A Traitorous Heart

by Tammy Jo Burns

  “Clarissa Blackerby begged me to attend her step-mother’s musicale. She detests these things and I truly like her. I think she also hates her step-mother. I shouldn’t be too late.”

  He gave her instructions before dropping a kiss on her forehead. Derek then turned to Tessa, leading her out of the room. She observed his gait to be slow and awkward and felt sure he did it to keep his limp from being noticeable. A fire burned in the hearth at the far end of the library, and an oil lamp burned low. Even though they were in the heat of summer, the evenings could still be drafty. Derek raised the flame on the lamp and took some kindling to light several more around the room.

  “This is wonderful,” Tessa said in awe at the floor to ceiling bookshelves that covered the two long walls.

  “Most of the books were my great-aunt and uncle’s, but I have been able to add a few to the collection. My great-aunt loved fairy tales and gothic novels, so there is quite a collection of both.”

  “A woman after my own heart.” Tessa walked over to one of the bookshelves and began searching. “You know, I do not feel right calling you Derek. I feel as if I should call you sir or my lord. I hear the servants refer to you in such a manner. Should I not do the same?”

  Derek thought about his response. Perhaps it would be easier on everyone to keep it more impersonal.

  “If that is what you wish, my lord is perfectly acceptable.”

  She nodded her agreement and continued searching.

  “How did you hurt your leg, my lord?”

  “Military injury.”

  “Oh. Were you fighting against Napoleon?”

  “Yes.”

  “Were a lot of men wounded in the same battle you were?”

  “Yes. Many died.”

  “I see.” She became quiet, absorbed in looking at the titles on the books. She finally pulled one from the shelf and walked towards the door. He watched her intently.

  “What did you decide on?”

  “Beauty and the Beast. It is my favorite fairy tale. I love how the beast is not what he appears. I should retire now.”

  “I will escort you.”

  She resigned herself to always having a chaperone. He escorted her up the stairs, but this time she paid attention to where he led her. She opened the door to her room, pausing after stepping inside. “I guess I should thank you, my lord.”

  “What for?”

  “I imagine not many prisoners get treated so well as this.” She felt anything but calm as she clutched the book tightly to her chest. Something defining had shifted between them in the library. They had gone from being polite strangers to jailer and inmate. The change had been subtle, but left her feeling cold. He held her door open and let her walk past him into her room.

  “Rest well.”

  “You do the same.” She watched him close the door and heard and imperceptible snick.

  “What was that?” She dropped the book to turn and frantically pull on the door, but found it stiff in her hands, locked. She bent down and retrieved the book, pressing her back against the door. This is what it felt like to be a prisoner, only she had finer surroundings than most. Tessa clutched the book tighter to her bosom hoping to ease the tremors that shook her body.

  Chapter 10

  Every day followed the same pattern. She woke each morning to the click of the door being unlocked. Upon retiring each evening the same sound chased her to bed. Conversations around her were stilted, except for dear Sarah. For some reason, the maid kept treating her as if she were royalty. Even the butler treated her with some sort of strange respect.

  She no longer felt a connection between herself and Derek. Kala seemed to want to be friends, but her brother often interfered finding some way to limit their time together. She knew she did not belong in a house this fine. When not reading or resting she went down among the servants and helped them polish silver or prepare one of the meals. The first time she went below stairs, they acted stiffly around her. When she began helping and sharing jokes they took her in as one of theirs. She finally felt as if she belonged somewhere.

  Then she had been notified they would be leaving London for the country estate within days. She could not bear the solitude being forced on her. At least in prison she would have a cell mate to visit with. She wondered if she would be shackled in the carriage, only to be unchained at the inns that they stopped at so as not to attract attention? Would she even be allowed out at the inns? Would Kala accompany them?

  The not knowing would drive her insane before they determined her guilt. This strange half-life between the privileged and criminal life wore on her. If she were a criminal, she wished they would put her with them. It would be easier to bear.

  Ready long before the click sounded, she waited long enough for whoever had been there to have gone before opening the door. Tessa wore an emerald morning dress and pulled her hair back with a matching ribbon meeting Sarah at the door. Best to fight for herself armed in her favorite color.

  “Oh, you’re ready for the day, ma’am.”

  “Yes Sarah. I have something I need to see to and I had to get ready earlier than usual. Do you know if Lord Blackburn is still at home?”

  “I believe so, ma’am. I think he’s in the breakfast room.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I’ll just tidy your room up a bit.”

  “Thank you again,” Tessa called over her shoulder as she left the room. She tripped lightly down the stairs, a weight having been lifted off of her shoulders. She knew what had to be said and her fate would be decided. More than likely she would be taken to Newgate before the day ended. Just as well everything end here and now before she become too accustomed to this type of life, even as a prisoner.

  As she approached the breakfast room, the aroma assailed her. The heavenly smell reminded her of her mother’s cooking. She had begun to remember more of her childhood, but refused to tell anyone, wanting to cherish what little bit of herself she had regained. What could a child’s memory do for the present anyway? She stopped outside the breakfast room door and allowed a moment for her mind to drift. The smells carried her back to another place and a happier time. She could see her brother, herself, and her playmate, a little orphan boy that her parents helped care for, run in from playing to sit at the table for her mother’s meal.

  Lost in thought she found herself startled out of her reverie by a raised voice, “I will not listen to this.”

  “Derek you have to,” Kala insisted. Tessa heard uneven footsteps go back and forth and knew that Lord Blackburn paced the breakfast room. “She is mingling with the servants Derek. It is just not heard of.”

  “She is bored. When we get her to the country there will be more to keep her occupied.”

  “Not until she has fully regained her memory and knows for certain that she is not guilty of the charges being brought against her.”

  “No. One. Seems. To. Understand. I know my wife, and she did not commit a heinous crime!” Tessa had one hand on the doorframe and stood halfway in the opening when Derek turned and saw her. She felt her jaw fall open at his words.

  “Wife?” she whispered shakily. She started sliding down the doorframe towards the wooden parquet floor, not really fainting, but also not fully conscious of her surroundings. A loud buzzing sounded in her ears and bright spots flashed before her eyes.

  “Tessa,” Derek and Kala called as one rushing to her side. “Derek, bring her into the library. I will have some brandy ready for her.” Derek gritted his teeth as he lifted her, his leg ached terribly rising from this angle. She turned to ice in his arms, her skin cold and clammy.

  “Ramsey!”

  “Yes, my lord? Is the madam all right?”

  “She has had a bit of a shock. Please have a maid bring a pillow and several warm blankets as quickly as possible.”

  ”Yes, my lord.” Ramsey sprinted up the stairs to find Sarah and pass on the instructions. Derek entered the library and placed Tessa on the chaise that Kala had drug in front
of the fire. They were finally able to get some brandy into her though it took some doing. She began shivering just as one of the parlor maids entered with a pillow and blankets.

  “Thank you,” Kala smiled at the little maid. The maid looked suspiciously at Tessa, but left the room with a little curtsy.

  A wife? She could not remember anything past childhood and yet she and Blackburn were married? That same man suspects that she is a hardened criminal, despite all his denials. And he shows that by locking her up every night as if she were an animal that might escape if not watched closely enough.

  “How. Dare. You.” Tessa dragged out, pushing herself off the lounger. Kala’s eyes widened and she backed up at the venom in Tessa’s voice. “Wife? You could have at least told me that, Lord Blackburn.”

  “Tessa, you have to understand,” Kala started to explain, but stopped abruptly when Tessa cut her eyes to her.

  “Get out,” she said softly. When neither made a motion to move, she got louder, “Get out!” The two looked at each other startled. “Never mind. I will leave.” She walked across the room, her head held high. She paused at the door, and turned to look at them. “That puts paid to my demand to be either set free or sent to Newgate.

  “I should have realized secrets were being kept. How often are criminals taken into someone’s personal home? I cannot believe how naïve I am. It is so comforting to know that you provide your wife such devout protection, Lord Blackburn,” she paused at the door and turned her cold gaze to Derek. “My lord, be sure to lock my cell tonight. I feel ever so much safer tucked into my tower next door to my husband,” she said the last on a growl before disappearing up the stairs.

  Brother and sister stared at the empty doorway. A few seconds later they heard the loud thud of her door being slammed shut.

  “Derek, I’m sorry. I didn’t know she stood there,” Kala placed a comforting hand on his stiff shoulder.

  “She would have found out eventually.” He turned and left the room.

  * * *

  Derek sat at his desk in the War Office listening to the clock in the entryway of the large building gong the hour of two, willing the time to pass faster. What would he say to her? How did she fair today? He could not take it anymore. He stood up to leave when Gabe walked into the office.

  “Where are you going?” he asked imperiously.

  “None of your damn business.”

  “Oh, but it is. Kala sent a message round to me.”

  “She had no right.”

  “She’s worried about the both of you and frankly so am I. Of course my loyalty resides with you.”

  “Thank you for that, I guess.”

  “I have some things to go over with you. The decoders have finished with the papers found with Tessa. We need to look over them.” Thankfully, the Duke of Hawkescliffe kept Derek busy the rest of the day. He remained on tenterhooks on the ride home, but believed himself more ready for a battle. Kala met him in the hall when he walked into the house.

  “Are you mad at me? I didn’t know who to go to. I am just so worried about you and her,” she said almost as an afterthought.

  “No, I’m not mad. I would have done the same should our positions be reversed.”

  “She has not come out of her room all day.”

  Derek nodded and made his way upstairs. He took a deep breath before letting himself into her room. A slight chill permeated the area and she sat in the window seat, a blanket slung across her shoulders.

  “Are you chilled? Perhaps I could start a fire for you?”

  “Would you perform that service for another prisoner?” she asked caustically. “Or are you just seeing to the comfort of your lady wife?”

  He walked over and added some coal to the fire ignoring the jab. He could easily see the icy rage still emanating from her body.

  “I want to explain.”

  “I want to go to Newgate.”

  Of all the things she might possibly say, he least expected to hear this. “Surely I misheard you.”

  She turned her mottled face to him giving evidence she had spent most of the day crying, but now her eyes were dry and never wavered from his.

  “I want to go to Newgate,” she enunciated the words slowly and clearly so that he had no reason to misunderstand her meaning.

  “You are out of your mind!” She showed no reaction to his tone or raised voice. “Just this afternoon you said yourself you could not go now.”

  “I’ve had a change of heart.”

  He took a deep breath and attempted to count to twenty before he said anything he would regret. He made it to five. “Why the bloody hell do you want to go to Newgate? Do you have any idea the filth that resides there? Men and women share their food with rodents. Dangers to society are put there.”

  “Which is what I am, correct? I am locked up every night when no one is about to watch me and set free every morning. Only I’m never truly free, I just have a larger cell to roam about in. There are always people watching me. Kala searches me out wondering where I am. Sarah will find me to ask me some inconsequential question. Everywhere there are eyes on me. It has struck me that you have not put up a fuss about me helping the servants because you at least know where I am.”

  “That is not true.”

  “Don’t lie to me anymore. At least show me enough respect for that. You’re a hypocrite keeping me here when I don’t deserve to be here. You tell me I am your wife, but how can it look for you, an ex-soldier, to have to imprison his own wife for a crime she committed? What will that do to you in society? Let me go to Newgate and see this through as it should have been done from the beginning.”

  “No, dammit, I will not allow it.”

  “Society does not even know about me yet do they? See you truly have nothing to lose. Send me away; have the marriage quietly annulled. It is the only option,” her voice never wavered. She never rose from her position nor did she appear to be agitated. In fact, she appeared calm, too calm for his peace of mind.

  “Yes, you are my wife, and that is why you are here. Do you think I truly believe you are responsible for the crimes against you?”

  “You are the one who locks me in every night, not I. What harm is a woman like me to you, your sister, and a houseful of servants? I have no past. I have no present. I have no future. Let. Me. Go.” Tessa refused to cry anymore. Her voice remained cold and aloof. He walked to her and pulled her into his strong, masculine arms. She so badly wanted to inhale his scent, but refused the weakness.

  “Everything will work out,” he rubbed her stiff back, hoping to feel her relax against him. “You’re not going to Newgate and you’re right, I shouldn’t lock you up like a prisoner. I also should have told you of our connection and for that I am most aggrieved. I have no excuse only that for a time I let my duty outweigh my loyalty to you. We are going to the country just as planned. There will be no more talk of Newgate. Do you understand?” She gave no response and remained stiff and unpliable. “Talk to me, Tessa.”

  “I think this is a mistake, my lord.”

  “My name is Derek.” He pulled back and looked at her. She took the opportunity to slide away from him, putting a chair between them.

  “A prisoner should not refer to her jailer in a personal manner.”

  “Dammit Tessa, I told you I’m sorry.”

  “Yes, and if you’re done, would you mind leaving me alone? Oh, and please don’t forget to lock me in. I feel ever so much safer that way,” she requested, letting the sarcasm drip from every word.

  He cursed loudly and roundly as he reached the door.

  “Also, my lord husband jailer,” she continued blithely, “if it is more convenient, you might consider cutting a slot in the door to fit my food trays through so there is no chance I might escape.”

  He used an expletive she had never before heard spoken, and then slammed the door shut so hard the wall rattled. She heard the lock click into place, and only then did the tears escape once more. Silent sobs wracked her bo
dy as she wrapped her arms around her waist offering herself little comfort.

  Chapter 11

  The next morning Kala found Tessa lying on her stomach across the bed in the same clothes she’d worn the night before. She must have climbed onto her bed at some point during the night and collapsed in emotional exhaustion.

  “Go away,” Kala heard the mumbled mutter from across the room.

  “No,” Kala stated firmly. She watched Tessa lift her head and attempt to give her a look that stated how she felt, but her eyes were too swollen to convey any message. “You poor thing.”

  “I do not need, nor want, your pity. Get out!” she moaned as the movement and her own voice caused her head to pound more. She dropped back to the bed. “If you have any compassion, close the drapes, go away and let me die in peace,” she moaned softly. Tessa felt the light in the room diminish and exhaled a soft sigh. She heard movement, but chose to ignore it. After a few minutes, she felt her hair being lifted and a cool cloth pressed to the back of her neck. She whimpered in relief and felt the bed shift as her sister-in-law climbed onto the bed next to her. Kala gently rolled Tessa over onto her back while keeping the cloth on her neck in place. She placed another cloth over Tessa’s eyes and forehead.

  “How does that feel?”

  “Good.”

  “Tessa, you should know we never meant to hurt you or keep anything from you. The doctor told Derek it would be best if you remembered on your own. Derek only did what he thought best for you.”

  “He believes I’m a criminal.”

  “No, he doesn’t.”

  “Yes, he does, Kala. Even more so when the wolf is about.”

  “Hawkescliffe.”

  “Yes, him. He is convinced that I’m guilty but of what I do not know. Derek must have his doubts as well because he has locked me in this room every night.”

  “You and Derek must trust each other above all else if you are to get past this. I will talk to Derek. You are right, you should at least know the charges brought against you. But you must also realize, he is in a precarious position. You are his wife, but he works for the government. He has risked a lot insisting that you stay with us. Please just give him a chance.” Kala sighed and stood up at her lack of response. She made her way out of the room to talk to the other recalcitrant child.