trepidation. When she saw that the spider was nowhere in sight, she flounced in and plopped down on the bed.
“So, do you like Hunter?”
I opened a dresser drawer and riffled through it to find my oldest pair of sweats. They’d once been black, but they’d been washed so many times they were faded.
“I like Hunter,” I admitted slowly. “But it’s complicated.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“That’s not a reason.”
“I don’t have time for a boyfriend.”
“Yes, you do. Next excuse.”
“I’m not attracted to him.”
“Yes, you are. Next.”
I removed my ponytail holder and let my hair down. Picking up a brush, I fingered the prongs for a moment before dragging it against my scalp.
I thought about my dreams of the dark-haired man. I thought about the spider in the cube. I thought about the fact that I might be losing my mind.
There were just some things I couldn’t tell my cousin. Some things should be kept to myself.
Chapter 9
“Jeez,” I muttered, setting my phone aside. “Excessive much?” I had three missed calls from Hunter.
“Told you—he’s so into you,” Anita said. “Infatuated.” She stood at the kitchen counter dousing a pita with spaghetti sauce and shredded cheddar cheese.
I didn’t want to discuss Hunter. “So, is Jonah everything you thought he’d be?”
She put the pita pizzas in the oven and hit the timer. “I know what you’re doing.”
“Come on, you know you want to talk about him.” I took a sip of my beer and waited.
“You’re right, I do. I’m dying to talk about him. He is not your typical frat guy athlete,” she said, a hazy look entering her eyes. “I think—”
“What?”
“Nah, you’ll think I’m crazy.”
I raised an eyebrow. She had no idea…
“I think he’s the one.”
“Really?”
Anita nodded. “He’s just so—”
“You barely know him. And it’s new. Things change. Things can—”
“I’ll make you a deal,” she interrupted. “I won’t ask you about what’s going on with you and you don’t judge me for following my heart. I know you’re rational through and through, so love—”
A phone vibrated. This time it was Anita’s.
“Jonah?” I asked.
She shook her head and looked at me. “Hunter.”
�
�Ignore him.”
Looking like she was about to argue, she wisely decided to stay out of it by silencing her phone. “Another beer?” she asked instead.
I nodded. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.” She popped the top off a beer and then passed it to me.
“Do you have dreams—about men?”
She frowned and then grinned. “You mean like sex dreams? All the time!”
“Okay…but about men you’ve been with? Or strangers?”
“Both. Why?” She peered at me. “Oh my God! You’re having sex dreams! About Hunter?
“Forget I asked.”
“I don’t want to! This is so great!”
“How is this great?”
“You never ask me questions about sex.”
“This isn’t about sex,” I growled. “It’s about—oh never mind.”
Take me out of the closet.
I shot up from a sound sleep, a scream lodged in my throat. Scrambling from the bed, I didn’t realize I was tangled up in the sheets. I hit the floor with a resounding thud, banging my elbows and knees.
This had to end. I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I flipped on the light, looked under the bed for a tote, and went to the closet. Hand on the knob, I took a deep breath and then opened the door.
The spider in the cube rested on the floor. Nothing about it was any different.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I whispered.
Of course it didn’t answer. I grabbed the thing and placed it into the tote. I crept out of my room and looked down the hall. The door to Anita’s room was closed; I listened for a moment and heard nothing. Hopefully that meant she was asleep—alone—in her bed. The last thing I needed was for her to pop out, catch me in the act, and demand an explanation. We’d just gotten back to normal, and I didn’t want this to jeopardize our fragile truce.
I slipped my feet into a pair of red Vans and then headed out of the apartment. It was just past midnight and even though it was a weeknight, the streets were busy. Keeping my head down and the tote pulled close to my body, I meandered through the crowds of college kids hell-bent on a night of drinking and socializing.
The nondescript door of the bar and junk store was hard to find since I’d been paying more attention to Hunter the first night we met. But I eventually found it.
I knocked on the door. The slat opened, revealing a pair of dark eyes.
“Password,” I said.
The door opened, and I stepped into the bar. Not bothering to waste any time, I approached the bartender—the same one who’d been working the night I had taken the spider home. Setting the tote on the bar, I pushed it toward him.
“Here.”
He frowned. “What is it?”
“It’s the spider in the—”
“No refunds,” the bartender hastened to say.
“I didn’t buy it.”
“That’s even worse. You can’t return a gift. It’s bad juju.”
“But I don’t want it,” I stated.
“Then donate it to Goodwill or something. No returns.”
When it was clear he wasn’t going to be swayed, I reached for the tote. My footsteps were heavy with defeat as I took the bag and left. I hastened down the street and then broke into a run. I passed my apartment, aware the lights were on. Anita must’ve woken up—maybe she’d walked past my empty room and wondered where I’d gone. Maybe she was worried since I hadn’t taken my phone.
I continued to run. I ran all the way to Colonial Lake, the tidal pond along Ashley Avenue. The moon was full, its silver glow rippling in the dark waters of the lake. I crept to the edge as I reached into the tote. Pulling out the cube, I stared at the spider inside.
“I’m not crazy,” I whispered right before I flung it into the lake.
There was a splash, and then the night was silent once more.
I pounded on Hunter’s apartment door, not caring if I woke up his roommates. When the apartment remained dark, I went for the doorbell. I pressed it a few times in rapid succession and heard the loud chiming from outside.
Finally, lights came on and then Hunter opened the front door. He’d obviously been asleep since his hair was mussed, his chest was bare, and he was wearing a pair of soft cotton pajama bottoms.
“Poppy?” He wiped a hand across his face. “What’s going on?”
I hugged my arms around my own body. I was cold from the inside out and couldn’t get warm. “Hey,” I said weakly. “I’m sorry to just show up here, but I need—”
Without a word, Hunter tugged me into the solid warmth of his chest and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my head.
I shivered.
“Shit, where’s your coat?” He gently pulled me inside and shut the door.
“Forgot it. Did I wake you up?”
“Yeah, but it’s okay.”
“Your roommates?”
“Jonah is with Anita. And Sean is out.”
Ah, the lights on in my apartment suddenly made sense.
Hunter led me to his bedroom and despite my emotional state, I was curious about where he lived. His room was tidy and clean. One shelf was lined with medical and science textbooks. Soccer trophies and scholastic accolades took up another shelf. A light blue comforter covered his queen-sized bed. I wanted to climb into it and pull the covers up over my head.
Hunter riffled through one of his drawers and pulled out a hoodie. “Here.”
“Thanks.” I took it and quickly put it on. I bit my lip, not wanting to ask for more, but needing to.
“What?”
“Can I have a pair of socks? My toes are frozen.”
Chuckling, he opened the top drawer of his dresser and found a pair of wool socks. My feet warmed immediately once I donned the wool. The adrenaline faded from my body and drowsiness took over.
“Lay down,” he said, pulling back the covers.
I climbed into his bed and scooted over so I was close to the wall. He turned off the light and then got into bed. Pulling me into his arms, he wrapped me in a blanket of security and warmth.
My eyes closed.
“Wanna talk about it?” he asked.
“No,” I whispered. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah, Poppy,” he said, stroking my hair. “That’s okay.”
Chapter 10
The smell of strong, aromatic coffee woke me up. My eyes opened to Hunter sitting on the edge of his bed, fully dressed and holding a cup of steaming coffee. He smiled. “I made it the way you like it.”
“Thanks,” I croaked. Pulling my legs toward me, I managed to get myself into a sitting position. Out of instinct I reached for my glasses. If I had been home they would’ve been resting on my bedside table. But I wasn’t at home because I’d come to Hunter in a state of panic and confusion.
“What time is it?” I asked, dropping my hand.
“Eight.”
“I have class at ten,” I said.
“I know.” When I frowned at him, he went on, “I texted Anita that you were here. She told me you had class at ten. I’m not stalking you, I swear.”
He held out the cup of coffee again.
I took it, wrapping my fingers around the mug and breathing in the robust aroma.
“How’d you sleep?” he asked.
“Good. Better than good, actually. Did I…” I cleared my throat. “Did I—sleep the night through?”
His look was measuring. “You did.”
I didn’t think I dreamed. Maybe throwing the spider in the lake had done something to my subconscious. Freed it. Or maybe it was having Hunter in bed next to me.
“You kick in your sleep, you know.”
“Nah uh. Really?”
Hunter’s smile was slow. “No. Not really.”
“I owe you an apology,” I said, shame flooding my cheeks. “For how I treated you. You were just concerned and I…don’t always know how to handle that.” I frowned. “My mom, she was always a bit over protective
, hovered just a little too close. I balk whenever anyone gets in my shit.”
“That makes sense.”
“It does?”
He nodded.
“Are we okay?” I asked.
“More than okay,” he assured me.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I hated the way I’d talked to him, the way I’d shut him out. He’d been incredible, letting me into his apartment, into his bed, not asking a thing from me.
“Don’t you have class?”
He shook his head. “Not until later.”
I looked into the mug of coffee.
“Poppy?”
I glanced up. “Yeah?”
His smile was lopsided and genuine. “I don’t know what brought you here last night, but I really like sleeping next to you.”
“Oh,” I breathed, my cheeks heating, my insides defrosting.
Looking nervous, he licked his lips. “Did you like it—”
“Yes.”
Relief fluttered across his face. He leaned in, but I shielded my mouth behind the cup of coffee, nearly spilling the contents all over the front of his hoodie.
“What are you doing?” I squeaked.
“Kissing you good morning?”
I shook my head. “I have to brush my teeth first.” And shower. And drink more coffee. And start feeling human.
“Poppy?”
“Yeah?” I asked, trying to keep him at a distance.
“Would you like to go out to dinner with me? Tonight?”
I blinked. “You mean, like a date?”
He grinned. “Exactly like a date.”
Despite my morning breath, I leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his clean-shaven cheek. “I’d like that.”
“It got colder,” I said, hunching lower into Hunter’s hoodie. It smelled like his cologne, and I tried to inhale the scent without him noticing.
He looked up at the gray, cloudy sky. “Yeah, I think we’re due for some rain.”
“More rain,” I grumbled. “Can’t wait for spring.” We arrived at my porch steps and stopped. “Thanks for walking me home.”
“You’re welcome.” His warm hand dropped mine and then reached up to brush hair behind my ears. “See you tonight.”