by Nia Arthurs
“These are Melody’s best friends, Mia and Susan. Ladies, this is Isabel, the owner of the bistro.”
When the little woman flung herself at us, I was hoping that Spencer would remain my shield. No such luck. As soon as the introductions were over, Spencer quickly moved aside so that we could be accosted by the pint sized woman.
“You are both so bonitas. So beautiful.” She squeezed my sides until my dark face turned blue and then released us. “Come, I will show you to your table.”
Isabel ignored all the people waiting in line to be served and carted us off at once. I felt the daggers of some heated stares and quickened my pace to keep up with the group. I sat between Susan and Peyton. Excitement stirred in my belly at the prospect of getting to know Susan. I was eager to talk to this girl that I heard so much about. I turned to my left and faced her fully.
“So, you’re the woman who stole my best friend.” I teased.
Susan shook her head, her light almost honey brown curly hair moved with her. She had a strange skin tone, a lighter shade than what most would consider ‘black’ but darker than the pale skin of the Caucasians socializing in the busy restaurant. Though I couldn’t put an ethnic tag on her, as we continued chatting I found I didn’t need to apply any labels other than the terms ‘friend’, ‘equal insanity partner’, and ‘cohort’. We teased Melody relentlessly, spoke about food in the same reverent tones and inhaled the selections that were soon brought from the kitchen. I had a serious connection with Susan and wished that we could box her up and take her home to Belize for my own amusement.
The lunch ended way too soon as the guys didn’t want to lounge around in the restaurant when Lliani’s so desperately needed our tables. When we left, Isabel returned to tug us to the borderline of heaven’s gates once more. If I believed in philosophies like reincarnation and past lives, I would say that that woman used to be a boa constrictor. I resisted the urge to extricate her arms from around me and shove her hard in the middle. That would not be received well, I knew. Isabel’s hugs were like a strange acceptance ritual for the ‘American-Interracial’ club so I accepted my squeeze with bravery and courage. And prayed that if I did pass out, hit my head on the tiled floor and died… Peyton knew that I loved him very much.
Thankfully, it didn’t come to that and after dropping Susan to her car, we all drove back to the Lowry house for some basic R&R. Pamela and Felicia, the family’s dark-skinned Haitian cook (I’m not judging), were in the kitchen baking a dessert that smelled heavenly. Spencer and Melody took off for a walk in the garden, and Peyton and I remained in the living room. I wanted to call Mrs. Reyes and check in on the boutique before I did anything else today. That store was like my child and being away from it for too long made me antsy.
Peyton went upstairs to change into more casual clothes while I made the call. Mrs. Reyes was surprised to hear from me and delivered a glowing report. Everything was fine. Everything went well. And apparently, people were still bringing their used clothes to the boutique. I was glad that she’d made the call to accept them and donate them to “Clothes For Humanity” even though the drop off was seven days late. I thanked her again for taking such good care of my baby and she urged me to enjoy my last day and a half in the States.
When I cut off from the phone, Pamela entered the room.
“Mia, there’s some one here to see you.”
I scrunched my face, trying to think of someone in America that I knew.
“Who?”
She came to stoop before me, her face carefully ambiguous.
“Caitlyn.”
“Why does she want to talk to me?”
“She says she wants to apologize. Do you want me to send her away?”
“No,” I shook my head slowly, “No, it’s fine. I’ll talk to her.”
Pamela nodded and left. She soon reappeared with the beautiful Caitlyn in tow. Dressed in a pair of white washed jeans, a sleeveless blouse, and her hair arranged in a bun, she looked every bit the confident woman. But I knew how to fake confidence too. She didn’t fool me.
“I have some things to say to you, but could we do it in private?” She asked softly.
“Let’s go to my room.” I led her upstairs and into my bedroom, closing the door but leaving it slightly ajar.
She was still the ex-girlfriend. You can’t be too careful.
She stepped lightly into my room and stood in the center of it. “I used to stay here.” She confessed, “Peyton would sleep in the room next door.”
Her admission made me wince. I knew that she and Peyton had shared some moments that I was determined to now save for marriage. But that didn’t mean I liked the thought of him being with someone else before me. I was selfish enough to want all of him. Unfortunately, Peyton had once had feelings for this girl. He had loved her. And I’d just have to deal.
I folded my arms, “What have you come here to say?” I asked her.
She looked away, “I came to apologize, for what I said last night… about your hair and stuff. I was jealous and I lashed out at you. But I’m not that girl, you know? I don’t want to be the crazy ex-girlfriend.”
Hm… that’s exactly what I’d categorized her as.
“Wow,” I sat down on the bed and, after a moment’s hesitation, Caitlyn joined me. She was either really sincere or biding her time until she could stab me in the chest.
It was fifty-fifty.
“Thank you for apologizing.” I remarked softly.
“Yeah well, Peyton really is one of the good ones. I shouldn’t have cheated on him I was just… looking for some more excitement, I guess.”
I sighed, “You hurt him pretty bad.”
Caitlyn fisted her hands, “I didn’t mean to. I loved him. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Her words resounded in me. “For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” I mumbled.
“What?” Caitlyn looked at me like I was the psycho girlfriend that might stab her in the chest.
“Paul said that.”
“Paul? Who’s Paul?”
I ignored her as revelations hit my mind. Caitlyn was not here by chance. Her openness and vulnerability didn’t happen on their own. The King had his hand in this. Hopefully, I didn’t blow it.
Tell her
I took a deep breath, “Could I share with you a little about my life?”
Her eyebrows rose, but no woman would say no to a good story, especially if it’s scandalous. Caitlyn shrugged. I could tell she was interested despite her nonchalant demeanor.
“My parents were really into church, so I had to go all the time but I hated it because a lot of the people were religious. They talked about being rich but they were poor. I mean, really poor. Twenty kids and no income poor. And they talked about peace and love and faithfulness, yet a lot of the men, my father included, went down to the whore house every weekend.”
Her eyes widened. I don’t think she’d expected me to be so level with her.
“So when I turned fifteen, I decided that I would live my life the way I wanted. I started hanging out with the Pastor’s Kid, smoking weed and having sex.”
Her expression didn’t change. I wondered if Caitlyn had become active at such a young age too.
“After the PK and I broke up, I found an older guy in his thirties. He was married but I didn’t care. He took care of me, bought me clothes and stuff and I took care of him. He didn’t like the weed thing though so I stopped. That relationship, if I should even call it one, lasted until I was seventeen. I had a bunch of casual flings until I was eighteen and finally settled down with one of my lecturers. He was married too. Had a cute little baby named Will with his wife of five years.”
She winced, but I didn’t let that deter me. “So what happened?”
“I was with my professor one day, you know…” I arched an eyebrow so that she got my drift without having to say anything, “And I got a call. It was from the older guy from my first ‘serious’ relationship.”
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br /> “Why did he call you?”
“He called me because he had AIDS. He was contacting all of his partners from a year back.”
“Oh my gosh, AIDS?”
“Yes, I was freaking out. I ran to the bathroom and closed one of the stalls and just started crying. AIDS would mess up my life, it would destroy everything.” I paused and swallowed, “But then I realized that some potential virus wasn’t responsible for the mess I was in. I was. I did that. I went out on my own and ruined my life.”
“And then what happened? Do you have AIDS?”
“No, I don’t. I got tested anyway but enough time had passed since my last encounter with him so that I was safe. My test came back negative. But that wasn’t the point. AIDS was the symptom, my mentality was the problem.” I licked my lips and peered into her green eyes, “I met someone in the bathroom that day.”
“Who?” She leaned forward.
“This random guy came in. He knocked on my stall door and told me that I would never find the love I was searching for if I kept looking for it in this realm. And I was like, ‘this guy is a nut job.’” Caitlyn giggled, “The man talked about a Kingdom where the King didn’t just love, he was love. And all of his citizens functioned from a culture of love. That’s all he said and then he left. I never saw his face and I never heard his voice again.”
“Do you think he was an angel?” She questioned breathlessly. I was glad that she was interested. Sometimes, people don’t want to hear what you have to say. I don’t believe in forcing my story on anyone who has better things to do.
“I don’t know.” I admitted honestly, “He didn’t once talk about Jesus Christ or God or any of the other things I’d come to associate with Christianity and religion.”
“So what did you do after that?”
“You mean after I got tested?” I chuckled lightly, “I started researching about this Kingdom thing. Melody, my best friend, she helped me to buy my own Bible and some books and I did my own study.”
“So basically you became a Christian.”
“No,” I disagreed, “I didn’t. A lot of Christians are really nice people, but I grew up in church, remember? I lost my virginity to the son of a Pastor. Although it has many things in common with the Kingdom, Christianity is still another man-made attempt.”
“So what’s this Kingdom place like? What did you find in your research?”
I shrugged, “It’s a real place with its own culture and language. When you become a citizen, you don’t have to wait until you die to get the benefits. I think that’s what convinced me the most.”
Caitlyn nodded. “Do you, do you think you could send me a link to those books?”
I smiled, “I’d love to Caitlyn.”
She nudged my shoulder, “You’re alright, Mia. For a black girl.”
“You’re alright too Caitlyn, for a white girl.” Caitlyn got up and smiled once at me before walking through the door. I blew out a breath.
That was all you. None of that was me, Daddy.
Caitlyn froze in the doorway. “Oh, hi Peyton,” I heard her say and then she was gone.
A fist rapped against wood before Peyton entered the room. The mattress went down as he climbed on the bed.
“How much did you hear?” I asked hesitantly.
“Everything,” He admitted.
Feeling drained, I lay down flat on my back. Talking about who I used to be always brought with it a flood of memories. Peyton silently joined me, his head near mine. His hand came out to grasp my own in a show of support. Emotions overwhelmed me and I cried, my tears moving from my cheekbones to the soft mattress of the bed. I saw the girl that I used to be and I wept for her, and for all the other little girls who find their identity, purpose, and value in an act that’s not meant to fulfill. I wished that I could decide for people. I wished that I could go back and warn the teenage me away from the path of self-destruction. But even if such a time machine did exist, the old me would not have cared because when someone wants to do something, nothing you can say will change their minds.
I’d come a long way since then. And I guess, the journey was worth it. I glanced over at the handsome man lying beside me. Loving me with his every breath, with his very presence. His blue eyes set in a very white face regarded me with affection and concern. The words that he’d quoted yesterday in the garden returned to me.
Desire is craving enough to sacrifice for.
Love isn’t magical or clean-cut or perfect. It’s gritty and gory. It’s death and sacrifice. And I’d found it. I was never letting go.
EPILOGUE
PEYTON’S P.O.V.
Mia and I are hiding behind a five foot partitioned wall in the middle of the Madison Restaurant and Hotel. The restaurant is busy tonight. The waiters dressed in white pressed shirts and black pants go about their duties and smile at us as they pass. I’ve already cleared our mission with the manager. Mia and I can hideout back here in peace until the grand event.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Mia whispers from behind me, with excitement in her voice. “Am I a bad friend for doing this? Why do I not care if I’m a bad friend for doing this?”
I laugh at her guilt, “You’ve been hounding me about this night for so long and you choose now to share your reservations?”
“What if she sees us?” Mia insists.
“She won’t.” Melody’s back is to us. Spencer knows I’m here, though he has other things on his mind than his best friends who are stooping behind a partition right now.
“What if she gets up to use the bathroom?”
“Mia, would you calm down? She’s not going to see us.”
“That’s what you said in the laundry closet,” She sniffs. Though it has been almost a week since we returned from the States, Mia is still holding that one over my head.
“My mom walking in was a freak occurrence. You gotta let it go.”
She rolls her dark brown eyes and shoves a lock of her black hair behind her shoulder. She’s wearing another of her designs, a beautiful red number that only enhances her beauty. I’ve seen a few men eyeing her already. I draw her closer to me.
“I’m never letting that go. You’re mom is never letting it go so I won’t either.”
My parents had fallen deeply in love with Mia. Before I left, my dad handed me my great-grandmother’s ring and told me to put it on Mia’s finger. If I don’t marry her, my family will just adopt her into their circle and kick me out of it. Not that I have to be forced into proposing to Mia. I just have to pace myself. This is Spencer’s night to shine. Besides, there are still parts of me that need a bit of renovating first before I join my life to Mia’s. She deserves to be cared for in every way and I won’t marry her until, not only my bank account, but my faith is ready to support her too.
“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, Oreos, stilettos, espadrilles,” Mia is bashing me on the chest as she mutters a list of her favorite things. “He’s doing it.”
I shush her and return my attention to Spencer and Melody. My best friend is wearing a tuxedo and his hair is slicked back like he’s in some kind of soap opera. I shake my head.
I told him not to go with the soap opera look. If she says no, it’s on him.
“Peyton’s he’s going on one knee. He’s on his knee.”
At this point, Melody is standing and covering her mouth in shock. Spencer positioned her sideways so that we could see her face as well as his.
Good man.
“She’s nodding her head. She said yes! She said yes!” Mia is whispering loudly but Spencer and Melody can’t hear us because the restaurant has erupted into applause. Crying and laughing at the same time, Mia throws her arms around me and plants a kiss on my lips that leaves me dazed and then she hops up and runs to join her best friend.
I sit in my position for a second waiting for the stars to fade from my eyes. Mia is a really good kisser. When I’m sober once again, I join my girlfriend in congratulating my business partner and best friend.
I pat Spencer on the back.
“Hey, man, you know what this means?”
“What?”
“No more running into beautiful women coming off of elevators.”
“Yeah, I think I’ve hit my quota.” Spencer nods.
Mia and Melody are squealing and crying and hugging just a few steps away from us. All that emotion is unnecessary in my eyes.
Women.
“Really bro? You brought your girl on a date to watch me propose? What’s up with that?” Spencer shoves me in the chest, hitting the area where Mia’s fisted hands just bruised me.
I nursed the spot as I explain, “You should have seen her face when I told her you were proposing tonight and I was taking her to watch, Spence. She was ecstatic. I mean look at her.”
We both turn to watch Mia and Melody in their sob fest.
“Yeah, they both look pretty happy. You want a double wedding, man?”
“Nah, you know Mia. She loves Mel but she’ll want to plan her own thing.”
“So you’ll what? Propose after our wedding?”
My eyes survey the tall, curvy figure in the red dress and I shake my head enthusiastically, “I’m not waiting that long, man. I’ll give her a few months. Ya’ll think you can get married say by the end of the month?”
“I’d do it, but I doubt Melody would be down for that.”
The girls are still jumping up and down and conversing wildly. Neither of them look our way.
“Do you think they’d notice if we just disappeared?”
Spencer laughs, “It’s like they were waiting for this moment forever.”
I fist bump my friend and then go collect Mia. I kiss her ear and then whisper, “Spencer wants some time with his fiancé, babe.”
Mia nods and then promptly ignores me as she continues to gesture wildly and converse with Melody. I look back at Spencer who grins and shrugs. Sighing lightly, I butt into their talk.
“Would you excuse me, Melody?”
She glances curiously at me but I don’t hesitate. I tug gently on Mia’s arm and pull her into the foyer of the lobby.
“Hey,” She scolds, “I was talking.”