“Yeah, I do. I'll see you there in two and a half hours?”
“Right. My break's over. Bye, Neil.”
She hangs up without waiting for a response. Audra is working and going to school? That must tire her out, especially now that she's pregnant. With time to spare, I call Mr. Lanier, knowing that I'm going to need an income as well.
“I'm glad to hear about this, Neil. You're making the best decision. I'll talk to him and he'll call you. Now, it's most likely going to be a graveyard shift, but it's better than nothing. You'll still be able to play and go to school too.”
“Thank you, sir. I'm grateful for any opportunity,” I tell him truthfully. The graveyard shift will mean I'm going to be tired as fuck all the time, but I'm sure I can make it work. He tells me more about the job, which is a janitorial position, cleaning the building spotless at night in preparation for the following workday.
Before he gets off the phone, he says, “Don't forget that we're here for you. Call us if you need anything. Have you spoken to your parents yet?”
“No, sir. I will soon enough. I'm actually about to go meet with Audra now and talk to her.”
“Good. We'll see you Sunday then.”
I hang up and then I'm on my way to meet Audra. I can already tell how the next few months are going to go. My stomach is in knots, so I'm going to be nothing but pure, wild nerves on the edge. Part of it is because I have no control over this situation, Audra, or this baby, and I damn well know it. Audra has the upper hand, so to speak. I can't make her do anything or not do something. I kind of feel like I'm in a war with nature, helpless to make much of a difference.
When I walk into the delicious aroma-filled restaurant, my eyes immediately land on Audra. She's looking down at the table, ripping up a napkin.
“Can I help you?” a middle-aged woman who looks eerily similar to Audra asks.
“I'm here to meet someone,” I answer, pointing over to Audra.
The woman's lips set in a firm, unhappy line. She nods and steps aside so I can go over to her. Audra finally looks up as I pull my chair back. She doesn't smile either.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey, Neil. I already ordered my favorite, but I didn't know what you wanted to drink.”
A waitress promptly comes over to take my drink order. Once she leaves, I start apologizing and explaining.
“I'm sorry about last week. If you'll let me, I'd really like to go through this with you as much as I possibly can. Maybe we should try to get to know each other a little better. Do you know much about me? I don't know if you've heard things around campus or not.”
Audra narrows her eyes at me. She has indeed heard things. “You mean the fact that you'll sleep with anything with a pulse, so you're basically a man-whore? The kind of guy I don't want anywhere near my baby because she deserves better than that for a father.”
She.
All I can do is stare at her because she said 'she'. My heart feels still as it soaks in that we're having a baby girl. There's a bite of pain, a feeling that this isn't right because I don't love Audra, and the awful, bad taste of memories screaming, 'what could have been.' But I ignore all that with a clearing of my throat. “It's a girl?” I say quietly, needing her to confirm.
Her eyes widen slightly, and I'm guessing it was a slip of the tongue. She barely nods. “I found out this morning.”
I lean back in my seat as the waitress walks over and sets the pizza down on the table. For a few seconds, I watch Audra. Today, she's in all black from work at a retail store, but her clothes fit her better than when she came to see me. Audra is very pretty, obviously. If I didn't find her attractive, I wouldn't have slept with her in the first place. Suddenly, I'm trying to picture my baby girl with her features. The words of adoption that I spoke about before pass through my mind, and I sit up. If I'm going to do this, I need to do it right, all the way.
“You haven't made any decisions since the last time I saw you, have you?” I ask as she takes a bite of the pizza. I wish I had timed my question better because I have to wait for her to finish now.
“Actually, I have,” she answers seconds later. I hold my breath while she takes a swallow of water, wondering if she's already decided on adoption. “But you don't get to know,” Audra sighs like I'm personally exhausting her.
“What are you talking about?” I breathe just enough to ask those five words.
“You made your choice, Neil. Honestly, I think the only reason you're here is because of a guilty conscience. After a few weeks, you'll probably change your mind again, and I don't have the energy to deal with that. Being pregnant is enough without having to deal with you too.”
My mouth hangs open. “You can't be serious, Audra. I freaked out because you showed up at my house and lifted your shirt. That was all panic, and you are going to make me stick with my stupid choice?”
“Is everything okay?” The woman who I saw when I first walked in has come to our table, but her question is for Audra.
“Yes, Ma, we're fine.” Ma? The lady nods, sends me a glare, and then leaves. “Sorry, this is my parents' restaurant, and she's been watching us like a hawk ever since you sat down.” Audra takes a deep breath. “Why should I believe that you're sincere, Neil? You have until I finish this slice because I have to get to class.”
So while she eats, I make my case. I know I could say one thing to make her believe me, but I'm not going to do that. I don't know her that well yet. Besides, it might piss her off more than anything.
“For one, I think I deserve a chance because you're deciding this based on something I said while I was trying to fully understand what you told me. I've had to do some serious thinking and what happened that day wasn't the right thing. All I want is to be there for my daughter and you while you're carrying her. You shouldn't try to deny that to me anymore than you already have,” I finish in a low, well-controlled voice. I'm hoping that last sentence will be the push she needs. She waited all this time to come tell me. I've missed all these doctor's appointments so maybe that will get through to her.
Audra is quiet for a moment before she gasps softly, quickly looking down at her belly.
“What is it? Are you okay?” I rush with panic.
She nods, placing a hand on her lower right side. “Yeah, she kicked and caught me by surprise, that's all,” she murmurs.
“Can I feel?”
Audra's head snaps up at my question. She's looking at me like I grew two more heads, but she subtly nods. I scoot my chair closer to her and reach my hand out. Audra takes my hand and places it where hers was. At first, I don't feel anything. She moves my hand a little, my eyes trained on it as if I could feel on sight alone. It's barely there, but I finally feel the smallest of movements.
I look to Audra. “That was it, wasn't it?”
“Yeah, that was it,” she whispers. She seems as mesmerized as I am. For a moment, I don't ever want to move my hand because I want to feel it again and again, but I have to pull it away. “You're right, Neil, about what you said. I knew you were, but I was still pissed. I know that I'm capable of taking care of her, which is why I decided to keep her. Not to mention that if I didn't want to be faced with such a decision, then I should have been more careful.”
Air leaves my body in relief. I was worried that I had missed my chance. That partly surprises me.
“We have a lot of work ahead of us in the next few months, but today is not the day to start. I have to get to class before I'm late.” Audra manages to look even more serious as she adds, “Don't make me regret this, Neil.”
“I won't.”
FOR A FEW days, I managed to go without hearing, seeing, or running into Maddie. Dave never asked anything more than if his sister was bothering me. Of course, she wasn't. I wish she hadn't been at the party, though, because all it has done is bring back all of those memories. I successfully managed to put it all behind me and focus on this week's games.
Neil seems to be in a better mood, so everyt
hing is back to normal. Well, sort of. Turns out, he got a job, but works like six hours every night. I can't say that this fact doesn't have me a bit worried, because it does. The exhaustion is obvious with all the yawning he does. I don't even think he's fucked a girl this week. When would he have the time? He's either in class, doing homework, working, catching up on sleep, or playing hockey. I asked him why he got a job to start with, but he shrugged off answering me.
Practice just ended, so I'm walking out to the parking lot. Before I left, Vincent said something about going to see his girl who isn't his girl. I shake my head at the thought of those two. I don't get what their problem is with each other. Something keeps holding each of them back, but damn if I know what. Vincent doesn't share much about their relationship.
“Winston!”
Shit. I turn around to find Maddie jogging towards me. She's wearing a sports bra with tight capri exercise pants, and her hair is up in a ponytail. What the hell does this look like? A park with a jogging trail? And it's fifty degrees out here! My eyes are drawn to her bouncing breasts until she comes to a stop in front of me, and I force my eyes to hers. Maddie's hair is swishing back and forth as she alternates kicking her feet up to keep running in place. I didn't know she ran.
“What's up?” I ask.
She stops jogging, rests her hands on her hips, and takes a few deep breaths. “How have you been?”
“You stopped to ask how I've been?” Maddie nods. “I've been great. You? Has that guy bothered you since the party?”
“Not really. I've been good.”
When she doesn't add anything, I raise my eyebrow at her. “That all?”
Maddie's lips fall into a small frown. “Yeah, I guess so.” She shifts her weight to her left foot and decides that that isn't all. “Actually, there is something else. You can totally say no, and there won't be any hard feelings. I promise.”
“Spit it out already, Maddie,” I order gently. I don't like watching her squirm with her words. Whatever she wants to say, she should say it. It's only us here.
“Promise me one thing first?”
“What's that?” What does she want to ask me?
“Don't call me a baby or anything of the sorts?” She tilts her head back a little to get a better look at me.
“Promise.”
“Could we hang out and watch a movie or something? I'm feeling a little homesick, but I don't want to call my parents and say so. You're the closest thing to home I have here.”
“Go,” I drag my eyes over her body one more time, “change and drive over to my place. We can watch a Madea movie or something. Text me with what kind of sub you want, and I'll pick it up.”
Suddenly, Maddie hugs me. “Thanks, Winston. It'll be like an hour from now. You're the best.”
“Yeah, yeah. I'll see you later.”
And then she's off, running back the way she came.
I wish she would stay away from me, but I know what it's like to miss home. There's no way I was about to tell her no. I run to the sub shop before going home with her preferred choice, some 6 inch sub.
A knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts. Maddie gives me a sheepish smile as I step aside for her to come in.
“Hey, Winston.”
“Hey. Food is in my room.” We head that way.
“Thanks. I'll have to repay you somehow.”
I wave my hand at her dismissively. “Don't worry about it. After we eat, I need to do a little homework, but you can start the movie then anyway.”
She nods, takes a seat on my bed, and unwraps her sub. I go to the couch. We don't say much as we eat, but I watch Maddie. She blows my mind, nibbling on her food, though she eventually finishes it.
“You won't tell Dave that I missed home, will you?” she asks after taking a sip of her soda.
“No. Why are you worried about that? Everyone gets homesick every now and then. It's nothing to be ashamed of.”
Maddie crisscrosses her legs. “I feel like I shouldn't. Like I'm too old. I'm in college and after a bad day, I wanted to go home to my own room and be around people who love me.”
I return my focus to my last bite after saying, “You sound pretty normal to me, Maddie.”
She doesn't say anything as she hands me her trash, so I can go throw it away. Once I return, she goes to start the movie, and I grab my books to do a little homework. I could've done it yesterday, but I pushed it off until today. Maddie ended up being an unexpected surprise, so I'm having to work around her presence. Every time Maddie laughs, a little loudly, I end up peeking a glance at her. She's sitting with her back against my headboard as she watches the movie while I'm on my couch. Usually, a loud laugh irritates me, but Maddie's and how she looks when she laughs is cute. Maybe it irritated me before because it reminded me of her. After about thirty minutes, I lose my concentration completely.
“Done already?” she asks as I slam my notebook and textbook close.
“Yep,” I lie, setting them down on the cushion I previously occupied before moving over to the bed to sit next to Maddie and watch the movie.
The only sound we make is our laughter. When that one is over, Maddie puts in another. As she slips the disc into the DVD player, she looks over her shoulder with gratitude. “Thanks, Winston.”
“No problem.”
She crawls back into bed on the side closest to the wall, laying on her side, careful not to touch me. I slink down further to get more comfortable, stifling a yawn. My phone vibrates with a FaceTime call, but I reach over and silence it, turning off the lamp as well. I don't really feel like talking tonight. What a crappy friend I'm being to Maddie. She's missing home and the best I can do is try to stay awake. But this is what she wanted to do, watch TV, so it's okay, I guess.
Without the light, though, my eyes are getting heavier and heavier.
MMM. I INHALE a coconut, beach-y smell as I bury my nose in her hair. She makes my senses go on full alert. Fuck. Again? I open my eyes to see Maddie laying next to me on her stomach. My arm wrapped tightly around her waist while I lay on my side, enjoying the scent of her hair. My other arm is underneath her neck and I swear it's about to fall off, it's so numb. We used to lay like this all the time. Why does she have to turn me on? What is it about her that still does?
The smell of her shampoo? How her small, short self almost gets lost next to me now? How good and easy this is? How familiar she feels?
With that thought, I move my hips away from her a bit, so she won't feel my erection. The slight motion wakes Maddie up. She stretches her legs out and lifts her head to look at me with a small smile, which makes my own lips lift in return. Maybe it's that small action, that simple smile first thing this morning.
In that moment, she's not thinking about anything other than waking up securely in someone's arms, leaving sweet dreams behind, and seeing a familiar face next to her. Her eyes seem to be darker or browner than usual. Stray strands of her blonde hair stick out around her face and the wrinkles from my pillowcase are imprinted on her cheek. Her lips are the perfect shade of pink, drawing my eyes down to them. An insane, ridiculous, raging need to kiss her is nearly uncontrollable. Just as I go to lean forward, Maddie laughs softly.
“I'm becoming a pain in the ass, aren't I?” she whispers.
Her words jar me from the stupid act I was about to commit, leaving me temporarily dumbfounded by her words. “What?”
“You're always so nice to me, letting me hang out with you, and I repay you by sleeping over in your bed. Again.”
“Uh, yeah,” I mumble, distracted by my thoughts. “Real pain in the ass.” I lay my head back on the pillow, but Maddie doesn't attempt to move, so I don't remove myself from her. She's watching me though. I look up at the ceiling, anywhere away from those eyes and that pretty face. “I was about to kiss you,” I breathe in honest disbelief. What in the hell is wrong with me?
“You were?” Maddie's eyebrows are perched high. “Why?” She sounds more curious than asking as if that wa
s the most confusing thing ever. And the fact that she doesn't sound upset or disgusted that I would go there, but instead slightly surprised with wonder, makes me want to kiss her that much more.
“Fuck if I know,” I grumble. She frowns, and I quickly add, “Not that kissing you would be terrible. You're in my damn bed, Maddie. Look at us.” As if that explains it all. “You're fucking gorgeous too. That doesn't help,” I confide.
She props herself up on her elbows with a smile like she's remembering something. “You used to kiss me all the time. I could be in the middle of telling you what happened that day and you'd interrupt me with a quick kiss, saying that you loved listening to me.” Her eyes lock onto my own. “Do you still like me, Winston?” There's almost a light, teasing tone in her voice.
Turning my head to look at her, I set her straight. “No, I do not. That's come and gone, Maddie. I wanted to kiss you for a moment. That's all.”
“Then do it.”
“What?” She can't be serious.
“Do it,” Maddie repeats. “Kiss me.” It's a softly ordered demand. A demand. Oh, fuck.
Without another thought, I cup her cheeks as she moves to lay on me, eliminating all space between us. I stare into her eyes, searching for some sort of sign to stop and not to go a step further. All I see is a familiar desire. I move forward until only a breath separates us, our noses brushing against each other slightly.
Our breathing intermingles, and I'm sure I can feel Maddie's heart beating against her chest. Her tongue slips out of her mouth to run over her lower lip, brushing against mine in the process. She quickly presses her lips to mine, and I feel her move to straddle me, her fingers grasping my sides just above her knees. Maddie parts her mouth and mine automatically does the same. A groan from deep in my throat unleashes into her mouth as she slides her tongue against mine.
My hands glide down her back until I cup her ass. The kiss turns a bit frenzied as we attempt to devour each other. I want to pull her closer and closer until absolutely nothing separates us. I lift my head every time she slightly pulls away, always drawing her back to me. Our teeth clash, which makes me focus a little more than I was a second ago.
Bracing the Blue Line Page 6