by Jill Mansell
‘Bee-aiche-ess. I figured it was your upper-class way of saying Beaches. I thought it must be some fancy designer store I hadn’t heard of.’
‘It is,’ Harry objected. ‘They’re incredibly good value.’
‘Trust me, Harry, this bag ain’t from no designer store. Oh my, and look what you picked up for yourself.’ Enjay had pulled the cellophane packets of underpants out of the carrier bag and was now gazing at them in utter bafflement. ‘Are you serious?’
‘There were holes in my old ones. I needed some new pairs. These are comfortable and they fit well. Plus they’re very cheap.’
‘You’re telling me.’ Enjay was now waving them in front of the camera. ‘Look, look at them!’
‘They’re underpants,’ Harry said patiently. ‘They don’t have to have the wow factor. No one’s going to see them.’ His gaze dropped to the waistband of the Calvin Kleins visible above Enjay’s perilously low-slung jeans. ‘Unlike you, I prefer not to parade my underwear to the nation.’
‘I’m sure the nation will be very happy to hear that,’ Enjay retaliated with a mock brow-wipe of relief.
This was the double act they had formed, ridiculing each other’s differences without malice. Lara said, ‘What kind of earring are you looking for?’
Enjay flashed his vampire-toothed grin. ‘Hey, a diamond. Is there any other kind?’
‘And size-wise?’
‘The usual, I’d imagine.’ Harry rolled his eyes. ‘Easy to spot from outer space.’
Enjay said, ‘If you’re gonna have a diamond, have a big one. Right, Maz?’
Maz nodded in agreement; it was part of his job description. ‘Right, boss.’
‘Show me what you got,’ Enjay instructed Lara.
‘Well, for a start, we only sell earrings in pairs. So if you want a single one we’ll need to have it made.’
‘No, no, no.’ Being made to wait for anything was clearly out of the question, it simply didn’t feature in a superstar’s world. ‘I want it straight away.’
‘Then you’ll have to go to another jewellers.’ Next to her, Don let out a whimper of anxiety. Lara continued smoothly, ‘But what our customers usually do is buy the pair, then they have a spare if they ever need it.’
‘Why would I want a spare?’
‘OK, or you could give the other one to a friend as a present.’
Aware of the camcorder trained on him, Enjay broke into a slow smile and turned to Harry. ‘Now that’s a cool idea. How about it, man?’
Harry looked as if he’d swallowed a wasp. ‘Oh please, don’t even think it. Earrings are for girls.’
‘Hey, man, I wear an earring and I ain’t no girl. Come on,’ he wheedled, ‘you might like it.’
‘I’m not having my ear pierced. Ever,’ Harry said with an emphatic shudder of revulsion.
‘Not even if it gives you an air of glamour?’
‘I think you’ll find it would give me an air of idiocy. But it’s AJ’s birthday next week. Maybe he’d like an earring.’
Maz took over the camcorder and trained it on AJ, whose face had lit up. Despite Enjay calling him bro, Lara had only realised last night that the two of them were actually brothers.
‘Hey, bro, you want an earring?’
‘Yeah, man.’ Seven inches taller, ninety pounds heavier and five years younger, AJ was a gentle giant with an engaging growly teddy-bear voice and a slight lisp.
‘Perfect. Right.’ Lara unlocked the case with a flourish. ‘Let’s show you what we have!’
‘And crystal?’
‘Sorry?’ Crystal? What, the Austrian kind? Lara hesitated; was Enjay saying he didn’t want actual diamonds after all?
‘Or another kind if you don’t have crystal.’
OK, awkward moment, especially as AJ was now looking forward to his birthday present . . .
‘Got it,’ Harry said suddenly. ‘He means champagne.’
Cristal . . .
‘Of course I mean champagne, man.’ Mystified, Enjay said, ‘What else would I be talking about? I always get offered a drink when I’m buying watches and jewellery.’
‘I bet you do.’ Lara envisaged the sales assistants in the stores on Rodeo Drive employing every trick in the book to part the super-rich from their millions. ‘But we don’t do that here.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because it’s like cheating. We prefer to sell to customers when they have a clear head. You could have a cup of tea if you like.’
‘Oh, super idea.’ Harry brightened. ‘I’d love a cup of tea.’
‘Me too,’ said Maz.
‘I’ll pop the kettle on.’ Don jumped up, eager to please. ‘Sugar, boys, or are you sweet enough?’
Enjay raised a he’s-a-homosexual eyebrow at Lara.
Maz the man-mountain said in his growly lisp, ‘I’ll have two Hermesetas please.’
The tea was made, the various earrings were examined, and Don, by this time thoroughly excited by his new celebrity client, came over all Shirley Bassey and launched into an enthusiastic chorus of ‘Diamonds Are Forever’.
‘Welcome to England,’ said Enjay, directly to camera. ‘And we thought people in California were weird. Let me tell you, they have nothing on the crazy folks over here.’ He flashed a grin and adopted his Harry voice. ‘This lot take the absolute biscuit.’
The brothers finally settled on a pair of brilliant cut studs totalling seven point four carats. Any larger, Lara explained, and the weight of the stone would pull the earring down at an angle; it might also stretch the lobe.
Plus, they didn’t have any bigger earrings in stock.
Enjay paid the eye-watering amount with his Platinum Amex, only flinching when Don clasped his hand and gushed that it had been heavenly to meet him.
‘Once you realised we weren’t badass robbers, come to blast open the safe and clean out your store,’ he drawled.
Don’s spiky hair quivered. ‘Sorry about that. And you’ve been so charming. I’m going to rush out and buy all your records, you know. And I’ll be telling everyone how wonderful you are.’ He stopped abruptly as Lara elbowed him in the side. ‘Right, sorry. Let me wrap these for you.’
‘No need, we’ll wear ’em now.’ Looking relieved to have his hand back, Enjay surreptitiously wiped the palm on the side of his jeans. He turned to Lara. ‘So, did your daughter enjoy the spa baths with me last night? Did she tell you she had a good time?’
‘She did. She also said you’re too old for her.’
Enjay raised an eyebrow and he leaned across the counter towards her. ‘Has it occurred to you that she might be too young for me? Maybe I prefer the older lady.’
Erk, was this a come-on? Lara said, ‘You want to try the tea rooms over by the abbey. Plenty of old ladies for you there.’
The wicked, wolfish, all-conquering smile was back. ‘Hey, you know perfectly well what I’m saying.’ Moving closer, he murmured in her ear, ‘What are you, thirty-five? If you ask me, that’s just about perfect.’
This was a man with way too many hormones for his own good. He was unstoppable. ‘You’re not my type,’ said Lara.
‘Ah, she says that now.’ Enjay straightened up and addressed his audience. ‘But wait until later when the cameras are off. We all know what’s going to happen.’
Maz had the camcorder trained on them. Lara gave him a good-natured eye-roll and said, ‘Good luck with trying,’ guessing as she did so that it would be edited out of the exchange. This was Enjay’s show, he revelled in his reputation as a Lothario, rejections would be few and far between and he certainly wouldn’t publicise them.
Harry was reading her mind. ‘Just ignore him, he’s like it with everyone.’
‘I know.’
‘Excuse me.’ Enjay jerked his head in the direction of Don, who was fussily polishing away the fingermarks on the glass-topped cabinet. ‘Not everyone.’
Oblivious, Don launched back into, ‘Diamonds are foreverrrrrrr . . .’
‘Hey, AJ,
call the club and make sure we got the VIP room.’ With his new diamond earring installed and the mirrored shades back in place, Enjay was once again admiring his reflection in the mirror. ‘Oh, man, I am in the mood for some serious action tonight.’
He’d already announced they were heading up to London to check out the newest, coolest nightclub. Lara looked at Harry and said, ‘If he’s doing that, d’you want to come over for something to eat? We could have a game of Scrabble.’ She wasn’t so wild about it herself but Harry loved Scrabble and so did Evie.
‘Thanks, but I have to go with this crew. Enjay thinks it’ll be just hilarious to film me in a nightclub.’
‘Hey, man, I don’t think. I know.’
‘He also thinks I’m going to dance.’ Harry suppressed a shudder. ‘He couldn’t be more wrong.’
Enjay said, ‘I’ll pay you extra to dance.’
‘There isn’t enough money in the world,’ said Harry. ‘I’m going to be taking a book along with me to pass the time.’
As they left the shop, Don shook everyone’s hand again and Lara observed Enjay’s discomfort. Following them out on to the pavement, she took him to one side and murmured, ‘I saw that. If Don noticed, he’d find it quite hurtful.’
Unused to criticism, Enjay stiffened. ‘I know, but I can’t help it. Creeps me out, man.’
‘I can see that. And please don’t call me man.’
He raised his shades and fixed her with a playful gaze. ‘Sorry. Lah-rah.’
His attempt at mimicking the British accent was as over-the-top as ever. Lara said, ‘I’ll tell you something else. You think Don’s gay. But he isn’t.’
‘Don’t give me that.’
‘It’s the truth. He told me.’
‘He’s lying.’ Enjay was visibly losing interest in the conversation. The next moment, without warning, he snaked an arm around her shoulder and kissed her full on the mouth. Out on the pavement, for heaven’s sake, where everyone could see them.
Lara pulled away and shook her head. ‘You’re a nightmare.’
‘Just a bit of fun, babe. Doing my bit to brighten your day.’
‘Those earrings we just sold you? Thanks to them, my day’s already bright enough. And Don isn’t gay.’ She needed him to know. ‘I thought he was too, but he’s really not.’
Enjay’s lip curled. ‘Fine, if you say so. But he still creeps me out.’
Twenty-four hours later, they pulled up in the Maybach outside Grey and Erskine, Wine Merchants. Harry said, ‘Listen, don’t flirt with Gigi, OK? You’ll just annoy Flynn.’
‘Oh my, I’m so scared.’ Enjay was entertained. ‘Trust you to worry about that, Harry.’
‘It’s just a matter of common decency, being polite. He’s her father.’ Sometimes dealing with Enjay was like having to steer a wayward toddler across a busy road; he knew no fear and was infinitely distractable.
‘Hey, it’s all cool. How do I look?’ Enjay admired himself in the car window, preening and checking that the collar of his white Flying Ducks shirt was just so.
‘Extremely vain. No change there. I’m just saying you should behave yourself,’ said Harry. ‘It’s basic good manners, that’s all.’
He breathed in as Maz and AJ followed them into the main building. The air was heavy with the aromas of wood and wine. Bottles were stacked in crates and in boxed shelving lining the roughened whitewashed stone walls.
‘Cool.’ Enjay checked that Maz had started recording then raised a languid hand, superstar style, as Gigi and the customer she was dealing with looked up and saw them. ‘Hey, baby, I need a beautiful assistant to . . . assist me.’
A door opened and Flynn made his way across the shop floor. ‘Hi there. Can I help?’
‘Thanks, but I’ll wait for the beautiful assistant.’
The air crackled with tension and Harry realised Enjay had never had any intention of behaving himself. This was two alpha males vying for the upper hand. Harry, who couldn’t imagine anything more alarming than being an alpha male, said pointedly, ‘If you’re here to buy wine, Flynn’s the one who knows about it. He’s the expert.’
‘I don’t want wine,’ said Enjay. ‘I don’t drink wine. Only champagne.’
Harry cleared his throat. ‘Shall we order some then?’
‘Hang on, she’ll be free in a minute. We can take a look around while we’re waiting. I’ve never been to a British wine merchant’s before. Kinda nice.’
The elderly customer was soon dealt with and despatched. Gigi came over and said, ‘How did it go last night in London?’
‘Ha. Harry loved it.’
‘I did not. It was pure torture. I wore earplugs,’ said Harry.
‘He did. Any time anyone tried to say anything to him he’d go, “I’m frightfully sorry, I’m afraid I can’t hear you, I’m wearing earplugs.” ’
‘Did you dance?’ asked Gigi.
‘No.’ Enjay was shaking his head. ‘He sat there drinking tomato juice and reading a book about Roman Britain.’
Gigi said, ‘That sounds like Harry. How about you, then? Did you have fun?’
‘Hey, I always have fun.’ Enjay winked. ‘And I wasn’t spending my time reading about the Romans, I can tell you.’
Harry shrugged, unoffended. It didn’t bother him in the least what other people chose to get up to in their spare time. When they’d left the club last night Enjay had been accompanied by two lithe girls wearing barely more than bra tops, the tiniest of skirts and heels so high it was a miracle they could remain upright. All the way back to the hotel they’d entwined themselves like snakes around him. And this, according to AJ and Maz, was par for the course. Enjay’s chosen form of entertainment was sex, pure and simple, with no question of any emotional involvement. In the morning he would send the girls off and never spare them a second thought. As far as Harry was concerned, it was a miserable, soulless way to pass the time. Personally he’d far rather read a book.
‘So is there any danger of you spending some money with us,’ said Gigi, ‘or are you just here for fun?’
‘I’m here to spend a lot,’ Enjay announced. ‘On Cristal. How much ya got here?’
‘None at all,’ said Flynn.
Enjay looked appalled. ‘Oh, man, are you serious? What’s wrong with you guys?’
‘Ignore him.’ Harry shook his head. ‘He’s obsessed with designer labels. It’s a form of insecurity.’
‘Hey, cut it out!’ said Enjay.
‘OK, come over here.’ Flynn led the way across the shop to the floor-to-ceiling glass-fronted fridges. He selected a bottle from the second shelf, deftly removed the foil and the wire, then expertly turned the bottle to remove the cork with a delicate pft. Gigi lined up a row of slender glasses along the wooden counter.
‘There you go.’ Having poured a scant inch into the bottom of each glass, Flynn handed the first one to Enjay.
‘Hey, I want more than that, man.’
‘You see?’ Harry shook his head in disappointment. ‘This is precisely what marks you out as a philistine.’
‘Smell it first. No, like this.’ Flynn showed them how. ‘Stick your nose right in and breathe in deeply. Cristal’s a fantastic cuvée but I truly believe this one’s better. Right, now have the first taste and tell me what you’re getting. Try to separate out the different elements . . .’
Having got to know him over the course of the last couple of weeks, Harry had discovered that beneath the brashly shallow exterior, Enjay liked to learn about new things. Despite making fun of Harry for reading books, he had actually borrowed and enjoyed his copy of Khaled Hosseini’s latest. Yesterday he had been taught by Don about the clarity and cut of various diamonds. And now he was listening intently as Flynn described the qualities of different grapes and growing conditions, production methods and vintages. Far more intelligent than he let on, Enjay preferred to keep this aspect of his character hidden.
At this rate he’d soon be giving Stephen Fry a run for his money in the cleverclog
s stakes.
And thirty minutes later the order had been placed. As well as the champagne, Flynn had persuaded Enjay to select a variety of high-quality wines from New Zealand, Italy and France. Pinot Gris, Sauvignon Blanc and burgundy all featured, along with a case of Pinot Meunier demi-sec champagne from a new producer destined for great things.
‘So when are you going to be drinking all this?’ said Gigi as the crates were stacked up. She looked disappointed. ‘Back in London, I suppose.’
‘Not so, baby.’ Enjay playfully looped a stray strand of hair away from her face. ‘In fact I’m hosting a party at the Ellison tomorrow night. My way of saying thank you.’
Harry said, ‘It’s actually his way of saying sorry for the living hell he’s been putting the staff and guests through.’
‘Hey, man, it ain’t no living hell.’
‘You’ve been a nightmare. Playing that hideous music. Singing at all hours. Spending half the night in the swimming pool. There are little old ladies’, Harry went on, ‘flattening themselves against the walls every time they see you.’
‘And tomorrow I’m inviting them to my party,’ said Enjay, ‘where I shall charm the pants off them.’ He paused. ‘Not literally. That would be revolting.’
Maz put down the camcorder and said, ‘Want me to carry these out to the car, boss?’
‘Yeah, do that.’ Enjay knocked back the last of the Chablis in his glass and nodded at Gigi to refill it. ‘I may like the older ladies,’ he added, ‘but not that old.’
Then he grinned and glanced at Flynn and in a flash Harry guessed what he was about to say next. Leaping into the breach, he blurted out, ‘So he’s throwing this party to make up for all the misery, and then he’ll blast them with more of that dreadful music . . .’
‘Are we invited too?’ Gigi had never been backwards at coming forwards.
‘Sure, come along, the more the merrier.’ Now resting his arm across her shoulders, Enjay drawled, ‘Bring your mom too.’
Harry winced; was he doing it deliberately?
No question. Of course he was.
‘Hey,’ Enjay gave Gigi a friendly squeeze, ‘did she tell you about what happened yesterday?’