“Some do, some don’t. You have to decide which category Anderson fits in.”
“As far as my friend Madison is concerned, he’s a loser, plain and simple.” Holly wrinkled her nose. “I hate the idea of a man coming between women. Unfortunately, Anderson has put me in an uncomfortable situation and he knows it.”
“Life is all about uncomfortable situations. I’ve been in more than my fair share, both personally and professionally. That doesn’t mean you necessarily have to turn and run. I’m sure your friend sees him as a dog, and maybe he is, but every circumstance is different. You can’t let her feelings about Anderson become your own. I personally believe that women should never have to choose between a girlfriend and a boyfriend. That’s not playing fair. If Anderson’s half the man you thought you knew before this came out, you owe it to yourself to see this through and keep an open mind.”
“Well put,” Holly said. “Yes, I know people can grow up over time. But it’s hard to fall for someone not knowing if he truly wants the same things I do in a relationship or if he’ll back away the closer we become. I don’t need someone like that in my life at this stage.”
“Believe me, I hear you,” Blythe said. “Been there, done that. You don’t want to regret later something you can fix now.” She tasted her drink. “At the end of the day, just go with your instincts and don’t look back.”
Holly smiled softly. “I’ll try to remember that.” The problem was that Holly’s instincts told her one thing, but her common sense told her another. Would Madison’s past become her future were she to continue her romance with Anderson? Or should she not set her sights too high and simply enjoy what she and Anderson had while they had it?
It was an issue that Holly didn’t expect to resolve overnight, given that her heart still belonged to Anderson.
* * *
Anderson was tentative for a moment before he pressed the dial button for Madison’s number that was still saved in his cell phone. He wouldn’t be too surprised if she had changed her phone number after the way their relationship had ended. But she answered after two rings.
“Hey, it’s Anderson,” he said.
She waited a long moment before saying flatly, “Hi.”
“Can we meet?”
Another pause. “Not sure there’s anything to talk about.”
“I think there is,” Anderson said, twirling a pen as he sat at his desk. “At least there are some things I’d like to say if you’d give me the chance. Please...”
Madison sighed. “All right. When and where?”
“How about noon at the Cedar Bistro on—”
“I know where it is.” She cut him off. “As you may recall, we used to go there quite a bit.”
“I remember,” he said quietly. He had chosen the spot as a means to break the ice. “So I’ll see you then?”
“Fine.”
Madison hung up and Anderson was left to wonder if this was a good idea. Nevertheless, he had to follow through and hope for the best. If he was going to get back in Holly’s good graces, he needed to square things with Madison.
He asked his assistant to clear his afternoon schedule, since he didn’t know how long this would take. Though he missed Holly like hell, he resisted calling her till he had a chance to speak with Madison.
Anderson drove to the bistro and was already at the table by the time Madison got there. She looked gorgeous in an attractive pink blouse and brown pencil skirt.
“Hi,” he said, standing up. “Thanks for coming.”
“I nearly didn’t, but decided to see what you had to say.”
He waited for her to sit and then did the same. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Water will be fine,” she said, and sipped some that had already been poured in a glass.
Anderson tasted the wine he’d ordered. “You look great,” he said sincerely.
“Is that why you called off the wedding—because I look so great?”
She was angry and wasn’t holding back, and he had to respect that. “It goes a lot deeper than that.”
“So tell me.”
Anderson wondered how best to say this without causing her to get up and leave. “First of all, I’m sorry about everything. I really wish I had done things differently, but I was at a different place then.”
Madison frowned. “I was under the impression we were in the same place.”
“We weren’t,” he said. “I was career driven, self-centered and a little too full of myself.”
She batted her eyes. “And I’m supposed to believe you’ve changed?”
“I have changed.”
“You look exactly the same to me,” she said, her words laced with sarcasm.
“I’ve changed inside,” he told her. “I’m a better person today, more into giving than receiving, and trying to lead a less stressful life.”
“That’s nice and all, but it doesn’t tell me anything about why you led me on only to drop me two weeks before our wedding,” Madison argued.
Anderson sipped his wine thoughtfully. “I thought it was the best thing to do at the time.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Best for whom? Certainly not me.”
He paused. “We were fighting.”
“All couples do,” she said. “You don’t call off your wedding because of that.”
“Maybe more people should,” he said. “My point is that between us having our issues and my striving to get ahead in my career, I just felt I wasn’t ready for marriage. I know I should have come directly to you with this instead of telling you over the phone, but at the time it seemed like an easier way for you to digest than if we were face-to-face.”
Madison sucked in a deep breath. “I think I will have that drink now.”
Anderson ordered it and a refill for himself, while his difficult words sank in. He wasn’t sure if she would let him have it or what.
“You deserved better,” he said tonelessly.
“I had the best,” she countered. “Or at least I thought so at the time.”
Anderson grimaced. “We were just better off as friends.”
Madison tasted her drink pensively. “So are you in love with Holly?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“And I take it she loves you?”
“I think so, though I’m not sure how she feels at this point,” he said.
“Probably confused, just like I am.” Madison gave him a hard look. “Did you ever truly love me? Or was it all about sex and then you just had to back out when the pressure was on?”
Anderson sat back. “It was never just about sex with you. Yes, I did love you at one time, but—”
“But what? It wasn’t strong enough to survive cold feet?”
“It wasn’t strong enough to survive my gut instincts that we weren’t right for each other,” he responded. “I never wanted to hurt you, but I really believed that it would have been much worse had we gone through with the wedding.”
“Maybe it would have been,” she conceded. “Especially if you weren’t prepared to give me the same unconditional love I had for you.”
Anderson remained mute, his silence speaking louder than any words he could possibly say. He wondered if she had been able to move on to a new relationship. Or had she been carrying a bitter pill around all this time?
“I’ll always care for you and wish you the best in life. I mean that,” he said.
“As long as that life isn’t with you,” Madison said evenly.
Anderson looked at her. “We’re better off as friends,” he repeated, “if that’s possible.”
She licked her lips. “Maybe someday. Right now, it’s still too recent for any kind of reconnection.”
“I understand,” he said.
She met his
gaze. “Are you planning to ask Holly to marry you?”
He took a breath on that one. Yes, he did love her and marriage was a possibility, if they were even still a couple. But before he ever went that route again, he wanted to know in his heart of hearts that he was mentally prepared to see it through.
“We haven’t gotten that far in our relationship,” he said truthfully.
“Well, my advice to you is to never put her or any other woman through the hell you put me through.”
“I don’t intend to,” Anderson promised.
“Hope you mean it,” Madison said, eyeing him narrowly. “I like Holly and she deserves to be with someone who wants the same things she does. And I believe that includes having a man who won’t run from her when the going gets tough.”
“I get it.” Anderson finished off his drink. He was trying to maintain his cool even when it hurt to be reminded of how he’d screwed things up with Madison. He wondered if Holly was looking for marriage and, if so, if she could still see him as marriage material at this point.
It was something that would weigh heavily on his mind until he spoke to her.
Chapter 14
“We sure do know how to pick them, sis,” Stuart said to Holly in a video chat.
“Do we ever,” Holly said humorlessly as she sat in the den at her father’s house. “How could I know that Anderson wasn’t the marrying type?”
“You couldn’t have known—not if he didn’t bother telling you while he knew you were starting to have feelings for him. Some men play that game and women tend to fall for it.”
Holly wished she could say she hadn’t fallen for Anderson’s charms. But that would be a lie. The man had allowed her to fall in love with him. Now what was she supposed to do with that? Yes, the sex was wonderful and the companionship was, too. But deep down inside she had been hoping for more at the end of the day. Apparently they weren’t on the same page with that.
“Guilty as charged,” she admitted sadly.
“Obviously your friend Madison was a victim, too,” Stuart said.
“She’s dealing with it.” Holly wasn’t sure just how well at the moment, but she believed Madison would find a way to move past her issues with Anderson.
“That’s good anyway. She seems like a nice woman who deserved better,” Stuart said.
“You could always move back to Houston and cheer her up,” Holly quipped, knowing that wasn’t about to happen anytime soon. He seemed to have really found himself in the laid-back, friendly atmosphere of Portland.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” Stuart said with a chuckle. “I’ll leave the cheering up to some other lucky man who may cross her path there. Assuming she’s able to get Anderson out of her head.”
It was clear to Holly that Stuart was also referring to his own failed marriage and how that had been difficult to get past. He also deserved to be happy with a woman who would love him and his daughters to death and not abandon them.
“I had to try,” Holly said, knowing it would have been good for their father and her if Stuart and the girls lived in Houston.
“And I commend you for that,” he told her, grinning. “Right now I’m too focused on writing my next novel and, of course, keeping Dottie and Carrie from ripping each other’s hair out to think about romance. You, on the other hand, should really forget all about Anderson and find yourself a stand-up guy who wants the same things you do in a relationship.”
Holly frowned. “I thought that guy was Anderson.”
“Apparently you thought wrong.”
“Apparently.” She sat back in the chair. “You know me too well.”
Stuart smiled. “Of course, I’m your big brother. Trust me when I say that you’ll get past this and move on.”
“You mean like you have?” she couldn’t help but say.
“We’re not talking about me.”
“Maybe we should be,” Holly said.
“Uh-oh,” Stuart said, “looks like the girls need their daddy again. We’ll pick up this conversation later.”
“Yeah, right,” Holly said, laughing. “Blame it on your daughters for ducking out on me.”
Stuart smiled. “You just wait till you have kids someday and you’ll see that they can keep you going day and night.”
“I know,” Holly said. “I’m just playing with you. Give them my love and I’ll talk to you later.”
“I will. Say hello to Dad for me. ’Bye.”
Holly watched the little screen go blank. In spite of everything, she felt a little better after talking to Stuart. But what came next for her? Was Anderson still someone she should be interested in? Or was this a clear sign that she needed to look elsewhere for a committed relationship?
She went to find her father, who was in the kitchen cooking. This had become a favorite pastime of his since he retired.
“How’s your brother?” he asked as he peeled potatoes.
“Being his usual self. Giving plenty of advice, but not taking any.”
Robert smiled. “Sounds like someone else I know.”
Holly batted her lashes. “Who, me?”
“Well, you two are cut from the same cloth,” he said. “You got that from your mother, not me.”
Holly couldn’t help but laugh. “I think it’s more the other way around. Anyway, since when have I not taken your advice?”
He scratched his head. “Well, I did suggest that you not write off Anderson just yet.”
“Who says I have?” she asked.
“I can tell what’s going on in that head of yours. Yeah, I know he did Madison wrong and all that, but it doesn’t mean you’re headed down the same path.”
“No one said anything about the same path, if you’re talking about getting married,” Holly said, rolling her eyes. Quite frankly, that was the last thing on her mind right now.
“All I’m saying is to give this thing a chance with the man and see how it goes,” Robert said, checking a pot on the stove. “Maybe you’re the one for him and she wasn’t—did you ever think about that?”
How could she not think about it, given the passion she had experienced with Anderson that made her feel more alive than she ever had before. Not to mention that he had certainly given her the strong impression that she meant something real and very special to him. Could he really have just been stringing her along?
Holly decided to evade the conversation, since she was unwilling to say one way or the other where things were headed between her and Anderson, especially when she didn’t have a clue at this point. Also, she wasn’t sure she wanted to be the woman he ended up with after Madison, knowing her friend was still hurting.
How would I feel were the situation reversed? she wondered. All she could do was try to keep an open mind and see where things were headed with Anderson, if anywhere.
* * *
The following day, Holly got a call from Anderson asking if he could drop by her place to talk. She agreed—she realized that avoiding him wouldn’t solve anything even though she wasn’t sure just how much talking would accomplish either. The facts wouldn’t change, no matter how much Anderson tried to extricate himself from his tight spot.
Still, Holly felt she owed it to herself to hear him out before deciding if what they had was worth holding on to.
When Anderson arrived, dressed casually and looking very sexy, Holly nearly jumped into his arms instinctively. But she checked herself, not willing to succumb to carnal instincts over common sense.
“Hey,” Anderson said.
“Hi.” Holly kept her voice level as though they were merely acquaintances rather than lovers. She touched her top and then jeans, as if to do something with her hands, before waving him inside.
Anderson almost felt as if he was there for the first time.
“How have you been?” he asked Holly, since her eyes were unreadable.
“I’ve definitely been better.” She gave him an honest reply. “Learning that my boyfriend broke off an engagement with my friend is still sinking in.”
Anderson swallowed thickly. At least she hadn’t rejected him outright, which he considered to be a good sign. “Mind if we sit down?” he asked.
“No.” In fact, Holly thought that, with her wobbly knees, sitting was precisely the thing to do.
They sat on the couch just as they were when Madison showed up last week. Only this time the atmosphere was decidedly cooler.
Anderson eyed Holly, noting that she was sitting farther away from him than he wanted. He respected that and understood he had to win her back.
“I went to see Madison,” he said.
“And?”
“We talked. I owned up to the mistakes I made in ending our relationship.”
Holly considered that a start, at least. “How did she take it?”
“She held up,” Anderson said, leaning back. “I never wanted to hurt Madison and, deep down, I think she understands that. Things were not perfect between us when we were involved, but we kind of swept it under the rug as if everything would work itself out once we said ‘I do.’ It definitely played a big role in my wanting out, as did my own misguided priorities at the time.”
Holly wondered if he expected every relationship to be utterly perfect and wanted out if it ever fell short of that. “What kind of problems were you having?” she asked.
“Well, Madison and I often fought about silly little things, such as where to go or what to do, or how I spent my time when I wasn’t with her.”
“That’s normal,” Holly said.
“Maybe, but too much got to be a drag.” He sighed. “There were also some bigger disagreements, such as the trust issue. She feared that I might cheat on her and wasn’t afraid to tell me about her suspicions.”
Holly met his eyes. “Did she have reason to feel that way?”
“None whatsoever,” he said. “As I’ve told you before, I never stray from the woman I am involved with. Madison didn’t always get that. Apparently some guy she used to date was a player, which made it harder for her to accept that other men were nothing like that.”
Love is in the Air Page 11