The studio was empty and silent.
The clothes that had been folded on the bench were gone and in their place was a gold chain adorned with a clasp in the shape of a small, sculpted sea shell, and a piece of white paper. He reached for both items not sure what to think.
Imanya had removed her symbolic collar? She’d worn it night and day ever since he’d given it to her. She’d even worn it when she was visiting Chase but now it was lying on the wooden bench.
Davis grabbed the piece of folded paper. A note? One glance told him otherwise when he saw the heading: Mason County Community Hospital.
It appeared to be an admittance form, dated with the current date and time stamped just after ten o’clock that morning. One word jumped out at him: terminal. Damn it! She had been with Chase but that didn’t explain where she was now. He scanned the paper in his hand, then read it again. An instant later he was headed out the door. He knew where she was and he had to get there.
The drive seemed to take longer than the few minutes it actually took and he was out of the car as soon as it stopped, running toward the walkway leading to the sand. The beach was deserted but it still took a moment before he spotted her. She looked so small and fragile lying there on the sand, gazing out to the water.
Imanya turned as he approached. “You’re here.”
“Yes, I’m here but you shouldn’t be. Imanya, I have to get you back to the hospital.”
Her smoky green eyes returned to watching the waves. “No, Davis. I’m where I need to be. You can’t make me leave. That’s why I took our collar off. I can’t be your submissive anymore.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were at the hospital? Everything you’ve said is a lie. There is no Chase. You were the one getting treatment.” He was trying to understand. “None of this makes any sense. Why haven’t you been honest? All this time and you’ve been lying to me. Why?”
“So many questions.” She sounded tired. “I suppose you deserve answers.”
“You suppose I deserve answers?” His anger was returning but now it was for a different reason. “How many lies have you told? Was anything the truth? Were you ever honest with me?”
“I was mostly honest.”
“Imanya, you’re dying. That isn’t mostly honest. That’s a miserable and unfair lie.”
“I never actually said Chase was the one diagnosed. I just let you believe he was the one getting treatment and I did it out of fear. I didn’t want to be alone at the end. Chase was very real but I was the one feeling tired all the time and it was my life that was changed by one trip to the doctor. I just thought I was working too much, that I’d have to get vitamin injections but, instead, I was told I only had a short time left to live. I seem to remember being numb and I went straight to where I thought I’d find comfort, where I thought someone cared, straight to Chase. I wanted him to hold me, to say and do all the appropriate things but he packed every one of my belongings and threw me out. He said he couldn’t deal with my illness and he had no use for me anymore.”
“So Chase is a bastard but that doesn’t mean I am. Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
“Yes,” she agreed, “Chase is a bastard. He’s never even called to see how I was. Not once in all these months.” She looked at the water. “The tide is starting to come in. The waves have been so intense and powerful today.” She was quiet for a moment, almost as if she was taking strength from the force of the waves pounding the shore. “The first night, after Chase threw me out, I went to a hotel and cried for hours. The next day I found an apartment close to my office and decided to do the best I could, for as long as I could. I didn’t tell Glenn. He still has no idea and I couldn’t face his questions or knowing what reactions I’d get from co-workers. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. Glenn thought Chase and I broke up and I was working too much to forget the break-up, so he got me the invitation to Club Azar. I went because he insisted. I figured I’d have a glass of wine and tell him I hadn’t met anyone, only that wasn’t what happened. Meeting you made me realize how much I missed being submissive to someone and being cared for. I thought you and I would have that one night but I hadn’t planned on you asking me for more or on me wanting more. I’m sorry for misleading you but I’m not sorry for everything you gave me, Davis.”
“Everything I gave you?” His tone was bitter and full of self-blame. “I beat you with a fucking strap. That’s what I gave you. Why the hell didn’t you call me from the hospital? Why didn’t you explain instead of letting me …?”
“You didn’t beat me, Davis. You disciplined me and you did it because you care. You were worried and angry and you did it because I matter to you. I would have gotten back on time but, as I was leaving here, I collapsed and ended up in the hospital. I don’t remember very much about how I got there. I was unconscious for a while and, when I woke up, I didn’t know what had happened to my phone. That hospital was where I went for treatment so they had my records on file and tried to make me stay. Instead of wasting time trying to get to a phone, I snuck out as soon as I had the chance and went straight to your place. I’m sorry you were so worried.”
He sat next to her, stunned, not knowing what to say or how to start saying it. His mind was spinning, trying to make sense of the reality, trying to cope and the words came in a jumble of emotion. “All this time … all these months … you lied … you let me care. You had to know I’d find out eventually. What did you think was going to happen? Were you ever planning to tell me or …? Were you just going to wait until some random stranger broke the news? Until I found you lying on the floor? How could you be so selfish?”
“Yes, it was selfish and I should have told you but it’s a little hard to find just the right moment to share news like that. If you’re finding it hard to process and understand, imagine how I was feeling. The night we met was the first time I’d felt anything, besides sorry for myself, in weeks. Should I have introduced myself by saying, ‘Hi, I’m Imanya and I’m not looking for a long term commitment because I don’t have a long enough term to commit to anything?’ I was scared and I was lonely and I latched on to you because I needed someone. I had no way of knowing how things would work out between us, how long things would last. If it was just a few weeks, what was the point of saying anything? Then it became more than a few weeks and I was afraid to say anything. I didn’t want to hurt you but I also didn’t want to lose you. I thought you’d understand but I also thought Chase would understand, so, how could I be sure about anything?”
She was right and he knew she was right but every inch of him seemed to feel some kind of dull ache. He reached into his pocket. “I bought you a ring. I wanted you to spend the rest of your life with me. I was planning to ask you today.”
The square-cut stone sparkled in the late afternoon sun but couldn’t match the sparkle in her eyes. “It’s beautiful, Davis, and I am spending the rest of my life with you. I’m so sorry the rest of my life won’t be as long as we both wish it could be. Please, can I wear it?”
He slipped the ring on the finger of her outstretched hand. “Imanya, you need to get back to the hospital. Let me take you.”
“No. This is where I need to be. I have what matters. I have the only things that made a real difference all these months. I have you and the ocean. Davis, the outcome was always inevitable but, because of you, my inevitable lasted so much longer than it was supposed to. You changed my outlook and kept me going. Because of you I had many more months than I was supposed to have and I’ll always be grateful for that. Please try to understand. The first night we met I knew you were courageous, so be courageous now. And be courageous for Glenn. He still doesn’t know and telling him is going to fall on you. He did so much for me, almost as much as you did.”
“What about the treatments you were supposed to be helping Chase with? Where were you? What were you doing? You should have told me what was happening. I would have been there for you.”
“I checked into the hospital every
month. Each treatment took about three hours and I had a couple of hours of recovery. After that I went to my apartment and slept because it took so much out of me and I wanted to tell you but I didn’t want you to see me that way. I’d rather have you remembering the good things, the fun we had together, all the times you let me know you cared.”
“Sure, Imanya. Like the great time we had this afternoon when I used the strap on you. Why didn’t you stop me?”
“I’m not sure,” she shrugged, “but maybe it was because I wanted everything to be the same for just a little longer. We both understand enough about the lifestyle to know our relationship wasn’t typical of most Dominants and submissives. You were never that dominant with me and I was only as submissive as I needed to be but it was good for us. We understood each other. You cared for me on your terms and I submitted on my terms. You told me to be back at a certain time and I wasn’t. I made you worry and you had every right to discipline me for that. If it wasn’t for the other circumstances, you wouldn’t be thinking twice about it.”
“The other circumstances? You mean that bothersome matter about you being about to die, right here, right now, in my arms?”
“I’d rather it wasn’t now but, as long as it’s going to happen, being here by the ocean and in your arms is the best place for me. I’d rather it was here, and in your arms, than in some cold and impersonal hospital room where other people have faced death.”
For a long time she said nothing, with only the crashing waves and screeching seagulls making any sound. For some reason he had the idea that she needed to gather her thoughts but eventually she said what she needed to tell him. “Facing death is an odd concept. At first it never enters your mind then eventually you reach the point when you know it’s going to happen but that time seems so distant and remote. I never thought I’d know when it was actually going to occur. When I went to the doctor that day, I really thought I was going to be told that I was working too much, because I was working really hard to impress Glenn. I wanted him to know he hadn’t made a mistake by hiring me or by helping identify the submissive part of me. The doctor didn’t seem to know how to tell me about the test results but I’ve always been good at reading people and, somehow, I knew before he said a word. I knew what he was going to say but, even after I heard the words, it wasn’t penetrating. It became much more real when Chase packed my things and demanded that I get out of his life.”
She was quiet again while Davis found himself torn between blessing Chase and cursing the son of a bitch. Chase should have put his own emotions aside and been there for Imanya; but if he had, she never would have entered Davis’ life. It wasn’t the first time that day he found himself wishing for Chase’s swift death and feeling as though the driving forces of the universe, hell, heaven and earth would be on his side. Someday Chase would find himself in one of those cold and impersonal hospital rooms and, if there was any justice, the bastard would be alone and in extreme pain.
Her voice drew his attention back to Imanya. “When I was very young, my mom and I spent a lot of time at the beach. She’d pack lunch and an old blanket and we’d spend all day playing in the waves and building sandcastles. She’d tell me stories about mermaids and mystical sea creatures and we’d have long talks about all kinds of things. I have really good memories of her except for the one about her leaving me. I never understood why she went, why she didn’t take me. During the past few months I’ve thought a lot about her. I’ve wondered if she’s still alive or if she found out she was going to die and that was why she left. Was it that she didn’t want us anymore or was it that she didn’t want us to watch her die? Facing mortality makes you wonder about everything. Maybe I’ve always been drawn to the ocean because of all those times I spent with my mom.”
What was he supposed to say? She seemed lucid but she was also slipping in and out of her memories. Davis knew he should get her to a hospital or a doctor but that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to stay right where she was and he wanted to stay with her. He needed to stay.
“Imanya? Why didn’t you tell me? I can understand how you might have been uncertain at first, but you must have realized I’d be here for you. I never would have turned my back on you. I wish you’d been able to see that. It could have made things easier for you.”
She smiled at him and his breath caught when he saw the sparkle was still in her eyes. “You did make things easier for me, Davis. I was able to take care of all the legalities, take on the very clichéd responsibility of getting all my affairs in order, and you gave me the fortitude to face all of that. I’ve been happy these last months and you were the reason for my happiness. I think, maybe, there was a small part of me somewhere that had hope, that I’d find out it was all a big mix up, that someone put my name on the wrong test results. Things like that happen and anything is possible, right? When it didn’t happen for me, it helped to know that, somewhere, it’s happening for someone else. Somewhere in this world a mistake was made and someone is getting a second chance. I just hope they appreciate it and make good use of their chance because if they don’t, it’s really going to piss me off.”
He had to smile at her words and marvel at the way she seemed to rationalize the unfairness of her situation and find peace with it. Imanya was a better person than he’d ever be, better than all the people he knew and would probably ever meet.
He had another question for her. “Was there ever any hope? Would it have made a difference if you’d seen a doctor sooner or sought some other kind of treatment?”
“No, Davis. My doctor was straightforward and great about explaining everything and I went through all the usual stages; the denial, the anger and, eventually, acceptance. The medical therapies could only do so much. They helped but they weren’t going to make any miracles.”
No miracles. Damn everyone and everything! She was the one who deserved a miracle. “Is there anything you want me to take care of, anything I need to do?” The thought of doing anything wasn’t what he wanted to face but he had to do something for her. Maybe he really needed to do it for himself.
“You can be there for Glenn. He’s not going to take it well when he finds out I wasn’t honest with him. He’s been an extremely protective friend.” Davis heard a small laugh. “Has any part of my life been typical? I guess the first few years were but I went from being a seven year old child to a seven year old adult in a matter of hours. I spent years looking after my dad and wishing I had someone to look after me. For a long time I thought I was crazy because I didn’t understand why I was craving care and control. Then I met Glenn and he helped me to understand myself. That should have simplified things but it was still pretty strange. He and his wife have had a Dom/sub relationship for as long as they’ve known each other so they were each able to explain things from their own perspective but, even though he trained me, when I started working for him, Glenn was completely professional. Even so, I went from being naked and kneeling at his feet to being fully clothed and yelling at him across a conference table to try and make him understand why my vison was right and his was wrong. Doms don’t like hearing that they’re wrong even when they are.”
“I’ll stay strong for Glenn and explain that you needed to do this your own way. I promise to do everything you need and anything you want except for one thing. I refuse to promise to be cordial to Chase. If the bastard shows his face, I intend to knock every one of his teeth down his throat for causing you even one second of pain and uncertainty. And then I plan to thank him for being the asshole to end all assholes because if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be the one here with you right now.”
“That seems fair. I love you, Davis.”
“I love you, Imanya.”
He wasn’t certain how long they sat together but she was lying comfortably and peacefully in his arms.
Telling Glenn wasn’t going to be easy but maybe he could talk the other man into helping him with a special mission. For some reason, Davis suddenly felt the need to locate Imanya’s
mother. Was the woman still alive? Could he find out the true reason for her departure? Did her reasons matter? So many years had passed, but it seemed important to be able to tell her how much those stories about mermaids and sea creatures meant to her daughter and how that same daughter had grown from a sweet child into an incredible and courageous woman. Imanya had said that being courageous was important to her and she showed him how important courage truly was.
The sun was getting close to setting and the air was taking on a chill but they sat together, saying nothing. He could see the foam-fringed waves getting closer as the tide came in and he smelled the crisp freshness in the air. The breezes coming in off the ocean were getting stronger; he could see her dark hair being gently tossed from side to side. The late afternoon sky was almost the same blue-grey hue as the water but soon it was going to be blazing with fiery shades of lavender and pink. She was calm, relaxed and he knew this was exactly what she needed.
“Davis, it’s time.”
“What? You can’t know that, Imanya.”
“I do know and I’m not afraid.” She looked at the ring on her finger and then up at him. “Thank you for letting me spend the rest of my life with you.”
The only sound he heard was the crashing waves as he felt her take her final breath.
He wanted to see her running along the water’s edge, so he sat on the sand, waiting and watching while the waves rolled along the shore, remembering the first time he ever saw her, knowing this would be the last.
About Christine Hart
In every gathering of individuals there is someone who looks at things a little differently. In the Erotic Collective, that person would probably be Christine Hart. Her favorite thing when writing is to play with words, frequently using them unexpectedly and sometimes giving them unusual or sexy new meanings. Her stories are about romance and relationships that are funny, quirky and slightly unbelievable but always have a happily ever after.
Twist (A BDSM & Romantic Erotica Boxed Set) Page 16