by Ber Carroll
‘Yes,’ said Katie as she walked out into the late-afternoon sunshine. ‘She seems happy. She has a nice home. She worked in a bank until early this year, and she’s planning on travelling the world in her retirement.’
‘Is she married?’ Rose asked next.
‘No, she lives on her own.’ Then she added, because Rose would probably not know, ‘In Cork.’
‘And Carmel?’
‘Carmel lives in London.’ Katie sat down on the smooth granite steps at the front of the building. ‘She’s been there since she was twenty-one. She’s a nurse, but I’m not sure if she still works. She’s married with three children and two grandchildren. I don’t know all their names yet. Liz sees her a couple of times a year. Now that she’s retired, she’s hoping to get over to London more often.’
Katie didn’t say outright that Liz and Carmel had a close relationship, but she knew it could be read between the lines. The sad thing was that it seemed very unlikely that Rose could resurrect herself from the dead to share in that closeness.
Rose started to cry softly. This time there was no anger, just the grief of forty years of loss. Katie bowed her head to hide her own tears from the passers-by.
‘They were told you were dead,’ she said by way of explanation. That was the most terrible part but it needed to be said. It was rock-solid evidence of the cruelty.
They cried together for another few minutes before Rose sniffed, ‘I’d better go back to bed, before your father comes looking for me.’
Katie didn’t persuade her to stay. ‘Sleep will give it perspective, Mum. Talk soon.’
She stayed on the steps and took deep breaths as she tried to regain her composure. Underneath all the sadness she was inordinately relieved that she and Rose had made up.
I never want to upset or hurt her like that again, she thought. Whatever she wants to do from here is up to her. I won’t pressure her.
Eventually Katie stood up. As she turned to go back inside, she glanced at a stooped figure across the road. It was hard to tell for certain, but the man looked like Jerry: grey beard, dark anorak and toe-less boots. Despite the sunshine, a cold feeling came over her. Jerry was homeless and disadvantaged. He deserved her compassion. But something about him frightened her, and she wished he would find some other street to make his home.
Back inside the office, she didn’t offer any explanation for her red eyes.
‘I don’t know about you two, but I’m going to call it a day. I need a drink.’
The cobbled streets of Temple Bar were full of suited people who had been lured from their offices by a perfect blue sky. They gathered outside the pubs, their faces flushed and happy with a mix of alcohol and sunshine. The vibe reminded Katie of her first week in Dublin. However, two months had passed since then and the leaves gathered in the gutters were a sign that autumn wasn’t too far away.
Sarah knew a place that had a small courtyard out the back. She and Mags found sitting space on a brick wall while Katie went to the bar.
‘What’s the occasion?’ asked Mags when Katie returned with three martinis.
‘To celebrate Sarah’s first week,’ replied Katie.
They clinked their glasses and Mags seemed to relax a little.
‘Do you have a boyfriend, Sarah?’ she asked.
‘Sort of,’ Sarah answered with a grin. ‘How about you?’
‘Sort of.’ Mags smiled. ‘Seamus is on thin ice.’
‘How about you, Katie?’ asked Sarah.
Katie shrugged. ‘Sort of.’
She felt Mags’s disapproval again. Sarah seemed to sense it too. Her eyes glanced from Katie to Mags and back again. However, no matter how bright Sarah was, there was no way she could guess that the tension between the two women was caused by a man called Jim Donnelly. And a girl called Laura, who had run her car into a tree two years before.
When Sarah had gone off to get her round, Katie tried to bridge the growing distance with Mags. ‘I’m sorry I had to dart out like that earlier,’ she said. ‘It was my Mum – she was upset.’
‘Something to do with your trip down to Cork?’ asked Mags.
‘Yes.’ Katie threw back the last of her martini. ‘I went to see my aunt – she and my mum haven’t spoken in forty years –’
‘Wow!’ Mags’s eyes widened. ‘That’s some squabble they must have had.’
‘No, the argument wasn’t between them,’ Katie explained with a sigh. ‘It was their parents who caused it all. From what I can figure out, they disapproved of my dad. They were so angry when Mum eloped with him, they told her sisters she was dead.’
Mags’s jaw dropped open. ‘That was a bit extreme, wasn’t it? Are the parents, your grandparents, alive?’
‘No. They died a long time ago.’
‘And your mother never made contact with her sisters even then?’
‘No.’ Katie shook her head. ‘I think that maybe she associated them and Ireland with a very unhappy period of her life. It was much less painful to blot it all out than to try to salvage something.’
The truth was that Katie didn’t fully understand her mother’s logic. It might have been too painful. Or maybe it was guilt that she had, in effect, chosen Frankie over her sisters. Whatever it was, it was strong enough for Rose to hold out for forty years.
Many martinis later, Katie headed home and fell into bed. She was feeling a bit fuzzy around the edges, but definitely happier. Things were on the mend with Rose. Jim would be back in Sydney by the time she woke and they would be able to have long talks on the phone. And Mags would eventually come around to the idea of them being a couple; all she needed was a little time.
The next day Katie purposely didn’t wait at home for Jim’s phone call. She wasn’t good at waiting around and it was not how she wanted to spend the next seven weeks. Better to keep busy than watch the clock. So she went to Grafton Street and, for the first time in weeks, she did some serious retail therapy. It was one of those days where everything appealed, and soon she had quite a collection of carrier bags. She was buying some perfume when her mobile rang.
‘Katie Horgan!’
‘Jim Donnelly!’ Her face lit up with a smile. ‘How was the flight?’
She could only just make out his response. ‘Long and boring. Where are you? It sounds noisy.’
‘I’m in Brown Thomas,’ she said as the assistant handed back her credit card. ‘Just give me a minute and I’ll go outside.’
Out on the street it was just as noisy and she walked down one of the paved laneways, away from the main thoroughfare.
‘This is better.’ She sat down on one end of a wrought-iron bench, and the old woman on the other end flashed her a toothless smile.
‘So,’ he said, ‘what have you been doing with yourself these last few days?’
‘Creating family havoc.’ She grimaced. ‘I told Mum about Liz.’
‘How did she take it?’
‘Not well. She hung up on me, but she rang back later on. We were both pretty emotional.’
‘Are you okay now?’ he asked, concern in his voice.
‘I think so.’
‘You know, many families would love the excitement of some new faces to liven things up.’
He was trying to make her smile and he succeeded.
‘Were your family all right when you left?’ she asked.
‘I promised them that next time I wouldn’t leave it as long . . .
I rather like the idea of Christmas in Dublin. There’s nothing as uplifting as the street decorations on the cold dark evenings – or as intense as Moore Street on Christmas Eve. What do you think?’
She was unsure how to answer him. Was he asking her to spend Christmas with him? Or was he simply asking if she agreed that Christmas in Dublin would be rather special?
‘Sounds good,’ she said lightly and moved the conversation back to safer ground. ‘A graduate has started with us at the clinic. Her name is Sarah. She’s bright and really eager. In fact, she’s a lot l
ike I was at that age – before I became cynical.’
He laughed. ‘Cynicism is like an extra-curricular course for lawyers.’
They talked for another ten minutes. More than once he made her laugh loud enough for the old woman to cast a curious glance her way. Katie didn’t care.
‘I’d better go,’ said Jim eventually. ‘I’ll call again . . . soon.’
‘Bye, Jim . . .’ She paused. It felt as if she should be adding something else. Had they been in love, this would have been the point where she would have said, ‘Love you.’
‘Bye, Katie.’
There was no pause on his end. She put her phone back in her bag and, rather than dwell on the strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, she lost herself back in the shops of Grafton Street.
Chapter 22
The dust got caught in Katie’s nose and she couldn’t stop the sneeze. She lay very still, hoping her mother hadn’t heard. The radio was on in the kitchen. Surely a small sneeze wouldn’t be heard over the music?
But moments later the door flung open and a cross voice asked, ‘What are you doing down there?’
Katie came out, her face a guilty red.
‘Cleaning.’
Rose didn’t buy it. ‘Under my bed?’
‘It’s very dusty,’ said Katie, putting on a most disapproving tone.
‘I hope you weren’t prying.’
‘No, Mum.’
Rose gave her a hard stare before she crouched down to verify her daughter’s response. ‘Why is the top off the shoebox?’
Katie knew she had been found out. ‘I just wanted to see the old photos, to see where you and Dad grew up . . . what your brothers and sisters look like . . . if I’m like them.’
Rose reached in for the box with its yellowed black and white photographs. At the top there was a picture of a young woman, her long fair hair blowing wildly in the wind.
‘That’s you, isn’t it?’ said Katie.
‘Yes.’
‘How old were you then?’
‘Seventeen.’
‘It’s taken on the boat.’
‘Yes. The trip here took five weeks.’
‘Did you have lots of fun?’
A shadow came over Rose’s face. ‘Yes,’ she said, without any conviction.
Katie looked at the girl in the photograph more closely. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes.
‘You need to learn to respect people’s privacy,’ said Rose sternly as she put the top back on the box. ‘You shouldn’t be going through my things.’
‘But I need to know –’
Rose cut her off mid-sentence. ‘Everything is not for you to know, Katie Horgan.’
The old shoebox was gone the next time Katie dared to look under her mother’s bed.
Chapter 23
The next few weeks went by quickly. They adopted Sarah’s suggestion, and Thursday and Friday afternoons at the clinic became appointment only. The appointments attracted a different type of clientele. They were usually employed and, more often than not, their problems were related to their workplace: wages, conditions, benefits and termination. A few of the more serious cases progressed as far as the Labour Relations Commission, and a series of conciliation conferences took Katie away from the clinic. Sarah took her place. She was helpful and resourceful with the clients. She lived quite close to Katie and they often walked home together. Sometimes they went for a drink and talked about Sarah’s on-and-off relationship with her boyfriend. They became friends.
Claudine finally got a letter from MFJ stating that they believed her termination was fair and that they did not accept any further liability.
‘I can’t believe that Neil kept you waiting this long,’ said Katie when Claudine phoned with the news.
‘I can well believe it,’ was the resigned reply.
‘Look, you’re going to need a lawyer,’ Katie told her. ‘I know a woman –’
Claudine cut her off. ‘I don’t want a lawyer.’
‘You can’t progress it any further –’
‘I don’t want to progress it, Katie,’ Claudine stated stubbornly. ‘I’m going to drop it and get on with my life.’
‘But you must be running out of money,’ Katie objected.
Claudine was instantly offended. ‘Look, Katie, I know you mean well, but my money is my business. Yes, the last few weeks have been tough. But Ethan’s physiotherapy is nearly finished now and I’m already looking for a job.’
‘But you’re entitled –’
‘I’m entitled to make up my own mind. And I’ve decided that I want to put everything about MFJ behind me and move on.’
It was very evident that ‘everything about MFJ’ encompassed Katie. They said goodbye in such a way that it was clear they didn’t expect to see or hear from each other again. Katie couldn’t understand why Claudine was shutting her out, and she felt really hurt.
Annie called to say that she’d dinged the Audi but it had been fixed and was as good as new.
‘I was coming out of the shopping centre when it happened. The woman in front of me moved to join the main traffic but changed her mind at the last minute. Of course, Zack was screaming his head off in the back while I was trying to write down my details . . .’
Katie listened sympathetically, told her that the car didn’t matter as long as she and Zack weren’t hurt, and thought to herself that Annie still sounded totally stressed out.
‘I’m going back to work part-time,’ said Annie as if reading her thoughts. ‘I think a little time apart will be good for both me and Zack.’
Liz’s regular phone calls were something Katie looked forward to.
‘I thought I might come up to Dublin for a visit,’ Liz said one night.
‘That would be great,’ Katie exclaimed. ‘When?’
‘Next week, if that suits you,’ she replied. ‘I could get the train up on the Thursday evening . . .’
‘You must stay with me,’ said Katie.
‘Are you sure? I could book into a hotel . . .’
‘It’s no problem,’ Katie assured her.
Rose was the opposite extreme to Liz; she didn’t initiate phone calls and was distant when Katie rang her. She even remained tight-lipped when Katie told her that Liz was coming to stay.
‘Tell her I said hello,’ was her only comment.
You could tell her that yourself, Mum, Katie thought with frustration. All you have to do is pick up the phone.
But she didn’t voice her thoughts. The last thing she needed was for Rose to retreat even further into herself.
Katie kept in constant contact with Jim, talking to him by phone or email on most evenings. The settlement with the food distributor fell apart and Jim had to fly back to Auckland to start negotiations afresh.
‘Both parties broke the terms of the settlement agreement,’ he sighed when he called from his hotel. ‘It seems that what we agreed is not workable. I just wish they had said so at the time. Carole has come over from Singapore to help draft the new agreement.’
Katie felt fiercely jealous that Carole was in the same city as Jim. Possibly even in the same hotel.
I have to trust him, she told herself. Otherwise we’ll never get through these weeks apart.
But it was easier said than done as Carole popped up more and more often in their conversations.
‘Carole and I met with them today,’ he would say casually, or ‘Carole went through her strategy over dinner tonight.’
Katie would change the subject or make a joke, anything to clear the horrible haze of jealousy that overcame her at the thought of Jim and Carole having candle-lit dinners together.
Other than Carole, she could talk to Jim about anything, and often they were on the phone for more than an hour at a time. Was love the right name for the dizzy happiness she felt when she heard his voice, their long deep discussions and the fact that she would sell her soul for just one touch? She noticed that Jim now paused too before saying goodbye at the end of their calls.
If it was love, neither of them was ready to say it yet.
Chapter 24
The Cork train, running fifteen minutes late, trundled into Heuston Station. Katie leant over the railing and scanned the hundreds of faces that descended onto the platform. She waved furiously when she saw Liz disembark from one of the back carriages. Her aunt looked a million dollars. Her fair hair was beautifully styled and she wore a chic striped top with tailored black trousers. Katie felt proud that this gorgeous woman was related to her and waved even more vigorously. Liz stood still as the other commuters milled around her in their hurry towards the gate. Her searching eyes finally saw Katie and her face broke into a relieved smile.
‘I can’t put you out of your bed,’ she said when she saw that the apartment had only one bedroom.
‘There’s a sofa bed in the living room,’ Katie told her. ‘It’s not as if I’ll be sleeping on the floor.’
‘Let me sleep on the sofa bed.’
‘Honestly, Liz, don’t worry.’ Katie put her bag in the bedroom and the dispute was thereby settled. ‘Now, would you like to go out anywhere? For a walk? Or maybe a drink?’
Liz glanced at her watch. ‘You know, Katie, we have the whole weekend to go out. I’d much rather stay in tonight and have a nice cup of tea and a chat.’
Katie went to the kitchen and ransacked the cupboards in search of a teapot.
‘You must read a lot,’ Liz commented from the living room.
‘Those are just the books I’ve bought since I got here,’ Katie replied, no teapot in sight. ‘You should see my apartment back in Sydney! I should sell them, because I never read anything twice, but I can’t bring myself to part with them.’
‘Oh, you must get your love of books from me.’ Liz sounded gleeful. ‘Carmel and Rose had no interest in them.’
Katie smiled as she poured the boiling water into two mugs. ‘So we’ve established that I get my nosiness from Carmel and my bookworm tendencies from you. What about my untidiness? And my inability to get out of bed in the morning?’