by T. S. Ryder
She was silent.
"That's the best you're going to get. I don't want to take Henry from his mother, but if you plan to fight me on this—"
"I'm not. Thank you. I wasn't planning on keeping Henry out of your life anyway, but thank you for letting me keep him."
Her voice, soft and cowed, so unlike her normal confidence, made Benjamin wince. He ran a hand through his hair, trying not to think about his dream last night. It wasn't happening. She didn't love him and he needed to get over her if worst came to worst. "I sent a marriage offer to Caitlyn."
"I heard. I had hoped it wasn't true."
Why? Was she hoping . . . He shut down that line of thinking. "It's true. She's the one who instigated all of this, so she's the one I have to placate. Besides which, I need a queen. She's got the proper training and everything, so . . . "
Julia brushed her hair behind her ear and shrugged. "You're not afraid she'll stab you in the back on your wedding night?"
Wedding night. The thought of being physically intimate with Caitlyn left him cold, but he brushed away the feeling. "No. It would just put her back in the same position, looking for a new mate and the rumors surrounding my death would be enough to cool the heels of prospective mates. But I have to protect my kingdom by any means necessary."
"I know."
Benjamin twitched. There was nothing else to say here. He should leave . . . but he didn't want to. He swallowed hard. "Julia . . . I'm sorry that I reacted as badly as I did when you told me the truth. That doesn't mean that I've forgiven you, but I do wish I hadn't been as explosive."
"I understand. I wish . . . I wish I had told you earlier. Actually, I wish I'd never come up with that stupid plan to begin with. You're nothing like what I told myself you were. And I am sorry for hurting you."
"That doesn't make it hurt less."
"I know."
Benjamin held out his arms and after a moment Julia passed Henry to him. The baby snuggled into the crook of his arm, utterly relaxed. The prince smiled softly. If he hadn't met Julia, would he have ever met his little boy?
"Cynthia . . . I wish I could remember her. Why didn't she tell me?"
"I don't know. But she had a terrible life. The people she cared about most were always hurting her or putting her down. Her parents . . . they didn't deserve to be called parents. I think she was just afraid that the pattern would hold and you'd end up hurting her more. And then she died before she could tell you." Benjamin looked up. Tears glimmered in Julia's eyes. "I'm sorry that I hurt you."
"You could have never told me. So why did you?"
Julia shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. "It's because I . . . I've fallen in love with you."
Benjamin's jaw dropped. The air left his lungs in a whoosh. "What?"
"I love you."
Chapter Fifteen – Healing
Would he believe her or think she was lying? Julia twisted her hands, willing herself to be strong and steady – to tell the bare truth and accept whatever came after. He had no reason to forgive her or take her back. Claiming love wasn't a reason for him not to be angry with her anymore. It didn't excuse what she had done.
"Are you being serious right now?" The prince was tense, making her want to take back Henry before they woke him.
Instead, she nodded. "I know it doesn't excuse anything. I just . . . I just wanted to tell you. I fell in love with you a little at a time and by the time I realized what I was doing, it was too late."
Benjamin grinned. Then he laughed out loud. Julia frowned, pulling her arms tighter around herself. She supposed she deserved it after what she pulled. Now he could gloat about it all he wanted. The confession burned her tongue, his laughter making her face burn. She reached for Henry, muttering about putting him down for a nap, and fled to the bedroom. There, she settled him into the bassinet and took deep gulps of air to calm herself down.
She fully expected that the prince would have left in the meantime, but when she stepped into the den, he was there. He grinned at her, his eyes soft and warm. Her heart jumped to her throat at the sight, but she forced herself not to react. It didn't mean what she thought.
"You love me, huh?" Benjamin reached for her, though she stayed stiff. "Well, I guess that means I might just have to marry you."
That again. Julia pulled away, hands clenching. "You don't have to mock me. I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry for that. But I'm not going to let you treat me like I'm expendable. It was a mistake and I'm trying to make it right and I understand you can't forgive me, but you don't have to be cruel."
"Who said I can't forgive you?"
Julia gasped as his hands ran down her sides, ending on her hips. He pulled her flush against him, grinding against her. Heat rushed through her body as she felt him, already hard, through their clothing. Her cheeks flushed and her chest started heaving as much as she wanted to stop her reaction. Her jaw hung slack as she stared up at him.
"But . . . but . . . What I did," she choked out. "You can't be serious right now."
Benjamin dropped a kiss to her mouth. It made sparks burst under her skin, traveling to every part of her. Her lips tingled and something tightened inside of her.
"I am serious," he whispered. "Marry me, Julia."
Her body ached to say yes, but Julia shook her head. She had to think rationally. Had to stay in control. This wasn't going to end well, no matter how strong her feelings were. Yeah, she loved him, but she had also treated him horribly. He couldn’t just forget that, could he? Her fingers curled into his shirt, wanting to pull him closer but not daring to do so.
"I can't get married for political reasons," she blurted out.
"Then don't. Get married because you love me and I love you."
Tears flooded her eyes. Seriously? "But how can you love me after what I did?"
Another kiss had her blood firing. Her eyes drifted closed as Benjamin teased her mouth open. This wasn't an answer but she didn't care. With a moan, her hands drifted over his chest, beginning to unbutton his shirt. Her fingertips brushed over his hot, smooth skin.
"I love you," he whispered. "And maybe forgiveness will take a little while. But Julia? I'm well on my way there already."
It was all she needed to hear. Her arms wrapped around him as though moving of their own accord. The sound of their kissing filled the space between them. Benjamin's hands wrapped in Julia's hair, pulling her closer as he teased her mouth open, still grinding against her. She grasped his hips to bring herself against him as tightly as she could, desperation and warmth filling her.
Her heart felt like it was going to burst, it was so full of happiness and relief. She swung one leg over his hip and Benjamin caught it, then lifted the other. Holding her tightly, he carried her to the couch and set her down on it, kneeling between her legs. There were a tearing noise and the sound of buttons popping off as he ripped off his shirt before reaching for hers. Julia lifted her arms above her head so he could remove it more easily.
"No bra," he growled, both of his huge hands fondling her breasts. "Good. Don't need it. Love the way you look. So beautiful. So big."
Julia laughed. "So big that I need a bra or else they're bouncing all over the place and giving me a backache."
Benjamin shook his head. "I love watching them bounce all over the place. But I guess you can be on your back this time so you don't get a backache."
"That's not what I meant—"
His head dropped, mouth seeking out first one nipple and then the other. Her breasts tightened, shooting zings of pleasure down her spine and into her core. Julia's back bowed as she let out a throaty moan. The prince pulled her pants off before moving back to her mouth and giving her a slow, deep kiss that had her heart pounding.
"Are you okay with this?" he whispered. "I don't want to do anything you don't want."
"I want it," Julia gasped back breathlessly. "Don't stop."
His hands coasted over her body, leaving a glowing, tingling feeling in their wake.
Her eyes closed as his mouth returned to her breasts and one hand slipped between her legs. He focused in quickly, finding the little nub that sent shivers jolting down Julia's legs. She gasped, pushing her hips back as the sensations burst through her. Benjamin's hands spread her legs further and he lowered his head between her thighs, quickly readying her. Julia's head fell back, her fingers digging into his scalp as her eyes rolled into the back of her head.
"Ready for me?" the prince moaned, breath wafting over her thighs.
"Yes," she breathed. "Always."
He moved back up, shifting her so she was laying down on the couch, one leg up over the back of it. He cupped her face in his hands, his thumb rubbing over her mouth as he slowly entered. It was so different from their first time. There was no confusion, no haze of lust blinding her. She saw every detail, the look of exquisite pleasure that crossed over his face, the way he held his mouth partially open, the way his eyes stayed on hers.
Watching him watching her as they made love set everything ablaze. If past times were explosive, this was the best yet. Not because of a fiery passion, but because for the first time, she felt like her body and his body were two parts of the same whole. As the tightening filled her, bringing her ever closer to the edge, it was as though their souls were combining.
They finished together with great cries of triumph and relief, backs arching, faces flushed, bodies crashing together on the final few thrusts. Benjamin dropped over her, just barely holding himself up with his arms. His hands cradled her skull as he moaned lightly in her ear.
Eventually, he pulled back enough for her to turn onto her stomach. They made love that way and then on their sides. At long last, they settled back on the couch together, bodies slick with sweat and weak from exertion. Benjamin's arms were tight around her, holding her as though he was never going to let her go. She didn't want him to. She wanted to spend the rest of her life in his arms.
"Benjamin?"
"Yeah?"
"I really am sorry. For using you."
"I know." He kissed the back of her neck. "And I understand why you did what you did. We can't undo what happened, but trust me when I say that I'll get over it. And honestly . . . maybe I did deserve it."
Julia shook her head. How could he even think that?
The prince chuckled. "Maybe I did. I don't remember Cynthia. I don't remember most of them. I could see them walking the street and not know their faces. I told myself that I was clear in what I wanted and that there was nothing besides the physical act. But I was so caught up in what I wanted, the pleasures I desired, that I didn't really think about whom I was using to achieve that. Who I was hurting. What I did was wrong."
She buried herself deeper into his arms, not knowing how to respond to that. There was something else hanging over them as well. She had managed to push it to the back of her mind while they were making love, but now it returned full-force. Her mouth was dry as she turned to look into his eyes.
"What are you going to do if Caitlyn accepts your offer of marriage?"
Benjamin flinched. "I don't know. If I refuse, we'll be back on the edge of war." A dark look passed over his face.
Chapter Sixteen – Disastrous Negotiations
If he outright withdrew his offer of marriage with no reason, it would just serve as the insult that Caitlyn needed to make everything go to hell. But if he said he found another woman to take as a mate, it would be the same thing. Not to mention Caitlyn might have been the one to send the assassin after Julia in the first place.
Benjamin squeezed the back of his neck, uncertain about how to resolve it all. Caitlyn hadn't arrived yet, but he didn't have much time. They were meeting in a neutral zone, at a hotel that a nearby kingdom, friendly with both Northfall and Enderby, had offered for the event.
The door opened and Caitlyn came in. She wore a regal white dress, reminiscent of a wedding gown, and gave him a sassy grin as she waltzed over to him.
"It's good to see you again, Benjamin. I mean, in these circumstances. It wouldn’t be so good if we were still on the brink of war."
She threw her arms around him and made to kiss him. Benjamin leaned backward, getting his face out of range of her lips. He wanted to shove her off him but could only imagine what a hell storm that would bring down on him. Even just refusing her kiss had her eyes flashing.
"Better get used to it, Benjie, since we're going to be married."
It was the moment of truth. He gently extracted himself from her arms. "Caitlyn, there are things we need to discuss."
"The terms of marriage, you mean? Well, I was thinking that after our first child was born—"
"There are things that have come to my knowledge that I didn't know when I offered you marriage."
Her eyes glittered and she drew herself up taller, like a bird puffing itself up when faced by a snake. Her hands tightened but relaxed soon enough. A fake smile pushed onto her face. "I don't see what knowledge could possibly change things. It's the best match for both of us. We need mates. We need heirs."
"I have a son."
Caitlyn's jaw dropped. Her eyes widened and she gasped. Clearly, it hadn't been something she had expected. Not that Benjamin really could say that anybody was expecting it, let alone himself. He ran a hand through his hair, wondering how to continue without offending her. This was about more than his kingdom now. However this proceeded, he needed to protect Henry and Julia from Caitlyn's backlash.
"Oh," the queen breathed. "Well. Isn't that nice? But since the child isn't legitimate, our first child together will still be king or queen after you."
That hit a nerve, but Benjamin tried not to allow her to see how much it struck. He shook his head. "There are no laws saying an heir must be a legitimate child, only that he or she must be the eldest. So no. The son that I have will be king after me. We don’t even like each other, Caitlyn. What is the point of marriage? I have to tell you right now that I don't think I'd be able to have children with you. You're a beautiful woman, but I can't share my bed with someone I dislike. And let's be honest: the strain between you and me would tear our marriage apart before the honeymoon was over."
She hissed, hands clenching. Smoke leaked from her mouth. "You offered me marriage. Are you rescinding that offer?"
"No," he said slowly, the words tasting like vomit. "I will do what I must to keep my kingdom safe."
Even if it meant destroying his heart. Even if it meant he could never be with Julia again. She had taught him a valuable lesson. He couldn't put himself first. He might have told himself that the other kingdoms saw him as weak for not having a queen, but it was more his selfish attitude and actions that had caused it. If he had to marry Caitlyn to prove he was no longer like that . . . then so be it.
"In that case, you will marry me!" Caitlyn thumped a closed fist onto his chest. "You will marry me and you will give me children. I'm not giving up my position, my kingdom, because you already have a little brat. My children will rule our kingdoms, not your illegitimate son!"
Benjamin shook his head. "I'm not having children with you."
Flames licked her lips. "Then I will invoke the ancient traditions. I'll have the child's mother put to death for sleeping with my mate."
"She's already dead," Benjamin replied. "She died giving birth. Why is this so important to you? There are other men you could mate. Men you don't have. Why are you so determined to have me? There are other more powerful kingdoms with crown princes looking for a queen. Choose one of them."
Caitlyn slammed her fists against him again. Benjamin grabbed her wrists to stop the onslaught. She glared up at him but there was fear in her eyes as well. What was going on? Was someone threatening her? He frowned. Was there more going on than he suspected?
"I heard about that servant girl you're into," she growled. "What's her name? Julia? I heard there was already an assassination attempt against her. Too bad they failed . . . Maybe next time they won't."
Something snapped. All of Benjamin's control
fled and he seized the queen by the neck. She yelped as he threw her against the wall. He pinned her into place with his body, hand still on her throat. Caitlyn stared at him with wide eyes, her chest heaving.
"Did you try to kill Julia?" he snarled.
Caitlyn squirmed in his grasp. "Let me go!"
"Did you try to kill Julia?"
"No!" she shrieked, shaking her head. "No! I don't do that. I wanted to force you to marry me, but I wouldn’t kill anybody to do it. My councilors say they'll vote me out if I don't get your kingdom. I worked so hard to get here. I can't just let it slip away. But I would never send an assassin after her, I swear. I swear!"
"Your councilors . . . " Benjamin released her and stepped back, panting. Caitlyn stared at him with wide, frightened eyes and he dragged a hand over his face, regret welling up. "I'm sorry for manhandling you. I believe you when you say that you didn't send anybody after Julia."
"I didn't," Caitlyn whispered.
The prince strode away, trying to release the energy built up in his system. His mind whirled. Why would Caitlyn's councilors be so determined that they should marry? What did they get from it? He voiced the questions aloud and Caitlyn snorted. She sank into a chair, shivering.
"Because they don't think I could ever get you to marry me. They're all a bunch of sexist pigs and don't think that a queen is good enough to be their ruler, mated or not. They want to force me out and invite my cousin to become king. All this drumming of war is just giving them more of what they want. Do you know how hard it is to keep control of a room when you're constantly being interrupted and undermined?"
"So we need to stop the war." Benjamin nodded. "I will offer you marriage publically. You turn me down and then we withdraw hostilities towards each other."
Caitlyn shook her head. "I'll be voted out."