A Time to Dance/A Time to Embrace

by Karen Kingsbury

  Abby felt better than she’d felt in years as she followed John into the living room. “Okay, so where’s the ballroom for this dance?”

  “I’ll show you, Mrs. Reynolds.” He took her hand and led her up the stairs toward their room. “Follow me.”

  The hour that came next was more wonderful than Abby dared dream. She had heard from other women that after rocky times in their marriages, physical intimacy was never quite the same. Especially if another woman had been in the picture.

  But from the moment she and John stood on their backyard pier in the hours after Nicole’s wedding and recognized the impossibility of walking away from each other, Abby had fallen in love with her husband all over again. It really was a miracle. Their relationship now was like an intense, passionate release of all the feelings they’d buried for those three awful years.

  Now they spent their intimate moments making it up to each other. Celebrating the joy of having rediscovered something that was almost lost for good. Never mind that conventional wisdom would have them struggling in this part of their relationship, taking a year or more to build back what those bad years had cost them.

  Abby trusted John completely. And he trusted her.

  Before they fell asleep, John rolled on his side and studied her. “Have I told you lately . . .”

  The moonlight played across his face, and she smiled. “Yes . . . you’ve told me.”

  “You know what I liked best about tonight?”

  She inched onto her side so they were facing each other. “The dance?”

  He chuckled soft and low. “Always that. But you know what else?”

  “What?”

  “It made me forget about coaching. Even just for a night.”

  A pain sliced through her heart. “It’s that bad?”

  “Worse.” His smile faded. In its place was a look that was more sad than frustrated. “Know what I read in the paper yesterday?”

  “What?”

  “Some high-school basketball player’s parents are suing his coach for seven million dollars.”

  “Seven million?” Abby propped her elbow up on the pillow. “For what?”

  “For costing the kid his chance at an NBA career.”

  “What?” The story didn’t make sense. “How is that the coach’s fault?”

  “Because—” John drew a slow breath—“the coach put the kid on JV instead of varsity.”

  Abby gasped. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “No.” John’s chuckle was so sad it almost broke Abby’s heart. “I’m serious. That’s what it’s come to, Abby. Sometimes I don’t think I’ll survive the season.”

  “I’m sorry.” She moved her elbow and let the side of her face rest on the pillow. “I wish there was something I could do.”

  “I keep thinking about that note. How one of my player’s parents wants me fired badly enough to go to the district level to see it happen.” He rolled onto his back again. “Me? Letting players drink and race their cars? Don’t they know me at all? Don’t they appreciate what I’ve done for that school since I’ve been there?”

  The pain in Abby’s heart spread to her soul. How could they possibly attack this man’s character? If she could, she would walk into the school, take over the public address system, and tell the entire school population that Coach Reynolds did not and never would have done anything unethical where his players were concerned. She would demand they recognize his efforts and treat him with the respect and gratitude he deserved.

  But she couldn’t do that.

  She couldn’t even write a letter on his behalf, though she wanted to. Badly. “There’s only one thing I can do, John. But it’s the most important thing of all.”

  “Pray?” He turned his head so he could see her again.

  “Exactly.” She ran her fingertips lightly through his hair. “Pray that God shows you how much the kids still love you, the kids who wouldn’t play ball for any other coach.”

  “Okay.” He smiled, and for the first time since he’d brought up the topic, his features relaxed. “You pray. It’s only because of your prayers that I’ve coached there this long.”

  “You know what I think?” She laid her head on John’s shoulder and snuggled close to him.

  “My season’s falling apart?”

  “No.” She rested her hand above his heart. “I think something very big’s about to happen.”

  “Like we win three games straight?”

  “No, again.” Abby gave a muffled laugh. “Something spiritual. Like God’s got something major going on. Maybe that’s why the season’s starting so rough. We may not see how all the pieces fit right now. But maybe we’ll see it soon. You know?”

  John was quiet.

  “You awake?”

  “Yeah. Just thinking.” His chest rose as he inhaled. “I’d forgotten about that.”

  “About God having a plan?”

  “Mmmhmm.” He hesitated. “It must be that.”

  “Yep. And whatever it is, it’s going to be huge.”

  “How do you know?”

  “It’s something I feel.”

  “Oh. Okay.” John’s breathing was slower, his words running together the way they did just before he fell asleep. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For stepping on your feet tonight.”

  “That’s okay. We have another lesson next week.”

  “I love you, Abby. G’night.”

  “Goodnight . . . I love you, too.”

  She drifted off to sleep, her head still on John’s shoulder, her mind filled with a dozen happy memories from the evening.

  And with the increasing sense that somehow, someway, God was up to something very big at Marion High School. Something that involved football and parents and most especially her wonderful husband.

  Coach John Reynolds.

  Six

  NICOLE WAS AFRAID.

  There was no other way to say it. After the whirlwind weekend with Kade home, she wasn’t merely tired; she was exhausted. Too exhausted. Now it was Wednesday, and she and Matt had plans to eat dinner out. But as Nicole slipped into a pair of jeans and a sweater, her arms and legs felt like they were made of lead. Every movement was a colossal effort.

  It couldn’t be the flu. She didn’t have a fever or a cough or an upset stomach. She raised the zipper and studied her reflection in their bathroom mirror. Pale . . . ashen, even. True her summer tan had faded, but Nicole couldn’t remember her face ever looking this white.

  She sighed. Maybe the events of the past few months had finally caught up to her. After the honeymoon they’d come home and immediately helped Matt put together his résumé for a position with the district attorney’s office. Now that he was hired, Nicole was knee-deep in studies, trying to balance running their home with the demands of being a college senior.

  On top of that, there were constant discussions with Matt about his parents’ impending yearlong missionary trip. And then there was her younger brother Kade.

  Last week, when he was home, something about him had been different. Older maybe, quieter. He was anxious to get playing time at the University of Iowa and he had a lot on his mind. On Sunday night he stopped by Matt and Nicole’s apartment. They talked until 3 A.M. about whether he’d made a mistake taking the scholarship at Iowa when he’d rather be playing closer to home at Illinois.

  “It’s too far away,” Kade said an hour into the conversation. Matt had gone to bed back at the beginning, leaving Nicole and Kade in the living room. Kade had tossed his hands in the air. “I feel like I’m on another planet.” He sat on the floor, his back against the wall.

  “It’s only a day’s drive from here.” Nicole didn’t want him pulling out of Iowa just because he was homesick. “It’s always hard the first semester.”

  “Yeah, but Dad’s been my coach forever, Nic.” His knees were up, legs wide apart the way he always sat when they’d had these conversations over the years. “I’d at least like to se
e him in the stands, you know?” He rested his forearms on his knees. “This was the first weekend he and Mom have been to a game.”

  Nicole could see his point. “Why didn’t you consider Illinois before? They sent you a letter didn’t they?”

  “Yeah.” Kade frowned. “A bunch of letters. I thought being away from home would be fun.”

  “Maybe it will be. You’ve only been there two months.”

  “I know . . . but now I want to be here. Does that make sense?”

  The discussion went in circles that way until the only thing Nicole could tell him was what he wanted to hear. “Transfer, then.” She muttered a tired laugh. “We’d love to have you closer, bud. Then we could have these talks every weekend.”

  Kade grinned. “Just like the old days.”

  “Right. Just like the old days.”

  Memories of the discussion faded and Nicole checked the mirror once more. The morning after their late talk, she’d had class at eight o’clock. Every hour of the day and night had been booked since then. No wonder she was tired. Her body was merely trying to catch up.

  Unless . . .

  Nicole swallowed hard and turned from the mirror. She put a quick spritz of perfume on her neck. Don’t think about it . . . it’s impossible. But her mind refused to change the topic. Especially in light of the one memory that wouldn’t go away.

  It had happened three weeks after their honeymoon. They’d agreed to wait three or four years before having children, so birth control was a must. By waiting, Nicole could finish school and find a teaching job. She would teach two years and then take a decade off to have babies. When the kids were in school, she’d resume teaching. That way she could be with them after school and miss almost none of their at-home family time.

  That was the ten-year plan, anyway. And they’d intended to follow it to the letter. All of which meant being very careful. Not only because of the ten-year plan, but because of something else. Something she hadn’t wanted to share with anyone. Something she couldn’t voice even to herself.

  They’d talked about birth control pills, but Nicole was concerned about the side effects. In the end they decided to use condoms instead.

  “You probably learned about condoms in school,” the doctor told Nicole when she was in for a checkup just before her wedding day.

  “We did. They’re one of the safest ways to prevent pregnancy, right?”

  The doctor chuckled. “Not hardly.” He gave her a crooked grin. “Every month someone whose husband used a condom comes into my office pregnant.”

  Nicole had been surprised, but also fairly certain the doctor was exaggerating. Obviously condoms worked or they wouldn’t sell them.

  Still, there was that one time . . .

  Late that night, just weeks after their honeymoon, in the moments after being physically intimate, Matt had come out of the bathroom with a strange look on his face.

  “What’s wrong?” Nicole had sat up in bed, holding the sheet to herself.

  “I think it broke.” Matt ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head. “I thought that only happened in the movies.”

  A wave of alarm came over Nicole and then passed. There was no way it broke. “Maybe it just looked that way.”

  Matt climbed back into bed. “Let’s hope so.”

  Now, ten weeks later, the conversation came back to Nicole every few hours. Not just because she was more tired than usual, but because she hadn’t had a period since before her wedding.

  She’d heard her mother talk about being pregnant before, how she’d known from the moment of conception—known without a doubt—that a new life had begun to grow within her.

  Nicole had searched for such signs, but there’d been nothing. Her period had always been irregular. Sometimes she’d missed three months in a row before it showed up again. So there wasn’t any real reason to think she might be pregnant.

  Was there . . . ?

  The bedroom door opened and Nicole jumped. Matt stuck his head inside. “Ready?”

  “Sure.” She forced a smile. “I’ll be right down.”

  She was quiet through dinner, and finally when Matt was finished eating, he pushed his plate away and looked at her. “Okay, Nic. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” Her answer was too quick. She stared at her food. More than half her cheeseburger was still untouched. Her eyes lifted and found his again. “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine. You’ve been sleeping late and going to bed early. You yawn all the time and hardly have any appetite.” Matt’s voice was gentle, but concerned. “I’m worried about you.”

  Her gaze fell again. She pushed a fork through the small dish of beans beside the burger. The food looked old and uninteresting. A sigh slipped from her lips. It was time. If they were going to build a marriage of closeness and trust, she couldn’t keep her fears from him another minute.

  “Okay.” Drawing a quick breath, she looked at him once more. “I think I might be pregnant.”

  She had expected him to look shocked, even upset by her statement. After all, a baby now would mean their plan was out the window.

  Instead, Matt’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Nicole? Are you serious?”

  “Matt—” she lowered her head so people at the other tables wouldn’t hear her—“it’s too soon. You can’t be excited about this.”

  His face went blank for a moment, then he let loose a single, quiet laugh. “Yes, I can. Babies are a miracle, honey. Whenever they come.”

  Her heart dropped to her socks. His enthusiasm made the entire possibility seem more real. What if she really was pregnant? How could she be a mother when she hadn’t finished college? And what about her worst fears, the ones she couldn’t admit even to herself? Question after question assaulted her until she felt Matt’s hands on hers.

  “Sweetheart, I don’t get it. You’re upset because you think you might be pregnant?”

  “Yes!” Nicole felt the sting of tears in her eyes. “We wanted to wait four years, remember?”

  “Sure.” He sat back a bit and blinked. “But if you’re pregnant now, there’s no point being upset. God will work out the details.” He took her fingers in his. “Besides, maybe you’re not. We’ve been careful.”

  “Yeah, but what about that one night? When you thought it broke?”

  A knowing look filled Matt’s eyes. “You think that’s when it . . .”

  “Maybe. The doctor told me it happens all the time.” She dropped her head back for a moment and then found his eyes again. As she did, two tears slid down her cheeks. “I didn’t believe him.”

  “Okay.” Matt took her hand. “But, honey, you’ve always said you can’t wait to be a mother. So why . . . are you crying? I mean, our plan can be adjusted, can’t it?”

  “I guess.”

  “Then . . . why the tears, honey? I don’t get it.”

  Nicole wanted to climb across the table and hug him. He was such a good guy, so full of love for her and the future family they would one day raise. She steadied herself and decided to tell him her fears. The ones that had kept her up at night even when she desperately needed to sleep. “I guess I’m afraid.”

  Empathy filled in the lines on Matt’s worried face. “Of what?”

  Nicole sat back and took a sip of water. “Remember last year? When we were planning the wedding?”

  “Of course.” Matt studied her, his body halfway across the table as he leaned toward her.

  “Something was wrong with my parents’ marriage.” Nicole gave Matt’s fingers a gentle squeeze. “I think I told you I was worried about them.”

  “Right. You prayed for them, and as we checked into the hotel the night of our wedding, you felt the Lord had answered your prayers. That everything was going to be okay.”

  Nicole nodded. “I’ve thought about it a lot since then and I’ve decided maybe . . . just maybe their marriage isn’t all it seems to be. You know?”

  “Okay.” Matt looked as lost as a
child alone at the zoo. “So . . .”

  “So I think I’ve figured it out.”

  “Figured it out?”

  “Yes.” Nicole stared at him. “The reason why my parents aren’t really happy like I thought they were.”

  Matt blinked again. “Just a month or so ago you told them they looked like newlyweds.”

  “That was before I put the pieces together. It was something your mother said at dinner one night.” Nicole released his fingers and sat back. If only he could understand. “Now I think I know the problem.”

  “Which is . . .”

  “I was a honeymoon baby, remember?” Couldn’t Matt see it? She worked to make her tone patient. “They had kids too early.”

  “Sorry, Nic.” This time Matt sat back and crossed his arms. “I don’t get it.”

  “How can you not get it?” Nicole held her hands out palms up. “My parents never got those crucial years, the years when the two of them could have bonded and built their love.”

  Matt looked at her for a moment. Then he stood and eased himself around the table and slid onto the bench seat beside her. He placed his arm over her shoulders and pulled her up against him. “I have the surest sense that you’re wrong, Nicole. Your parents love each other very much. Having children early in their marriage hasn’t hurt that. Not then or now.”

  Her husband’s nearness, the warm shelter of his arm around her, made everything somehow better. Her defenses fell like autumn leaves. Maybe Matt was right, but this was something Nicole had thought about ever since they’d been back from the honeymoon. “You don’t think it hurt them?”

  “No.” He kissed the side of her face and smoothed her hair back behind her ears. “But if it worries you, why don’t you ask your mother? She’ll tell you the truth.”

  Ask her mother? Why hadn’t Nicole thought of that? Rather than imagining the reasons her parents had struggled last year, it couldn’t hurt to come out and ask. She shifted her position so she could see Matt more clearly. “Okay. I’ll do that.”

  “Now, how ’bout we pay this bill and do some shopping before we go home. I think there’s a little something we have to get before another day goes by.”

  Nicole’s heart was lighter than it had been in weeks. With God on her side and a husband like Matt, everything was going to be okay. “What’s that?”