“So, what do you want? A medal for going above and beyond the call of duty?”
He dropped his hands to his sides. “No, I just want you to understand that I care about you, that this was hard on me, too. I had a job to do, but the last thing I wanted was to hurt you.” His voice held a wealth of emotion, but it didn’t touch her.
Suddenly her anger was back, bigger than ever. “I’m sorry this was all so tough on you, but I never lied to you about who I was. I never lied to you about how I felt. I trusted you.” Her voice raised and she wondered how a heart could break over and over again.
She drew a deep, weary sigh. “At least the men in the jungle who hurt me didn’t pretend to be anything other than what they were.”
He looked as if she’d slapped him. His face paled and he took a step backward as if physically shoved by her words. “Then I guess there’s nothing more that I can say to you except I’m sorry, Caitlin. I’m so damned sorry.”
He didn’t wait for her reply but instead turned on his heels and left. She held onto her control until she heard the door close behind him and only then did the tears that she’d fought so hard to hold back release in a torrent of utter heartbreak.
Sobbing in deep gasps, she climbed the stairs to her room, just wanting to hide, to escape from the pain that Rhett Kane had left behind.
It was noon when Hank called his two sons into the great room to speak to them. He’d been doing a lot of thinking since his talk with President Joe Colton and then again after talking to Mickey O’Donahue early that morning.
Mickey had told him he was turning himself in to the authorities. He’d told Hank that his daughter had been raped and Mickey wasn’t protecting any of the bastards in the society any longer. As he’d heard about Caitlin’s rape a new horror had filled Hank’s soul as he thought of his own daughter held by somebody in the society.
President Joe Colton had talked to Hank about the importance of family, and knowing the sacrifice Mickey was making to avenge Caitlin’s rape had stirred a fierce, unexpected love of family in Hank.
He still hadn’t heard from the kidnappers, but he knew it was only a matter of time before he did. And it was his love for his daughter that had driven him finally to make the decision he’d reached.
Hank knew he should be in FBI custody and the only reason he wasn’t was that he was an active participant in Lana’s kidnapping. Once Lana was home safe and sound Hank knew he’d be arrested and probably spend the rest of his life in prison, unless he could cut some sort of deal. But at the moment he wasn’t interested in deals. He just wanted his daughter home.
“What’s up?” Cole asked as he and Dylan came into the room.
The sight of his handsome twin sons brought a sudden lump to Hank’s throat. They were both good men, successful men, no thanks to him. All of his sons were good men.
He’d been gone throughout most of their lives, wheeling and dealing in Washington, D.C., building his wealth and power at the expense of his family, at the expense of real relationships with his sons. He hadn’t taken time with them, and now regrets filled Hank’s soul.
“I’ve reached a decision and I wanted to speak to you about it,” he began. “First of all, I want you to tell your brothers and your sister that I love them. I’ve loved you all, even though I know over the years I haven’t shown it enough. And even though your mother isn’t speaking to me and I don’t even know where she is, please let her know that I’m sorry about everything, that I’ll always love her, too.”
Thick emotion suddenly pressed tight against Hank’s chest. If he had it to do over again would he make the same mistakes? He liked to believe he wouldn’t, but he wasn’t so sure. The lure of power, of easy money and easy women had been so seductive, and ultimately he recognized that in many ways he was a weak man, but he didn’t intend to be weak any longer.
“You said you’d reached a decision,” Dylan said with a touch of impatience. “What decision?”
Hank straightened his shoulders and drew a deep breath. “When the kidnappers contact me again I intend to offer myself in exchange for Lana.”
“Dad, you can’t do that,” Cole protested, his eyes darkening. “They’ll kill you.”
“Probably,” Hank agreed. “But I’ll die knowing that Lana is safe, and that’s all that’s important.”
“Are you sure about this?” Dylan asked.
“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life,” Hank replied. “My life for hers.” As Hank said the words he felt the rightness of it in his very soul. And if that wasn’t enough, for the first time in years he saw the respect that lit his sons’ eyes, and he realized that that was worth all the power, all the money in the world.
Chapter 12
“Good morning,” Caitlin greeted Esme as Caitlin entered the kitchen.
“Good morning to you,” Esme replied as Caitlin walked to the coffeemaker and poured herself a cup of coffee. With cup in hand, she went to the table and sat, smiling as Esme took a seat across from her. “You slept well?”
Caitlin shrugged. “Okay, I guess.” It had been only two days since her father had been taken away, a little over forty-eight hours since Rhett had left, but a lot had happened in those two days.
Her father had called the day before to tell her that he was fine, being treated well and expected to be home soon. He’d been told that as long as he fully cooperated he wouldn’t be looking at any jail time. And he was fully cooperating, telling everything he knew about the secret society.
He’d also told her that he’d heard the news from several FBI agents that Marc Jiminez was dead.
The official story was that there had been a war between two drug factions and Marc had been killed in a raid on his house. But Caitlin suspected that somebody had been dispatched to take out the man who had been part of the Raven’s Head organization, a man who had nothing good to offer to society.
She’d also heard from Garrett Simms, who’d called from a rehab center and told her he’d finally decided to get help for his alcoholism.
“We’ll both sleep better once your father is home again,” Esme said, pulling Caitlin from her thoughts.
Caitlin nodded and took a sip of her coffee, but she knew it would take a long time before Rhett would stop haunting her dreams.
“Your father called early this morning,” Esme continued. “He proposed to me again and this time I told him yes.”
“Oh, Esme, I’m so happy for you, for Dad.” Caitlin jumped out of her chair and gave the older woman a hug.
“I don’t want a big wedding, just the three of us here at the ranch with a preacher,” Esme said as Caitlin returned to her chair.
“We’ll go shopping together for a beautiful lace wedding gown,” Caitlin said. “And you’ll be so gorgeous that day you’ll take Dad’s breath away.”
Esme giggled like a teenager. “I’d like that,” she agreed. “You’ll be my maid of honor.” She reached across the table and took Caitlin’s hand in hers. “And you will always be the daughter I dreamed of having when I was young.”
Caitlin’s heart swelled with love for the woman who had taken on a widower and his young daughter and cared for them, loved them with all her heart.
For the next few minutes they talked about weddings. At least through all the bad that had happened, Mickey and Esme’s relationship had come to light, a shining example of true, enduring love.
Caitlin had been foolish to entertain the hope that she might find that same kind of love with the cowboy who called himself Randall.
She willed away any thought of Rhett Kane. There was no point in thinking about him, no point in wishing things had been different.
After breakfast she left the house and walked out to the small corral. The midmorning sun warmed her shoulders as she sweet-talked Molly, who stood several feet away from her, refusing to come any closer.
During the past two days Caitlin had tried to stay as busy as possible. She’d cleaned out her closet and prepared a box o
f clothing for charity. She’d spent some time with the newspaper checking out rental space to open her own office, and she’d tried desperately not to think about Rhett Kane.
But her thoughts kept returning to the man who had become her bodyguard, her healer and her lover. The anger that had raged through her when she’d discovered his duplicity had given way to a yawning sadness.
There was a part of her that wanted to believe, that needed to believe that some of what they had shared had been real, had been true. Surely he wasn’t so good at his job that he could manufacture the desire she’d seen shining in his eyes, the desire she’d tasted on his lips. Surely he wasn’t such a good actor that it had all just been a game of pretend?
Not that it mattered. He’d told her that he hadn’t lied about his life experiences. He had lost his wife and she had believed him when he’d told her he never wanted to get involved that deeply with anyone again. At least he’d been honest about that.
She released a deep sigh. He’d gone back to wherever he’d come from to get on with his life and she was determined to get on with hers. She’d made a list of things she wanted to accomplish in the next week or so. Cleaning the closet had been first on the list, but she also wanted to start the process of opening her own practice and find a therapist to work with just to make sure she was truly healing from the trauma she’d experienced.
She was strong, a survivor. She’d endured the rape and the attempts on her life. She’d lived through the worry about her father and the betrayal of Rhett Kane. She felt as if she could survive anything else life decided to throw her way.
“We made it, girl,” she said softly to Molly. “We’re both going to be just fine. All we need is time.” Molly neighed as if in agreement.
Even though Esme had said she wanted a simple ceremony, Caitlin would make sure Esme’s wedding day was one to remember. She could at least enjoy shopping for a dress for her, enjoy Esme’s and her father’s happiness in finally being united in marriage.
And it was time, past time, for Caitlin to leave her father’s house and find a place of her own. The husband and the children would have to wait, but there was nothing holding her back from getting her own ranch and starting her life for real. Her father would be fine with Esme beside him and she’d be fine alone.
At that moment Caitlin heard the sound of a car approaching. She turned to look and felt as if every part of her body froze at the sight of Rhett’s familiar pickup pulling up.
What was he doing here? What could possibly bring him back here? Maybe he had some loose ends to tie up. She desperately wanted to see him again. She desperately didn’t want ever to see him again.
She fought the impulse to reach up to tidy her hair and instead gripped the post of the corral with one hand to steady herself as he stopped the car and got out.
The sunlight kissed his shaggy blond hair and a habitual five-o’clock shadow dusted his jaw. She tried not to remember how those whiskers had felt rubbing erotically against her skin. He was clad in a pair of tight dark jeans and a short-sleeved, white button-up shirt.
He looked handsome and sexy and she hated him just a little bit for making her want him all over again despite what had gone down between them.
He walked toward her and stopped when he was about three feet from her. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she replied, pleased that her voice held none of the inner turmoil the sight of him had stirred inside her.
“It’s a beautiful day,” he said. He sounded tentative, as if testing whether he’d be welcome or not.
How she wished she could reclaim her anger where he was concerned. Surely anger wouldn’t hurt like the pain that sliced through her now.
“Yes, it’s a nice day,” she agreed. A nice day for another bout of heartache, she thought.
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Have you heard from your father?”
She nodded, the movement feeling wooden. “He’s doing okay and hopes to be home soon. He’s been offered protective custody, but he’s intent on coming back here and determined that he can take on any of the Raven’s Head Society members that might still want to harm him.”
“Good. I’m sure you and Esme are both eager to get him back home.”
“He called this morning and asked Esme to marry him. She agreed, so it looks like there will be a wedding on the ranch sometime after he gets home.”
“That’s great news, right?” He pulled his hands out of his pockets and took a step closer to her.
“It’s wonderful news.” She tightened her grip on the fence post to keep herself firmly in place. She wanted to run away from him. She desperately wanted to run into his arms.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
He frowned. “I don’t know where else to go.”
She looked at him curiously. “All the bad guys in the world have been caught and put behind bars so you don’t have another assignment to go to?”
“I took a leave of absence.” He took another step toward her. “For the first time in years I’m seeing things more clearly and I realized I needed to make some decisions about what I want to do with the rest of my life, and being an FBI agent isn’t top of my list.”
She told herself she didn’t want to know what he intended to do with the rest of his life. She didn’t want to have any information that would make her wonder about him, worry about him at any time in the future.
“But what about the Raven’s Head Society and the threat against President Colton?” she asked.
“There are plenty of other men working to keep the president safe and get the bad guys behind bars,” he replied. “They don’t need me.”
He stepped up next to her and grabbed the top of the fence railing with one hand. This close she could see the tired lines that radiated from his eyes. He looked like a man who had found sleep difficult for the past couple of nights. That definitely made two of them.
“The last couple of days I’ve been thinking a lot about Rebecca.” His gaze shot out to the distant pasture. “In the past when I thought about her I focused on the moment of her death, got stuck in that terrible moment in time. But this time I started thinking about how happy I’d been with her.”
What was he doing to her? Caitlin watched as his features softened, as his eyes took on the hazy quality of memories. Why was he telling her how much he’d loved his wife? Why was he twisting the knife just a little deeper into her heart?
“I loved waking up with her so warm and soft in my arms. I loved the sound of her laughter and the way she made me feel as a man. And, in remembering all those good times, all the happiness I felt at that time in my life, I realized that if I didn’t love again that deeply, it’s true that I’d never feel the pain of loss, but I would also be depriving myself of any hope of true happiness.”
He turned and looked at her and in his eyes she saw a glimmer of something breathtaking, of something that both scared her and thrilled her. His eyes were filled with desire but also with something softer that made her heart hitch in her chest.
“Caitlin, I know I hurt you badly and I wish I could tell you that if I had it to do all over again, I’d do things differently, but I can’t tell you that. I’d do it all again if I thought it might save the life of the president.”
She nodded, appreciating his honesty and understanding the high stakes that had been involved in this particular assignment. He’d had a duty to perform, an important duty that pertained to national security. How could she fault him for what he’d done?
“You still haven’t answered my question of why you’re here,” she said.
“I’m here because I love waking up with you so soft and warm in my arms, Caitlin. I love the sound of your laughter and the way you make me feel when you look at me. I’m here because I don’t want to be an FBI agent anymore. I want to do what I love, I want to ranch and I want you to be there with me. I want you riding next to me, building dreams with me. I want the picket fence and the children with you.”
> Her hand began to tremble on the post. She was so afraid to believe him, afraid that somehow this was all just another assignment and he was here to rip away another part of her heart.
“I have terrible nightmares,” she blurted.
He smiled, his charming dimples flashing in his cheeks. “I know, and I want to be there every night for the rest of your life to hold you when you’re scared, to comfort you when you cry.”
“I’m going into therapy.” She needed him to know what he was getting into, she needed to know that he could love her despite all her flaws.
“I think that’s a great idea. I’ll drive you to your appointments. I’ll even go in with you and talk to the therapist if you need me to.” His gaze remained steady on her. “I’m in it for the long haul, Caitlin. I want to build a life with you, to have children and grow old with you. I love you, Caitlin, I love you with all my heart and soul.”
“What about the wind you told me about? The one that blows you from place to place?” she asked tentatively.
“As long as you’re by my side I’ll never hear that wind again.”
Caitlin’s heart soared with happiness. She believed him. She saw the love shining from his eyes, felt it radiating from him. “We do have a sudden opening for a foreman here,” she said teasingly.
“I’ll take it,” he replied. “But just until we have a spread of our own. Are you going to kiss me now?” he asked.
“Yes, I believe I am.” She finally let go of the post and stepped into his waiting embrace. Their lips met in a kiss that warmed Caitlin from her head to her toes, a kiss that spoke of love and desire and a commitment to last a lifetime.
As they broke the kiss Molly whinnied and walked toward where they stood outside the corral. She came close enough that Rhett stroked her nose. “I knew you were going to be okay,” he said in obvious delight. Molly quickly stepped back, but the fact that she’d come close enough to Rhett to allow him to touch her spoke of the fact that she was truly going to be just fine.
Rancher Under Cover Page 16