“But why did they not marry if they cared about each other and both were free?”
“Gabe’s father bowed to society’s dictates and followed through with the year of mourning. Unbeknownst to McKenzie’s mother, her father had agreed to betroth her to a Scottish Laird who needed connections to an English title. The laird even paid her father a dowry for her instead of vice versa. Evidently the bans were read, and they were married within the month. Stuart McKenzie was born eight months later.”
“Early, but not alarmingly so.”
“No, but he looked nothing like his red-headed father or his petite, blonde mother.”
“I see.”
“Yes. Gabe’s father remarried after the mourning period and a year later Gabe arrived. Gabe’s older brothers looked somewhat like Stuart, but Gabe and Stuart’s looks spoke louder than any spoken accusation.”
“I think I feel sorry for all of them,” Tessa said after several minutes of thinking over the situation. “And Gabe is resentful because his half-brother is Director of the War Office, and he believes he should hold that position,” she watched as Derek merely nodded. “And what of Hawkescliffe’s older brothers?” She asked realizing she had never wondered about them.
“One died in a hunting accident several years ago. The old Duke and the other brother drowned in a sailing accident not too many years ago, which is when he inherited the title.”
“He is truly all alone.”
“His mother is still alive and will do anything to see her son advance politically.”
“So she has helped to fan this anger towards the director.”
“In my opinion, yes. The Dowager Duchess wants him to make the best match possible and harps on him constantly to settle down and beget his heir and spare,” Derek stopped and watched as understanding washed over Tessa.
“He cares for Kala. His mother doesn’t want the match because she has no title.”
“Yes, but he has fought his feelings for so long, I don’t know that he realizes he cares for her anymore.”
“And then there is the other woman. And now his half-brother that he despises has shown an interest in the one woman he cannot have if he listens to his mother.”
“Yes.”
“He does not seem the type to let a woman dictate to him.”
“It is not so much dictating, as it is easier to keep her happy than not.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sometimes she can be slightly unsettled and I think that is why he avoids developing a relationship. Not only does he fear what his mother might do, he also fears having children and passing along bad blood.”
“Does Kala know any of this?”
“No. She knows Gabe’s immediate history, but not about McKenzie. Nor does she know his mother lies behind his choice of wife,” he watched Tessa mull this information over. “It must stay this way Tessa. If they are going to find their way to each other, they must do it on their own, without your influence. And it might be better that she find someone else.”
“I understand,” she said on a yawn. “I never thought to feel the least sorry for Hawkescliffe, but I find that I do.”
“Don’t let him know it.”
“Never,” she promised, yawning again. “I think I am going to go lie down for a while.”
“Before you do, I have some news to share,” he waited to continue until she turned her attention on him. “Tomorrow evening we will be going to the Royal Opera House to see Pygmalion.”
“Will Drucilla and Kala be able to help me pick out a dress to wear?”
“Yes, but that is not all. At the end of the week Dru and Richard are throwing a ball in our honor. It will be quite the crush since the Little Season has started.”
Tessa found herself gripping the arms of the chair. She thought it one thing to blend in with a crowd of people in a theater and quite another to be the focus of those people at a ball. She pushed herself out of the chair after being scrutinized for several minutes by her husband.
“I will do my best not to embarrass you,” she said and left the room before he could say anything. She arrived in her room to find Sarah unpacking a large trunk. They exchanged pleasantries, each asking about the other’s journey. Clothes lay over almost every surface, including the bed. Instead of bothering her, Tessa slipped back into the master’s chamber.
She found herself nervously pacing the room for some time. Tessa found that she truly did not want to embarrass Derek. She loved him and wanted to make him proud of her. That thought stopped her in her tracks. Could it be true? Did she still love him even though he had made no statement of similar feelings? She walked to the bed and fell heavily onto it, sitting with her hands braced on either side.
Yes, she did love him, regardless of what his feelings for her were. She loved everything about him, his support of her over the past month, his loyalty to both his sister and best friend. She loved how he proudly served his country and all that he had risked for that service.
Should she tell him of her feelings? Would he reciprocate? Was she strong enough if he didn’t? She fell back onto the bed sideways, her legs dangled off the side, bent at her knees. Tessa didn’t know how long she lay there, one thought chasing after another, before the combination of whisky and exhaustion overcame her and lulled her into sleep.
* * *
Derek sat stunned for some moments wondering how she could think she would embarrass him. He made to follow her when Ramsey knocked on the open door.
“Enter.”
“Pardon me, my lord. The Duke of Hawkescliffe has asked to be announced.”
“Show him in,” Derek said feeling torn between seeing what Gabe needed and finding his wife to reassure her that she did belong with him.
The indecision must have shown on his face, because he heard Gabe ask, “Am I interrupting?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “Come in and tell me what brings you by.”
“McKenzie sent me to begin making plans.”
“I am taking her to the opera tomorrow and at the end of the week Dru and Richard will be giving a ball in our honor,” he repeated the information he had just bestowed on Tessa.
“Risky.”
“You are the ones who wanted her to be used as bait, not me,” Gabe cut him a telling look.
“It’s better in an environment we can control.”
“I know you still do not trust her, but I do. You do not know her as I do.”
“Did, remember? A lot of things could have changed in the months you were separated.”
“You’re right, but I believe in her, and now she has her memory back.”
“The memories she is sharing, at least.”
“What is that supposed to be mean?” Derek stood and approached Gabe.
“Easy,” Gabe held up his hand. “I am only putting forth the thought that she could still be hiding memories from us.”
“I doubt that.”
“Just be careful,” Gabe did a rare thing and let emotion flutter on his face. “I will meet you at the theater tomorrow evening.”
“Thank you.”
“So, what are your plans to prepare her for her entry into the glorious world of the haute ton?” Sarcasm dripped from Gabe’s question.
“Drucilla,” Derek stated matter-of-factly.
“May God have mercy on her soul,” Gabe stated with genuine feeling.
“She is not that bad.”
“Hmmph.”
The two men spent the rest of the evening sharing brandy and discussing War Office issues. They talked of potential troop movement. They did not talk any more about Tessa and her debut, nor did Gabe ask about Kala. Derek showed Gabe to the door just before midnight and retreated to his room.
Chapter 27
Derek let himself in to find his wife stretched out on top of the covers in innocent sleep. She wore the pretty purple dress he had such fond memories of. He could not tear his gaze away from her as he fought to remove his boots. Her aub
urn curls fanned out on the coverlet, one arm thrown over her eyes and the other over her waist. Her legs dangled enticingly off the side of the bed.
His fingers itched to uncover her body to his gaze. He untied and removed his cravat, draping it over a chair. He had long ago discarded his coat and waistcoat and stood in stocking feet, pants and shirt, admiring his sleeping wife. Derek remembered the promise they had made in regards to consummating their marriage and her memory. He felt his body respond to the possibility of coming together.
He walked over to the bed, and leaned over, bracing his arms on either side of her head. Derek teased her lips with his, slowly pulling her from sleep. Her eyes blinked sleepily open at him and that familiar one-sided upwards tilt to her lips made his heart skip a beat. Bending down, he captured her lips once more, this time deepening the kiss, sweeping the moist recesses of her mouth with his tongue, urging her to respond.
Tessa relished the invasion, coming on the discovery of her love for this very dear man. She felt him slowly pull her into a sitting position and began undoing the fastenings down the back of the dress. She knew that she had her memory back in its entirety and found herself fully ready to consummate their marriage. His loving over the past weeks only whetted her appetite for more.
She felt cool air hit the overheated skin of her back. Then roughened hands caressed her back and before she knew what had happened she stood, only now she faced the bed as well. She felt tender kisses being placed against the scars that crisscrossed her back and tried to pull away.
“Blackburn, don’t, they’re ugly.”
“You’re wrong. These scars are one of the most beautiful features you have. They show what strength you are made of.”
Tessa felt her knees go weak at his words and dropped her hands to her side, letting her dress and shift fall to a puddle at her feet. She turned naked before him and gripped his shirt to get his attention.
“Blackburn, promise me if we do this, you won’t regret your decision.”
“What are you talking about?” He asked holding her waist.
“I want you to be certain that you want me forever, that I will not embarrass you nor will you regret not moving on and finding someone else.”
“Listen to me,” when she refused to meet his eyes, he cupped her face with her hands and lifted until she had no choice but to look at him. “I want you and no one else. Do you know what the thought of you being in the company of another man for the last months has done to my well-being? When I am not thinking of ways to kill the man, I am thinking of making you mine in every way. I want people to know that you are my wife for the rest of our lives, and how mad I am about you.”
She took a moment to mull over his words. He never said love, but he had mollified most of her doubts and concerns. Tessa went on her toes, wrapped her arms around Derek’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. She heard him groan as she pressed her nude body against him.
“Love me, please,” Tessa pleaded.
Derek moaned again and pushed back the covers. He teased her mouth until she held his head still so that she could take from him what she needed. He let her have her way while he slipped his hands down her body. Derek ran one hand along her side and simply looked his fill. She had filled out since she had come to live with him and now she was curves and lushness.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered hoarsely. The hand that caressed her side moved to cup one of her breasts. She gasped at his touch, pushing herself into his hand to deepen the contact. He kneaded her fullness while toying with her nipple using his thumb. She closed her eyes to savor the sensations.
She moaned when she felt his tongue touch her other nipple. Their eyes locked on each other as he opened his mouth to suckle her tightened bud. At the same time he pinched her other one causing her to jerk. Derek pulled away, leaving her bereft until she felt him lift her in the air and place her on the bed, pulling her to the edge. She shifted her legs attempting to ease the ache at the apex of her thighs. He gave her other breast equal attention, and she could not remain still. He started to lift his head, but she stopped him and pulled him back down.
He pulled away from her for a moment in order to push off his pants and tug off his shirt. She had been admiring his chest with all its scars, but her attention was brought to the part that made him so different from her. Even though he had shown her pleasure on several occasions, she still remained unsure of how this whole process would work.
“It will be all right, I promise, but if you cannot do this, tell me now while I can still stop.”
“No, I want you, please.”
He leaned over and kissed her deeply, while making room for himself between her legs. Derek ran his hand down her side to her hip, caressing it before moving to her stomach. He then moved lower to cover her thatch of auburn hair between her legs. Her eyes flew open at the still new touch.
“Relax and let your legs widen a bit for me. Remember the night in the attic?” She nodded, still looking a little unsure. “And the study?” Again she nodded, her body flushing at the memory, her breathing becoming slightly erratic. “Tonight will be even more wonderful than either of those nights.”
She fought to relax and do as he instructed. She felt his middle finger teasing down there, running back and forth. Her hips began giving little jerks, then his finger delved inside and she clamped her legs tight about his legs.
“We have been this far before, relax,” she heard him whisper in her ear and then he was kissing her ear, neck, breast. He felt her begin to relax and his finger began to move in and out in a slow rhythm. Tessa’s hips responded to his ministrations. She felt him move his hand and whimpered at the loss of his touch.
He lifted her hips and slipped some pillows under her. Derek reached down once more, teasing the deep recesses of her womanhood. He kissed her, mimicking what he was doing to her lower body. Derek’s touch drove her crazy. She felt him flick that little bit of flesh and then push down on it, then delved into her tight depth. First slowly, then quickly. One finger, then two. She writhed on the bed reaching for something she could not quite grasp, nor understand. She could not seem to catch her breath. Then he pinched that secret bundle of nerves at the same time he suckled hard on her breast and she splintered into a thousand pieces her mouth forming a perfect ‘O’ but no sound emerging.
She lay there limply when she felt Derek move over her and felt his manhood pressing into her. Her eyes flew open to meet his.
“Hold onto my shoulders,” he instructed through gritted teeth as he guided her limp legs back around his hips. She did and her eyes widened in shock as she felt him push into her. He stopped when he reached her maidenhead. He drew back and nudged, drew back and nudged. His eyes never wavered from her.
“Derek, please. I...”
“You what?”
“I don’t know,” she shook her head and licked her lips, “just please.”
He leaned down and captured her glistening lips as he reared back and plunged through the barrier making her his. She gasped, her nails bit into his shoulders at the pain she felt. He held himself still to allow her time to adjust. Derek saw as well as felt her begin to relax.
“That hurt,” she accused.
“I know. I’m sorry, it will never happen again.”
“Are we done?”
“No,” he chuckled. “How do you feel?”
“I can’t describe it.”
“Try,” he bent down and kissed her tenderly.
“I can feel you inside me,” she whispered shyly. “I want to feel more, to feel you deeper.”
“Oh, Tessa, you don’t know what you do to me.”
“Oh, but I think I do,” she wriggled her hips slightly. She lifted up to take more of him as he bore down on her. His groin pushed against hers and she sighed, then she felt him withdrawing. “Don’t go,” she called out.
“Don’t worry.” He pushed back in slowly, creating a delicious friction. With him standing beside the bed he was able to p
ush more deeply into her.
“Oh my,” she whispered. He continued the slow cadence and Tessa met him thrust for thrust. “Derek, more, please,” she pleaded, not quite knowing what she asked for. He increased the speed and she kept up with him, tightening her legs even more about him. She could almost feel it, that spark she had felt earlier. She twisted her hips trying to reach it and her hands twisted in the bed sheets.
She whimpered his name and pulled him closer. He bent over, captured a taught nipple and suckled roughly. She gasped as he thrust into her harder, faster. He tangled his fingers with hers and could feel her beginning to tight around him.
“Tessa, let go,” he instructed.
“It’s too much, so much more than before,” she cried, tossing her head back, thrusting her chest up, and fighting the tidal wave of feelings rushing in on her. He pinched her nipple with one hand as he let his other hand trail down her body. She felt his finger on that secret spot and with a few hard thrusts and a pinch she felt herself flying.
Derek watched her explode and felt the rhythm of her climax caress him. Unable to hold back any longer, he held her hips and quickened his own pace until he cried out his release, spilling into her welcoming warmth.
Tessa watched him and heard him groan loudly. His handsomeness caught her breath. The moments they just shared were so beautiful tears came to her eyes. She felt him pull out of her and whimpered at the loss of that deep contact. He soothed her and helped her to crawl back fully on the bed before joining her. Derek pulled her into his arms, their sweat coated bodies entwined in repletion.
“How do you feel,” he asked, kissing her tenderly.
“Wonderful,” she sighed. Derek kissed her deeply once more before pulling the covers back over them. They both fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.
* * *
“Wake up sleepy head.” Tessa heard a deep voice murmur in her ear. She stretched cat-like and opened her eyes to see Derek leaning over her. They were both still nude having woken during the night, reaching for each other seeking completion once more.
A Traitorous Heart Page 23