by Hannah Ford
“It’s time for me to go back to Boston.”
He shook his head. “I need you here with me, Raven. I’m scheduled to get back into the studio to work on the final songs for the album.”
“You’ll be fine. Rory’s coming back and he knows what you need now. Besides, you can always send me the rough cuts if I’m away.”
Jake stared at her, his eyes wounded. “Why do you have to go now?”
“Because Skylar needs me there.”
For the first time, he seemed to understand that it was really happening. “And you can’t even tell me how long you’re going for?”
“I think a week should do it,” she said. “I want to tie up loose ends with my family. They’ve been homeless for too long and I want to help them sort things out.”
“Raven, I can help them. I’ll go down as soon as this studio work is done and—“
She shook her head. “It’s not your responsibility, though. It’s mine. They’re my family.”
Jake put his hand up to her cheek. “I know four million seems like a ton of cash, babe, but it’ll go fast if you start buying everyone you know a brand new house.”
She laughed. “And what about my cut from the single sales, and the album sales when it comes out? I co-produced those songs. We both know that I’m going to have a lot more than four million in my account soon.”
Jake fell silent.
Raven wrapped her arms around his shoulders, clasping her hands on the back of his neck. Her body pressed into his and her eyes stared deeply into his eyes.
“It’s just for a week so I can tie up loose ends and be there for Sky. I can’t just run away from everyone and everything in my life forever.”
“I know,” he said, and a ghost of a smile formed on his lips. “I never thought I’d say this to anyone in my life after everything I’ve been through.” He swallowed and his eyes filled. “But I love you and I need you, Raven. I can’t lose you now.”
“You’re not losing me. It’s just for a little while, and we’re strong enough to handle some time apart.”
But as they got out of the pool and then, later, as she lay awake in bed and heard the sound of Jake’s deep breathing, Raven wondered if she’d just unintentionally pulled on the thread that would unravel everything they’d created together.
* * *
She flew commercial back to Boston, making sure to put on a cap and wear sunglasses for a large portion of the time she was in public. The strange fact was that she’d become part of Jake Novak’s life, and her picture and image was appearing all over the place on the web and even TV sometimes.
But for the most part, nobody seemed to recognize her except perhaps the TSA lady that checked her ID and gave a knowing smile, and the younger man who sat next to her on the flight and kept giving her sidelong glances, seeming to want to start a conversation, but losing his confidence every time.
The funny thing was, not very long ago, she’d have been intimidated by him. He was young and good-looking, but in this instance she had less than zero interest in striking up a conversation with any man.
She already missed Jake and it had only been a few hours.
In her mind, as the plane came in for a landing at Logan airport, Raven kept replaying their last moments together before she’d gotten out of Jake’s jeep and gone into the airport in Miami. Raven had told Jake not to go into the airport to see her off because it would draw too much unnecessary attention.
He’d grumbled about it but given in, finally. And then they’d looked at one another, both of them emotional and choked up.
“Text me when you land,” he’d said.
“I will.”
“And don’t be a stranger, okay?” He’d caressed her cheek softly and she’d nearly burst into tears, told him that she wanted to stay and call off her entire trip.
But somehow she’d held on to her will, given him a kiss, a hurried I love you, and then grabbed her bag and scuttled out of the jeep.
Looking back over her shoulder as she’d entered the airport, she’d seen him watching her from the car and it felt as though her heart would break.
Now, as the plane hit the runway in Boston, Raven was jolted back to reality. She put on her sunglasses and lowered her cap.
“Incognito,” the man next to her smiled, having finally gotten the courage to speak, apparently. “I like it.” He grinned.
“Thanks,” she said.
“Are you in town for long?”
Raven shook her head as she got up, pulled her bag from the overhead compartment and then sat down, waiting for the plane to make its way to the gate.
The man was gaining confidence. “It’s so weird that I sat next to you on this flight,” he said, his fingers tapping his knee. “I was just reading an article about you last night in Music Maker. That guy who played keyboard and piano on Jake’s new album said that you’re some sort of genius, and that without you, the new songs wouldn’t even exist.”
Raven now wanted desperately to get away from him. She didn’t want to talk about Jake or her life, or to be hit on, even if he was being nice. “Thanks so much for the compliment,” Raven smiled. She craned her head to look out at the isle. People were beginning to stand up to leave.
“I’d love to maybe grab a coffee and pick your brain,” her suitor said. “I’m kind of an aspiring singer songwriter myself.”
Raven got up and gave him another quick smile. “I’m so sorry, but I just don’t have time on this trip. Good luck with everything.”
The man nodded, suddenly looking younger than he had before, and dejected too. Raven hated how she felt, blowing him off, but there was no way around it. She didn’t want to give him the wrong impression.
After she deplaned, Raven made her way to the pickup area, where Danny was waiting. He walked over and gave her a big hug and then grabbed her bag. “How was the flight, Mata Hari?”
“Mata who?”
Danny laughed as he threw her bag into the car. “Mata Hari was a chick who was a spy back in the old days. She’s kind of famous.”
“Oh,” Raven said, realizing he’d been talking about her flimsy disguise. His words brought back thoughts of Club Alpha, souring her mood instantly.
“They executed her,” Danny added, as he got into the driver’s seat.
Raven got in the car and Danny started off. He whistled as he drove, seemingly in good spirits.
“How is everyone? Mom and Dad?” she asked.
“They’re happy you’re coming to see them,” Danny said. “The prodigal daughter returns.” A little sarcasm had seeped into his voice.
Raven glanced at him and noticed the bags under his eyes. “Is everything all right?”
“Oh, sure,” he said. “We’ve been moving from hotel to hotel, with twenty-four hour security watching our every move—until they suddenly left because supposedly they stopped being paid,” he said. “Of course, a few days later they showed back up because they’d gotten paid again, so that’s good.”
“Danny, I know it’s been hard—“
“It’s been a ball. I mean, we haven’t been cutting albums and sunning ourselves on the pristine Florida beaches, but those continental breakfasts they serve in the mornings more than make up for it.”
She looked down, feeling the sting of tears behind her eyes. “I should’ve known you’d be angry with me.”
“I’m not angry,” he sighed.
“You’ve been mad at me for years because I left home and you got stuck taking care of Mom and Dad.”
Danny slapped the steering wheel. “I just wish you wouldn’t rub my face in it with those bragging texts you send me. Now you’re his goddamn manager? What do you know about managing a musician? I guess I could be a fucking brain surgeon, by that logic.”
“You should stop wasting your time being jealous and judging me, and start figuring out why you refuse to ever take a risk yourself,” Raven said, finally snapping.
“Oh, is that so?”
“I can’t believe we’re already fighting. I just got into town. It’s been all of five minutes and we’re at each other’s throats.”
Danny sighed and his shoulders slumped. “You’re right,” he said. “I’m jealous. And it’s pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic.”
“I said my jealousy’s pathetic, Raven. I didn’t say I’m pathetic, but now that you’ve got me thinking that way—“
“Oh, knock it off,” she said, glaring at him. “Stop being a martyr, Danny. It’s seriously lame.”
He grinned at her. “Lame?”
“Yes. It’s very, very lame. You’re better than that.”
He nodded and then said, quietly, “I hope you’re right.”
* * *
Luckily, the rest of the day spent with her family wasn’t nearly as awkward and painful as the initial moments spent with her bitter brother. Raven’s mother and father were overjoyed to see her.
They were currently staying at a bed and breakfast in Sudbury Massachusetts, and it was nice and quiet.
Security was around the hotel, but they seemed to stay out of the way for the most part.
Raven and her family just hung out in the suite and watched TV and ordered Chinese food in, eating and reminiscing about the old days. Of course, they stayed away from any bad memories or family feuds.
Her father was breathing well and seemed happy, and that was a relief to Raven. And despite Danny’s earlier barbs directed at her, both of Raven’s parents seemed genuinely grateful at how Jake had protected them after the fire and made sure that they were in no danger.
She went to sleep—or she tried to sleep rather unsuccessfully—on the pullout couch in the suite, covered by a scratchy blanket, dreading the morning.
That was when she was going to break the news to them about her intentions for how to solve their housing issue.
She texted with Jake in the middle of the night, because he was awake and told her he missed her.
It’s hard being apart, she wrote back. Harder than I expected.
How are things with your fam? He asked.
Pretty good. Danny’s being a pill as usual.
There was a long break and then her phone buzzed again with another message from him. I don’t know if I can stand a week without you.
Raven smiled. I love u. Are u going to the studio soon?
Tomorrow. What r your plans?
She quickly texted him back. Going to the hospital to surprise Sky. Her Mom told me she’s having radiation tomorrow…scary stuff.
Tell Sky I send my best. And don’t forget how much I love you baby.
With those words making her warm inside, Raven was finally able to go to sleep.
She was woken up by her father, coughing as he wheeled his way into the room. “Wakey, wakey, shake ‘n bakey!” he shouted in a hoarse voice, coughing some more.
Raven roused herself, laughing. That little line was how her dad always used to wake them up as kids.
“You’re ridiculous, Dad,” she said, grinning at his enthusiasm.
“How’d you sleep?” he asked, wheeling closer still and adjusting his oxygen tube.
“Pretty good.”
“That couch comfortable enough?”
“Very comfortable,” she lied. In truth, springs had been poking into her back and the blanket was irritating her skin. But this was the last night she would spend in the bed and breakfast, so it was fine.
She slid her legs off the couch and sat on the edge, rubbing her eyes and yawning.
After a moment, she got up, went to the bathroom and then changed into some comfortable pants, flats and a sweater. New England weather, she thought, shivering, as she recalled the mornings in Florida where she could run outside to the beach or the pool in shorts and a t-shirt.
When she came out of the bathroom, her mother was out in the main living quarters brewing a pot of coffee in the teeny tiny coffee pot on the kitchenette counter.
“Hey Mom,” she said, walking over and putting a hand on her mother’s forearm.
“Hi honey.” Her mother looked tired, Raven thought. Tired and probably stressed from worry.
“Danny up yet?” Raven asked, her stomach feeling fluttery as she contemplated telling them what she wanted to tell them.
How would they take it? Danny, she imagined, would find a way to be angry, as usual.
“I heard someone calling my name!” Danny yelled out from down the hallway, and then he was entering the suite too. His hair was messy and the circles under his eyes darker than yesterday.
Raven wondered if he’d slept at all last night, but didn’t ask.
When Danny came out, Raven’s mother greeted him with a plastic cup of coffee, as if this were an old routine. By now, Raven supposed that it was. Then she gave Raven a cup, before making one for herself.
Raven sat down on the couch with her mother, while Danny stood, watching her with a strange look on his face as he sipped at his cup.
“Spit it out,” he said, after a moment.
“Spit what out?” she asked, taken aback that he knew she intended to tell them all something important.
“Whatever you came here to tell us. You know I’ve always been able to read you like a book, Raven.” He gave a smug grin. “Did ol’ Jake pop the question?”
Raven’s mother let out a surprised and surprisingly happy shriek. “Oh, goodness. You’re getting married?”
“No, Mom. Danny’s just being a jerk.”
“It’s something, though. Isn’t it, sis?” Danny grinned wider, taunting her.
Raven ran a hand nervously through her hair. “I did have something I wanted to bring up. It’s about finding a more permanent place for you and Dad—and Danny, I guess—to live.”
“These damn insurance companies…rackets…” her father spouted angrily, his cheeks turning crimson.
“Dad, calm down,” Danny said. “We don’t need another episode today.”
“I know the insurance money is slow to come,” Raven said, choosing her words carefully. “And I’ve been giving it some thought. I feel kind of responsible for your situation.”
“Kind of?” her brother scoffed.
“Knock it off, Danny,” Raven’s mother said. “Let her speak.”
“I know I haven’t been there for you guys the way I should’ve been. Not for a long time now. And I can’t ever really make it up, I can’t get back that time that I lost. But I can do something.” Slowly, she went into her purse and came out with the cashier’s check that she’d gotten before going to the airport the previous day.
Raven handed the check to her father, whose eyes immediately welled up. “I can’t accept this,” he said, his voice hoarse.
Danny leaned forward, eyebrows raised. “What’s it for? You trying to pay us off or something? Because a couple thousand bucks isn’t going to help us all that much anyway.”
“It’s not a couple thousand,” her father croaked. “It’s a check for three hundred and fifty thousand dollars.”
“Raven!” her mother cried.
“I know it seems excessive,” Raven told them. She noticed that Danny had fallen silent for the first time in just about forever. “The thing is, I’ve officially been hired as Jake’s manager, and so I’m entitled to a commission on his newest record deal and royalties. It’s a lot of money, more than I need—more than I want.”
“That’s money you earned,” her mother replied softly. “It’s not something you should just give away.”
“Consider it a loan until the insurance money comes in,” Raven told them. “Or consider it a gift. It can be whatever you want.”
“That’s crazy,” Danny said. “Are you nuts?”
She got off the couch. “You can tear the check up if you want. I’m not forcing anybody to do anything. But I wanted to offer it, because I do love you guys, even if I haven’t shown it very well since I left home.” Her voice shook a little and now her own eyes were no longer dry.
Suddenl
y, Danny’s arms were around her and he was hugging her. “You’re fucking crazy, you know that?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered in his ear. “I’m sorry I left you alone, Danny.”
And then the two of them were crying, but they were tears of happiness.
It wasn’t about the money, she realized. It was about the fact that she cared enough to try, cared enough to put herself out there even after everything that had happened and all of the hurt feelings from the past.
When Danny let her go finally, she was smiling. And so was he.
* * *
Later that morning, Danny drove her back into the city to the hospital.
She’d eaten breakfast downstairs at the B&B with her family, and then had a tearful hug goodbye with her parents.
It still wasn’t clear to her if they were going to use the check she’d given them, but Raven hoped they would.
Danny was quiet on the drive, choosing to listen to sports radio, but after they paid the last toll on the turnpike, he glanced over at her. “I thought a lot about what you said yesterday.”
She looked back at him. “What did I say?”
“That I should think about why I never took risks. And how I should stop being a martyr.”
“I shouldn’t have said that, Danny. I was just angry.”
“The thing is, you were right.” His voice had changed, become softer, losing the arrogance and bitter tone she associated with him. “I’ve been so jealous of you, even before you went and got rich and successful and started dating a celebrity.”
Raven laughed. “I have plenty of problems, too. There’s a lot of negatives that come with this kind of life.”
“I know,” Danny said, giving her a look. “But at least you went for it. Despite the fact that everyone in town was trashing you, and even though me and Mom and Dad didn’t really back you up—you believed in yourself. You believed in your own ability to survive, to make it on your own, Raven. And I think, when I really take an honest look at it—I think I hated you for being that strong.”
“I wasn’t strong. I ran away from my problems and you had the strength to stay and take care of Mom and Dad. That’s amazing.”