by MJ Fredrick
“So I’m supposed to ask you,” Miranda said, pushing back from the table and putting her hands on her hips before she pushed to her feet. “Is it okay if we get a kitten?”
*****
After their trip to Pearsall, Miranda still felt weird about calling Noah to let him know she wanted a kitten after all. She fully intended to ask him where the kittens were, and she’d drive herself out there, maybe with Jolie, who seemed as excited by the prospect of having a kitten as Miranda was.
The first time she called, his phone went to voice mail, and she didn't leave a message. Instead of agonizing over whether he’d call her back, she called first, an hour later.
“Hey, Noah, this is Miranda. I was just wondering if you could let me know where I can get a kitten.” She said the words all together, without taking a breath.
“Sure, I can take you around six, if that’s okay.”
“You don’t have to take me, Noah. You can just tell me. Most people know my mom, if not me.”
“I’ll take you,” he said again. “I’ll be by around six, and in the meantime, I’ll call those folks to make sure it’s okay if we come by.”
She thought about, briefly, asking him if he wanted dinner, but then she’d have to think about shopping and cooking. Then again, she’d have to go get kitten food and a litter box and litter. But before she made up her mind to invite him, he ended the call, and she was stuck with meeting him at six.
She probably should be more resentful that he had ignored her wishes, but she couldn't make herself.
“Anyone need anything from the grocery store?” she called up the stairs, picking up her purse from the table beside the door.
By a quarter to six, she was in the kitchen, trying to find a way to occupy herself. Jolie was at the hospital, and Riley was upstairs, thank goodness, because her roommates would have thought she was insane, the way she was fluttering around the kitchen, not doing anything. She’d already put away the groceries that she’d bought, and was seriously considering breaking into the roll of cookie dough.
The later it got, the better digging into the batter sounded. She checked her phone repeatedly, wondering if she’d missed a call, but nothing.
When he showed up just after seven, her nerves were shot. And he had Selena in tow.
“Sorry I’m late. Had an emergency with a horse over at the McKenna place, and Rey got a job at the taqueria so I had to go get Selena. I thought she’d like seeing the kittens, too.”
Miranda worked to brush the irritation away. Of course he’d have emergencies, and of course he couldn't take the time to call her to let her know what was going on. And having Selena along was better for her peace of mind, anyway.
“Do y’all have cats?” Miranda asked Selena as she climbed into the truck.
“I’m allergic,” Selena replied sadly. “But Noah said I could play with the kittens if I wash my hands really good afterwards.”
“I’m going to start with the oldest litter, at the Travis place,” Noah said. “They’re getting pretty desperate to get rid of these guys. They’re very active.”
“What will happen if they don't find homes?”
“Some ranchers or farmers will take them, use them as barn cats. But I’m thinking they’d have a better life living in that big house with you.” He smiled across the cab at her. “But don't feel pressured. There are two more litters to look at, and you don't have to make your decision tonight. Think about which one you want.”
The first litter was indeed active. The gray tabby kept attacking his siblings, the calico kept to herself in the corner of the enclosure, the black and white one kept trying to crawl out. Miranda picked up one at a time, and winced when the kittens dug their claws into her skin. She supposed that was something she’d have to get used to. The only one that fit the image of what she wanted in a kitten was the little calico, curled up in Selena’s lap.
“These might be too old to socialize the way you want,” Noah said. “We can go look at the younger ones.”
Since she knew nothing about kittens, she agreed, and watched as he pried a sleepy calico from his sister’s arms.
“Don’t touch your eyes, now, until you wash your hands,” he said, his low voice gentle. He turned to the woman who was watching from the door. “Do you mind if Selena washes her hands before we go? She’s allergic and I don’t want her to to have a reaction.”
“Sure, this way.” The woman spoke with less enthusiasm than she might have if they were taking a kitten home with them, Miranda was sure. Miranda almost wanted to take one just to make the woman happy, but she had other choices, and she wanted the best kitten for her.
She waited by the truck until Selena and Noah emerged from the house.
“But if I’m good, can I have the kitty?” Selena asked Noah, her voice pitched to a whine.
“We already talked about this,” he reminded her. “Being around a cat all the time will make you sick. If you can’t remember that, and are going to give me a bad time, I’ll take you home.”
Selena pressed her lips together, as if she wanted to say something else but didn't dare, and in that moment, she looked so much like Noah that Miranda had to laugh.
“What?” he asked, sharper than she’d heard him speak in a long time.
She lifted her hands in surrender. Clearly he could keep his temper for Selena, but not much more. “Nothing. She looks like you, is all.”
He grunted and unlocked the door so she could climb in. He waited until she was buckled before he closed the door after her, and they drove into town to visit the next litter.
This litter was more varied, and significantly smaller. The little blue-eyed kitten with the dark gray ears intrigued her. She picked up the kitten, whose fur was cotton-soft and it immediately snuggled into her.
“Oh, what a sweetie,” she crooned as Selena chose a black and white one to play with. “Is this a boy or a girl?”
Noah picked it from her lap and turned it onto its back to check beneath the tail. “A little girl.”
“Aw, I like her.”
“I’ve had cats all my life,” said the young woman who crouched beside the kitty enclosure. “It’s always better with two.”
Miranda chuckled. “I am very well aware of that sales tactic. I’ve never had one before, so I’m going with one. They’re very small, though. Are you sure they’re ready to leave their mom?”
“Their mom is pretty small, too. I’m working on weaning them, so I’m keeping her separate. Even though they eat solid food, they still want to nurse on her, and it’s kind of making her crazy.” She turned to Noah. “I’m going to need to schedule an appointment to get her fixed soon. I don't want to go through this again. Who would have thought getting rid of kittens would be such a challenge?”
He chuckled. “Anyone who’s ever tried. You bet. Let’s wait a couple of weeks, but no longer than that. You don't want her to go into heat again.”
“Tell me,” the woman said with a heartfelt sigh.
Noah turned to Miranda. “You want to look at that last litter?”
She curved her hand over the kitten purring in her lap. “I think I’ve found the one that I want.”
“She is a sweetie,” the woman said. “My daughter spends a lot of time with the kittens and she says that one’s the best.”
Miranda hesitated mid-stroke. “Will she be upset that I’m taking her?”
“She’ll be fine. She knows we can’t keep them all.”
Miranda couldn’t stop the twinge of guilt that she might be breaking a little kid’s heart. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. She’s back at college now, anyway, for a couple of weeks. She won’t think about it when she comes back.”
At least she wasn't breaking a little kid’s heart. She rose. “How much is she?”
The woman laughed. “Free to a good home, trust me. I’m getting to the point where I’ll pay someone to take them!”
“Maybe I should have waited then,” Mira
nda said, and the women smiled at each other.
Noah pried his sister away from the black and white kitten and ushered the women to the car.
“Can I hold her?” Selena asked, leaning over the back seat to look at the kitten in Miranda’s lap.
Before Miranda could answer, Noah said, “No, she’s never been in a car before, and I don't know if she might scratch you. I have the cat carrier in the back.”
“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Miranda said as he closed the door. “That might scare her more. And she’s so little.”
He lifted a shoulder. “I’m telling you, it’s probably best.”
The sound startled the kitten and she did indeed dig her claws into Miranda’s leg. Miranda squeaked in alarm. When the engine started, which was quiet as engines go, the kitten scrambled up Miranda’s shirt to her shoulder, where it panted against her neck. Miranda resisted the urge to look for blood on her shirt.
Noah, to his credit, did not say he’d told her so. He guided the truck back to her place as she pet the kitten soothingly.
“What are you going to name her?” Selena asked. “I’d name her Purrfect. Get it? Purrfect?”
“I like that,” Miranda said with a smile.
“Selena, let her name her own kitten. It’s her first pet. She should be able to name her.”
“I’d name her Blue. Because she has blue eyes,” Selena continued.
“How many names do you want the poor cat to have?” Miranda laughed.
“Doesn’t matter. She won’t come to any of them,” Noah teased, reaching across the cab to rub the kitten between her ears.
“She’ll learn to come to me,” Miranda insisted.
“Right. When she wants to, or when you have something she wants.”
Maybe. But she was going to do her best. “Do y’all want to come in? Get something to eat?” she asked when he stopped in front of her house. “Not a lot to offer, but we could make some sandwiches. Everything’s fresh since I had to go get kitten supplies anyway.”
“No, thank you,” Noah said politely, and she was confused by his tone. In fact, she was confused by everything. He’d offered to take her to meet the kittens, not letting her just have the addresses. She’d thought maybe he wanted to spend some time with her, but then he’d brought his sister along. And now, he was just dropping her off, being cool. She just didn't get him.
She tucked the kitten against her breast and opened the door. “All right. Thank you for taking me. Bye, Selena, see you around.”
But when she got halfway up the walk, she heard the thunk of his door, and his footsteps, a little faster than usual, on the sidewalk. She kept walking until he said her name, closer than she expected. She turned and looked up at him.
Yes, closer than she expected and her heart skipped a beat.
“Are you going to the Christmas festival next weekend?”
She angled her head and looked up at him. “Who is my mother, Noah? Yes, I’m going. She even has me on the arts and crafts committee.”
“Ah. So I guess the question is, will you have time to walk around with me?”
She had envisioned that possibility since the Fourth of July festival, but as she hesitated, the kitten dug her claws into her shoulder.
“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!” She twisted, lifting the kitten away from her, but its claws caught on her blouse and in her hair. Noah stepped closer and slipped one hand beneath the kitten’s tummy, holding it away from Miranda as he freed her hair from the kitten’s grip.
“I’ll let you go,” he said, when she had a handle on the kitten. “Go get her fed and used to her home. If you need anything, give me a call.” He looped her hair back over her shoulder and turned back to his truck.
“I thought you were going to kiss her,” Selena said when he swung into the truck.
“What?” He pivoted on his sister, who had moved into the front seat.
“I thought you went after her to kiss her. That’s what they do in the movies.”
He rolled his eyes. She had been hooked on those Christmas romance movies that played endlessly on one of the cable channels. Of course she’d be thinking about romance. “What makes you think I’d go after Miranda like that?”
“Because you did. And you used to love her.”
He did used to love her.
“You need to be in love, Noah. You need to get married.”
“Where did you get that idea?”
“I think love is good. But Dad said I wouldn't ever be in love. So you and Ben should.”
“Dad said that?” Anger rose up the back of his neck that he would say something so heartless. Maybe Noah was keeping her at a disadvantage, keeping her here in Evansville with no one like her. He couldn't bring herself to take her to live in a group home in one of the bigger towns, far away from the home she knew, even if it meant she might find someone she could care for.
Still the fact that their father would say something so hurtful to Selena pissed him off. Maybe he was more offended than she was, but damn.
“Are you going to kiss her?” Selena asked him.
He didn't want to talk to her about Miranda when he was so angry on her behalf. He drove a little faster than maybe he should, but he wanted to confront his father while he was still angry enough to say something. Too many weeks had gone by where he’d held back all he wanted to say to his father in the interest of peace, but that time had passed. Resentment and anger had been building up in him for too long.
He walked into the house ahead of Selena, feeling only a twinge of guilt for leaving her behind. His father was at the table, wearing a sleeveless undershirt despite the slight chill in the air, slumped over a plate, looking weary. Another twinge almost pulled Noah up, but when his father looked up, there was something in his eyes, something hard, like a challenge. Noah wasn't going to back down.
“You told Selena no one would ever love her?”
The old man blinked, as if he expected Noah’s anger to be directed elsewhere. He sat back, and the set of his bony shoulders told Noah he was brewing for a fight, too.
“She sits there and watches those ridiculous movies and sighs over them, and really, who’s going to love her?”
Noah took that as a blow to his heart, hoping that his body blocked the words from hitting his sister’s ears, but he heard the screen door slam and closed his eyes, knowing she’d heard.
“She’s the best person you’ll ever meet, and if you don't know that, you don't deserve to have her in your life.”
“She’s never going to have the love that is in those movies and she may as well give it up. I mean, look at her.”
The rage that rose in Noah was like a dragon, burning through blood and muscle, making him shake. He wanted to hit his father, and he got the feeling that his father wanted to hit him back, that he wanted to get physical, and Noah knew, knew it was a bad idea, but damn, it would feel good. But fighting would upset Selena, especially if she thought it was about her.
Those were words his father used to say regularly. Noah had become accustomed to them. Rey hadn't said anything like it since he'd been back. Why now? “What the hell is wrong with you, old man? She’s your daughter.”
“She’s proof your mother cheated on me.”
“She never did.” The anger settled into a slow burn as they revisited the old argument—well, the argument Noah had stepped into more than once.
“There’s never been anything wrong with anyone in my family, not like that. Not like her.”
He was drunk. Noah could smell it now, and silently cursed Ben for not hiding the liquor better, his father for not resisting, himself for not being strong enough to insist Ben remove it altogether. No, Rey would have found another way. He had a car, there was a grocery store and a convenience store.
“No, you’ve just been a bunch of judgmental assholes.”
His father stood, pushing his chair back, with a speed that surprised Noah. But he supposed in prison his defenses had to be pretty good. Noah
tried to cover his surprise by bracing his feet apart on the uneven wood floor, and he lifted his chin in a challenge. He couldn't say for certain the old man wouldn't hit him, but he wasn’t going to make it easy for him.
“This has been coming for a while,” his father said with an acknowledging nod of his head.
“You really want to fight me, old man? You really want to take it to that level?” So base, so primal. He’d rather shout it out, but something about the vibe he got off the old man shut that urge down, and he flexed his fingers. Damn it. What would Miranda think if he had a fist fight with his father?
He took a step back. “I’m not going to fight you.”
“Because you’re a coward? I haven't been around to make you a man, so you turned into a coward?”
“I turned into a man, and I became the head of this household. I don't want to tear the place up just because you think the only way a man can solve a problem is with his fists.” Of course, the way his old man was going, he might do less damage with his fists than with his words.
“Head the household? You mean you took over.”
“Because you went to prison for killing five people! Because you make shitty decisions when you drink.” Had he been drunk when he’d said those words to Selena? Had he been drinking all along and Noah just hadn't noticed? “You left us to deal with the fallout from your mistakes, and then you come back and it starts all over again.”
“What the hell is going on here?” Ben demanded, the door slamming as he stepped between them.
“He’s drunk.”
“Who would have thought that would happen?” Ben muttered, pressing a hand to the older man’s chest.
To Noah’s surprise, the simple push subdued the man and put him back in his chair. Ben turned to his brother. “I told you. What has you all pissed off?”
Noah rocked back on his heels, anger draining from him. “He told Selena she’s never going to be loved.”
A flicker of something flashed across Ben’s face. Did his brother believe the same thing? Even if he did, Noah knew he would never say it.
“He’s drunk. He doesn't know what he’s saying.”