I fly off to face my ex-Queen-to-be, trying to formulate some kind of plan as to how I will approach her. I will be firm, fair, dignified. I will not give in to my emotions. And then I see her and my resolve evaporates because even from the sky she bewitches. I am furious with myself for still feeling this pull to her.
Somehow I manage to keep my composure as I alight. She steps close and lifts a hand to me. I watch it, do my best to appear unaffected, and she lets it fall away.
‘I’m sorry,’ she says.
Bitterness rushes through me. ‘So you said in your note.’
‘I never meant for this to happen.’
I raise an eyebrow and strain to keep myself together. ‘What did you never mean to happen? Our wedding?’
Gently she says, ‘You know that’s not what I mean.’
‘What then? My humiliation? The judgement of my people? The sixty-seven deaths when I almost died altering their memories?’ I watch the colour leave her face. ‘Tell me, what?’
She must hear the fury in my voice because she takes a step back. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you … or anyone.’
Her voice is soft and I want to put my lips on hers and catch it in my mouth. I want to bring her to my bed and have what I waited more than a year for. Inside I want and rage in equal measure, but outside I am stone. The energies clash and war against each other, make my blood burn and the surrounds sizzle. ‘So why did you?’ I ask finally, not knowing if I’m ready to hear the answer but unable to resist asking.
She hesitates a second too long, and I roar at her to answer, push her to her knees with my power. Somewhere I am ashamed of my behaviour, but it is a buried deep place surrounded in ice, and so I hold her fast and wait, holding myself fast with her.
Trembling she says, ‘I met my betrothed, Telophy. I did not plan it … He came to me.’ Her voice becomes quieter still. ‘He is Tobias of your guard … In secret we wed.’
Tobias—an image comes into my head. A new guard who at just twenty is a long way from elevation. I cannot believe he has made the connection with her that I have not. I watch her, everything sizzling and snapping around us as I strain to keep my fury inside. Flames burst to life in a patch of dry leaves, birds leave the branches above us and small animals scurry away. Finelle’s eyes are lakes as she says, ‘Forgive me, My King.’
Tears spill down her cheeks and my anger surges. It is I who have lost, not she. She has her betrothed, I have no one. I lift a finger and she tumbles to the ground at my feet. ‘Forgive you?’ I spit. ‘Why would I? You have betrayed me. Worse, you have deceived me. I offered you everything.’ And with bitterness in my voice I add, ‘I offered you myself.’
She grips my ankles and looks up. ‘I love you, My King.’
I hold her eyes with mine and, still hardly believing it is true, say, ‘And yet, you are married to another.’
‘You know the connection I share with him,’ she whispers.
Rage turns my blood to fire. She knows full well I do not know that connection and without considering the harm I could cause her I blast the anger from my hand. She hurtles across the courtyard and immediately I am horrified. I crumble inside. My behaviour is unforgivable but I cannot stop the ugly words that spew from my mouth—threats to dissolve the allegiance bond both she and her husband share with me.
She cries out and crawls back to me, clutches my ankles again as she bends to press her lips to my feet. Her subservience both thrills and sickens me. From her mind to mine, she uses the telepathy I gifted to her to say, Please Majesty, I beg you not renounce us.
It is too intimate. With just a thought I break the telepathy between us. From her lips she offers to forsake her husband and return to me. She slides her hands up my legs and I melt, ready to surrender to her.
But then she reaches for my hand and brings it to her lips—it is not me she wants, it is the King—no different to any other female I have been with. All this time I have loved her. But for her, it was never me at all.
Pain rips through me, dark and hopeless and dragging. Will no one ever love the man in me? In a flash the answer comes—how can they when all they see is King? My heart breaks, the fragments quickly turning to ice as injustice sets in. I cannot mask the rage in my voice as I use the truth like a knife. ‘I am King. I can have whomever I wish. Do you suppose I would accept you as mine after you have been lover to him? You don’t know me at all.’
I take my hand from her, strangely unaffected by her distress— it is not my hand she craves, it is that of her king. ‘My subject, you may keep your husband, and you may both keep your allegiance to me.’ I watch fear seize her face, muscles tightening in her jaw. ‘But there will be a price for your treachery.’
She is shaking, but I am closed to her. ‘What price, My King?’ Her voice is only a whisper.
‘Since you left me craving that which I cannot have, I think it only fair I do the same to you. And so, I forbid you your pregnancy. Defy me and the punishment will be severe.’
Every trace of colour leaves her face as my meaning settles in— if I can’t make love with her, she can’t make love with him. The threat of a forbidden pregnancy will ensure it. My plan is rash and badly thought out. The time will come when they cannot resist each other. But if I can stop them enjoying the earliest days of their marriage, then I am at least a little mollified.
‘My King, you cannot mean—’
‘You know exactly what I mean,’ I interrupt. ‘But leave me now, I need to be alone.’
She rises unsteadily to her feet. She looks so incredibly vulnerable that immediately I want to tell her I’m sorry, that I didn’t mean it. I yearn to bring her into my arms and fly away— to another world if I have to. She turns to go and before I know it her name slips from my lips. She was telling the truth when she said she would forsake him—she cannot lie to me. But is it possible the offer was driven by something other than fear? I am about to ask, but she lifts her eyes to mine and there is a message in the coldness of them that stops me—love the King she must, but loathe the man she does. Numb with the truth of it, I only say, ‘As far as my kingdom is concerned, you and I never were. I’ve made your family believe we were friends, no more.’
She drops into a curtsy. ‘Yes, Majesty.’
I watch her fly away, regret piercing my soul.
Chapter Eighteen
King Telophy brought me from his memories slowly, the real world taking shape around me in stages—a breeze on my face, warm skin against my cheek, and when I opened my eyes, the slow swish of pale gossamer and the glint of gold inlay in rich dark wood. The truth was a light inside me. I lifted my head from where it had fallen against his shoulder and sat up, catching his eyes with mine. ‘You were in love with her.’ I lay a hand over my heart. ‘I could feel it. And you never meant to harm me and Lysander … It wasn’t even about us.’
‘I wanted you to know. It’s the reason I took you there.’
‘But she thought you meant to,’ I continued. ‘If she knew what I know, she wouldn’t have taken us away.’
He sighed. ‘I didn’t discover her interpretation until much later.’
‘The thought of babies was light years from your mind.’
‘I thought she understood. I wanted to punish her the way I believed she was punishing me.’
I needed no explanation, but that didn’t stop him giving it.
‘I waited so long for her and he knew her only a few days. That hurt enough. But when I found out she believed I had intended to murder her future offspring, I was furious beyond measure. After all we’d shared, how could she think me capable?’ His shoulders slumped. ‘I reacted badly of course. I cannot blame her for hating me.’
‘She didn’t hate you, she was just hurt and angry like you.’
His voice was heavy with remorse. ‘You cannot know how deeply I regret not realising it. I would show you if you wish to see?’
But I did know, and although I needed to know what happened next, I didn’t want to wit
ness it firsthand. ‘I’d rather you tell me.’
King Telophy took a long drink before beginning. ‘Finelle returned home and it was reported that she and Tobias began the marriage ceremonies for the sake of family and friends. My response was to search for a bride of my own. Eventually I found Atara. It wasn’t how it was with Finelle, but my new Queen-to-be was sweet and lovely and did not yet know her betrothed. Which was enough. When Atara was of age, we wed, and soon the next prince was conceived. I began to feel settled—I was fulfilling my purpose. I seldom allowed myself to think of Finelle—only occasionally in the deep of night when my queen was lost to sleep. Then one day, your mother came to the castle. From high, I watched her walk through my garden, a pain in my heart as I recalled the time we’d shared. I thought she had come to make peace with me—perhaps apologise for her betrayal. And I was ready to accept.’
King Telophy sighed as he leaned back and linked his hands behind his head, eyes half closed with remembering. ‘In my mind I had a plan. Finelle would tell me she was pleased I’d found happiness. She would wish Atara and our son-to-be well and express her hope that we could move past all that had happened. I would apologise for my rage and send her home with regret but good wishes. My thoughts were arrogant and self-serving. I did not consider Finelle’s thoughts and feelings at all. But I didn’t recognise that then. In fact, it shames me to admit I didn’t truly recognise it until the day I met Leinori.’
‘Why only then?’
‘Because that’s when the truth became clear … the strength of the betrothal connection, the terrible lengths I’d gone to in order to have my way, the damage I’d caused those who should have been my family—you, your brother, your parents … even my own betrothed.’
‘You can’t blame yourself for what happened to Leinori.’
‘But if I’d continued to call to her …’ He stood with an anguished groan and began pacing the room, stopping by the window. ‘The conversation with Finelle started well. She asked how I was. I assured her there was order in my life—a new wife, a son on the way. She said she was glad and now that I was happy, she and her husband hoped their future offspring would be safe from me.’
He returned to his seat with a sigh. ‘I was stunned. Had she said they were unable to resist living as husband and wife, I would have expressed regret for my temper and apologised for my behaviour. But for her to think I would injure an infant—a helpless child and subject of my kingdom. It was too much.’
‘I remember you making some pretty terrifying threats to me,’ I interrupted.
‘And I’m sorry for it, but Finelle was speaking of me murdering a baby.’
I wanted to be sympathetic, but having been the victim of his rage, I couldn’t let it go. ‘You did tell her the punishment would be severe if she became pregnant.’ I held his eyes. ‘I don’t think you realise how intimidating you are when you’re angry … What did you say to her next?’
He lowered his eyes to the floor. ‘Not another word. I called for my guards and had her removed. My wife soon learned the truth of the man she married.’
He looked up again. ‘I stormed around the castle for days. I wanted to throw Finelle and her husband out of my kingdom. Instead I had my guards watch them—I wanted to know if and when she became with child. I wanted her down on her knees apologising when she learned I would not treat her offspring less than any other of my subjects.’
I gave him a look. ‘How did that go?’
‘Not well. After word of your birth reached me, Finelle’s family vanished before I could have them brought to me—mother, father, twins. To where, neither Finelle’s parents nor Tobias’s family had any idea. And when I stretched my soul to touch theirs, I could not find them.’
‘They ran from you?’
‘Yes … But a few days later Finelle and Tobias arrived in Constantine. They were being held after I’d made an arrangement with my grandfathers for every guard on duty to look out for them.’
‘You were obsessed.’
‘I don’t know why I couldn’t let it go … I wish I had. I went to them, but no matter how I questioned and commanded, they would not confide the whereabouts of their twins. Then, when I used my power in an attempt to force the truth, they took one look at each other and broke their allegiance to me. That’s how little faith they had in me.’
‘It was fear not lack of faith,’ I told him.
‘I see that now.’ He sighed. ‘I went into a rage of course. I lifted Tobias and threw him against the wall without caring, then ordered the guard to take them both to the dungeons. It was days before I’d calmed enough to think rationally. Eventually, I went to them and said I had no intention of harming their children, and I would like them to be brought home. But they were no more willing to confide in me than before. Finelle looked tempted, but Tobias glanced her way and I saw something private pass between them. This only fuelled my rage, but nothing I did would make them tell me where you and Lysander were. Later, I had your parents removed to my father’s kingdom. He had agreed to offer them allegiance. But wanting to get to the bottom of the missing twins, he had them monitored. He knew there was no point in questioning them. If they were prepared to take their allegiance from me to avoid speaking truth, they were prepared to take it from him too.’
He paused and I waited in silence for him to continue.
‘It didn’t take long for your parents to make their move. My father’s guards were ready and were shocked to discover Dark Faera was their destination, not Earth. Tobias fought hard and managed to escape. Finelle was captured and after some time in my father’s cells was returned to me. When she still would not confide in me, I had her imprisoned in the south tower of my castle. And so began a battle of wills. Every morning before breakfast, I went to her to see if she’d changed her mind, and every day she would demand I release her.’
I could hear the bitterness in my voice when I said, ‘She must have been terrified of you.’
‘But how could she after the love we’d shared?’
I held his gaze. ‘Can I speak freely?’
‘Of course.’
‘You once told me you were prepared to kill Leif and Atara. That same day you made me kiss you. You threw me out of your kingdom without a single thought to what would become of either me or Leif. Later you made your son swear a vow to be your servant before you would allow me to live here. Then instead of letting him bring me here—you came and took me yourself.’ I faltered, my voice wavering. ‘You hurt my dad when he tried to stop you.’
King Telophy had grown pale and seemed too stunned to speak. Finally, he said, ‘I am sorry for all of it, Marla, please believe that … But you can’t think I would have carried through with any threats I made?’
‘Not now, but at the time I didn’t doubt a word … Even Leif didn’t feel confident to challenge you. Don’t you see the effect you have on people? Aside from being King, you’re physically strong. Combine that with rage and who would dare stand against you?’
He didn’t answer and I wondered if I’d pushed him too far, but couldn’t stop myself from adding, ‘My birth parents were just trying to protect their children. My human parents would have done exactly the same.’
King Telophy caught his bottom lip between his teeth, let it slide slowly through. His expression was impossible to read and I wondered what was going on inside. ‘You have a way of opening my eyes,’ he said eventually.
‘I didn’t say any of it to hurt you.’
‘You would not—I know you well enough by now.’
‘Are you going to tell me what happened next?’
The flicker of a smile touched his lips. ‘How you’ve changed, Marla.’
‘So have you.’
He seemed to accept that and launched in. ‘It was a special kind of torture having your mother under my roof. She knew I still desired her and did nothing to ease that for me. She was treated like a captive queen, but I knew that keeping her made me a monster. And so one morning, I swallo
wed my pride and told her she had only to give me allegiance and she would be set free. I told her I would not force the truth from her. But she did not trust me. She said even if I kept my word, I would still have her followed. She was right, but how could I not? And so she remained and the days passed.’
Again, he hesitated, like he was choosing his words carefully. ‘The time came when my conscience would not allow me to keep her prisoner any longer. And so early one morning, I set her free. I followed of course, wiping the memories of everyone she visited. But when she caught the sun to Dark Faera, I couldn’t let her stay. I caught her arm. She demanded I let her go, but I brought her home, struggling in my arms—made her prisoner once more. Through all of this, those closest to me searched the human world for you and Lysander. My only thought was to return you both to Finelle and be done with it.’
‘What about Tobias?’ I asked, doing my best to keep the edge from my voice. ‘Did you just forget about him?’
‘I assumed she’d know where he was. I suspected he was on Earth with his children after making some deal with the Dark Fae.’
I nodded. ‘But why didn’t you tell Finelle when Leif found me? It would have saved a lot of trouble.’
‘You don’t know how I wish I had,’ he said quietly. ‘But at the time I was so enraged with Leif for arranging that assembly I couldn’t think straight. I’d searched so long for you, and even my own son thought me a danger. By the time I’d calmed, the day of your immortality was drawing near. Long before he went to Aren, I was aware Lysander had been found. I wanted to present you both to Finelle—immortal and of my kingdom. She would get her apology over with and accept my allegiance. Then we would bring Tobias from wherever he was hiding and all would finally be well between us. Of course, that was just my selfishness and pride and she escaped before it could come to pass anyway.’
The King had made mistake after mistake. I wondered how different things would have been if he hadn’t let rage dictate his actions—if those he loved had felt safe putting their trust in him. He’d done little to earn it, but I knew now how much he craved it and so I said, ‘You told me you were going to make things right. I believe you.’
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