by Quil Carter
“I’m sorry!” Finn screamed in a broken tone. He was hysterical, absolutely hysterical. “I’m sorry.” He dissolved into a heap of tears and agony in my arms. I didn’t know what to do, so I held him.
Or maybe I did know what to do? It was difficult to examine my feelings over this, but something told me that perhaps this wasn’t something to be analyzed… it was something I had to take a step back from and then look at it.
Finn loved me. My sengil who’d been my best friend for eleven years. Who I still shared a bed with. He’d been looking after me when I was weak, and never once had judged or looked down at me.
That boy was something special, but I’d always known that.
Finn drew himself away from me, his eyes red and his face flushed. “I’ll go, just please let me go.” He walked past me and towards my bedroom. I turned and followed him and entered to see him grabbing an empty suitcase from the closet. He then dragged the black case over to his dresser and pulled the drawers open.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Finn kept his head down as he stuffed clothes into the suitcase. “I can’t be your sengil anymore,” he said. “I’m leaving. I’ll understand if I don’t get the retirement package given to all sengils who retire, I know I didn’t last the full term. Please just… please just never see me again.” His tone wobbled and broke as he said this.
“Never see you again?” I repeated. Then I had to smile at the horrible crumpled look and the inner despair I knew he was feeling. “You’re so dramatic.”
͠
They really don’t like being called dramatic.
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Finn’s crushed look took a turn towards the physically painful. Not only was his master smiling at him, but he was completely dismissing the excruciating emotions currently tormenting him. But the boy didn’t yell or scream, the boy didn’t toss more things at my head or try to jump off of the balcony, in true sengil fashion…
… he just stood there and started to cry again.
I sighed, feeling perhaps a tug in that shattered and stapled-together heart I had inside of me. I didn’t know if I loved him. I never really let the thought take hold. He’d always just been… my sengil.
“Finny, come here,” I said quietly. I sat down onto the bed and pulled him over by the arm, and when he sat down beside me, I slid the arm behind his back and drew him close. “You’re not going anywhere. Get that thought out of your head.”
But he wouldn’t stop crying. “I can’t stay here,” he sobbed. “I’m sorry, Elish. I’m sorry, but I can’t stay here and watch Julian win you back. I can’t watch that happen, not with how I feel about you.”
“Finn…” I sighed. “You must trust me that I don’t feel anything for Julian…”
“And you don’t feel anything for me either, do you?”
I was cornered, absolutely cornered. I didn’t know what to say to that, my brain was just shrugging and my heart was a shrivelled dead lump in a dark corner. How could I explain to him that… I just didn’t have it in me to love anyone? Love was… about the only thing I was still scared of, that and losing someone I loved… if that made any sense whatsoever.
I wouldn’t love again. Love screwed up my rationality and it made me weak. Just like decades ago when I killed those rodents, and the solemn resolutions I made after Cristo died. I’d been right when I was younger, love was dangerous, and if you loved something… you only ended up broken.
I was the poster boy of that… I was already hurt beyond repair.
But how could I explain this to Finn in that moment?
“You’re my sengil, Finn,” I said carefully, tiptoeing around the thousand emotional landmines the boy had laid out in front of me. “I never… even gave it any thought.” There was more I could say, but bearing my heart to him was something that was just not in my nature. I was inside of a closed off fort, and allowing Finn inside would put me at risk, and I just couldn’t do that. Not even when it came to him.
Finn choked back a sob, the tissue over his mouth. “I know that,” he admitted quietly. “I’m not as strong as you.”
Not as fucked up as me more like it. What was I supposed to do with this? He was threatening to leave and… I didn’t want him to leave.
Maybe the answer was just that simple?
“I honestly…” I lowered my voice, a heat coming to my face. “I can’t imagine you not being around anymore.” It was painful to admit this to him, my mind screamed at me to just yell at him and tell him he’s acting like an idiot… but I really just… couldn’t do what my head was telling me to do this time. “Three years until you’re retired?”
“You never said how long you wanted me for,” Finn whimpered. “At Autumnhome they said usually from thirty to thirty-three.”
“That’s not too long, is it?”
Finn shook his miserable head, his eyes red and puffy and his cheeks stained with tears.
“Perhaps… I wish for you to stay after your retirement,” I said slowly. The first bit of honesty that had been secreted from a dead heart. “I’m not sure how it’ll work but… Loren can have the extra bedroom, you never slept in it anyway.”
Finn’s head turned to me, then, right as another strangled sob was released, he dove into my arms and began to cry some more. You’d think he’d have run out of tears by now, but he just kept going.
“I… don’t know if we can be together like you wish, Finn,” I admitted quietly as I held him. “But I can promise you… I will never cast you out. You’ll always have a place in my home.”
Finn sniffed his runny nose and I felt his tears wet my shoulders. “That’s all I need, Elish,” he said through a whimper. “I’ll figure out the rest.”
CHAPTER 56
Jack lifted himself up onto the railing of the wharf and peered down at the dingy brown water that was the world’s ocean. His black eyes jutted back and forth as he scanned the water, looking for any movements that would suggest fish were down there.
“Anything, Jacky?” Nero called. He was also standing in front of the railing, but he was holding a fishing rod in one hand, and a beer in the other. Ceph and Felix were also there, their eyes on the ocean too.
The Dead Ocean was just that, dead, but over the last twenty years there have been numerous sightings of fish splashing in the water. One of these sightings had been by Nero himself who was positive fish had adapted to the irradiated water and were making a comeback. I actually believed him, the ocean’s algae had adapted, which was why we could still breathe considering algae accounts for about eighty percent of the earth’s oxygen. Sea plants had adapted as well and had thrived in the empty ocean, the only thing that was missing were the fish and ocean mammals.
“No… not yet,” Jack called. He leaned in further, his feet resting on the first rung of the wharf’s railing.
“Give it another decade.” I glanced to my side as Silas approached, a smile coming with him. “Every once in a while, I’m sure I smell dead fish… they’re in there, but not enough for them to make their presence known.”
“Then we can have sushi all the time!” Jack proclaimed with a smile. “We can have lots of fish and chips, not just genetically engineered fish.” There was still fish available in Skyfall, but they were cheap and full of bones. Those fish had to be raised in customized tanks with water free from radiation, and the growth hormones that they were fed made them taste bland.
“Actually, you’re right about that,” Perish said from the beach. He was down there with Garrett, Rio, and Ludo, identifying the sea creatures who made their homes on the beach. “Once we catch one of those fish, I can study it and learn how it survived the radiation. Once that’s done, I can engineer the better-tasting fish we have, like salmon and halibut, and all of Skyfall can have it.”
Jack wiggled with excitement over the prospect, but Silas, strangely, didn’t seem pleased by this.
It was clear why soon after. “Once you have my Sky clone you can feed Skyfall, Perish,�
�� Silas said crisply. “Until then, they can eat what I allow them. They’re too fucking spoiled anyway.”
Perish’s smile faded, and wordlessly, he continued walking along the beach with my brothers. I heard Silas let a huff of air out of his nose, and he turned to walk towards the table where the rest of the family was.
And, always the observant one, Julian, who’d been standing near me the entire time, cleared his throat. I looked over at him, and the man, wearing a stupid green button-down with white flowers and vines, complete with khakis and aviator sunglasses, motioned towards Silas with his chin.
I wanted to tell him to piss off, and that I’d rather enjoy my outing then have to clean up Silas’s mood, but I knew that every success I had with Silas, mattered.
“What was that about?” I asked gently. I put a hand on his shoulder and stood beside him. “Usually you need several drinks in you before you ruin family outings.”
Silas turned and glared at me, but when I smiled back he couldn’t hold back the smirk. “I still not used to your dry humour at times, love,” he said. He raised his hand and put it against the one I had resting on his shoulders. “It’s misplaced worry, I suppose. As you know… Kratz says he’s going to implant the newest Sky clone soon.”
Yes, indeed that was the plan. Or at least Silas was under the impression that that was the plan. I was deciding on some delays currently, and since Garrett and the good scientist Dr. Kratz were soon to be boyfriend and boyfriend… my job was about to become easier.
“Ah, yes,” I said with a nod. I would have to tread carefully then. Sky was, and always will be, a sensitive topic. It wouldn’t be smart for me to make any more lighthearted jokes. I had to be the strong support system now. “He was quite excited about some of the progress he’s made on their hearts. You’re nervous this will… end badly, aren’t you?”
Silas’s lower lip tightened and he nodded. “Yes,” he whispered, his tone a higher octave than normal. “I just… I just want him back. It’s so difficult going through this. I get so attached to those little babies… then they die.” I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and when I glanced over my shoulder, I was pleased to see Garrett standing not too far away. It was obvious he was listening in, even though he was trying to pretend he wasn’t.
Instead of feeling annoyed, I realized this would lend itself a golden opportunity. Garrett’s puppy love had already secured Kratz for me, but now I needed to secure Garrett.
And allowing him to see Silas in this state, talking about how hard it was to lose those clones, would perfect.
“You deserve to have him back… and the family deserves to know a man we have so much to thank for,” I said, rubbing his shoulder. “Would you like me to oversea the cloning for the first three months?”
Inside I sighed when Silas shook his head. I knew deep down he wouldn’t go for it, but there was no harm in trying. “No, I just want you to keep working on the immortal code…” he said. “I want my babies immortal before he comes.”
“Of course,” I said. “Ready to re-join the family?” In the background, I could hear Jack and Valen playing loudly behind us, and Nero laughing over something. “We can get the sengils to bring out the food.” Finn and the other three were several yards away setting up the picnic. Finn, I’m sure, was watching my every move, but I refused to look in his direction to confirm it.
Silas was silent for a moment, his face neutral and his eyes staring forward. Then he slowly nodded, and a smile came. “Yes, love,” he said. He turned back towards the family, and his hands clapped together. “Come over to the picnic area, lovely boys. It’s time for lunch.”
It looked like Garrett was trying to catch my eye, so I left Silas to gather the family and walked over to him.
“What if he fails, Eli?” Garrett said in a nervous whisper. “He’ll kill Harry.”
So he was already calling Kratz by his first name? Excellent.
Time to water the small seed I’d planted.
“Yes, he will,” I said, my tone gently gripping darkness. “There’s no denying that. How confident are you that this clone will live?” Garrett would know. He knows more about this than I. My task was to crack the immortal code, and it frustrated me to no end that I had to rely on others to get information on that clone.
My brother shifted his weight and rubbed his nose. “Kratz…” He sighed deeply and looked past me towards the family. I couldn’t see them since I was facing Garrett, but I could hear the group making their way towards the picnic area. No one was listening to us, but Garrett had to make sure.
When he was sure that no one was listening in, Garrett closed the distance between the two of us, and his shoulders slumped. “Kratz is having doubts, Eli,” he said this through a choke, and a hand raised to cup his mouth. He looked terrified. “He’s having doubts but… he’s been working on the hearts for so many years and Silas is getting impatient. He wants longer… he wants to wait longer before he implants Lennix.” This was the name assigned to the Sky clone, Silas had several names he cycled through. “Like… like years, Elish. But if Silas doesn’t get something from him soon… he’s worried Master Silas will kill him anyway.”
Interesting. This was valuable information. I had been wanting Kratz to implant that clone, so I could have another crisis I could rescue Silas from, another notch to solidify my place beside him… but perhaps there would be an easier way to resolve this issue.
With Julian’s newest plan, it may be best to either end this Sky clone nonsense now, or to delay it.
Or maybe… I could just do both.
“I see,” I said to Garrett. I looked over towards the picnic area and saw Silas chasing around Jack, Valen, Rio, and Ludo a smile on his face. He was in a great mood today, but as always, it would never last. “And Silas is in a good place mentally… that’ll all fall apart the moment that clone dies.”
“I heard him,” Garrett whispered. He rubbed his nose again, stress etched clearly on his face. “He gets so attached to those little babies… I can understand why he would breakdown so badly once they die.”
Yes…
So perhaps…
I was quiet as my mind worked, sifting through information and theories, and weaving together a plan that would work perfectly towards my goals. My place beside Silas had to be concrete, and to do that, I had to tip him over the edge when I deemed it the right time.
And with these rebel bombings, coupled with the emergence of Ivan Jackson and his family…
I think right now may be the…
Suddenly there was an explosion, and it was a loud one.
Is this… is this how Ivan plans on making his entrance? I looked towards the booming sound and saw a billow of thick black smoke began rising from behind a building. This made my teeth clench. What the hell was Julian playing at doing this while my little brothers were out?
“Silas?” I heard Nero call. He jogged up to the king who was turned towards the explosion. Kessler was in the king’s arms, the baby sticking his lower lip out and giving me a pitiful look as he stared at me from over Silas’s shoulder. He seemed to be the only one scared, the younger children were clustered together beside Apollo and Artemis, abuzz with excitement and talking in shrill voices as they bounced about.
They soon saw that was a bad idea.
“Shut up!” Silas whirled around and snapped at them. The young boys froze, their multi-coloured eyes staring up at the king in silent terror.
“This is the last straw,” Silas said in a hush whisper. “This is the last straw. Not when my family is out…” He turned to me, his face so twisted it was as if it had been replaced by a monster. “Not when my damn family is out, Elias!”
“We’ll get the children to safety,” I said to him. Then I looked to Finn who was jogging towards me. “Take the children to the black car and go to the safe house on Willow Street.” The car was armoured; they’d be safe the moment that door closed.
“Elish, go with–”
Just as my head turned towards Silas, there was a second ear-splitting detonation. My eyes shot past Silas’s face, then widened when I saw a building, not but fifty yards from where we were, explode, sending a blast of smoke and debris outward and towards us.
For a moment, I just stood stunned. The building that was once there, was now nothing more than a sheet of grey and black smoke and specks of debris that had risen high up into the air, only to fall to the ground in thunks that shook the ground underneath me.
My first instinct was to grab Finn, still holding Valen, and shield him with my body. Out of the corner of my eye, in the midst of the screaming and chaos, I saw the rest of the family do the same with the younger chimeras.
Debris rained down on us and my body was pummelled with stinging bits of concrete and sharp slivers of wood. I closed my eyes tight, my ears temporarily deafened by the explosion, and waited for it to be over.
I was going to kill Julian for this. I was going to kill Julian, and I was going to kill Ivan.
“I see them!” I heard a voice sound, my ears only starting to function again. The male voice was far away, and though I thought I could recognize it, I wasn’t sure. “Fire at will.”
Fire at will?
I shot to my feet, my back stinging from pain, and saw the first gen and Silas stand as well. We all looked through the smoke and dust, and saw silhouettes in the distance running along the building. They weren’t talking about opening fire on us… No, they were heading deeper into ground zero.
Then gunshots ripped through the air.
Silas let out a snarl. I looked to him and saw his green eyes all but glowing with rage. “Stay,” he snapped to us. Then he began stalking towards the building, his head lowered and his shoulders tight. The anger on Silas was pouring off of him like it had become a liquid. We all knew that state, and for a lot of people, it was the last state that they’d ever seen the king in.