They disappear onto the other side of the door, and we all exchange glances. Bo, Grant, and I are the only ones who don't seem surprised because we all knew.
“Woah,” Vincent speaks first. “Why hasn't he said anything?” he asks Bo.
“I don't know.”
Neil reenters the room with a smile, but it goes slack when he sees we're very much the same as before. “Might as well get this over with, huh?” Everyone nods. “That's Audra. She's my girlfriend. In case you weren't staring at her long enough earlier to notice, she's pregnant and having a girl. That cover everything?”
They nod again and that's that. With the fall semester officially over, everyone is ready to get out of here. I am too, and on the way to my car, I try calling Dave, but he doesn't answer. I leave a voicemail anyway.
“Hey, I need to talk to you about Maddie. Call me back.”
Something tells me I'll be leaving lots of voicemails until he answers or until I think of a better way to force him to talk to me.
AUDRA SHOWING UP last night wasn't exactly how I planned on telling the rest of the team, but it worked out fine. It was a day when she had a night class, so she was already on campus and decided to go to the game after she finished her final. With the snow and all, she decided to wait for me, so I could follow her home. She was tired of waiting though and was on the brink of leaving already since she wanted to stop by the store too. She wanted to see me though, so she barged right on into the locker room.
Now, I'm sitting in her living room while she's getting ready for work. My phone rings and it looks like I'll be asking my parents today. I wasn't planning on calling them until tomorrow.
“Hey, Mom. How are you and Dad?” I say once I answer.
“Good. You and Audra?” she asks.
“We're fine.”
“That's great. I wanted to call and check in since the semester is over. How did you do in your classes?”
“Pretty good. I think I did well on my finals too. I'm glad you called.” I take a deep breath, knowing this could go either way. “I wanted to see if you and Dad would like to have dinner with us and her parents? Then you can meet her. I've been wanting to talk to you and Dad anyway.”
Mom's pause of silence tells me most of what I need to know. “Neil, you know your father. He still hasn't gotten over what happened.”
I clench my jaw. “That's why I want to see you both. I want to apologize for the things I did and said.”
“I can try talking to him,” she offers, but it's not good enough.
“Mom, do more than try. I don't know what y'all want from me. All I can do is say sorry.” After a calming breath, I quietly speak so Audra won't hear me talking. “The first person close to me in my entire life to die was Candace. Your parents and Dad's parents either died before I was born or while I was really little. I don't remember them. So yeah, it was fucking hard to deal with when I lost her. I didn't know how to cope and my method was a shitty one, but I did the best I could, Mom.
“I know it's not a good excuse for being stupid and saying crap to y'all, but you have to get over it at some point. I'm going to be a dad soon. If my baby girl ever did like I did, am I supposed to be civil towards her? Like she's not even my kid anymore?” My throat gets even tighter. “Don't you want to be a part of her life? How can you do that if you are barely a part of mine? I don't know what else to say.”
She sniffs, but if she's crying, I don't feel bad about it. I need her to care. “I know, son, and I get it, I do. It was hard for us to see you go through that, but I think it was even harder to see you turn to them instead of us. Don't take it the wrong way, Neil. I was happy that you were healing, but I think we both sort of left the other behind. You see them every week and we're lucky to hear from you once a month if that. They've met her, haven't they?”
Seriously? She's jealous of the Lanier's? It bothers me and pisses me off at the same time. “They lost their daughter! They are like family to me and always have been. Of course I go see them. Not to mention Alice. I couldn't stop going when she was expecting to see me. I can't believe that's even something you're saying. Y'all were ready to abandon me when I told you she was pregnant. Don't act like this is all my fault. You were pissed and didn't want to help at all. Why wouldn't I turn to them, Mom? What did y'all do to even show support for Candace and me? You know what, fuck it. I'll come up with an excuse to get you out of it. Why don't you go ahead and cut me out of your lives completely and let me know what I need to do to own the house.”
“Neil?”
I look over my shoulder at hearing Audra's voice. The look on her face tells me she's heard more than a fair share. “I gotta go,” I interrupt my mom and hang up. Audra comes over and sits sideways in my lap, wrapping her arms tightly around neck. “Don't say anything, babe,” I whisper into her hair. “Don't say anything yet.” I let her comfort me, waiting to see exactly what she is going to say. My hand runs up her back, into her hair, and then I find myself hugging her back. “Thank you.”
“You're going to have to help me get up, you know. I hate to leave, but if I don't, I'll be late.”
“We don't want that,” I tell her, pulling away so I can kiss her. “We can talk later and I'll tell you the full story.” Audra nods, satisfied for now, and I help her stand. “Did you pack your things, so you can come to my place afterwards?”
“Yes, my bag is on the bed if you'll carry it over for me. Make sure you lock my doors and turn off all the lights and-”
“I know what to do, babe.”
She smiles and kisses my cheek. “Right. Sorry. I'll see you later then.”
Once she's gone, my shoulders sag as I sigh. I swear. My life seems to unravel even more in some areas and come closer together in others, and it's happening all at the same time. Instead of getting right to cleaning, I go crawl back into bed and sleep for a bit.
AFTER CLEANING UP both our places, I feel like I could use another nap. However, I still have laundry to do. Audra should be here any minute, and she's going to want me to talk, which is fine. I really want to relax for a bit, so hopefully, she does too. Just as I'm about to sit down on the couch, there's a knock at the door. Surely, Audra wouldn't knock. This is her place now too, even though she hasn't moved in yet.
“Mom? What are you doing here?”
She's standing at my door, hugging her coat tighter, trying to stay warm. I don't want her here. Not now, especially since Audra just pulled up. Mom glances over her shoulder, but faces me again.
“Can I come in, Neil?”
“Oh, uh, yeah.” I move aside for her to enter. “Let me go make sure she doesn't need any help. Make yourself at home.” Leaving her inside, I hurry to Audra.
“Who's that?”
“My mom.”
“Oh, should I go?”
I shake my head. I'll be damned if I'm about to make her leave. “I don't know what she wants, but you're not going anywhere but inside.”
“Okay,” she nods, her hand going to her stomach. “I brought dinner. It's in the passenger seat.”
“I'll get it then.”
She waits for me to grab the bag of food before taking my hand and walking with me inside as snow starts to fall. That simple act, of waiting so she can walk in with me, does wonders. I don't know why, but it does. My mother is waiting right where I left her. Guess she didn't feel comfortable making herself at home. Audra squeezes my hand as Mom gives her a tight lipped smile.
“Mom, this is Audra. Babe, this is my mom.”
“Nice to meet you,” Mom says, but even I can tell she doesn't mean it. Her words are too clipped, too formal.
“You too,” Audra replies, turning towards me. “Want me to go put the food in the kitchen?”
“Yeah.” I hand her the bag and she walks off. It's not until she walks around the corner that I realize she's never really been past the living room, so she doesn't know where the kitchen is. “What do you want, Mom?” I ask, guiding her into the living room. “I'm not r
eally in the mood.”
She wrings her hand and suddenly, I realize she's nervous. I've never seen my mom appear anxious before. Not like this anyway. “I don't know why I came other than on the phone this morning, you sounded like the son I remember. I want to understand, Neil, and I want to be around to meet my granddaughter.”
“Does Dad know you're here?” My parents are pretty hard to separate. I mean, they are usually a joined force that doesn't deviate from each other on their view of something.
“Yes. He had to leave for a trip, so he couldn't come.”
“There's enough food if you'd like to eat with us.” We both turn at the sound of Audra's voice. “Well, Neil has extra to share,” she jokes with a smile.
God, I love her. I face my mom. This could either be a turning point towards progress, or she can take a step backwards by declining her offer.
“That sounds nice,” she answers.
“Hard to turn down a pregnant girl, isn't it?” Audra chuckles.
I laugh as we head towards the kitchen. “You need to let that go, babe. Sometimes, people say yes because they mean yes. Not because they don't want to tell you no.”
“Well, I choose to believe otherwise, so leave me alone.” Audra already has three plates on the table. “Oh! I forgot the drinks.”
“I'll get them.”
They sit as I fix everyone something to drink. It's not until after our plates have food on them and we begin to eat that Mom starts talking. She glances at Audra, who is keeping her eyes on her plate for the most part.
“I, uh...I've been thinking about what you said all day. You shouldn't have to apologize, Neil. We should. We weren't there for you like we should've been, but the Lanier's were and they still are. I'm thankful for that. I think that you continuing to go after her death, in part because of Alice, shows the kind of man you are. So, I am sorry we weren't there for you and I'm sorry that it's taken this long for you to hear that. Your father feels the same, and we would love to have dinner with your family,” she finishes, looking at Audra.
There is a part of me that doesn't believe her, but then there's a larger part that simply wants to move on. All I can manage to say in return are two words. “Thanks, Mom.”
After a brief pause, Audra smiles widely and shifts the conversation. “Would you like to see the latest sonogram?” My mom nods, and Audra adds, “Well, show her, Neil.”
I reach into my back pocket for my wallet and pull it out, handing it to my mom. She studies it for a moment before asking, “Does she have a name yet?”
“Liana, but we're still figuring out a middle name,” Audra answers. With that, I'm out of the conversation as Mom and Audra start talking about the pregnancy. I'm a good listener while they talk and talk and talk. By the time my mom decides it's time to go, I've already washed our dirty dishes. I want to groan when Audra asks, “Are you sure you'll be okay driving back?”
Luckily, Mom says, “Yes. Neil, I'll let you know a date soon. It was so nice to meet you, Audra.” They hug and my mom turns to me, giving me one as well. She kisses my cheek, tells me she loves me, and then she's out the door. Things seem better. They feel better. All I can do now is hope she wasn't lying when she said Dad was on the same page.
Audra turns to me with curious eyes, but I shake my head. I take her hand and silently lead her to the living room. She sits at one end of the couch before I grab the remote and lay down, resting my head in her lap. Her fingers weave their way into my hair as I turn on the TV.
“Are we going to talk about that?” Audra questions.
“Not tonight. I want to relax for a bit.”
“Okay.”
I turn the TV to The Big Bang Theory and we watch the marathon for about two hours before I break our silence. “How was your day, Audra?”
“Weird to say the least,” she chuckles softly. Her legs move underneath my head as she lifts her sock covered feet up onto my coffee table.
“And how was Liana's day?”
“Normal. Ooh,” she pats my shoulder repeatedly. “Up, Neil. Get up.” I sit up and she stands. Audra disappears down the hallway. “Oh my God! Which door is the bathroom?” she yells with frustration.
“Third on right,” I call back, trying not to laugh but not able to hold back a chuckle.
When she returns with her hands on her hips, she says, “Okay. I think it's time I get a tour. Plus, I'm ready to shower and change out of these clothes anyway.”
I show her everyone's rooms, the bathrooms, the laundry room, which room I think would be good for the nursery, and then the master bedroom. Her bag was sitting on my bed, waiting for her. While she's grabbing her things, I get her a towel and such for her shower. I even turn the water on for her.
“Neil?” I hear from my bedroom.
“Yeah, babe?”
“I need one more thing.”
“What's that?” I ask as I walk back into the room.
“You.”
What? The corners of my mouth slightly fall and my brows bunch together. Me? What is she talking about? I'm right here. Once I'm standing in front of her, she leans forward to kiss me softly. Those are the kind of kisses that make me want more from her because they are so simply sweet and full of...love? I don't know, but I sure do love them.
“Thank you,” she mumbles sincerely against my lips, watching me carefully.
“You're welcome. Go shower before the water runs cold.”
Audra nods and steps around me to go to the bathroom. While I change and then go back downstairs to the couch, I wonder what Audra will do with her furniture. We already have everything here, so she wouldn't need to bring all of that. Maybe her place was already furnished when she moved in. I'm not sure when she's going to make the move, but I figured it would be during our break. We need to do some more shopping, but Audra wants to wait until after her baby shower. At least, that way, it'll give me time to paint the baby's room, if she wants it painted.
With the end of the year, I can't help but think about next year. It's going to bring so many things. My first child, Audra's first Mother's Day, my first Father's Day, and our baby's first of everything. As for hockey, I'm too old to be drafted, but I'm an unrestricted free agent. According to my agent, there's a good chance I could get signed this year, but do I want to? Should I? Would I? Audra's going to finish her degree. I'll finish mine, and then we'll be looking to find jobs that those degrees were earned for. On top of that, we're going to have a baby to take care of. We would need time to be more settled before a change like that. It's now or never in my eyes. I won't be playing for school anymore, and if I don't get signed, then I'm done. It'll be time to move on. But what if I do? Do I want that life?
My thoughts are halted as Audra comes in, sits next to me, and rests her head on my shoulder. I place my hand on the inside her of left thigh. “You look like you were thinking about something,” she comments.
“I was.” Instead of mentioning hockey, I ask, “Was your apartment fully furnished? I was trying to figure out what you planned on doing with all the stuff if it's all yours.”
“It's not all mine, so don't worry.” After a pause, she lifts her head to look at me and says, “I'm ready to try out your bed. This day seems to have lasted far too long.”
I turn off the TV, stand, take her hand, and we walk up to my room. We crawl into bed, getting comfortable with me on my back and Audra on her side like usual. I lift my arm up to rest my head on it, staring at the ceiling. I'm tired, but I'm not sleepy.
“When are you moving in?”
“Whenever. I'll need to be out by the end of the month though. What did the guys say?”
“They're going to let me know what they're doing once they get back.”
She doesn't respond for a long time, but when she does, it's certainly not what I was expecting. “This doesn't seem too bad, does it? Us here together?”
“Was that what you were expecting?” There's no malice in my voice. Audra's comments don't bother me nearly as mu
ch as they did before. Now, I know that her intentions are usually nicer than the words that end up leaving her mouth.
“I didn't really know what to expect. You're nothing like I thought you'd be. We're just...I think we're going to be good together, that's all.”
“We already are, Audra.”
BETWEEN CHILDBIRTH CLASSES, Audra moving in, working, and the holidays nearing, I don't know how I have any time at all. Audra has been sleeping a lot better in my bed, but I know that's all due to the mattress and not who may own the bed. We're supposed to be having dinner with our parents tonight, and I'm almost looking forward to it. First, though, I need to get my present shopping done.
This past Sunday, Alice told me exactly what she wanted. She even got Mrs. Lanier to print off a picture of it, so I wouldn't buy the wrong one. Last year, I asked what she wanted and accidentally bought the wrong kind. Alice hasn't forgotten, so I laughed when she handed me the picture.
I need to figure out what I'm buying Audra too. She asked if I was going to decorate for Christmas and I told her no. It didn't seem like a big deal to me. However, that's unacceptable, apparently.
“We at least need a tree, Neil. It can be a tiny one, if you don't want a big one, but we need a tree.” Her eyes started to shine with unshed tears. “How can we be in the holiday spirit otherwise? Are you going to be like this with Liana, Neil? Is she going to grow up in an undecorated house for Christmas?!”
She was getting so worked up about it, we went and bought a small artificial tree that day. She let me know real quick too that Liana would need a real tree in the future. I'm pretty sure she's starting to lose it. I nod my head and go with it though.
It's not until I've bought everyone's present, including a little stuffed duck for Liana, that I know what I want to give Audra. I was heading home when I passed a spa place. She loves my little massages, and I've seen her nails painted a few times. After the baby is born, she could take a spa day for herself and come relax. So I buy her a gift certificate.
“Whatcha got there?” Audra asks as I walk into the house.
Bracing the Blue Line Page 24