by Hannah Ford
She thanked him and then slid into the cool darkness of the big car as he shut the door.
The driver got in front and started to pull away from the house. Raven forced herself not to look back, not to watch and see her mother or brother watching her leave.
She held back tears as if her very life depended on it.
Jake was sitting across from her, legs outstretched, drinking from a tumbler. It looked like he was drinking scotch or whiskey. She could faintly smell it.
“That was informative,” he said, swallowing and grimacing a little.
Raven stared out the window as they left her street. “Was it?”
“Yeah, it was.”
She looked at him, knowing he was angry, even though he was hiding it fairly well. “I can’t thank you enough for helping my father, Jake. I can’t ever repay you for saving his life.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Jake said, waving her off. “The way you left me in the dark about your little video is payment enough.”
She’d known this was coming, but she was hurt just the same. “I didn’t purposely keep you in the dark. I had no idea that the video was going to come out. We got that stuff scrubbed from the internet four years ago and had a court injunction against anybody putting it up anywhere.”
Jake looked at her like she was crazy. “Didn’t it occur to you that this could happen, and the affect it would have on me if it ever did?”
The effect on him. That was what mattered.
Raven licked her lips. “I’m not ashamed of dancing a little at a party when I was seventeen. It was stupid, but I did nothing wrong, Jake.”
“It doesn’t matter what you think,” Jake said, his eyes widening with anger. “It matters what everyone else thinks and says. Already their spinning their stories about you, Raven.”
She threw up her hands. “Isn’t that the point? I was bullied because of my perceived slutty behavior. Those people made up lies about me. That’s the point. I was bullied and I became one of those losers you made fun of with your comments. This could be your chance to show you’ve really changed, to come out and stand up for me.”
“No,” Jake said, shaking his head. “The point is that you left me spinning in the wind. I asked you to tell me about what happened in your past. We could’ve planned for this, gotten out in front of the story and spun it to our advantage. But you lied to me—“
“I never lied to you, Jake.” Her voice was shaking.
“You might as well have. You lied by omission. You lied by keeping important details to yourself, details that would’ve changed how I handled everything.”
Raven stared at him with uncomprehending frustration. “You’re a hypocrite,” she said.
“Careful.” Jake took a long sip from his tumbler. “Don’t say anything you’ll regret later,” he murmured.
“It’s true. You’re a hypocrite.”
His gaze moved from the glass he was holding, to her face. He studied her. “That’s a bold statement from someone in your position, Raven.”
“I don’t give a fuck about my position,” she told him.
He laughed. “That much is obvious.”
His laughter enraged her. “What’s obvious to me is that you needed a body double to satisfy your little sexual kink. So you found me.”
Jake had been about to take another sip from his glass, but his hand stopped in mid-motion. He looked at her again. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me,” she continued. “I went online this morning and found pictures of Peyton. I’d never seen her before.”
Jake’s expression darkened, his eyebrows lowered. “Don’t talk about her. Not now. Not ever.”
“I’ll talk about whoever I want.”
Jake set his glass down behind him and folded his arms. “Fine, Raven. Let’s put everything on the table. Let’s lay it all out there.”
For some strange reason, Raven found that he was still turning her on—the way he looked sitting there, the expression on his face, the very challenge of him. She hated that Jake Novak could make her feel so angry and so completely in need of him all at the same time.
“Admit that you used me,” Raven said.
“In what particular way?” he asked.
“You used me because I look almost exactly like Peyton looked.”
Jake’s jaw set and his eyes hardened. “There’s a resemblance.”
“That’s why you chose me that night at the party. Tell me now, admit the truth Jake.”
He nodded once. “Everyone has a type,” he said. “That’s not exactly breaking news.”
“Except that you pick a certain type of girl so you can punish her, control her, and make her pay for the sins of your dead fiancé.” After she’d said it, Raven was struck by just how harsh it sounded.
A muscle in Jake’s jaw flinched, but other than that he was completely still, his eyes locked on hers. “That’s a theory.”
“It’s true. We both know it’s true.”
His lips tightened. “And you liked every minute of it,” he finally uttered.
“That’s beside the point—“
“No,” he said, his lips curling into a strange grin. “That’s the entire point.”
“You didn’t care if I enjoyed it or not. The fact that I liked you was basically irrelevant.”
“That’s interesting phrasing,” Jake said, shifting in his seat. He looked up for a moment. “That’s very interesting phrasing.”
“What did I say?”
“You said you ‘liked’ me, as in past tense.”
Raven sighed. “Don’t twist my words.”
“I’m not twisting anything,” Jake said. “I’m just pointing out what you’re actually saying.”
“You never felt anything real for me,” Raven said, “so how can you have the nerve to point out that I said ‘liked’ instead of ‘like?’ At least I actually felt something for you.”
Jake just stared at her. His expression was unreadable. “You have no idea what I feel,” he said softly.
They looked at one another for a long time, neither speaking. Time seemed to draw out, become elastic.
“No, I don’t,” she said, finally. “And that’s your fault, Jake. Not mine.”
“You’re trying to distract me from focusing on your behavior, and your lies,” Jake said. “You’re trying to put me on the defensive so that I conveniently forget about the fact that your whole scheme just blew up in my face.”
“It’s not my fault—“
“It is your fault!” he yelled. His voice was so loud that Raven cowered from him.
He seemed to realize that he’d lost his composure. Jake grew silent, looking away from her, turning his body away as well.
“I didn’t plan any of this,” Raven said, feeling hopeless and empty. “I didn’t want to make things worse for you. I thought I could help, but I guess I didn’t think any of it through. Everything just happened so fast.”
“It sure did,” Jake said, still not looking at her.
“Maybe it’s best if I go back to Boston today,” she said, hoping against hope that he’d tell her not to leave. She was praying that maybe Jake would come up with a way to salvage the situation. Even if it meant more punishment—she’d gladly have taken whatever he wanted to give her, if only they could stay together.
“Yeah, I think you’re probably right,” Jake replied. “This doesn’t seem to be working out, does it?”
Raven wanted to take it all back, rewind the tape, explain things better. She wanted to tell him everything, but now it was too late. She’d been afraid to deal with her past, she’d kept putting things off, and so her past had come back to bite her once again.
* * *
Back at the hotel a few hours later, things only got worse.
Raven was in Skylar’s hotel room. Sky’s parents were in their own suite, so it was just Raven with her now.
“I met with the doctor this morning,” Skylar said almost immediately after Raven entered. “It�
��s cancer.”
Raven swallowed, her eyes welling up. “What else did the doctor say?”
Skylar shrugged. “She said that based on the size of the mass, they don’t feel comfortable doing surgery. They want to schedule me for chemo and radiation as soon as possible.”
“Oh, Sky, I’m so sorry,” Raven said, and hugged her. For the moment, all thoughts of Jake and the disintegration of their relationship were pushed to the back burner.
“I’m okay. I knew this was coming.” Skylar broke away from Raven and sat down on the couch, curling her feet up next to her. She held a pillow across her chest.
“What hospital are you going to go for your treatment?” Raven asked her.
“I don’t know,” Skylar told her. She looked disturbed for the first time, her brow furrowing. “Of course I’d rather be in Boston, near my apartment. I miss my kitty. I want to be home.”
“Then we should get you home,” Raven said firmly.
“It’s not that simple. Treatment’s going to cost a lot of money, and I’m not sure what—if anything—will even be covered.”
“We’ll figure something out.” Raven crossed the room and sat down in front of the couch, on the floor, grabbing her friend’s hand. “We’re in this together, Sky. I’m going to be with you every step of the way.”
“I can’t ask you to do that,” Skylar said, her jaw trembling a little.
“You don’t have to ask me.”
They both fell silent, smiling at one another ever so slightly, acknowledging the fact that they loved one another without having to say it.
And then came a knock at the door.
“Probably my parents,” Skylar sighed. “I told them I needed to take a nap, but they’re worried.”
“I’ll get the door,” Raven said, getting to her feet and walking quickly to the door and opening it.
She was shocked to see Jake standing there in the hallway.
Jake raised his eyebrow at her. “Can I come in?”
“Hey Jake,” Skylar said from the couch, giving a weak smile.
He brushed past Raven and walked into the room, then went and sat down on one of the chairs. “Tell me what’s up,” Jake said. “I heard you got called in to meet with the doctor.”
Skylar nodded, blinking. “Yeah. The news wasn’t good.”
Raven folded her arms, not sure what to do. She was still glad to see Jake, to feel his presence—it was still comforting. She instantly felt as though things would be okay again, just from him being in the room. But then again, she knew that everything had changed and Jake no longer wanted to make everything okay for her.
But at least he still cared about Skylar, Raven thought. That was more important than anything else right now.
“You’re going to be fine,” Jake told Skylar. When he said it, it seemed like indisputable fact. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Do you hear me? We’re going to make sure you get the very best treatment.”
“I don’t expect anything else from you,” Skylar told him.
“I’m not asking your permission to help,” Jake said, “so don’t bother trying to talk me out of this.” He glanced over at Raven.
“He’s right,” Raven said. “You’ve got to let Jake help you.”
Jake nodded, looking back at Skylar. “First things first, we need to find the very best hospital. It’s probably Sloan Kettering—“
“She wants to be home,” Raven told him.
“Boston?” Jake said.
Skylar sighed. “Boston has good hospitals, too, don’t they?”
“Sure they do,” Jake said. “Yeah, of course.” He straightened up a little. “Let me make some phone calls and figure out what’s available. Whoever we end up choosing in Boston can coordinate with your doctor at Sloan Kettering to formulate a treatment plan.”
Skylar hugged herself. “I don’t know why you’re doing all of this. You’re busy, you hardly even know me.”
Jake glanced at Raven again but looked quickly back to Skylar. “I’m doing it because I want to, that’s all you need to know. This is no big deal for me. One of the few perks of being famous is that it’s easy to pull strings and throw money at problems.” He grinned.
Skylar smiled back at him. “I don’t even know how to thank you.”
“You just did.” Jake reached out and gave her arm a gentle squeeze, and then he stood up and came towards Raven.
His brown eyes were intent and unreadable.
“Thanks,” she murmured softly.
“I need to talk to you,” he said. “In private.”
“Of course.” Her heartbeat picked up instantly. “Should we go somewhere now?”
“I’m going to go for a swim. Meet me at my room in five and I’ll be ready.”
Jake left and Raven talked a few more minutes with Skylar and then went to meet Jake at his room.
She was nervous, wondering what exactly he might want to talk to her about.
They’d already agreed that she would go back to Boston. What was left to discuss?
As she knocked on his door, she flashed on a mental image of Jake throwing open the door, grabbing her by the wrist, and dragging her into his room.
Once inside, she fantasized about Jake telling her his elaborate plans to punish her for defying him and keeping secrets. Each transgression would require him to spank her repeatedly, to rip her clothes off, tie up her wrists and ankles—
The door opened and Raven snapped out of it.
Jake was wearing shorts, a t-shirt and flip-flops. He had a towel slung over his shoulder. “Do you swim?” he asked.
“I don’t have a bathing suit,” she replied.
“I can get you one.”
“No, it’s okay.” She had to avert her eyes from him, because just picturing him shirtless was making it difficult to think straight, and she needed to stay alert for whatever he wanted to say to her.
“Okay, whatever,” Jake sighed, shutting the door. He started to walk down the hallway to the elevators, hitting the button and turning to her while they waited. “Is Skylar handling the news all right?” he asked.
Raven thought about it, shrugged. “You talked to her. What do you think?”
“I don’t know her like you do,” Jake said.
Raven licked her lips and stared down at the carpet. “You told her not to worry about the fact that you’re helping her so much.”
“That’s right, it doesn’t do her any good to worry about anything outside of fighting this cancer.”
Raven looked up and met his brown-eyed gaze. “Well, now I’m asking. Why are you helping her? Lots of people get cancer, Jake, and you’re not helping all of them.”
The elevator came and the doors opened. Jake’s mouth turned up at the corner, ever so slightly. “Saved by the bell,” he said, stepping inside.
Raven followed. There were a few other people in the elevator—specifically a couple and their teenage daughter. She started freaking out that she was standing so close to JAKE NOVAK, and Jake laughed and graciously took a picture with her.
They got off and went to the pool. Luckily, there was nobody else swimming but a very old man who seemed lost in his own world and was swimming laps so slow that Raven wondered how he even managed to stay afloat.
Jake walked to one of the lounge chairs and dropped his towel on it, then proceeded to strip off his t-shirt. He tossed that on the chair as well. His upper body looked flawless, like a work of art, smooth and hard and perfectly proportioned.
Jake he kicked off his flip-flops as Raven sat down on the edge of the chair next to his. “So what did you want to talk about?” she asked him.
Jake flexed his arms, and his biceps expanded, and then his chest and abs tightened and she had to look away from him again.
It was embarrassing what he did to her, and she didn’t want him to see it so clearly. She felt exposed whenever he so much as glanced her way.
“I wanted to talk about payment,” Jake said. He ran a hand throu
gh his hair.
“Payment?”
“Since you’re going back to Boston today, I was thinking about the arrangement we discussed, and I decided that I’m going to pay you fifty and call it settled.”
“Fifty…fifty dollars?” she asked, her mouth suddenly dry.
Jake chuckled. “Fifty thousand.” And then he turned and did a perfect dive into the pool.
Raven just sat there, her mouth hanging open.
Jake swam the length of the pool without coming up for air. He surfaced down at the far end, took a breath and then went back under. When he popped up again he was right in front of her.
He lifted the upper part of his torso above the waterline and hung his arms on the side of the pool. Water dripped down his face and he used his hand to wipe it from his eyes. “Towel?” he asked, reaching out to her.
She grabbed his towel and handed it over to him. He pressed it against his face and then handed it back to her.
“Jake, I can’t accept that,” she told him.
“It’s just a damp towel,” he joked.
“I’m serious. I can’t take that money, it’s too much.” She held onto his towel, clutching it to her lap.
Jake stared at her, his brown eyes somehow warm and cold all at once. “Raven, it’s not up for discussion. I’m telling you what’s happening so you know what to expect.”
“But why? You’re angry at me, I didn’t help you, I only made things worse—“
“Because I want to do it. And anyway, the money’s already been wired to your checking account.”
Raven once again had to resist the tears that were welling up behind her eyes. She blinked rapidly and looked away, and then Jake dipped backwards into the water, and was swimming beneath the surface towards the other side of the pool.
She watched as he smoothly came up once more for air on the far end, took a breath, then dipped back under and began the next lap.
He did lap after lap, not stopping to rest or talk. Raven started to feel that she’d been dismissed.
It was over, wasn’t it?
This was the big kiss-off. He was paying her to get out of his life and not carry any hard feelings. She stood, as Jake was midway through one of his laps across the pool.
She watched him for a moment, his perfect body mostly obscured under the blue water, gliding almost effortlessly, glimmering there beneath the surface, so close yet so distant all at once.