A Time to Dance/A Time to Embrace

by Karen Kingsbury

  Leaving the Bible open to that page, she found the velvet box that had been hiding in her jewelry cupboard. With ease she placed the ring on the appropriate finger and stared at it. Oh, Lord, I’m the happiest girl alive. Folding up the fingers of her left hand so the ring wouldn’t be obvious, she danced down the stairs and peeked into the living room where Matt, Kade, and Sean were watching an NFL pregame show. “Where’s Mom and Dad?” It was already after nine, and Nicole knew she couldn’t wait much longer. If they didn’t start the meeting soon she might just have to jump up on the kitchen table and announce her news for all the neighborhood to hear.

  Kade shrugged, his eyes fixed on the television set. “Upstairs, maybe.”

  Nicole caught Matt’s gaze and held it, grinning at him as he spoke a hundred silent words with his eyes. He stood and crossed the room, kissing her lightly on the cheek. “You look pretty.”

  Sean grabbed a pillow from the sofa and threw it at Matt. “Aw, quit it, guys. No ooey-gooey stuff before noon on Saturday, okay?”

  Nicole giggled as Matt linked his fingers through hers and led her into the room. He patted Sean on the top of his head. “One day you’ll understand, little brother.”

  Everyone smiled, and Nicole’s love for the man beside her swelled. Already he thought of Kade and Sean as his brothers. Her parents were going to be thrilled at—

  “Okay, TV off.” Mom and Dad entered the room together, and for a brief moment, Nicole felt a frown crease her forehead. Were Mom and Dad mad at each other? She had the oddest sense that there was something foreign—a tension or a wall or a wedge— something between them. Something big.

  Nicole caught herself. She blinked away the image and looked at her parents again. There. Now they looked right. They were smiling and taking their seats next to each other. Must be my imagination. Too much on my mind.

  The room was comfortably quiet. She and Matt sat on one sofa, Sean and Kade on the other, and Mom and Dad in chairs beside each other. Dad spoke first.

  “Let’s get started. You all know how busy football season is around here—especially this last one. And now that things have settled down there are a few things we need to discuss as a family. First, I’d like to—”

  “Aren’t we going to open in prayer?” Nicole looked from her father to her mother and back again. “We always start our family meetings with prayer, right?”

  Nicole watched her mother cast a knowing look at her father, and a twinge of apprehension hit her again. He looked nervous . . . convicted, even. A feeling of fear came over her. I can’t believe he actually forgot, Lord . . . Wow, what’s going on with them? She shook the worry away. Everything was fine. Her parents were solid. Rock solid. Why imagine a problem where there wasn’t one?

  “You’re right, Nicki.” Dad looked at her, and the uneasiness of a moment earlier disappeared. She loved it when her father called her that. He was the only one who did. “Why don’t you pray, honey?”

  She shrugged and glanced at the faces around her. “Sure.” She bowed her head and focused hard on the Lord, on His goodness and kindness, on the plans He was bringing to fruition in her life. “Father, we come before You as one, one unit, one family, determined that our ways and plans and decisions will be only those that You have planned for us. Bless this time of communication and let it bring us closer as a family, closer to You and to each other. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  There was a pause, and Nicole couldn’t fight off the sense of something fearful and foreboding in the air. Come on, Dad, say something funny like you usually do. This is getting weird here.

  Her father cleared his throat and looked in her direction. “Matt, we’ll start with you. That way you can get on with your day and leave us here to finish up.”

  Matt nodded and squeezed Nicole’s hand, the one with the engagement ring on it.

  “Well—” he looked at her, and she knew she would never forget the way his eyes sparkled—“actually Nicole and I both have something to tell you.”

  Nicole took in her mother’s reaction, noting how her eyes changed from cool tension to wide-eyed disbelief. Her father still looked clueless, but that was typical.

  Nicole drew a deep breath and looked expectantly at Matt. “Do you want to tell them?”

  “Come on, guys . . . the suspense is killing us.” Dad crossed one leg over his knee and settled back against his chair, his smile forced and stiff. Why does he look nervous? Or does he? Nicole couldn’t get around her pesky suspicion that something wasn’t right. I’ll find out later. Right now there’s something more important to discuss.

  Matt grinned and then faced her family. “Okay, this is it—” he gently lifted Nicole’s hand so that everyone could see her ring— “I’ve asked Nicole to marry me.”

  Nicole wrapped her other hand around Matt’s neck and gave him a quick hug. Without turning toward her family she spoke, her eyes locked onto Matt’s. “And I told him yes.”

  She whipped around and saw that her parents were stunned, their mouths hanging open, their eyes wide.

  “Mom, Dad . . . did you hear us. We’re engaged!” Nicole hooted out loud, and then in a blur of motion her parents were on their feet, pulling her into a three-way hug. Mom squealed as Dad stepped back and shook Matt’s hand.

  “Talk about a shocker . . .” He pumped Matt’s hand until he realized that the moment called for something greater than a handshake. “Come here.” He grabbed Matt and pulled him into a hug.

  At the same time, Mom braced her hands on Nicole’s shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. “Nicole! I can’t believe it. When did this happen?”

  All feelings of impending doom had vanished like morning fog on the lake; Nicole was overcome with joy. “Since Wednesday. Matt took me out on the trail and proposed to me with his knee in the snow.”

  The group shifted so that Mom could embrace Matt and congratulate him, as well. Kade moved into the circle, gently grabbing the necks of both Nicole and her fiancé, pulling them close. “You crazy guys, keeping a secret like that.” He punched Matt’s arm lightly. “Hey, way to go, Matt. Welcome to the family.”

  Gradually the hugs ceased, and they returned to their seats. Nicole beamed at her father, who was tapping his fingers in a nervous rhythm on the arms of the chair. “Now, Dad, don’t tell me you’re shocked. Matt said he asked you about this a long time ago, and you gave him your blessing.”

  Her parents exchanged an uneasy look. “Really?” Mom raised one eyebrow and cast Dad a strangely partial smile. The uneasy feeling hit Nicole again. What’s Mom’s problem? Why’re they acting like this? “I didn’t hear about it.”

  A nervous laugh came from her father’s throat, and he glanced from Mom to Nicole and back. “Matt said it could be . . . years. I thought . . . well, I had no idea that’s what he wanted to tell us today.”

  Matt reached for Nicole’s hand again, and she slid up next to him. Everything was going to work out just as she’d always dreamed. She nestled her shoulder against his much larger arm and studied him. He was something else, really. The complete package. Exactly what she and her mother had prayed for.

  Sitting up a bit straighter, Matt faced her parents. “Actually, I had no idea I’d be ready this soon.” He glanced down and gave Nicole a smile that echoed in the core of her being. He loves me! Thank You, God, he loves me! Matt turned back to her parents. “The change came sometime last summer, or maybe in the fall. I started thinking that I’d be finished with law school this June, so why not get married this summer? Nicole can keep taking classes. In fact, we both think it’s a good idea for her to get her education so she can teach if she wants to.”

  Nicole loved the way he worded that. If she wants to . . . The truth was, married to Matt she would have a choice. The thoughts were almost too wonderful to bear.

  Mom nodded and looked from Nicole to Matt. “That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you.” She hesitated, and Nicole studied her eyes. They were flat and the happiness in her voice seeme
d artificial. Why aren’t you glowing, Mom? This is my finest hour here. She wanted to mention the fact that everything about this day, this news, was an answer to the prayer her mother had prayed so often when Nicole was a young girl, but somehow the timing didn’t seem right.

  “Have you thought of a date?” Dad looked at them curiously and his eyes, too, seemed strangely untouched by the joy of their news.

  Nicole and Matt looked at each other and grinned as they turned back to Mom. “We figured it out last night. July fourteenth. Your anniversary, Mom and Dad! Isn’t that great!”

  Matt slipped his arm around Nicole and looked intently at her parents. “The truth is, Nicole and I want the kind of marriage you two have.” He looked at Nicole again. “The kind that grows better every year.”

  Mom stood up and her smile was strange . . . awkward. “How nice.” She looked at Dad and Nicole thought she conveyed some unspoken message. “I’m going to put the kettle on for tea. Nicole? Matt? Can I get you some?”

  Kade raised his hand. “Actually get some for me, too, Mom.” He worked his face into an ultraformal expression. “English tea with a dash of sweet cream would be simply smashing.”

  Sean burst into little-boy laughter and tackled his brother until the two landed on the floor. Nicole smiled at her mother. “Sure. Thanks, Mom.”

  Without another word, without crossing the room for a hug or asking Nicole to join her, Mom hurried from the room and headed for the kitchen.

  Dad stood. “I’ll help.” He hesitated, looking at them strangely. “We’ll be right back.”

  Kade and Sean were still wrestling on the floor, and when her parents were out of earshot, Nicole turned to Matt. “Are my parents acting weird, or is it just me?”

  Matt shrugged. “I think they’re happy.” A concerned look crossed his face. “They are, aren’t they?”

  “Yeah, they seem like it.” Nicole thought about her mother’s reaction and worked her mouth into a smile as she snuggled closer to Matt. Of course they were happy. It’s only my imagination. “Mom’s probably just in shock. I mean, she turns forty-one last week and now I’m getting married. That’s a lot to handle.”

  Matt laughed. “If I know your mother, once it sinks in she’ll be bouncing off the walls.”

  “Yeah,” Nicole ran her finger along Matt’s face. “You’re the answer to both our prayers.”

  Six

  THE NOISE OF SEAN AND KADE WRESTLING in the next room was enough to hide Abby’s convulsing whimpers as she braced herself against the kitchen sink and stared through her window at the frozen lake. Beside her, his back to the view, John stood silently, arms crossed, eyes cast downward.

  Her heart was so heavy she could barely stand up under the weight. Help me, God. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. What are we supposed to do now?

  What God has joined together let no one separate, My child.

  Oh, quit! Abby was bone-tired of pat answers. That scripture couldn’t possibly be from the Lord. Not when He knew what was happening with John and Charlene. I need real answers, God. Please!

  Silence.

  Her tears came harder, and she buried her face in her hands. Nicole was going to get married in six months—on their wedding anniversary, no less—during the exact same time as the divorce proceedings were scheduled to take place. It was like something from a terrible nightmare. Was the pain of living in a loveless marriage fated to go on indefinitely?

  For two minutes neither of them said anything. Abby glanced at John and felt the hatred rise within her. Look at him, standing there speechless. Say something! Hug me or tell me we’ll find a way to break the news to the kids despite Nicole’s plans. Something. I mean, come on, John. We should be celebrating out there with them, not in here where there are no answers, no ways out.

  John shifted his weight and turned his head in her direction. “You gotta get a grip here, Abby. The kids could come in any second.”

  She stared at him, mouth open. Didn’t he get it? Didn’t he understand that Nicole and Matt’s announcement changed everything? She yanked a paper towel from the roller, wiped hard at her eyes and blew her nose, reaching down to slam the wrinkled ball into the trash beneath the sink. When she looked up she caught his eyes and searched them, trying to understand.

  “Get a grip? You want me to get a grip when our kids are out there celebrating Nicole’s engagement?” She uttered a brief laugh and shook her head. “I mean, didn’t you hear them? They want a marriage like ours, John. They’re getting married on our anniversary, for goodness sake. You think we can go out there now and tell them we’re getting a divorce?”

  John clenched his teeth and stared at the ground, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand.

  Stand up and look me in the eye! Abby folded her arms and glared at him. He was always rubbing his neck about one thing or another. It was too late for that now.

  “Can’t you say something?”

  John brought his head up slowly, and Abby was not prepared for the transparency of his eyes or the sadness she saw there. “I’m so sorry, Abby. I feel . . . I don’t know, I guess I feel like I failed you, failed God. Failed everyone.”

  She had expected him to snap back at her, but this . . . this broken man before her was someone she hadn’t seen in nearly a decade.

  Don’t forget about Charlene.

  The taunting voice flung darts at her compassion, bursting it like a cheap balloon. Good point. We’re too far gone to feel sorry for each other. Not with—

  Don’t say it, daughter. The tongue is full of evil.

  “Save your confessions for Charlene.”

  As soon as the words were out she wished she could snatch them from the air and shove them back inside, where she could sort through and filter them. She remembered something her father had told her once after he’d given his life to the Lord. Trying to take back unkind words is like trying to put the toothpaste back in the tube. You can’t do it, and you’ll only make a mess of things trying.

  Abby uncrossed her arms and tapped her fingers softly on the kitchen counter. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t very nice.”

  John cocked his head and studied her. “No, it wasn’t, but then we haven’t exactly been very nice to each other for a while now.”

  Abby felt fresh tears in her eyes as she turned to fill the kettle and light the fire beneath it. “So what’re we supposed to do?”

  “We pull it together, go back in there, and act excited for our daughter, that’s what.” John’s voice was quiet and measured, the way it sounded when there was no arguing with him.

  “What about our announcement?” Panic rose in Abby’s chest; she desperately needed fresh air. They couldn’t pretend another six months, could they? In the shadows of planning a wedding for Nicole and Matt? Help me, God, I—

  She caught herself. What point was there in asking the Lord for help when He wasn’t handing out answers anyway? At least not any she could use.

  “We can tell the kids after the wedding. Really, Abby.” John worked his face into an incredulous frown. “You think we can go back in there, ask Matt to leave, and then tell them we’re finished? Nicole would probably pack her bags and elope. She deserves more than that from us.”

  “Well, that’s why I don’t have a grip here, all right?” Pain and sarcasm oozed from every word, and Abby fought to keep from spitting at him. “You’re dating another woman right under my nose, and now I get to pretend everything’s fine for another six months.” He rolled his eyes and she continued, her anger building with each whispered word. “Not only that, but I have to act like our marriage is this shining beacon of an example for our daughter and her fiancé while we shop for wedding dresses and flower arrangements. It’s enough to put me over the edge, John.”

  “For crying out loud, Abby, I’m not dating her!” It was the loudest John had gotten during the discussion, and Abby glanced toward the kitchen entrance then back at him.

  “Keep it down. Please. And quit lying.” If
the kids came in now, she had no idea what they’d say to explain why they were fighting in the kitchen.

  John continued as if he hadn’t heard her. “Okay, you want to know the truth? I kissed her. There, are you happy?”

  Her world shifted wildly as she stared at him. He was finally admitting it; she had been right after all. John was having an affair. That could only mean one thing: he was in love with Charlene. Abby reeled backward until she came up against the place where the counter formed an L-shape. She had accused him often, yes, but somewhere in the recesses of her mind she had always hoped it wasn’t so, that John’s constant declarations of innocence were maybe, at least in part, the truth.

  “You kissed her?” Abby’s words were weak and hoarse, like the sounds that come from a dying old woman. A whistling began to build from the kettle, and without looking Abby reached over and flicked off the burner. Forget tea. Her head was spinning too hard to even think about putting something in her stomach.

  John took a step closer, determination etched in his face. “Yes. You were right; are you happy? Isn’t that what you wanted to hear? I did it; I kissed Charlene one night after practice because I was stupid and weak and not thinking straight.” Another step in her direction. “But, Abby, I have not slept with that woman, and I’m not having an affair with her.”

  Abby’s eyes fell to the floor, to the place where their feet now faced each other as they’d done so many times before. He was lying—she could feel it in her bones. She began shaking her head in short, jerky motions. “I don’t believe you . . .” A surge of renewed anger filled her, and she found the strength to look him in the eyes again. “You kissed her? Why don’t you just tell me the whole truth, John? That you’re having an affair and you’re in love with her.”