by Liz Kessler
Daisy looked up at me. We stared at each other in silence. I could feel my hands shaking by my sides. I’d never spoken my mind so strongly in my life!
“You’re sorry you ever laid eyes on me?” Daisy said very slowly and deliberately. “You’re sorry? Ha!” She stood up so we were facing each other, staring hard into each other’s eyes. “Believe me, you’re not half as sorry as I am!”
“Why do you hate me so much?” I said, wishing my eyes would behave. Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry, I ordered them.
“Do you think I’m going to like you after what you did? Throwing me out of a window!”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake, not that again!”
“Not that again?” Daisy sneered. “It might not be a big deal for you to do something so violent and cruel, but where I’m standing, it’s pretty major stuff. And you got me into trouble with my supervisor, too.”
“It was an ACCIDENT!” I yelled. Our voices were growing louder and louder every time one of us spoke. I could just imagine Mom coming outside any minute now and hearing us. That was the last thing I needed. “It was an accident,” I repeated, more softly. “I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to harm you at all.”
“Don’t lie!” Daisy retorted. “You knew what I was. Don’t try to deny it. You knew I was a fairy, you knew I was going to come alive at midnight, and you still threw me out of a window. How could that not harm me?”
I didn’t have a reply. All I knew was that a few days ago, I had a best friend, a pair of loving — if slightly nutty — parents, and the promise of a fairy of my own. Now, every bit of everything had gone wrong. I had nothing and no one. I’d never felt so alone in my life.
“I’ll get you another blanket as soon as I can,” I said, and then I climbed down and walked miserably back to the house.
I paced around the glade more furiously than ever. They’d called me to yet another meeting! How dare they! And how dare she! She should be thankful for me! The ungrateful little . . .
And those stupid girls at school. Imagine laughing at me like that. Laughing at me! Like I was one of the silly children. As though I really belonged at that table with Philippa and her geeky friends! I’d show them. I’d show all of them! I’d had a hard enough job proving to ATC that I was ready to work solo. I didn’t need some stupid human girls trying to put me down!
I would have some stern words for Ray when he got here.
A sharp ray of sun pierced the glade, lighting up the leaves in bright green strips. Even the trees seemed to stand taller.
“What is the meaning of this?” Ray asked.
“Of what?” I said as innocently and politely as I could. I’d never seen him look angry like this, and it made me think I should tread more carefully than last time. “I haven’t done anything — have I?”
“No. You haven’t done anything at all since your last meeting. You haven’t behaved any differently toward Philippa. In fact, if anything, your conduct has been even worse. What exactly are you playing at?”
“I’m not playing at anything,” I countered. “I’m not playing at all. It’s work. Not play.”
“And that is the root of your problem,” he snapped, his beam growing sharper, almost blinding me. Even the ground felt brittle and hard in his glare.
“The root of my problem? I don’t understand.”
“Exactly. You don’t understand. We haven’t managed to get through to you yet, have we?” he said. “I told ATC I didn’t think you were ready for this assignment, and you are proving me more right by the moment.”
“I was ready!” I said. “I am ready! Look how well I did in training. I’m more than ready for 3WD. I know the procedures like the back of my hand!”
“Procedures!” Ray shook his head. “Daisy,” he said. “Hold out your hand.”
“What?”
“Hold it out.”
I put my hand out, palm facing up.
“Other way.”
I turned my hand over.
“Now look at it. Look at the back of your hand.”
Feeling only slightly stupid, I studied the back of my hand. Five fingers, pale, a little dry. I’d have to get some new Fairyskin hand-care cream to deal with —
“How do you feel about what you see?” he asked me.
“How do I feel about it?” I asked. “About the back of my hand?”
“Yes, Daisy. How do you feel about it?”
“I don’t feel anything about it! It’s my hand. It’s not something I have great emotion for!”
He nodded sharply, throwing alternating light and shadow on the willow. “Exactly. Thank you; you can put your hand down now. You have illustrated my point perfectly.”
I looked again at my hand. Huh? I’d illustrated his point? How could I have done that when I didn’t even understand what his point was?
“I’m contacting FGR,” he said.
Fairy Godmother Replacement! Why was he contacting them?
“You can pack your things. We’ll take you back to ATC tonight.”
“Take me back? What do you mean? What’s going on?”
“I’m taking you off the case,” he said simply. Then he started to fade.
“WAIT!” I yelled. The beam flickered back into life. As it did, I became aware of how weary I was. The life cycle was taking it out of me. “Please,” I said, feeling weak and pathetic.
“Daisy, it isn’t working. We thought you would be up to the challenge and the tasks of this assignment, but we made a mistake. It happens.”
“What do you mean, the challenge and the tasks? I’m easily up to it! I’ll prove it.”
“We’ve been wanting you to learn something. Some of the others thought you were ready, but we were too hasty. You’re not ready. I want you to take a new case.”
His words didn’t make any sense to me. Of course I was up to this assignment. It was easy! I didn’t know what they wanted me to learn, or what he was talking about — but I didn’t even care about that.
All I knew was that I didn’t want to be taken off the case. I didn’t really know why; I couldn’t explain. Whatever my reason, it was just out of my reach. I just really, really didn’t want to be taken off the case.
“Please,” I said again. “Don’t take me off it. Let me try again. Tell me what you want me to learn, and I’ll do it. I’ll learn it ten times over if you like. Just let me stay on this case.”
“Why?” he asked.
Philippa’s face came into my mind. What was I doing, thinking about her? But even as I questioned myself, I knew the answer. I felt bad, and I suddenly realized I wanted to make things right.
I thought about how angry she’d been last night when she came to see me. It wasn’t her fault if the blanket wasn’t thick enough. She’d tried her best. It wasn’t even her fault that she’d thrown me out of the window. She was scared. I could see that now. I could see lots of things. Mostly what I could see was Philippa’s sad face, the look in her eyes that showed the hope that maybe I could do something to make her happier. That maybe I could even have been her friend.
“Just let me try again,” I said.
“Why? So you can show off about your results and the speediness of your wish control? I’m sorry, but it’s —”
“No!” I shouted. And before I could stop myself, or even think about what I was saying, I added, “Not because of that! Because of Philippa. Because I haven’t said good-bye. Because we had an argument and I didn’t say I’m sorry. Because I want to see if I can make her happy again. OK?”
Ray looked at me for a long time. Then, finally, he smiled. His beam grew broader and warmer for a split second. “OK,” he said, nodding gently. “Take the day off. Have a rest. Remember the life cycle. You don’t have long. Plenty of water. Give all of this some thought. Back on duty this evening.”
“Thank you,” I breathed, sagging with a relief that I couldn’t understand.
I sat down on the grass for a while after he’d gone. Not just because of the
growing exhaustion of the life cycle. It was something else, too. Something about the conversation had shaken me — and I still didn’t understand what it was.
I busied myself, pretending to sharpen my pencil by the door while Miss Holdsworth took attendance. Really, I just wanted to be able to look out for Daisy. Where was she?
She’d been late each morning so far, but she was usually here by the time Miss Holdsworth finished attendance. Not today, though.
“Philippa, any sign of your friend?” Miss Holdsworth asked me as she handed the attendance sheet to Paul Simmons to take down to the office. I followed him down the corridor with my eyes, just in case Daisy bumped into him on her way in.
“My friend?” I asked. Had she just called Daisy my friend? She had to have walked around school with her eyes closed all week to think Daisy was my friend.
“I use the term loosely,” Miss Holdsworth said with that sarcastic edge that teachers must learn at college; they all seem to use it. “Daisy French.”
I silenced an urge to correct her. Daisy had already told me she just used the first word she’d seen on my books to make up her surname.
“I’m sure she’ll be here soon,” I said, blowing on my pencil. “She probably got held up by something.”
“Yes,” said Miss Holdworth frowning. “She’s obviously been held up by something. I would like it if she managed to get to school on time perhaps once in her first week. And you’re responsible for her, Philippa, so could you please ensure that she invests in an alarm clock, or at the very least a watch, before the end of the week?”
“Yes, Miss Holdsworth,” I said, returning to my seat.
Lauren and Beth shot me sympathetic looks all the way through first period. I didn’t want their sympathy. I didn’t really want anything from anyone. I could hardly believe I was thinking this, but for the first time all week, I didn’t even want Charlotte. I just wanted Daisy to turn up.
I’d been so mean and horrible to her. What had possessed me to talk to her like that? I never spoke that way to people. I shouldn’t have done it. It was totally uncalled for, and now look what had happened — she hadn’t even come to school. That’s how upset she’d been. That’s how stupid it is to lose your temper with someone.
If anything had happened to her, I’d never forgive myself. Not just because she was my fairy godmother and had another two wishes to grant me. That wasn’t even the main thing. I just needed to know she was all right. I don’t know why I cared so much. It wasn’t as if she cared about me. She’d made that plain enough. But that was no reason to be nasty or to shout like I had last night.
I needed to apologize to her; it was as simple as that.
By lunchtime, I’d had enough of sitting around waiting. I’d decided. I was going to find her.
I glanced around to check that no one was watching before sneaking out of the playground. I ran to the end of the road and was about to cross it when I noticed a bus heading toward me. It wouldn’t get me all the way home, but it was better than walking. I dashed to the bus stop and climbed aboard, praying no one had noticed me.
All the way home, I thought about Daisy and about how everything had gone so wrong. It wasn’t her fault, though. She was just doing her job. She gave me the wish I’d asked for. If it was anyone’s stupid fault, it was my own. I had to apologize to her. She had to forgive me.
Fifteen minutes later, I was running down the last few streets to get home. We had an hour and a half for lunch on Fridays, so I figured I had about forty-five minutes before I needed to get back to school.
I ran upstairs to my room, looking all around to see if there was any sign she’d been there. Nothing. I glanced briefly at the daisy in the eggcup. Its head drooped low, and a couple of petals had dropped onto the floor.
I dumped my bag and ran down to the tree house.
“Daisy!” I shouted breathlessly from the bottom of the ladder. No reply. I clambered up the steps. “Daisy, are you here?”
But it was empty. The blanket lay crumpled on the floor, where she must have slept on it last night. I winced as I remembered telling her that I’d see if I could find anything better. I hadn’t even done that. I was such a bad person — it was no wonder Daisy didn’t like me and my parents had no time for me.
I slumped on the floor of the tree house.
Absentmindedly, I picked up a few coins from among the dust. They’d been inside the box that we’d put the wish vouchers in. I practiced some magic tricks, holding the coins out, then closing my hands, flicking my wrists and making them disappear. I made them reappear from underneath the blanket, then shook my wrists again, and they’d disappear. Lost in the magic trick, I felt my mood lighten. I practiced more tricks, trying fancier and more elaborate ways of making the coins disappear and reappear, flicking my wrists around, swirling my hands in the air, above my head, behind my back, spinning around and finding the coins on the window ledge —
“Philippa!”
I spun around. Daisy was at the top of the ladder, dragging herself up through the trapdoor. She looked tired. Her eyes were dark, and her hair was flat and lank. She reminded me of the daisy in my bedroom. Drooping in a similar way. The life cycle was marching on for them both.
“Daisy!” My face broke into a grin. I just barely stopped myself from running over and hugging her.
Daisy was smiling at me, too. I realized I’d never seen her smile before. It made her whole face change. Normally, her face had a kind of pointy look about it, with her sharp little nose and tiny chin and eyes that seemed to be squinting and narrowed all the time. When she smiled, it was as if her face softened and became rounder, and a light turned on behind her eyes.
“Where were you?” I asked. “I’ve been so worried.”
“Worried? Why?”
I looked down, ashamed of myself. I could hardly even say the words. I didn’t want to remind either of us about how mean I’d been to her.
“The things I said last night,” I mumbled eventually. “I was horrible.” Staring at my feet, I added in a quiet voice, “I’m really, really sorry.”
Daisy didn’t say anything for a while. She must have been furious with me. Well, I didn’t blame her. But then I looked through my eyelashes, sneaking a look at her without lifting my head. She was still smiling! “You think you were horrible?” she said.
I nodded.
Daisy let out a burst of laughter. “Philippa, if you think that was horrible, you should hear me on a bad day.” Then she was the one to look embarrassed. “Well, you have,” she added. “In fact, you’ve seen me on pretty much the worst days. And it’s me who’s been horrible to you. You’ve been really patient with me. You’ve put up with me being a real rain-cloud and you’ve still tried to be nice. You even brought me a blanket when I’d been so snappy and nasty with you.”
“I know, but look how I lost my temper with you when I brought it.”
Daisy laughed again. “You call that losing your temper?”
“Well, yes, it was unnecessary and uncalled for and —”
“Philippa, if that’s the most horrible you can be, then you’re an even nicer person than I already thought you were . . . than I’ve only just realized you are.”
I stared at her, my mouth trying to twitch up into a smile. I wouldn’t let it, though. I must have heard her wrong. Either that or there was a big sting of a punch line on the way in a minute.
“You think I’m a nice person?” I asked timidly, pulling at my sleeves with my fingers while I waited for her to reply.
Daisy gave me the biggest smile yet. “Yes, actually,” she said. “I think you’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met and you wouldn’t harm a fly.”
Then she stopped herself and coughed. “Well, you wouldn’t harm a fly on purpose,” she added.
“Oh, Daisy, there’s all that, too. I’m so sorry I threw you out the window. I had no idea, I mean, I never would have —”
Daisy stopped me with her hand. “I know,” she sai
d. “I realize that now. And Philippa, I’m the one who owes you an apology, not the other way around, OK?”
“You don’t owe me anything! You’ve already given me a wish, and you’re going to give me two more,” I said. “I mean, that’s if I’m still getting them.”
“Of course you are. And anyway, that’s just my job. That’s not about . . .”
Daisy stopped, as though she couldn’t find the words she was looking for.
“Not about what?” I nudged gently.
“About, about . . .” Daisy’s face reddened. She looked as if she were trying to force a word out of her mouth, but it wouldn’t come.
I waited, looking at her encouragingly.
“About caring!” she burst out eventually. Almost angrily. “There, I’ve said it. I care. I care what happens to you, OK?”
For a moment, the old defiant Daisy was there again, and I wondered if she was going to take it all back. I decided not to say anything. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.
“They were going to take me off the case,” she said. “They wanted to replace me.”
“Really? You mean I wouldn’t have seen you again?”
Daisy nodded. “They said I’m failing some special task. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t even care! I just had this really weird feeling when they said they were going to take me off the case. It was as though a voice inside me was begging them not to, and I didn’t even know whose voice it was, or where it was coming from. It was as if I’d been taken over by someone else! Some real soft-cloud!”
“So what happened?”
“Once I pleaded with them to let me stay on the case, they changed their minds.”
I let out a breath. “I’m glad,” I said, smiling shyly at her.
She smiled back. “Me, too. I had some time to think today.” She pulled at the edges of the blanket while she talked. “I realized that I didn’t want to leave without saying I was sorry for being so mean.” She paused for a long time. “And I guess I want to see this assignment through and give you some wishes that will make you happier.”