by T. S. Ryder
She looked up at the sound of footsteps and smiled when Myles entered the family room. He had a mug in one hand and a book in the other.
"Can't sleep?" she asked.
"I never go to bed this early. The night is the only time I really have to myself. I need the time to relax and get my mind off work." He sat in a winged chair across the room from her and set his mug on the coffee table.
Jackie peered at it curiously. "Is that warm milk?"
"Warm milk and nutmeg. It's something my mom always fixed me as a kid and I've kept the habit." Myles grinned at her, as though he expected her to laugh and was beating her to the punch. But Jackie wasn't going to laugh. She thought it was sweet.
"My mom used to tell me stories about princesses who rescued princes and fought dragons," Jackie said. "She was always determined that my sister and I were going to grow up to be strong, independent women. And I guess she got it right with my sister. She has five kids. Never married. Never wanted to. She sat down, created a plan for her future, and never looked back."
Myles smiled gently. "I think your mother did a good job with you, too."
Jackie looked down at her book. "Not really. I lost control when my parents died. I… I wasn't strong enough to handle it. I got severely depressed. I spent days lying in bed eating ice cream because that's all I could do to keep myself alive."
"That's not being weak." Myles set his book on the coffee table and came across the room to sit beside her. "You suffered a heavy blow, and you did what you had to do. North American society doesn't allow you to grieve. Just look at TV shows. A character dies and the next episode, they've been forgotten. Your society is always pushing you to move on no matter how soon your loss was. It's not healthy."
"My society?" Jackie smiled slightly. "You live in North America, too."
"Werewolves understand grieving. When one of us dies, it's not uncommon for the bereaved to be cared for by family or friends for months, even years, until their grief has run its course."
It sounded like a bizarre concept to Jackie, but she had spent the last three years being told it was time to move on over and over again. Maybe the werewolves had a better system of coping with loss. "So in my case, what I did would be seen as normal."
"There is no 'normal' to grief. We understand that. That's the difference between us and you. That and the tail."
Jackie couldn't help but laugh. "We can't forget the tail. Yours must be very small. I've never seen it."
Myles growled playfully. "I assure you, it's much larger than normal. Nothing about me is small."
Was the innuendo just part of her imagination? Jackie blushed, glancing away again. "Well, I can't argue with that. Your hands are twice the size of mine," she said, trying to infuse her voice with humor.
It was just her luck that it trembled instead.
"You're shaking," Myles murmured, one of his hands touching the back of her hand. "Am I frightening you?"
"No." If anything, she was frightened of her own feelings. This close to him, the werewolf thorn scent was so strong she could almost taste it, and as she looked back at him she couldn't break her gaze from his mouth. She wanted to know what his lips would taste like, what they would feel like on her body.
She tried to push aside these feelings. Myles was her boss. Being attracted to him was one thing, but sitting here staring at his mouth like an idiot was something completely different. She was being unprofessional, she needed to look away, say goodnight, go to bed—
"God, you're so beautiful," Myles murmured, shifting closer. "I thought I could handle working with you every day, but the more I get to know you, the more beautiful you are. You smell so good. It's driving me crazy."
Jackie's heart pounded against her chest and her throat suddenly felt very dry as heat soared through her. He really did think she was beautiful? "It is?"
"Yeah." Myles leaned forward. "I should go now. If I stay this close to you, I'm going to kiss you. And it won't end with one kiss. The floodgates will open and..."
At that moment, Jackie wanted nothing more than that. She sucked in a deep breath, forcing herself to stay still as Myles moved closer and closer, his gaze locked on hers. He paused an inch from her face. His breath wafted over her, smelling of mint toothpaste. She couldn’t stop herself and closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his neck.
Myles pulled her closer, hands grasping at her hips, and the floodgates opened.
Chapter Five
Jackie eased out of bed the next morning, her mind swirling from what she had done. Sleeping with Myles? They had spent hours on the couch in front of the fire before they both went to their own rooms, and now Jackie wondered how she would face him.
Sure, he had been everything she was hoping for–passionate but gentle, insatiable, telling her over and over again how beautiful she was. But she had slept with her boss. What had she been thinking?
It was late and I wasn't thinking. She shook her head. It had been unprofessional, and now that they were getting back to work she would forget it even happened.
Myles probably already had, or at least he would soon. After all, he was a billionaire and the Alpha of a freaking werewolf pack. Women constantly threw themselves at him. He had chosen her last night because she was available. That was it.
Still, no amount of stern self-scolding could stop her heart from sinking when they said goodbye to his family and drove away. Or more specifically, when he said what he said once they were in the car by themselves.
"Last night can't happen again."
Jackie forced herself to stare straight ahead and nod. "Agreed. It was a fun one-time thing, but it would jeopardize our working relationship to have a personal relationship."
"Exactly." Myles's tone was stiff and formal. "I won't apologize for it because I don't regret sleeping with you, but you're a good PA and I don't want things to be weird between us."
"I totally agree," Jackie said, her shoulders slumping. "Especially since there could never be anything more between us. We're from two different worlds."
Myles didn't respond to that, and Jackie slid her sunglasses over her eyes to stop him from seeing how they pooled with tears. They had slept together and now it was over. She never had to think about it again.
***
Three months later, Jackie sat at her desk flipping through her appointment book. They hadn't talked about that night since they left his packlands. A huge part of Jackie was relieved. She knew where she stood with him, and it wasn't as a lover. Things had resumed their professional atmosphere between the two of them, and she didn't want to jeopardize that.
She had just hung up the phone from arranging a tour of a cherry orchard Myles was interested in purchasing when he stalked over to her desk and slammed a box in front of her. She stared at it for a moment. Finally, her brain registered it was a pregnancy test and her gaze flickered to Myles's face. His mouth was pinched, his eyes narrowed.
"What's this for?" she asked, not touching the box.
"You haven't had your menstrual cycle in three months. Since we slept together."
Blood rushed to Jackie's face. "How do you know that?"
Myles tapped his nose.
"Really? You can smell people's periods?" Jackie wrinkled her own nose, a little disgusted and unnerved by that news. How much could he tell about her just from taking a quick sniff when she was in the area? Maybe she should start wearing perfume. Lots of perfume.
"Just use them."
Jackie picked up the box, her head spinning. "It doesn't mean anything. I skip my periods all the time. Actually, I don't think I've had one in five months. I don't keep track. They're too erratic. The doctor said it's because of stress and my weight."
She knew she was babbling and sucked her lips between her teeth. She couldn't be pregnant. Could she?
Myles put his hands on her shoulders, guiding her towards the women's bathroom. "Humor me."
"But we used a condom," Jackie whispered, digging i
n her heels.
"They're not always effective."
"I'm not pregnant!" the words came out a little too loudly.
Myles's mouth thinned and he stared at her. She glared back at him, her grip tight on the pregnancy tests. Her boss didn't say anything. He didn't have to. With her hands shaking and her mouth dry, Jackie went into the bathroom. She stared down at the pregnancy test in her hand. She thought she might throw up.
But I haven't had any morning sickness. If I'm pregnant I should be throwing up every morning, shouldn't I?
Jackie closed her eyes. Well, there was the only way to find out for sure.
***
After the test came back positive, Jackie did throw up. Maybe it was her mind telling her that it was about time her body started showing symptoms. Maybe it was the sudden downpour of stress on her. Pregnant. She was pregnant. What the hell was she going to do now?
Myles knocked on the door, but Jackie didn't want to face him. She was pregnant with his child. What would he think? Would he be happy? Would he fire her and pretend that he never knew her? Would he want her to move in with his mother and sister until the baby was born, and then make her pretend she never had a baby in the first place as it was raised by somebody else?
Well, that wasn't going to happen. Jackie splashed her face with water, settling her wild mind on that. Whatever else might happen, she wasn't giving this baby up. Being a mother wasn't in her immediate plans, the thought of having a child that relied on her was a terrifying thought, but somehow that was the only thing that she could decide on at the moment.
This baby was hers and it would always be hers.
Myles's hair was teased to its ends and his eyes were wide with worry when she stepped out of the bathroom. She must have looked like she was about to collapse, because he quickly grabbed her arm and lead her to his office.
Jackie took a deep breath and nodded.
The werewolf released a pent-up breath. He hunched in his chair, burying his face in his hands. Jackie watched him, surprised by how young and vulnerable he suddenly seemed. She had always seen Myles as a strong, fierce man. He never let anybody bully him, never showed a moment's weakness. And yet he looked like his world was collapsing around him.
Jackie rubbed her eyes. "What now?"
"Go home," Myles said. He straightened and put a hand on her knee. Jackie liked the comforting warmth it provided, but his words had her heart speeding. "This is a shock and you should rest. I will handle things. Just… get yourself some rest. We can talk tomorrow."
Jackie nodded numbly. Was he firing her? She couldn't tell, but at the moment she didn't care. She was too focused on what else he said. He would handle things? Did that mean that he was going to arrange for her to terminate the pregnancy?
The question swirled in her mind while Myles gathered her things and gave them to her.
Did he expect her to want an abortion, or was that what he wanted? He wouldn't want a child born from a one-night stand running around being a threat to his future children's claims to the position of Alpha. And he said himself that it would take a special woman to be his mate. Jackie certainly wasn't anything special.
As soon as she was home she grabbed her phone and called her sister.
"Hello?"
Jackie blurted out everything. Penny listened, not interrupting. By the time she was finished, Jackie was sobbing.
"What am I going to do?" she asked desperately. "I won't get an abortion, I just won't. But if I lose this job I don't have anything to fall back on. I'll end up with nothing. I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do!"
"First off, have yourself a good cry," Penny said, in her no-nonsense tone that reminded Jackie of their mother. "Then when you're done with that take a nice, long bubble bath. Consider everything, Jackie. An unexpected pregnancy is difficult enough in the best of circumstances, and you've got one that'll be half-werewolf. You need to consider that side of things as well. How will you deal with the shifting? Will you want it to have contact with the paternal family?"
"I don't know!" Jackie yanked at her hair, her eyes rolling with panic. "I don't know what I want!"
"You've got time to figure things out. Write down whatever comes to your mind. Questions and answers both. Don't worry about making sense." Penny paused. "You're going to have to decide what to do with Myles."
Jackie was silent, rolling Penny's advice around her mind. What should she tell Myles? Well, what he wanted was clear. He would 'handle things'. What would he do when she refused? Would she get any sort of child support from him? Would she even want her child exposed to a man who thought she should have aborted it?
"Jackie?"
"Thanks." She felt very, very tired all of a sudden, but dragged herself to her computer. "I think I know what I need to do now."
"You can come live with me if you need to, Jack. Just know that I'm here for you."
"Thanks, sis. I'll have myself a cry and a bath and get back to you, okay?"
"Love you."
"Love you, too." Jackie hung up, then faced her computer. She opened the word processor, and with trembling hands and a fresh wave of tears she began to type her resignation.
Chapter Six
The next day Jackie woke to somebody pounding on her door. She cracked her eyes open, the salt from the tears she had cried herself to sleep with making her lashes stick together. For a moment she was disoriented, not sure exactly where or who she was. Then the events of the previous day came flooding back to her, and she dragged herself out of bed and threw on some clothes.
It was Myles at the door. He pushed into her apartment the moment she opened the door, despite her cry of protest, and began to pace the small space, shaking his head. His stubble had grown from the previous night and his hair was sticking up at all angles, like he'd been repeatedly running his hands through it and tugging at it.
"What is the meaning of this?"
Jackie shut the door, rubbing one of her scratchy, dried-out eyes. "What do you mean?"
"I mean this!" Myles yanked a sheet of paper out of his pocket and waved it around in the air.
"You mean my resignation?" Jackie was surprised at how cool and even her voice was. She had already made that decision, after all. Myles could rant and rave all he wanted, but she wasn't going to go back to work for him. Not when his reaction to her pregnancy was to make her abort.
Myles dropped the paper. "I refuse to accept this. You signed a contract. You can't just quit!"
Jackie folded her arms and glared at him. "I thought that was what you would want. Considering I won't do what you want."
The werewolf stopped his pacing. His brows knit and he stared at her. "What?"
"I am not getting an abortion," she snapped, fists clenching. "I might seem like a weak little girl to you, but I fight for what's important to me and I always knew I'd never do that. Other women have their choice, and that’s fine, but this is mine! I won't do it, and I don't care how much you threaten me or if you fire me—you can't fire me because I already resigned."
"Jackie—"
"Don't try to change my mind. I am going to have this baby. And you don't have to have anything to do with either of us again. I won't even ask for child support. I'll take care of this baby on my own. I'll find a way to do it!" Jackie could feel her face getting hotter as anger swirled through her. All her imagined conversations with him over the issue pressed against her brain until she couldn’t think straight. "I am not going to have an abortion, and there's nothing you can do to make me!"
"Make you?" Myles's jaw hung opened. His gray eyes were round, and his skin had paled a few shades. "Jackie, that is the last thing I want you to do."
Her arms fell to her side as surprise rippled through her. She had been so certain that was what he wanted, and yet what he said sounded so true. She bit her lip.
"But yesterday you said you would handle things. I thought that meant—"
"I meant the things in my appointment book." Myles's shoulders
slumped. "Why would you think that I'd want that? Why would I try to force you to get an abortion? What kind of person do you think I am?"
Jackie's shoulders hunched. "I guess I don't really know you at all. I was panicked and I latched onto the only thing I could think of to fight against. I'm sorry."
Myles stepped forward, brushing her messy hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry, too. I guess sending you away yesterday wasn't the best course of action. But I really only wanted you to rest and have time to wrap your head around it before we talked about what to do."
"That's not the kind of thing that I do." Jackie managed a smile, though she felt embarrassed by her accusations and more than a little emotionally raw. "I need to figure things out right away, or I freak out over the smallest details and blow them up out of proportion."
Myles laughed. "Noted."
"So where do we go from here?"
"That is a good question. Mind if I have a seat?"
Jackie shook her head, and the two of them sat on the small couch. Myles seemed far too big for it and he perched uneasily on the edge, not looking at her. The air conditioning kicked in, filling the silence with a comfortable hum. It was a relief, giving Jackie time to think.
Now that she didn't have anything to fight, her lip started to tremble, but she clenched it between her teeth, determined not to cry again. What did she have to cry about? Myles wasn't going to make her do anything she didn't want to do. But she felt the tears coming anyway.
"You don't know how happy I was yesterday. I felt like a heel, being so happy when you were obviously in a state of shock." Myles attempted to smooth his hair down. "But when you said you were pregnant, I was happy. Happier than I have been in a long, long time. After you went home I thought you might want an abortion, and it destroyed me."
Jackie reached for his hand. "I don't."
"I know." He flashed a nervous smile at her. "Now. But yesterday I thought it might be a possibility. I decided that I would support you, no matter what you chose."