“The short of it is that Kala has been a presence for so long, I don’t think he realized when he started caring for her differently. Then he inherited a title he shouldn’t have, and when it comes down to it, she is nothing but the untitled sister of an earl. He feels he must marry a wealthy girl with a titled lineage as is expected of a duke. Gabe has also been burned very badly by a woman, which makes him leery of getting involved with anyone.”
Tessa thought on this additional news for a moment before asking, “Will Kala not have a dowry?”
“Yes, but not like some, and she doesn’t bring a title to a marriage.”
“Seems like such a waste.”
“Perhaps,” he finally lowered himself to the chair behind his desk and indicated she should do the same. “Are you certain you’re all right?”
“A little shook up, but fine.”
“Is there nothing else you can tell us about the man that attacked the traveling party?”
“No. His voice seemed very familiar, but I just draw a blank. He knew my name.”
“You will let me know as soon as you remember something viable, won’t you?”
“Have no doubt. Now, I would like to clean up. Can someone show me to my room?”
He tugged the bellpull behind his desk and waited for Jones to arrive.
“Please have one of the maids show Lady Blackburn to the countess’ chamber and have a bath drawn for her immediately.”
Jones’ eyebrows shot up in surprise, but otherwise he remained ever proper. “Yes, my lord,” he went off in search of a maid.
Tessa moved into the hallway to await her escort. She shifted slightly so she could surreptitiously watch Derek from the doorway. His handsomeness made her body ache and tingle with awareness. The low rumble of his voice had her toes curling on several occasions. She knew he felt a similar attraction to her, but even if she had her memory, how well did they truly know each other?
A petite blonde maid came around the corner, beckoning Tessa to follow her upstairs, which she did willingly. She needed peace and quiet and time to think.
Chapter 15
Tessa entered the dining room determined to take care of some matters that had been bothering her. She dressed simply in an emerald dress and found Derek in trousers and shirtsleeves. He stood upon her entrance and seated her on his right side.
“Wine?”
“Water, thank you,” she replied. She needed all of her wits to follow through with her plan. She still could not believe her own boldness.
“How is Kala? I looked in on her but she was napping and I didn’t want to disturb her.”
“Sore, but she will heal. I agree with Mrs. Sikes, I’m afraid something did happen to her voice in the attack.” Derek hit the table with his fist and rattled the place settings. Tessa placed her hand over his fist, “At least she is alive and has a voice.”
“You’re right.”
“We need to talk,” Tessa said quietly after they were served their meal and had begun to eat. He lifted a questioning brow at her. “I would prefer in private.”
“Please leave us,” Derek addressed the servant that stood at attention. He turned to Tessa and placed his forearms on the table and leaned in her direction. “What is it?”
“I don’t know when or if I will ever get my full memory back,” she raised her hand when he started to speak. “Please let me finish or I may never get this out. Of course it would be wonderful if I could, but it just might not happen and we need to acknowledge that. Therefore, I propose that we begin making new memories as husband and wife.”
“What are you saying?” he asked, fully conscious of the fact that they were living on borrowed time. The time limit the director had given him constantly weighed on his mind. What would he do if the fortnight passed and Tessa found herself no closer to regaining her memory? Could he leave his family behind to face the shame of having a traitor in the family while he took Tessa and fled the country?
“I think I made myself perfectly clear,” she answered him, interrupting his thoughts, and took a sip of her water.
“In what ways do you want to be husband and wife?”
“I must be honest with you, I’m not sure that I am ready for intimacy. I don’t believe we know each other well enough for that.”
“I know you,” Derek interrupted.
“You know who I used to be. Tell me, would the old me have yelled at you this afternoon in your study? Would she have tried to shoot a man?”
“No, dammit.”
“That is what I thought. You had a look of surprise on your face before you became angry. I must be honest though and tell you I did enjoy your kiss. I am tired of the awkwardness between us and having to watch all that we say to one another. I have to remember my past, but it is not going to happen if I fear it, and right now I do. I know there is a very real possibility that I am a criminal, and I can’t run from that forever.”
“You’re not a criminal.”
“How do you know? So many things could have changed from the last time we were together, but I have to take that risk. I am too pent up trying to figure out what is between us and what is in my past as well. I can only focus on one thing right now, so that leaves me two options. One, I am taken somewhere else, whether it be a prison or safe house, and you cannot come and see me and let me remember on my own which could be days, weeks, months, years or never. Or two, we try to carry on a normal life in which I am not stressed and watching myself with you and trying to force my memory. I know I am being very forward, but I am running out of options and time.”
“Tessa, I don’t know what to say,” Derek looked at the desperation on his wife’s face.
“Please don’t say anything right now. How much time do we have here?”
“A fortnight,” he answered reluctantly.
“Not much time at all.” They sat there quietly. She lifted a spoonful of soup to her lips, then placed it back in the bowl without tasting it at all. “I find I’m not very hungry anymore. Please excuse me. I will check on Kala and then retire for the evening. Good night,” she said as she turned and left the room.
Derek watched his wife flee the room as if the hounds of Hell nipped at her heels. Damn, but the woman had more guts than he did. Again he found himself in awe of the strong-willed woman she had evolved into. Perhaps her memory loss allowed lesser traits of her personality to surface. Derek leaned back in his chair pushing his bowl away finding that he too had lost his appetite.
He took a hefty drink of wine contemplating her words. A platonic relationship, he mulled. Could he do it? He currently lived in a constant state of awareness and arousal, but of course he would do whatever he had to in order to win her trust. It might mean long days of hard work and cold swims in the river.
So, she enjoyed his kisses? He had enjoyed hers immensely as well. He shifted in his chair, becoming aroused just thinking about it and the possibilities of teaching her more. The woman had a good point. It might be years before her memory completely returned, but they didn’t have years. Besides he did not know if he could stand years of staying away from her and living in this stilted world they had occupied the last few weeks.
The old feelings of care and comfort he had felt for her in Portugal were resurging and intermingling with the new feelings of passion. Their future remained uncertain, but perhaps they could begin making new memories as she suggested. He sat, his fingers steepled in front of his chest, his elbows on the armrests of the chair, lost in thought. He sat in silence for close to an hour, mulling things over in his mind when the answer came to him. He smiled to himself as a plan formed. He knew he would enjoy himself, he only hoped she would as well.
* * *
Tessa quickly made her way upstairs and peeked in on Kala. She slept peacefully and Sarah met her at the door.
“She’s just fine, my lady. Still sore, but waking every few hours and answering the questions the doctor told me to ask.”
“That’s a relief. Please call
me if you need to be relieved or anything changes.”
“Yes ma’am. We’ll be fine.”
Tessa thanked Sarah before she went to her room and locked both the hall door and the connecting door. She leaned against the connecting door after locking it and slid slowly down to the floor. Her emerald skirts billowed around her drawn-up legs. She brought up her hands and covered her face in embarrassment.
She berated herself for talking so boldly with Derek. He might be her husband, but they were also practically strangers. What had she been thinking? She couldn’t call back the words now. She only hoped that he thought her idea crazy and ignored it or shipped her off somewhere. The second did not bear thinking about. A part of her truly hoped he took her up on her offer. His presence disturbed her physically in a way she found exciting.
Today his temper had made an appearance, but Tessa found she had not felt the least faint-hearted when he yelled back at her. She had enjoyed the sparring match with him and had no qualms expressing her opinion. He did not attempt to inhibit her either. But she still could not believe all she had told him downstairs.
She took a deep breath and pushed herself off the floor. Tessa dressed for bed, but found herself not at all tired, so she explored her room. Someone had chosen the colors very well, various shades of blues and whites were dispersed about the room. The wood of the bed, wardrobe, and writing desk were dark, but went well with the décor.
Tessa found it difficult to believe that all of this could be hers if found innocent of the charge of treason. She remembered her family’s small house outside of their village. She no longer shared a room after her brother’s fatal accident. She sucked in an audible breath. Dead? She concentrated very hard, trying to capture the memory. Finn had been towheaded and two years her senior. She lowered herself to sit on the side of her bed as memories assuaged her.
Finn. She remembered playing with him and chasing after their pup. What was his name? Drago! What happened to Finn? She had an uneasy feeling, but could not remember and knew forcing it would do no good. She crawled into the middle of the bed and pulled the covers up to her chin shivering in spite of the warm evening.
After lying awake for several hours, she decided to do some exploring, tired of staring at the ceiling and walls. She pulled on her warm robe and cinched it tightly at her waist. She took the small oil lamp next to her bed, lit it, and quietly left the room. She made a quick check on Kala, and found her to be resting comfortably. After silently shutting the door she moved down the hall.
She ascended the servant’s stairs until she came to the garret. Wall sconces were located on several walls. Tessa walked around touching her lamp to them so that they cast the room in a golden glow. She turned around in a slow circle, holding her light high to light as much as possible. White canvas covered many of the objects, and a fine layer of dust covered the canvas.
She found furniture from decades past stacked haphazardly beneath the covers. Paintings lined one wall four and five rows deep, their once bright canvases now fading with age. She found trunks pushed against another wall. She set her lamp down on top of the second trunk, and opened the first. She gasped in surprise for inside lay a collection of women’s clothing from the latter part of the last century.
She pulled out the dress lying on top and shook it out. Dust flew around her head making her sneeze. She held the dress against her, wishing she could see what it looked like. She laid it down momentarily and went in search of a mirror. In a far corner of the room she found a beautifully gilded, circular mirror that bespoke of bygone days. The mirror stood slightly taller than she, but she rolled it to the wall opposite the chests between two sconces.
She scurried back over and picked up the dress, holding it to herself once again. She clasped the top part of the dress between her chin and chest and spread out the skirts, estimating them to be at least five feet across, if not more.
“How did women manage in these?” she questioned the quiet room, turning sideways to figure out how one could possibly maneuver.
“Perhaps that is why the style did not last very long,” Derek’s husky voice permeated the quiet.
Tessa’s head jerked up at the sound of his voice, allowing the bodice of the gown to fall to her waist. “I...I hope I didn’t wake you. I couldn’t sleep.”
“Nor could I. I saw a light on up here after my ride and decided to come have a look.”
“You were riding at this hour? Were you planning to break your fool neck?”
“Would you care?” He saw the stricken look on her face caused by his words and felt immediately contrite. “I apologize, that was uncalled for. It is a full moon and we stayed to the road. The fog finally lifted,” he added.
“Did you know all of these things were up here?” Tessa asked attempting to change the subject.
“No. I have been here only once since I inherited the title, although I visited frequently as a child. My wanderings never brought me up this far.”
“There are rows and rows of paintings against the far wall.”
“My great-aunt’s doing. She enjoyed painting, but did not particularly care for her finished products. She would put them up here once they were painted, and Percival would sneak up here, take one, and display it in his study. She would let him keep it up for a while then take it down and hide it from him. He would replace it with another.”
“It sounds like they loved each other a great deal.”
“Love matches tend to run in the family. My parents, Elizabeth and Drake, and my aunt Drucilla and her husband Richard are all madly in love.”
“Will I ever meet them?”
“I imagine so. Papa is so busy running the school that he seldom feels like he can get away. Right now mother is with Elizabeth, my other sister, for her confinement.”
“Oh, so you are about to be an uncle?”
“And you an aunt, but not for the first time. This babe will be Elizabeth’s third child.”
“Oh, so I will,” she grinned. “Is Elizabeth like Kala?”
“No,” he chuckled softly. “They are worlds apart. Elizabeth has forever been the epitome of all that is girlish and proper. She hated getting dirty. She preferred playing with dolls and learning how to cook and sew rather than playing with Gabe and me. Kala, on the other hand, cannot sew or cook to save her life. But she can ride, shoot, and hunt as well as any man.”
“I like Kala.”
“I’m glad.”
“Not that I won’t like Elizabeth,” she hastened to add.
“Please, do not explain. I am her brother and understand. Elizabeth is boring,” he whispered in a dramatic aside.
“That isn’t nice,” she giggled.
“Perhaps not, but I cannot wait to corrupt my nieces and nephews if for no other reason than to aggravate their mother.”
Tessa giggled again and watched a smile spread across his face lighting his features. For a moment it took her breath away. Had she really told this man that she did not want a physical relationship with him? I must have been out of my mind, she scolded herself. Just watching him smile at her warmed her insides and made her feel things she’d never felt before.
“Did you know that I had a brother as well?” she asked as she turned away from him, folding the dress and placing it back in the chest.
“Oh?”
“Yes. He died a few years before mama. Some sort of accident, I think.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. She nodded in reply.
Tessa moved to the far end of the garret where a circular window looked out over the land. The full moon cast everything in a cool silvery light. From this height, she could even see a little round building that stood on a rise a hundred yards or more away from the house. A pond lay at the base of the rise, glistening like glass in the moonlight.
“What is that building over there?” she asked Derek pointing in the direction she wanted him to look. She could feel the heat of his body. Her pulse began to race madly as she considered leaning again
st him to discover if his body would be hard and unyielding like she suspected. Tessa licked her lips nervously, unknowingly causing them to glisten alluringly.
“That is the folly.”
“Oh,” she said rather breathlessly.
“It is rather beautiful, if not a little fanciful.”
“Oh.” She found her lack of vocabulary disconcerting. How could he be affecting her in this manner? She felt one of his strong hands creep across her waist to her stomach and pull her into him so that her back lay flush against his front. She saw their reflection in the window and watched as he pulled her hair off her neck and leaned down to drop kisses from her ear to her shoulder. She closed her eyes, blocking out the sight so she could concentrate on the feeling, and dropped her head to give him better access.
To her consternation, she found her guess to be correct, his body was hard all over. She could feel what she guessed to be his member through her skirts, nestled against her buttocks, and reveled in the fact that she alone caused his desire. Tessa’s hips began to move of their own volition, but his hands caught her hips and stayed her.
“Stop, or you’ll push me over the edge,” his voice sounded harsh. He spun her around and his lips descended on hers, teasing at first then coaxing her into a kiss full of passion. He pushed passed her lips and swept the inside of her mouth with his tongue, coaxing her to parry when he thrust. She quickly found the rhythm and moaned into his mouth.
“Derek,” she whispered, when he pulled back and rained kisses on her eyes, nose, temples. He captured the lobe of her right ear and nipped it then suckled, soothing her. His hand moved from her hip, up to the side of her full breast, softly rubbing up and down with his knuckles. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” His touch drove her mad. She whimpered, trying to turn towards that maddening hand, not sure what she needed but knowing that somehow Derek would.
She whimpered when he moved that hand back to her waist and sighed in pleasure when the other showed the other breast the same attention. The point where her thighs joined pulsed and she pressed her legs tightly together.
A Traitorous Heart Page 13