During the remainder of the week, Alexandra worked to ignite passion with Ryan. As the week wore on, she began to wonder if she and Ryan had ever shared the same tumultuous desire that she found with Garret. What she did experience was great frustration.
Alexandra discovered it was not simply a matter of her attraction to Ryan. Ryan did not seem passionately drawn to her. He was sweet and affectionate, yet she wanted him to be unable to keep his hands off her. She wanted him to kiss her long and hard. She wanted him to caress her face gently. She wanted to see desire burning in his eyes.
By the time Christmas vacation was over, Alexandra was thoroughly frustrated. In spite of the fact she and Ryan had made love more in one week than they had in the previous two months, Alexandra found herself utterly unfulfilled.
It was the first Chamber of Commerce meeting of the new year. Alexandra didn’t want to attend, yet she had already accepted the position of treasurer. She decided not to sit next to Garret. When she arrived and did not see him, she assumed he would not be at the meeting, therefore she had nothing to worry about, but she was wrong.
Alexandra was seated and busy reviewing her treasurer’s report when she felt someone standing at her side. She looked up from her papers and straight into Garret’s face. He was looking down at her, smiling sadly. One look at Garret sent Alex’s heart plummeting to her feet.
“Morning, Alex,” he whispered softly as he sat in the chair next to her.
“Morning.”
“Did you have a nice Christmas?”
“Good. How about you?”
“I missed you Sunday,” he said softly.
“I took Adam to see Santa Claus,” she explained.
“I’m going to the cabin tomorrow morning,” he whispered, his eyes pleading.
Alexandra felt the familiar tightening in her chest.
When she was a teenager, Alexandra would drive up to Clement Falls and collect wildflowers and berries. Driving down the familiar highway, Alex told herself she was just going to see how the area had changed since that time. She wouldn’t even stop at Garret’s cabin. In fact, she wasn’t even sure where it was. Maybe she would drive by. But she would not stop.
The moment Alexandra saw the Jeep sitting in the garage of the log cabin, her chest tightened and the familiar restlessness began to stir. It was not a conscious decision, yet Alexandra found herself driving into Garret’s garage.
She looked up and saw him standing in the doorway leading to the cabin. As she sat quietly in the parked car, Garret pushed the switch for the automatic garage door opener and the door slowly closed. Alex remained in her car, her hands still gripping the steering wheel.
Garret walked to the driver’s side of the Subaru and opened the door. He said nothing. Alexandra said nothing. They were motionless and silent for several minutes, Garret standing, holding open the car door, Alex sitting, gripping the steering wheel. At last, Alex sighed, mustered her courage, and stepped from the car. Garret shut the car door and led Alexandra into the cabin. Neither had spoken a word.
Once inside the cabin, Alex looked around. It was a spacious room, a combination living room and kitchen with a massive rock fireplace in the center. The décor was masculine, including western accents, braided rugs, and leather couches.
Garret closed the door that led to the garage. He walked to the fireplace and added a log to the fire. Alexandra stood silently and watched. Once he finished tossing the log into the flames, Garret brushed the firewood’s residue off his hands, and then he turned to face her. He walked to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, his blue eyes intently fixed on her large hazel ones.
“I don’t know why I’m here,” Alexandra whispered, unable to tear her gaze away from Garret. “I can’t make love with you. You have to understand that, Garret.”
“I just want to kiss you, Alex. Please.” His voice was barely a whisper.
Without waiting for a response, Garret pulled Alex into his arms and covered her lips with his. She felt her mouth opening, her body responding in conflict with her mind. As his mouth explored hers, Garret’s hands gently caressed and cradled her face. He rained kisses across her nose and nipped her earlobes. Her body leaned into his, craving the feel of his hardness, his desire. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.
“Alex,” he whispered into her ear, “Come into my bedroom with me.”
“No,” she muttered helplessly, her voice ragged.
“Please. I just want to lie down with you. I promise we won’t make love.” Of course, what he really meant was intercourse, for even Alexandra knew they were already making love.
Silently, Garret led Alexandra into the bedroom. The dimly lit room’s only illumination came from the window, with much of the incoming sunshine blocked by pine trees. The only thing she could see was the large king-sized bed, covered with a red and white patchwork quilt.
So very tenderly, treating her much like a skittish colt, Garret led Alex onto the bed. He pulled off his boots then laid alongside her and gathered her into his arms, burying his face into her neck and kissing her tender flesh. She found herself kicking off her own shoes and throwing her legs over Garret’s, drawing him closer. He groaned as his hands swept under her blouse and kneaded his fingers into the length of her back. Alex’s body swayed into his, riding the motion of his caresses.
Garret unfastened her bra, and before she was aware of it, he quickly freed her ample breasts from their lacy restraints. His hands greedily claimed each full breast, gently squeezing their incredible softness. He lifted her blouse and buried his face between the soft orbs. He had dreamed of Alex’s breasts, and he found them even more exquisite than his fantasies. His mouth sought out her dark pink nipples, and he began to suck them eagerly, moving from one nipple to the other and running his tongue over the nubs, bringing them to their full hardness. Alexandra moaned, again arching her body against Garret’s. Although her mind had decided not to make love, her body was begging for fulfillment.
“Damn it, Garret, what have we begun?” Alex whimpered helplessly as Garret continued to kiss her breasts.
In response, Garret’s hand moved down and ran over her stomach, it swept down between her thighs, and moved up again, pressing firmly against the portion of her body that ached for his touch. Her body arched involuntarily, pressing her need into his hand.
“I can’t, Garret,” she moaned.
“Alex, let me end this for you. Please. It will be so easy. We don’t have to have intercourse. Let me make you feel good. Please, Alex, there’s no harm.” Again, he didn’t wait for a verbal response. His hand tugged at her zipper, opening the front of her pants. “Don’t worry, baby,” he whispered. “Don’t worry.”
Garret’s hands gently pulled Alex’s pants down over her hips. His fingers moved beneath her silk panties, seeking the moist triangle of curls. The fingers encircled the sensitive nub, which sent Alexandra’s body pressing into his touch, begging for fulfillment. His fingers gently rubbed her and slipped into her dampness, moving in and out of Alexandra in an erotic rhythm until she spiraled into an orgasm. His hand cupped her firmly as she rode it wantonly to fulfillment.
As Alex shuddered with relief, Garret took hold of her hand firmly and placed it on his hardness. He was begging for the same release granted Alex. She nervously unzipped his pants and claimed his full maleness; it was incredibly hard and in desperate need of release. She slipped her hand firmly around it and began moving down its length. Garret groaned as if in excruciating pain. Alex was learning the feel of Garret. He felt incredibly good in her hands, unfamiliar yet tempting. In an explosive shudder, he found his release and shifted his body so as not to spill his seed on her clothing.
They lay in each other’s arms, speechless, their breathing ragged. They did not discuss what had just happened, nor did they talk about their future.
By silent agreement, Alexandra returned to the cabin the next week and again the following week. During those encounters, they still
did not have intercourse, although they continued a thorough exploration of each other’s bodies. Never did they discuss what was happening or what they were doing.
A mind is capable of justifying just about anything when desire and need is so overwhelming. Alex had first done this with the kiss, telling herself that everyone kissed at Christmas parties. It was not a sin, nor was it adultery. The fact that there was no mistletoe in sight and tongues were involved were minor details.
If an innocent kiss can stir passion, then is it really so wrong for a touch to release the passion, bring fulfillment? It was only hands and mouths. Could that be so wrong?
Alexandra was not feeling guilt—anxiety perhaps, yet not guilt. The hours she spent with Garret had nothing to do with Ryan. She reasoned that what was happening involved only Garret and herself. Was it so wrong?
Once you have paved the road of justification, a touch of a hand can easily make way for more personal body parts. Three weeks of necking like teenagers, holding back the final act, only served to heighten their desire to such a frenzied level that full intercourse was inevitable.
Alexandra lay with Garret on the king-sized bed. He had removed her clothing and she had removed his. It was the first time they were both fully naked together.
They trembled with need. Garret did not know if he could go another day without being inside Alexandra. Their adolescent form of release was woefully unsatisfying; he knew that to be truly fulfilled he had to enter her. He knew she was afraid and that she wasn’t on the pill. He had to convince her.
“Alex.” His hand traced the outline of her breast, gently squeezing and caressing her softness. “I need to be inside you. Just once. I’ll wear a condom. God, I need you!”
Hearing his plea, his need, fueled the yearning that was already consuming Alexandra. She needed him to be inside her. Silently, Alexandra conveyed her agreement.
Garret rolled away from her, toward his side of the bed. He sat up, resting his feet on the floor as he reached for the nightstand and opened a drawer. He pulled out a small round package containing the condom. Alexandra lay there wondering how long the condoms had been in the drawer. Had they been there for other women, or had he recently placed them there in anticipation of their lovemaking?
He rolled back onto the bed and faced her. Garret had already opened the package and removed the circular object. His hands trembled; he was already incredibly hard.
“Help me,” he whispered. “Put it on.”
Alex shyly took the condom from his hand. She hadn’t used one of those things in years. She nervously placed it on the end of his penis and began to roll it over the length of him, fully covering his erection. Garret shuddered in anticipation of what was to come.
Once the condom was securely in place, Alex looked into Garret’s eyes and was overcome by the intensity of his desire. She gasped inwardly, her heart pounding wildly; she could almost hear it ringing in her ears. She laid back on the pillows and stared up in wonder at Garret, who loomed over her, his body’s upper weight resting on his arms as he positioned himself directly over her. He didn’t smile. He didn’t talk.
Garret’s hand reached down and roughly pushed her knees apart. His own knee fell between hers and forced them to open even wider. Again, his hand dipped below and touched the damp curls. He knew she was still hot. Their eyes remained locked; she felt as if he were staring into her very soul as he hovered over her, and his presence was powerful and dominant. Again, his fingers pressed inside her, and she moved her hips up in greeting. Now he smiled. Garret moved slightly and with one deep, sure thrust was inside Alexandra. Her body arched upward, slamming into his with such force, driving him deeper until they both thought they would surely die. It was as if they had come home.
Chapter 22
January rolled into February, February into March. Alexandra told herself that she was only giving Garret several hours a week. She was taking nothing away from Ryan. The affair had nothing to do with Ryan.
In truth, Alex was distracted. The days between Garret and Alex’s coupling only intensified their passion. As she drove to the cabin each week, the familiar tightening and restless desire made her impatient. By the time she arrived at the cabin she was already so hot, she could have easily allowed Garret to plunge deep inside her without so much as a moment of foreplay. The foreplay was already being acted out in her mind.
Alex may not have been feeling guilty, but she did feel anxious. She worried about becoming pregnant. Yet, she did not begin having unsettling dreams until Garret had begged her to allow him to enter her, just once, without a condom. She imagined she might die from the incredible sensation of his naked penis entering her.
Ryan continued to put long hours in at the restaurant. He didn’t seem to notice the change in his wife. Perhaps she was a little distracted, quieter than normal. Yet, they never argued, and she was always home in the evenings with Adam. What did he have to worry about?
When April arrived, Alexandra knew she needed to stop seeing Garret. Her sister had begun to notice the change in her. She began to fantasize about Ryan leaving her for another woman. She didn’t want to hurt Ryan; couldn’t he simply hurt her?
Alexandra had arrived at the cabin at the regular time. She pulled her car into the garage. Before she turned off the engine, Garret had already closed the garage door. Together they walked into the cabin, Garret’s arm wrapped possessively around her.
She inhaled the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. The windows were open, and she could smell the cool freshness of the spring morning. Alex walked toward the leather couch while Garret moved away from her, walking into the kitchen area.
The room had become so familiar. It seemed as if the cabin belonged to both of them. Garret silently poured two cups of coffee, noticing how quiet Alexandra was this morning. She sat on the couch, absently staring out the window.
Garret was afraid. He was afraid every Thursday morning. Terrified that Alexandra would decide not to come to him. They never actually agreed to meet each Thursday; it just happened. He wanted Alex to leave Ryan, to belong to him. Yet, he never asked, frightened that by his asking she might feel compelled to make a choice. He was not confident she would choose him.
Garret Coulson was in love with Alexandra Keller. He had never told her he loved her. She had never said she loved him. Theirs was a fragile, unspoken bond, a secret union consisting of several stolen hours every Thursday morning.
He was intensely aware of what their relationship lacked. He could not buy her gifts, take her to dinner, or spend an entire night with her. Yet, he was willing to forgo a normal life if he could spend time with the woman he loved. His entire life revolved around those few stolen hours with Alexandra.
Garret carried the two cups of coffee to the couch. Standing over Alexandra, he silently handed her a cup. When she looked up to accept the coffee, Garret saw the tears brimming in her hazel eyes. Dread flooded his being. He felt it deep within his chest, within his very core.
Garret placed both cups on the coffee table and then leaned down on his bent knee, kneeling before his lover. He looked up into her face, gently tilting her chin upward so that her eyes could see his. Tears began to fall down her cheeks.
“We can’t go on like this,” Alex whispered, sounding like a frightened child.
Garret felt sick.
“I can’t come back here,” she vowed, her voice trembling.
Garret did not argue. What was there to say? Instead, he silently led her into the bedroom. They would have one final morning. She stood before Garret, tears streaming down her face, as he stripped away her clothing. Standing before him nude, her hands began to remove his clothing.
Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed it tenderly, brushing away the tears. His hands moved down her neck, wrapped around her back, and pulled her with him atop the king-sized bed.
Their coupling was frenzied, a passionate plea for all that might have been. When Alexandra left the cabin, Garret Coulson lay alone on h
is bed with the scent of their lovemaking thick in the air. He rolled over on his side, and he began to cry.
Chapter 23
Alexandra sat with her sister at the kitchen table. It was Monday morning, and Ryan had just left to take Adam to school. The last time Kate had seen Alexandra, she noticed her older sister seemed distracted, withdrawn. That was over two weeks ago, and Kate thought Alex still seemed a bit out of sorts.
“Are you feeling all right, Alex?” Kate sipped her coffee and watched as Alexandra left the table and walked to the kitchen sink. Alex began to rinse the dirty dishes and load the dishwasher.
“I’m fine.” Alex shrugged. “Just a little tired.” Her back was to Kate.
“I went to the Tavern Saturday night.”
“Oh?”
“Guess who I saw.” As Kate asked the question, her eyes remained fixed on her sister’s back.
“Not a clue,” Alex answered dully; she continued to load the dishwasher.
“Your friend Garret Coulson.”
Alex froze for a moment, and then she resumed her cleaning.
“He was drunker than hell,” Kate told her.
Alex stopped what she was doing and turned to face her sister, she leaned back against the kitchen counter. “Really?”
“No shit. According to Barney, Garret was in Thursday and Friday night, too.”
“Who’s Barney?”
“The bartender. He said Garret’s been on a binge.”
“How did he act?”
“Barney?”
“No, Kate, Garret!”
“Drunk.” Kate shrugged and then added, “I guess he started a fight after I left. I heard he got himself eighty-sixed.”
“Did he say anything to you?”
“No, he was already pretty wasted by the time I got there. I was surprised Barney kept serving him. Good way to lose his liquor license.”
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