I lifted an eyebrow. ‘I know you were seeing her while she was here. You didn’t have to hide it from me.’
He shrugged. ‘That was Ashleigh’s choice.’
‘And the answer is no, Ash is not pining for Lysander—which is a relief.’
‘Because she’s human?’
‘Mostly because he and Claudette are inseparable.’
Rowan frowned.
‘I wouldn’t worry,’ I said as I opened my wings. ‘Ash is totally over him.’
Chapter Thirty-seven
I lay in bed, thinking about my day, the castle silent but for the occasional whisper of footsteps past my door. My father was sick again. The misery of the last time was burned into my mind—the harrowing treatment, his pain and discomfort, the not knowing if he’d be okay. And he was about to go through it all over again.
I got up and wandered out into the hallway, tiptoed the length of it and down the spiralling staircase. It was a trek to the kitchen, but a distraction too, which was exactly what I needed. Once there, I piled sunstones on the stove, took out a pan and started to heat nut milk, breaking pieces of chocolate and adding them slowly. I took my drink into the garden and, choosing the exact spot I’d found Leif in all those months ago, sat down and gazed at the sky.
‘Want some company?’
My heart stumbled at the sight of my betrothed. ‘Where did you come from?’
He pointed to a seat by the pond then sat down beside me, long legs stretched before him and crossed at the ankles. ‘Can’t sleep?’ he asked.
‘Not really … you?’
He scrunched his nose. ‘I haven’t worked out how to sleep and answer the Fae who call to me. My father told me it’s possible but I don’t see how.’
‘That must be annoying.’
‘It can be.’ He smiled. ‘One day I hope to have a wife whose soft voice and loving arms will help me endure.’
‘Haigen?’
His eyes twinkled. ‘Would you care?’
I watched the steam curl from my hot chocolate. ‘I suppose I asked for that.’
‘Did you really think I was speaking of Haigen?’
I hope not. ‘I don’t know.’ I blew on my drink and took a sip.
‘I won’t be marrying Haigen.’
I bit my lip almost to the point of drawing blood to stop the grin trying to burst across my face. ‘How come?’
‘Because I am King and no longer avowed to my father. Because Haigen and I both know we were never meant to be. And because she wants me in a romantic way no more than I want her.’
I thought of the way Haigen enjoyed telling me Leif was no longer mine, that I was not good enough, and it was she who was Princess-to-be, not me. ‘Does Haigen know about this?’
Leif laughed.
‘I’m serious. I’m really not sure she knows.’
‘She knows,’ he said so softly the whisper sent shivers through me. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my free arm around them.
‘Are you saying the marriage was your father’s idea? And what—Haigen was just being kind when she agreed to it?’ I didn’t believe that for a second. Nor would Leif if he knew about the dark magic on me.
‘Haigen was not even close to being over Classin’s death when she said yes to me. She still is not. But when the kingdom of Rynn fell and my father commanded me to marry for the sake of Faera, I was unable to say no.’
‘Because of the vow.’
‘That and it was my duty.’ He paused. ‘Marla, Haigen agreed to be my wife out of deep friendship and care of me.’ He looked at me curiously. ‘But you knew this.’
‘I knew you were under pressure.’ But I was convinced there was more to it. There was a link between the intended marriage and the dark magic that roiled in my stomach and sent nausea up my throat. If only I could confide in him, he would see Haigen wasn’t as innocent as he believed.
‘Before I asked Haigen if she would be my wife, I came to you,’ he said quietly. ‘You were with Jack.’
I remembered the moment vividly. I’d made the decision to break up with Jack and had gone for a walk down the garden to tell him so. But before I could get the words out, Jack had kissed me. Leif had arrived and witnessed it.
‘You came to tell me your father was about to arrive with Lysander for his allegiance ceremony.’
‘There was that too.’
That too. ‘What you saw, Leif … It wasn’t what it looked like.’
‘I know that now.’
It had been after that kiss that Leif’s impending marriage had been announced. I’d been about to tell him the truth, that it was he I wanted, not Jack. But Haigen had arrived and she and Leif had started making out on the dance floor—dark magic making me see what wasn’t there, making me believe what wasn’t true. A whole series of crossed wires and assumptions. What a mess, the dark magic at the centre of it all. ‘You thought I wanted Jack, but I thought you wanted Haigen too.’
Gently he said, ‘I think I was given good reason to believe you wanted Jack.’
Blood burned under my skin as I recalled him finding me and Jack in bed together. How I wished I could tell him I’d thought I had good reason too. I opened my mouth. The dark magic was as potent as ever, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not make the words come.
‘I’ve upset you. I’m sorry, I had no right to bring that up,’ Leif said.
Frustration gripped my insides, but I was determined not to give up. ‘You had every right. I just, it’s just … I thought I had …’
‘Marla—’
I held my hand up. ‘Wait.’ I took a breath and tried again. ‘I thought I had …’ My mouth formed the shape to say good but nothing would come out. I punched the ground as I cried out.
Leif picked up my hand and brushed away the dirt stuck to my fist. ‘Marla, if you’re trying to explain the relationship between you and Jack, you needn’t worry. I realise now, the love you have for him is the same as mine for Haigen.’
‘That’s not it.’
‘But there is something you want me to know.’
I nodded.
‘Tell me, I promise all will be well.’
I shrugged and looked at him with pleading eyes.
His eyes narrowed a little. ‘Perhaps it’s not that you won’t tell me, but that you can’t.’
Hallelujah. Relief poured through my soul.
‘Someone has sworn you to secrecy.’
My smile fell away as I let my head fall back against the wall.
‘Ah, that’s not it … I’m confounded, I confess, but I might know a way around it. Meet me on my balcony at first light and we’ll see.’ He stood and held a hand to me. ‘Walk with me?’
I took his hand and stood, his fingers weaving through mine. He lifted them as he looked down at me. ‘Do you mind? I don’t want you stolen away.’
Did I mind? My fingers were tingling, my heart galloping and pixies were doing happy dances in my belly. It was just him and me, alone in the dark. I smiled. ‘Better safe than sorry.’
He smiled back and we set off down the path, the scent of the kitchen veggie patch fresh in the cool night air. ‘So … this thing you cannot tell me, is it what keeps you awake tonight?’
‘No.’
He pushed the gate open, the sentry bowing low as we passed beneath the arch. ‘There’s nothing you can’t talk to me about.’
I would have laughed at the irony if he didn’t look so serious. But there were some things I could confide in him, so as we started into the forest, the only light the golden glow around our bodies, I told him all I knew of my father’s illness. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ I said when I was finished.
‘What do you want to do?’
I stopped, he with me. ‘I want to be here,’ with you, I didn’t add. ‘But I think I should go home—for a while anyway.’
He nodded.
‘Would you be okay with that? I mean as my king?’
Trees made great dark shadows beyond him. ‘I ho
pe you don’t doubt it, Marla … But you would need to return to Faera often. And you would need to take care. You have power on Earth.’
‘I know.’
‘It can be beguiling, addictive even.’
‘I’ve found that out.’ I remembered the splintering headache I got after confusing Ashleigh’s ex-boyfriend, Matt. But I also remembered the thrill of wielding that kind of power.
‘As long as you know there are consequences to using it. I was weak for a long time after that episode with Jason.’
‘Hmmm, it aged you too.’ I reached up and touched a finger to the corner of one dark eye. ‘It gave you wrinkles—right here … You look a bit like Mirren.’
Leif frowned and traced the spot with his own fingers. ‘Do I really?’
I laughed. ‘No, not really.’
He grinned and we carried on with our walk. ‘You know instead of going to Earth, you could bring your family here?’
‘All of them?’
‘Yes, why not?’
‘What about Dad’s treatment?’
‘After it then. Earth is such a toxic world. Bring him. I’m sure my healers will know how to help him in his recovery. Perhaps there’s even something I can do. I will ask my grandfathers.’
‘You’d do this for him?’
‘I would do anything in my power for those you love.’
His declaration went straight to my heart. ‘You know that goes both ways, right?’
He squeezed my hand. ‘I do know it, and one day I will tell you how.’
I thought I might float away with the joy I felt inside. ‘Tell me now.’
He stopped me, his fingers leaving mine, his hands going to my cheeks. I stayed utterly still as he kissed my forehead, my nose, and then, soft and quick like butterfly wings, my mouth. ‘I will tell you soon.’ His breath whispered across my lips. I inhaled, partly from surprise, but mostly because I wanted to catch and keep it.
‘Wow,’ I said as I exhaled. I pressed my fingers to my mouth.
He grinned. ‘Wow?’
‘Yeah.’
He picked up my hand again and we strolled along in silence. The nicest silence, the most comfortable silence. Twice he stopped and closed his eyes. The second time I said, ‘Somebody in trouble just called to you.’
‘I sent the nearest guards to her … But how did you know? Was it that obvious?’
‘I guess.’ But that wasn’t it. I’d felt something, a whispery feeling in my mind. Maybe I’d only imagined it.
I spent the rest of the walk wishing he would kiss me again, hyper aware of our close proximity, the brush of his arm against mine, my hand in his. I kept willing him to stop, press me up against a tree with his body. When he told me I was trembling and asked if I was all right, I almost told him I was cold, just so he would pull me into his arms and fill me with his sun.
He flew with me to my balcony, left me with a kiss—a touch of his mouth on mine. My lips parted as I leaned in, but he was already pulling away—a twinkle in his eyes. He left me pining, and knowing he was aware of my feelings for him. I fell into bed, clutching the covers against me, my body electric with wanting. Visions danced behind my eyelids—the feel of his long limbs woven with mine, the heat of his hard flesh against my soft, his hands on my body, his sparkling eyes. I buried my face in my pillow, eventually falling asleep and dreaming of him.
Chapter Thirty-eight
I woke with the birds, dressed quickly and flew off to Leif’s balcony to wait for him. I leaned against the edge, my arms crossed one over the other atop the balustrade—a pillow for my cheek so all the world was sideways.
‘Dreaming, Marla?’
I jumped and turned around to see Leif coming through the balcony door. He looked amazing, all rugged and majestic after his night of kingly duty. A light sheen of sweat on his chest and shoulders, delicious like the glaze I liked to lick from the top of Faun’s fruitcake. ‘You’re like a cat,’ I told him.
He smiled and joined me at the balustrade. Was I only imagining the heat coming from his body? Maybe it was my body. I didn’t know. ‘Ready to show me what’s bothering you?’
‘How?’ I asked, my heart racing.
‘By sharing your memories with me.’
A bubble of excitement started in my belly. ‘I can do that?’
‘Yes, because I am your king … and also your betrothed.’ His voice was so deep and sexy it took me a couple of seconds to make any meaning from his words. When they’d sunk in, the single bubble was a full champagne glass. He would learn about the dark magic. He would know why I ended our relationship. He would see what I saw. My excitement turned to tension in an instant. To show him all I’d seen of him and Haigen was to show him every insecure feeling, every jealous moment. To show him was to be completely vulnerable before him. But fast on the tail of these thoughts came another: So what? Hadn’t he been vulnerable before me? At his weakest, hadn’t I bathed and changed and fed him? Wouldn’t I do so for eternity if it came to it? Besides that, hadn’t he poured out his heart to me on multiple occasions?
‘What say you, Marla?’ he asked when I still hadn’t responded.
‘Will it be like when you took me to your memories?’
‘I am King. I can take any number of my subjects to my memories. This time you’ll be taking me to yours. And yours are the only ones I can visit.’ He placed his fingers on my temple. ‘A long time ago I gave you a piece of my soul, so in a way, they’re my memories too.’
I smiled. ‘All right, let’s do it.’
He took my hand and spoke not a word as he led me across the cool stone floor, closing his bedroom door before taking me to his bed. I sat on the edge, tension mounting as he closed the shimmering gossamer around us, surrounding us in stars, twinkling in a midnight sky. A great rush of happiness surged inside me. Leif sat beside me and put his arm around my shoulder, tentatively. I leaned into him with a sigh and he gathered me against him. His body was warm and close and the raw forest-sun scent of him was so intoxicating I thought I would drown. He touched my eyelids with his fingers and thumb. ‘Close your eyes.’
I did what he said, hyper aware of his skin, the hard muscle beneath it pressed against me.
‘Take yourself to a memory.’
I could feel Leif’s arm around me, my body engulfed by his. And I could feel him too, his soul coming into me, melding with mine, like one fragrance combining with another, changing it to something more complex—or a single colour mixing with a different one, making something new. I wasn’t playing host to him as I had with Baen—I was him. And he was me. We basked in oneness for a while and then knowing we had work to do, went deep into the memory, the past becoming the present in a rush.
I wake, gasping, my heart crashing against my ribs and my eyes itching and burning. I feel Leif’s shock as though it’s my own, his instant suspicion. I blink hard, the sticky fog pulling at my eyelashes and making a hazy blur of the sunstone shining in the darkness.
Head spinning, I stumble out of bed and fall to the floor, squeeze my eyes shut as I crawl in the direction of the ensuite. When I get there, I scrabble for the basin, use it to pull myself up.
Slowly, I open my eyes. They look like they’ve been filled with cinders. I pump the faucet hard, unable to drag the water through the castle walls quickly enough. As soon as the water begins to run, I splash my face and the sensation in my eyes begins to clear. I look up just in time to see a swirl of grey-black mist. For a flash it seems to take the form of lovers. Then, like magic, it vanishes, leaving a pair of clear blue eyes staring back at me. I can feel Leif’s horror deep in my soul. His suspicions are confirmed. I leave the ensuite and glance around my room, recalling the terror of the night before and wondering why I’d gone to sleep in Leif’s bed only to wake in mine. Inside me, I can feel Leif’s frustration.
Murmurs coming through my open door claim my attention and I am compelled to investigate. I go out into the hallway and follow the sounds to Leif’s room. His door is op
en and everything’s in darkness, but enough starlight slips through his windows to see that he is in bed, his back turned towards me. And wrapped up in his arms is Haigen. She is watching me over his shoulder, her almond eyes gleaming. I am stunned—can’t even breathe. And beneath that there is panic—Leif’s. He suspects what’s about to follow. I watch as Haigen presses her cheek to his face and says, ‘I love you, Leif.’
He lifts a hand and runs it slowly down the long length of her hair, his fingers brushing her arm, her waist, closing around her hip. ‘I love you also, Haigen.’
Her eyes glitter and flash in my direction before vanishing into his neck. He pulls her body closer and sliding his hand lower still, grips her thigh and brings it over his. As she lifts her lips to his and he bends to take them, I clap my hand over my mouth and flee. Inside my mind are words. No, Marla. No. This never happened. It isn’t real.
I leave the memory and take him to others.
His favourite childhood pool where I watched Haigen in his arms down on the sand. The dance floor when I was about to confess my feelings for him until he and Haigen began making out right before my eyes. And finally, to Hilary, and the second I discovered the truth of the dark magic. I let him experience my despair when I realised it was too late because he was already promised to another.
When Leif withdrew his soul from mine, his body stayed— drowned in pillows and holding mine close. He lifted my hand and brought it to his chest, fingers splayed over the insignia marking him King. Lips soft against my hair, he said, ‘Do you feel that, Marla—my heart beating fast? That’s not for Haigen.’ The bump, bump, bump vibrated under my palm, my own heart racing along. There was too much pressure in my throat to speak. His hand left mine and he touched a finger to my chin. ‘Look at me.’
I lifted my eyes to his.
‘I’m sorry dark magic has been used to make you believe a lie. I will discover who’s responsible. I know you think it was Haigen. I could feel it in your soul. But Haigen cares for me. She would not do something that would cause me such pain.’
‘Who then?’ I asked, not convinced.
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