by Nicki Day
She nodded and sipped her own cocoa. They sat there for a moment, looking up at the tree and the area around them. There seemed to be something different about this night, which made the silence almost deafening.
He could hear his heart beating. And, despite their single moment of closeness earlier, he felt an awkwardness between them and he hated it.
“I forgot how beautiful Dove Creek is in the winter.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” He agreed. “I come back every two or three years, but it never ceases to surprise me.”
“Everything here is so clean, untouched and pure. Not like in the city. Within an hour of every snowfall the pollution turns the snow black and grey. It’s just not the same. The City and County building of Denver does a huge light display, but it never looks at Christmassy as this tree does.”
“There is something different about this place. Maybe that’s why my folks settled down here all those years ago and never left.”
“Oh, my God, Michael.” She turned to him then. “I’m so sorry. I’d completely forgotten about your father. My mom told me when he passed.”
“It’s okay. Dad lived a good life. He was happy. That’s all I could ask for.”
“Still, I feel awful. I should have sent some flowers or something.”
“Why?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Why send flowers? It wouldn’t have made him come back. I mean, I know the gesture is kind and people’s hearts are in the right place when they do it. But, I was at his funeral and I remember looking at all of the floral arrangements people sent and I thought… why? Dad’s gone. And if he were here he would’ve been complaining about people wasting good money on something that was going to die anyway.”
Vicky laughed. “I’m sorry. I just can totally hear your dad saying something like that. He was a good man, Michael. You were lucky to have him.”
“I know I was. We all were. I just hope I make him proud.”
“If I know your dad like I thought I did, I’d bet that he looks down on you and your brother and mother from time to time. And I’m sure he is very proud of you.”
“Hope so,” he said before taking another drink of his cocoa.
“Are you kidding? I mean look at you. You’re a Marine. Just like you always wanted to be. You had a dream and you went after it. I wish I had done that.”
He didn’t miss how her expression changed. It was obvious she regretted things about her life. “You used to have dreams. Whatever happened to your paintings and drawings?”
She shrugged. “They didn’t pay the bills.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I still am able to use some of my creativity, though not quite in the way I ever thought I would.”
“Yeah? What are you doing now? If that’s okay to ask.”
She smiled. “Of course it’s okay. I’m a graphic designer for a marketing firm in Denver. It’s boring. Monotonous and not at all what I see myself doing for the rest of my life, but like I said… it pays the bills.”
“Have you looked for anything new lately?”
“No. I guess I got stuck in a rut. Once you’re there, it’s hard to get out.”
“I understand.”
“You? Mr. Badass Marine?” She smirked.
He chuckled. “Yeah, badass. Sure.”
“Mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Sure.” He nodded.
“Have you been to war?”
While taking a drink he stopped and turned to her. Slowly he lowered his cup and answered. “Yeah. I have.”
“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business anyway.”
“No, it’s okay. I…wasn’t expecting a question about that.”
“What were you expecting?”
He looked at her, saw the question in her eyes and knew she wouldn’t make a move unless he initiated things first. Despite growing up, she still seemed to be timid and not one to take charge.
“I don’t know. I guess I figured you’d ask about my personal life. Like whether I’m seeing anyone or not.”
“Oh.”
“You asked.”
“Yes, I know. I…I mean, would that really be any of my business?” she asked.
Damn if she didn’t look adorable from the way she fluttered her eyelashes at him. Knowing Vicky she didn’t even realize the affects her simple gestures had on men, especially him.
“I’d say it’s very much your business.”
She didn’t say anything, instead she turned away, looking up at the eastern mountains in the distance.
“I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, Vick. I’m just being honest.”
She turned back to him. “I haven’t had anyone call me that in a very long time.”
“What? Vick?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad.” Michael leaned into her and cupped the side of her rosy cheek with his hand.
“Michael.” Her voice trailed off to nothing but a whisper as her lips parted.
He stared into her eyes as he drew in closer. Refusing to close them and hoping to see the green of her irises light up, he pressed his lips against hers and felt the sweet soft flesh of her plump lips for the first time in what felt like an eternity.
Chapter Eleven
Vicky closed her eyes the instant she felt his lips touch hers. Warmth spread throughout her body in a rush. Like a waterfall of steam and heat, she could no longer tell she was sitting outside in the heart of winter.
Only seconds passed before she felt Michael’s other hand wrap around the nape of her neck and pull her in closer. Her mouth parted wider, inviting him to take more. It was an unconscious effort on her part. Something about Michael Barnett always made her weak to him. The way he looked at her, kissed her and made her body react. She melted underneath his touch.
He slid his tongue inside her mouth and gently stroked it against hers. She moaned from the feel of it. It was as if the thirteen years apart had never happened. Their tongues began dancing with one another like it had been only hours since the last time.
They kissed for hours, or maybe it was only minutes. She couldn’t tell. She felt lost and completely under his spell.
When he pulled away he dropped his forehead against hers and whispered, “Oh, Vick.”
She said nothing. She looked up at him, searching his green eyes for answers to questions that she didn’t even know how to form.
What were they doing? Was this crazy? She hadn’t seen him in so long.
“Say something,” he urged her.
“I…I don’t know what to say,” she whispered in response.
“Say anything. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m not sure what I’m thinking.”
“Come on, Vick. It may have been thirteen years, but I know you better than that. I can see the wheels turning behind your eyes.”
She sighed and closed her eyes, wondering if she was crazy to be so happy to feel his hands on her again.
“Just tell me, baby.”
Her eyes opened then. She remembered so many nights he’d called her baby. It was a term of endearment that made her putty in his hands. And what’s more was, he knew that.
“Michael, what are we doing?”
“Well a minute ago we were kissing.” He smiled.
“I’m serious. Why are we doing this? Why go back to something that…” She didn’t finish her sentence.
She wasn’t even sure what she was trying to say. It wasn’t that he was offering her anything. For all she knew he was deploying in days and needed a piece of ass before leaving. She hated to think that about him, but she couldn’t forget the fact that despite their past, she didn’t really know anything about Michael the man. The last time she saw him he was merely a boy, and she was only a young girl. Things had changed. Maybe he had too.
“Something that…what?”
“Nothing.” She pulled away.
As
she tried to stand in an effort to put distance between them he stopped her, placing his hand on hers.
“Vick, don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Pull away. I felt the way that you kissed me. You can’t fake something like that.”
She shook her head. “I just got caught up in the moment.”
“So what’s wrong with that?” he asked.
“What’s wrong with that? Michael, maybe that’s all we’re doing, getting caught up in the past.”
“So what would be so wrong if we did? You said yourself you’re divorced. And I’m not seeing anyone. So what’s the harm?”
“The harm is…” She hesitated, not even sure what her argument was going to be.
“Well?”
“I don’t know. But, it’s getting late. I should be heading back.”
This time she stood up, not allowing his gentle hold of her hand to keep her still. She put a few feet of distance between them before turning back to see him. For a moment she could’ve sworn she saw hurt in his eyes.
“Do you really have to go?” he asked.
“Yes, I do.”
“Can I least walk you home?”
“It’s only two blocks, Michael. I’ll be fine.”
“I’m sure you will. But we still have wildlife around here. It would make me feel better if I made sure you made it home safely.”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Michael, I—”
“Come on, Vick.” He stood up and closed the distance between them. “I’ll be a total gentleman. Let me walk you home.”
“Alright.” She agreed, although begrudgingly.
It wasn’t that he had done anything wrong, or that she didn’t want to be around him. She didn’t trust herself. She could easily see being swept away by her feelings of the past and how good it felt to feel his hands on her and his kiss against her lips. It would be all too easy to fall under his spell and end up in his bed. She didn’t want to risk it. Her heart hurt horribly after their break up. Despite all the time that passed she could see herself feeling that same heartache all over again.
He picked up the two mugs and held his arm out in front of him. “After you.”
She started to walk and he stepped alongside her. The first minute or two neither of them spoke. He kept in pace with her as she leisurely strolled, but she had a feeling she might be slowing him down.
“You know Jack brought a girl home with him,” he offered, breaking the silence that lingered between them.
“Oh?” She smiled, genuinely happy to hear the news. She had always liked Jack, Jr. Just not as much as she liked his little brother. “What’s she like?”
“Her name is Kaylee. She seems sweet. And she’s spunky, too.”
She laughed. “Well I’d imagine she’d have to be to be special enough for Jack to bring her home.”
“Yeah. Mom’s on cloud nine. You just know she has visions of grandbabies dancing in her head.”
For a single moment she stilled, but she quickly resumed her pace.
“Wow. Way to go, jackass,” Michael muttered.
“It’s okay. We agreed earlier that it was in the past.” She turned to look at her house. “Thank you for walking me home.”
“That’s it?”
She hated the hurt she saw reflecting back at her in his eyes. She wanted to believe that he was the same person she once loved. Maybe her husband’s infidelity affected her more than she realized. It occurred to her that she wasn’t so willing to give herself to someone after being discarded so easily. She’d allowed Michael to do it to her once and it had nearly destroyed her. The opportunity of him being able to do it again wasn’t something she wanted to chance.
“Thank you for walking me home, Michael.”
He shook his head, his gaze fixed on the ground at their feet. She wanted to say something. It wasn’t like her to be so cold and unfeeling. The sad fact of it was, she was anything but unfeeling right then. In some way she realized that she’d never fully gotten over Michael.
She’d learned that a part of her still belonged to him. The kiss and the way she allowed him in so easily had proven that. She just wasn’t willing to give up anything more of herself. It seemed that was all she ever did. She gave herself willingly and somehow always ended up being left behind. It was a gut wrenching feeling and one she didn’t wish to revisit ever again. Especially not with Michael.
When he didn’t answer she attempted to take the mugs from his hands. His fingers wrapped around hers and he held her there. She stood frozen and unable to move. His touch exuded such warmth and comfort. It would be so easy to fall into his embrace and forget her insecurities and fears.
“Vick?”
She looked up at him and saw the pain in his eyes. “I’m a better man than I used to be. I wish you could see that.”
“Michael.” Unable to resist the urge, she lifted her hand and touched his cheek. Her palm brushed against the dark stubble that decorated his jaw line.
No longer was he the boy she once knew. He’d grown into a man. He might look the same, but she could see there was more than his outer shell. She only wished she could trust it enough to drop the walls she hadn’t even realized she’d built around herself.
“I know you’re a good man. I don’t doubt that.”
“Then what’s the matter? Back at the park, the way you kissed me, I know I wasn’t imagining that.”
“It’s me, Michael. I’m not ready to jump into anything. I’m sorry.”
She took the mugs from him and released his hold on her. Without stopping she walked up the sidewalk to her mother’s front door and stepped up to the porch. She felt his eyes on her, still watching.
With shaky hands, she fumbled with her key until the door unlocked and she was safely inside. She slumped back against the door as soon as she closed it. She didn’t need to look through the peephole to see if he still stood there. She could sense his presence.
Rubbing at the ache in her chest, she breathed a sigh of relief that the big wooden door stood between them. Unbelievably thirteen years, a marriage, and subsequent divorce, and a whole other life didn’t change how easily she could sink into Michael’s arms.
Keeping her distance from him needed to be a priority if she stood a chance of surviving this trip home. Because she knew just as sure as the sun rose, that if she spent any more time with Michael Barnett, she’d end up right back where she was thirteen years ago.
She’d run away from Dove Creek then, and now as she pushed him away a second time, she didn’t want to run anymore.
Chapter Twelve
Michael stood outside her house for a couple of minutes until he watched her bedroom light shut off. As silly as it seemed, he had foolishly thought she might come running back out and into his arms.
Every part of him wanted to take charge and peel away the layers of this new woman and find the Vicky that he knew was lurking beneath her tough exterior. He knew she was there. He could feel her when they touched, taste her when they kissed.
Damn he wanted her. Not just physically, but all of her. He wanted her back. In his life, in his bed, in his arms.
He’d crossed the city park and approached his driveway when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned suddenly, expecting to find a coyote tracking him or even a fox. Instead he blinked to ensure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him.
“Vicky?”
She was running toward him, stumbling through thicker parts of the snow as she closed the distance between them.
After only a few seconds she stood before him. She was breathless and her eyes looked uncertain, as if even she didn’t know what she was doing there.
“What are you doing?”
“Kiss me.”
He heard her request and didn’t need her to make it twice. With firm, but gentle hands, he cupped the sides of her face and pulled her in close to him. He crushed his lips against h
ers and this time didn’t wait for an invitation to take what he wanted. Eagerly he swept his tongue inside her mouth and began exploring the heat of her mouth.
Her kiss tasted so sweet he could almost feel his knees buckling from the things he was feeling. He ran his fingers through the thick curls of her hair and held her firmly in place. He wasn’t going to let her go this time. He’d made that mistake once. And he wouldn’t make it again.
She pulled away. Her chest heaved as she fought for air. “Michael.”
“No.” He dropped his forehead against hers and whispered to her. “Don’t push me away again. Please, baby. I’ve missed you so much.”
Now as he had her in his arms, her a woman, and him a man, he had no trouble intention of letting go.
She looked over at his parents’ garage and back at him. He didn’t have to ask what she was thinking. He knew exactly what it was.
The small room above the garage had been their secret hideaway when they were young. The look in her eyes, seeing the want that he understood all too well, it was all he needed to know.
“Baby, if we go up there…” He couldn’t even manage to form his thoughts. He was too overcome with how much he wanted her. He knew that if he took her up there, he wouldn’t let her leave. He didn’t just want her, he needed her, almost more than he needed air to breathe.
“Please, no words,” she begged. “I just want to feel.”
He closed his eyes and felt his heart clench. All he could muster was a nod. He may be a thirty-one year old Marine who had survived three deployments to the Middle East, but right in that moment, he was rendered speechless.
With her hand in his, Michael walked up the driveway and used the keypad to unlock the side door to the garage. He opened the door and ushered her inside before him. They walked quietly up the wooden stairs to the door.
Despite the silence he could hear the beat of his heart echoing inside his head. As they stepped inside the musty old room, he looked around the darkness and realized that it probably hadn’t been touched in years. Thick dust covered the small desk and nightstand. Cobwebs decorated the corners of the room, making it look more like a Halloween attraction than a lovers’ getaway.