by Jill Mansell
It took them less than ten minutes to drive back to the house. Lara called ahead and let them know they were on their way. When they pulled in through the gates, Gigi was waiting for them on the doorstep.
‘Oh my God.’ Flynn narrowly missed crashing into the yew hedge. ‘Look at her. This is unbelievable.’
Lara suspected he wasn’t the type to cry, but for a moment it was close. He drank in the sight of his daughter, then took a deep breath and climbed out of the car.
‘Hi,’ said Gigi.
Flynn nodded fractionally. ‘Hi.’
‘Well, this is kind of exciting, isn’t it? And kind of scary. In fact, I can’t quite work out how it feels.’ Gigi hesitated, then stretched out her hand to shake his. ‘And you haven’t had enough time to begin to work out how you feel. So I think we should just do this for now.’
Taken aback, Flynn said, ‘OK.’
They shook hands. ‘That’s a good handshake,’ Gigi said approvingly. ‘I hate it when people do painful ones, don’t you? When they, like, squeeze your knuckles really hard. And I hate dead-fish ones too. But yours is fine. Anyway, I’ve also decided we should only have half an hour tonight. So we don’t run out of things to say. How does that sound?’
He hesitated. ‘I’m not sure. But if that’s what you want, I’ll go along with it.’
‘You don’t mind me doing all this, being in charge?’
‘Go ahead.’ Flynn half-smiled. ‘Your mother warned me you were bossy.’
‘Mum!’
Lara shrugged. ‘What did you want me to tell him? That you’re incredibly shy?’
They went and sat in the back garden. ‘If you’d rather be on your own,’ Lara offered, ‘I can leave you for a bit.’
‘No, Mum, stay. It’s fine. Anyway,’ said Gigi, ‘I think he’s still in a state of shock. He’s only been a father for about twenty minutes.’
Good. Lara wanted to stay. Seeing the two of them together for the first time was causing her heart to twist with emotion. It was also fascinating being able to compare their physical differences and similarities in real life rather than in her mind. Their hairlines were the same, there were the hands too of course, and they were both lean, long-legged and athletic. Gigi had undoubtedly inherited her sporty genes from Flynn; last year she had run a marathon. She also played a mean game of tennis.
‘So.’ Gigi was gazing intently at her father; was she thinking the same thing? ‘How shall we do this? Do you want to ask questions or shall I just start telling you about myself?’
‘Asking questions sounds good,’ said Flynn. ‘We can take it in turns.’
‘Great, because I’ve got loads. And I know they really should be in order but they won’t be, because I’ll get muddled up. I actually did make a list,’ Gigi went on. ‘I spent ages writing them all down. But Mum said if I sat there barking questions at you, it would be like a job interview.’
Although when you stopped to think about it, it kind of was a job interview. Lara kept quiet.
‘I think we should just start,’ said Flynn. ‘And we’ll see how we go, shall we? We’ve only got half an hour, after all.’
‘OK.’ Gigi cleared her throat. ‘Do you love lists?’
If he was startled, he hid it well. ‘Love? No.’
‘Oh. That’s a shame. But to be honest, I think they’re more of a girl thing.’
‘My turn,’ said Flynn. ‘Do you ski?’
‘Do you know what? It’s something I’ve never tried. But I can ice-skate.’ Gigi’s silver-grey eyes shone. ‘I’m good at loads of different sports. I could ski, I’m sure of it. I bet I’d be brilliant.’
Flynn broke into a smile. ‘And have you always been this cripplingly modest?’
‘I’m just being honest. If I’m rubbish at something I’ll tell you that too. My turn again,’ said Gigi impatiently. ‘OK, first impressions. How am I doing so far?’
‘Pretty good. Are you fishing for compliments?’
She grinned. ‘Probably. Have you got any other children?’
He shook his head. ‘Evie’s told you about me, hasn’t she? No other children.’
‘Just double-checking. Why not?’
‘Never met the right person to have them with, I suppose.’
That hurt. Never met the right person? Lara knew he meant once he was old enough to contemplate having children, but it was still wounding to hear him say the words.
‘How about you?’ said Flynn. ‘I’ve just found out I have a daughter. Are you about to tell me I’m a grandfather?’
‘Noooo! Eurgh, no way.’ Gigi shook her head emphatically. ‘Babies smell. I’ve just done my A-levels. This is my gap year, then next year I’m off to uni. Anyway,’ she added, ‘I don’t even have a boyfriend at the moment. I did, but we broke up.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, basically because he was a complete div who started telling me I shouldn’t wear short skirts or talk to other boys even when they were just friends I’d been to school with for years. Getting all jealous and possessive, that’s just crazy. It’s such a loser thing to do. So I told him it was over.’
Flynn gave a nod of approval. ‘Good for you.’
‘I know. He’s going out with someone else now. She does everything he tells her to do. Go on then, what was your last girlfriend like?’
Lara saw the flicker of a smile at Gigi’s bluntness. ‘Truthfully? She didn’t last long. She was very nice. Intelligent, kind to small animals, knew how to use a knife and fork . . . close to perfect.’
‘Except?’
‘She thought she was perfect too. And she wasn’t,’ Flynn said drily. ‘She had no sense of humour.’
‘What, none at all?’
‘Not an iota. I didn’t know that was possible, kept waiting for it to appear.’ He shrugged. ‘But it couldn’t because it didn’t exist.’
‘Good job you got rid of her then. Have you had many girlfriends?’
‘I’ve had my share. I hope you aren’t expecting me to count them,’ said Flynn. ‘Which A-levels did you take?’
‘Psychology. Maths. French.’
‘Well done.’
‘You don’t know if I passed them yet.’
‘Did you pass them?’
‘Yes.’
‘What grades?’
Lara waited, secretly bursting with pride; they’d only received the results the other day. Thrilled to have done so well, Gigi had screamed and hugged her and she in turn had cried maternal tears of joy.
And now, for the first time, Gigi was able to share the news with her father. Pretending to be completely laid-back about it, she said casually, ‘AAB,’ then flushed with pleasure when Flynn, evidently impressed, said ‘Bloody hell, that’s brilliant. Really well done.’
‘Thanks.’ Gigi beamed, then leaned forward. ‘So, can you ice-skate?’
Lara went inside and made cups of tea. In the living room, Evie was watching TV.
‘How’s it going?’
‘Great. They don’t need me at all. I feel like a spare part.’
‘Stay here then. Leave them to it.’
‘I think I will. Gigi’s set a time limit, anyway. Another twenty minutes and then he’s out of here.’
‘Why?’ said Evie.
‘It’s so they don’t run out of things to say.’
You could see by the sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains that it was set to be another hot day. Lying in bed, with just a sheet covering her, Lara checked the time on her phone. Ten to seven. She’d come upstairs at eleven last night, exhausted by the move and all the settling in. When she’d said goodnight to them, Gigi and Flynn had still been sitting outside in the garden. What time had he left?
The next minute she heard a low murmur of voices coming from downstairs and realised he hadn’t, he was still here.
Lara threw on jeans and a T-shirt, washed her face and brushed her teeth. On her way down she heard the kettle coming to the boil in the kitchen. In the living room, Gigi
was sitting cross-legged on the sofa. Her eyes were huge and she looked simultaneously happy and shattered.
‘Hey, Mum. Good sleep?’
‘Yes, thanks. Have you been up all night?’
Gigi nodded and yawned widely. ‘He’s just making another cup of tea. We haven’t stopped talking. I’m getting a bit tired now though.’ She yawned again; all the excitement might have carried her this far but her body was now visibly craving sleep. She broke into a slow smile as the door was pushed open by Flynn holding a mug in each hand. ‘Mum, look. My dad’s just made me a cup of tea. How cool is that?’
It was evidently very cool indeed, in Gigi’s eyes. And already she was calling him Dad.
‘So much for time limits,’ said Lara.
‘It would have been stupid. We’ve just had so much to say.’ Another enormous yawn gripped Gigi before she could take the mug from Flynn.
‘Give it to me.’ Lara took it from him. ‘Sweetie, you’re dead on your feet. You need to go to bed.’
‘But . . . I don’t want to.’ Gigi looked like a five-year-old hell-bent on waiting up for Father Christmas. ‘I want to keep going. I don’t want this night to be over.’
‘I know, but Flynn has to go to work. And you have to sleep. Come along.’ She reached out with her free hand to help Gigi to her feet. ‘He’ll still be here when you wake up.’ OK, that hadn’t come out right. ‘I mean, he isn’t going to disappear. You can see him again.’
‘Promise?’ Gigi looked to Flynn for confirmation. ‘Is that a definite promise?’
‘Absolutely. You get some sleep now. Give me a call when you wake up.’
‘Can I see you tonight?’
He nodded. ‘Whenever you want.’
Gigi smiled; this was the answer she’d wanted to hear. ‘OK, I’ll go. Night, Mum. Night, Dad. See you later.’
Lara got a quick kiss on the cheek. Then she watched and waited while Gigi and Flynn exchanged a hug. The formal handshakes had gone the way of the time limit. OK, it was actually quite emotional witnessing the embrace. Without thinking, she took a gulp of hot tea and almost gagged; pleurgh, when was Gigi going to give up on her three sugars habit?
The next moment it hit her; somehow she’d never made the connection before. As a teenager Flynn had always taken three sugars too.
Gigi left them and climbed the stairs to bed. Lara, about to head out to the kitchen to make a sugarless tea, was stopped in her tracks by Flynn closing the living-room door. She waited for him to turn, to break into a smile and tell her what she already knew, that the daughter they had created was amazing, incredible and unique, not to mention a complete credit to her. Unable to contain his amazement and delight at how perfectly she’d turned out, he would thank her for doing such a great job with raising Gigi and—
‘I can’t believe it.’ He was shaking his head.
‘I know.’ Lara was already basking in pleasure. ‘Told you she was fantastic.’
Then Flynn turned and she saw the expression on his face. Instead of joy and gratitude, his dark eyes narrowed with anger. ‘I can’t believe you’ve done this to me. How dare you?’ His voice was low and vehement, vibrating with controlled fury. ‘What gives you the right to mess with people’s lives like this? My God, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you for this.’
It was like a slap in the face when you were expecting a kiss. Not that she’d expected a kiss, but still. Adrenalin surged through Lara and the hairs prickled at the back of her neck. ‘Excuse me? If you’re doubting she’s yours, we’ll take a DNA test and prove it.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, of course she’s mine.’
‘And now I’m messing up your life, am I? Oh dear, you poor thing, being a father wasn’t part of your plan? Fine then, walk away, I’ll tell Gigi you’re not interested. You’ve met her once, it’s out of your system, that’s enough. No problem at all.’ Lara rattled on, the words spraying out like bullets. ‘You’re not indispensable. We managed without you before, we’ll do it again. If that’s what you want, it’s your loss. Trust me, we’ll survive.’
‘What are you saying now? For God’s sake,’ Flynn flashed back. ‘Are you doing this deliberately? I’m not going to walk away. I’m talking about what you did. She’s eighteen years old now, she’s an adult. I’ve missed out on eighteen years. Thanks to you, I’ve missed out on everything.’ He was shaking his head, angrier than she’d ever seen him before. ‘That’s what I can’t get over, that’s what I don’t know if I can forgive. You should have told me. She was my child and I’ll never know what she was like, growing up.’
‘OK, how dare you?’ Having expected praise and gratitude, Lara was outraged by the unfairness of this attack. ‘It’s fine for you to come over all indignant now, but you weren’t in my position. I’ve already told you what happened. I was sixteen, you didn’t want a baby and if you’re going to try and tell me you did, you’re a liar and a hypocrite!’
‘Am I saying that? I am not saying that!’ Flynn’s jaw was rigid. ‘I’m talking about eighteen years. I know how old you were, I know it was difficult at first, I accept that. But did it never occur to you that maybe, just maybe, your daughter might have quite liked to meet her father when she was three . . . or eight . . . or eleven . . .? Did you not think I might want to meet my daughter while she was still a child . . . before she was old enough to vote?’
Unfair unfair UNFAIR. The only thing stopping Lara from hurling the mug of hideously sweet tea at him was the knowledge that she’d be the one left with a ruined carpet.
‘So let me get this straight. You’re calling me a bad mother now? Do you seriously think I didn’t ask how she felt about this? If she missed having a father around? Because for your information she didn’t, she was completely fine with everything the way it was. Her best friend didn’t see her dad either. It’s not unheard of, you know. If Gigi had ever said she wanted to meet you, I’d have got in touch. But she wasn’t bothered. And how did I know you’d be interested anyway? You might not have been. Plenty of men aren’t.’
‘You didn’t even ask.’
‘And you don’t get to dictate when you might want to meet your daughter.’ Lara was on a roll; did he seriously expect her to back down? ‘You’ve already admitted you wouldn’t have been ready when she was born. You can’t just say maybe when she’s a few years old I might be able to handle it . . . oh, actually, I’m off to university now, can we leave it a bit longer? You aren’t allowed to pick and choose and decide when it’s convenient for you. This is a human being we’re talking about, not a timeshare apartment.’
‘You didn’t give me a choice. I didn’t know she existed!’
‘Oh dear, poor you.’ Below the belt maybe, but she was seriously losing it now. ‘And there was me, swanning around Keswick, having such an easy life.’
‘Has it occurred to you that Gigi might have wanted to know her father?’
‘I’ve already told you she didn’t!’
Flynn raised an index finger, signalling to her not to yell. Keeping his own voice deliberately low, he said, ‘Or maybe she only said it because she knew that was what you wanted to hear.’
Lara stiffened; this was a blow far lower than the one she’d just delivered. Her mouth was dry, her palms slick with sweat. The look on Flynn’s face signalled that he knew something she didn’t.
Because he’d just spent eleven whole hours in the company of his newfound daughter, hadn’t he? Of course he knew better than she did.
Now her heart was clattering away inside her ribcage like an alarm clock. Oh God, what had Gigi told him? Lara shook her head and said, ‘Don’t you dare try and make me feel guilty. I did what was best for my child.’
But he did have a right to be angry; deep down she knew that too.
‘Our child. And I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I’m telling you that maybe you could have shared her,’ said Flynn. ‘I’m not talking about just for my sake. For hers as well.’
‘Oh right, so
now you’re the parenting expert. How did I guess you’d twist everything round so you’d be the hero? Let me tell you I worked my socks off for that girl, I spent sleepless nights looking after her when she was ill . . .’ Lara’s voice cracked with emotion borne out of fury. ‘I was changing nappies and mopping up sick when you were doing your A-levels and I did it because I loved her. She was everything in the world to me and I made sure she never missed out because she didn’t have a father. I didn’t do it to hurt her or to spite you, I was just doing what I thought was right. And guess what? I think I made a pretty good job of it.’ Madder than she’d ever been, Lara stalked past him to the door and flung it open. ‘I also think you have a bloody nerve.’
‘Hey, look, I’m not saying—’
‘No, you’re not saying anything. Shut up, I don’t need this, you can go now.’ She was buzzing with angry electricity; how grabbing the metal door handle hadn’t just given her a colossal shock she had no idea.
‘I’ve missed out,’ said Flynn. ‘On so many years.’
‘You can make up for it now.’
He was shaking his head. ‘I’d have been a good father.’
‘You don’t know that. You like to think you would.’
‘Lara—’
‘Out.’ Her arm brushed against his as she marched past him to the front door and this time the contact made her shudder. ‘Out, I’ve had enough.’
‘Tell Gigi to call me later. She has my number.’ Flynn eyed her coolly. ‘I’ll see her whenever she wants.’
He walked past her out of the house. Lara shut the door. Just before it closed, she murmured, ‘Until the novelty wears off.’
Low, low, as low as she’d thought she’d ever go. But, realistically, he was a virtual stranger. After a gap of almost nineteen years, how could she tell what he was really like now? He could be all talk and ruthless self-absorption for all she knew. Back in school he’d always been convinced he knew best, had hated conceding defeat in any aspect of life, whether in or out of the classroom or on the sports field. Tall, confident, the one with all the opinions and answers, that had been Flynn Erskine. He was the biggest achiever of their year. Of course, if he hadn’t been so competitive by nature, he would never have made the British downhill team . . .