by Quil Carter
I looked at him in mock surprise. “You’re not trying to turn me and my siblings into ravers? They’re practically immortal, are they not?” I put a hand on my head just as Silas started to laugh. “Oh shit, decades wasted. My apologies, my king.”
Silas’s belly laugh echoed the room and he nuzzled into my neck. “You’re such a silly idiot when you try,” he said, but even though he was still smiling, his eyes were watering. “Just what would I do without you, Elish? You’ve… you’ve become my rock, you know?”
“I know,” I said quietly. I leaned my head against his and took in a deep breath.
Why is it that… even though I’m so angry at him for what he did to me at that party… I am not pretending in this moment?
I find that it’s easier to hate him when he’s not around, because times like this… I enjoy them.
~
So many things in my life I had control over, but yet when it came to feelings of love, I was blind, stupid, and foolish. If I only realized how I felt about these men, my life would’ve been easier. But I wasn’t that emotionally developed. Love was terrifying to me, Julian had made sure of that, and loving Silas but being burned by him earlier in my life, had made me scared to even admit affection for my master. It was a complicated time for me, I wished so dearly that the love I was showing towards Silas and Finn, hell, my family, was just an act meant to give me control… but it wasn’t.
I really did love them. Denial was just easier than admitting it at the time. I had to have control right now in my life, because to me, love meant they had something on me, and that prospect was terrifying.
I’d like to say I grew out of this, but it would take me many more decades to accept that I wasn’t as cold and dead as I wished I was.
~
“I love you, golden boy,” Silas said after several minutes had passed. “I don’t think I say it enough, but I do.” He hesitated though, and lifted his head off of my shoulder. “You have been avoiding a talk with me though, haven’t you?”
Several nervous jolts pricked my heart like they were sewing needles. I didn’t know what this was about, but it could be several things.
“Lovely, I think you wanted to ask me something about Finn?”
The pricks of pain turned into a cold rush of nervousness. I attempted to hide it, but Silas mentioning Finn had always been the equivalent of a dam bursting inside of me. So much of my adult life had been spent protecting Finn, but in the end, I couldn’t protect my sengil from the one thing he couldn’t escape… time.
“I… I think it could wait for another day,” I said slowly. I wished him off of my lap. He was too close and I was worried he would be able to sense just how much I was trying to hide my visceral reactions.
Silas shook his head. “You’ve been another day’ing me for months, love. I gave you permission two years ago to have him until he was thirty-two and…” He laughed lightly then put a hand to my cheek. “Look at that frown…”
Then he sighed. “I’ve asked you before, love…”
“I’m not in love with him,” I said, my jaw tightening. “I know the entire family thinks so, but… I’m not. However, he’s been my closest friend for seventeen years and he’s… I’m all he has.”
“What about Loren? He’s sad in Autumnhome. He thinks you don’t want him…”
I want him. It’s his job and he should be with his master. The prospect just upset Finn so much… He wanted things to remain the same, he hated change.
“Loren… just give me a month to speak to Finn and…”
“And?”
I hesitated. I had no answer for that. Whenever it had to do with Finn, I never had any answers.
“Can I be honest with you, love?” Silas asked.
The notion made me uncomfortable, but I nodded. However, while I was nodding, I was half-hoping Drake would get into some trouble to distract Silas. Pull on the dog’s tail or maybe try to climb the curtains again…
“I’m worried that Finn is preventing you from finding a boyfriend,” Silas said. “He’s preventing you from moving on with your life. My golden boy is so concerned what his sengil thinks.” He stroked my cheek again, my face feeling like tightened rock from how tense I was. I wanted to just run out the window right now. “If I allow Finn to stay with you, Elish… there’s something for me that you must do.”
I said nothing. I knew I wasn’t going to like this.
“I’ll let Finn stay, I’ll give you a month to prepare Finn for Loren’s moving in… but I’d like you to start spending more time with Julian.”
I groaned. “Not this again.” I shifted and Silas got the hint and slid off of my lap. “Silas…” I wanted to grab him by his neck and twist off his head in that moment. “I told you, I’m not dating Julian.”
“You got along so well when you were fifteen…”
Anger boiled over me. “Because he was fucking–” The rage left me as quickly as my words did, shockingly quick. The reason was clear when I looked to Silas, just in time for his eyes to change from black to green.
He was calming me down. I hated it when he did it, but it was something he did whenever he thought I was working myself up into a rage. Silas was beyond paranoid about my heart, and he saw the potential damage of using his abilities on me, a lower risk than me having a massive heart attack.
“You can either try on your own, love,” Silas began, a dark tone just breaking surface tension. I knew I had to watch myself. There was only so much one could get away with before king slipped on his tyrant mask. “Or I can force you, and I think you’re too old for that.” He put a hand to my cheek and smiled at me, though that smile was masking veiled hostility. “I’m not asking much, love. You get to keep your sengil you claim to not love, and you get a fresh virgin sixteen-year-old that probably fantasizes of you every night with his hand between his legs. And all I ask… is that you give Julian another chance.”
Why did that fucking clown have to weevil his way into Silas’s good books? It was a testament to Julian’s manipulative skills. Skills that he’d been teaching me for years now.
Swing with the current he said… don’t go against it. Even now sometimes I had to be reminded.
“You’re right, Master,” I said with a sigh. “You are being generous, and even though I’m picturing myself beating you wish a stick… I’ll do as you ask.”
Silas smiled and kissed my cheek. “That’s my golden boy.” Then he walked towards the bar to pour himself a drink.
I growled at this and Silas laughed.
“Oh, don’t growl at your master!” he said through his laughter. He walked back over, a whisky in his hand. “You’ve been a bachelor for far too long, my lovely prince. If you’re not going to bring a man home for me to intimidate, Julian will do.”
I waved my hand dismissively and started walking towards the set of stairs that would lead me to my apartment, but Silas grabbed me again.
“I’m going to go all out for my babies’ thirty-third birthday, love, just giving you the heads up,” he said. Our birthdays were in several weeks and I’d had a feeling that Silas was going to make it a special celebration. Silas had been happier the last several months, and when Silas was happy, he wanted everyone to be happy with him.
“Oh?” I said, turning around. “What do you have planned?”
“I’m going to bring out the amusement park rides,” Silas said, the ice cubes clinking against the tumbler as he swirled his whisky. The way he was smiling as he did it reminded me of a dog happily wagging its tail.
“A carnival? It’ll be February,” I chuckled. “Isn’t it a bit cold?”
“We can use those patio heaters and people can bundle up,” Silas said defensively. “This is the apocalypse, Elish, if my people let a bit of cold stop them from having fun, they would’ve died long ago. I would’ve killed them.”
“Mmhm,” I said with a smirk. “And what’s going to be in this amusement park?”
“The Ferris wheel, the Yo
-Yo, the haunted house, the Tilt-a-Whirl, the Zipper.” He shuddered while saying the last one. I knew why, I have memories of riding that ride with him when I was small, and seeing him throw up violently afterwards. Silas couldn’t even listen to the song that had been playing over the speakers while we’d been on that ride. “It’s a pain in the ass setting everything up, but it’ll be worth it. I want to give my babies a wonderful birthday, and all of Skyfall too. Oh, we’ll have cotton candy and all sorts of deep fried travesties!”
A smile spread across my lips. “You certainly are in a good mood,” I said. I leaned down and kissed above his brow; it scrunched underneath my lips from Silas’s own returned smile. “As long as I don’t have to do anything, you can deliver Skyfall the world, my king.”
“It’ll be wonderful. I want my entire family there,” Silas said. He walked me to the stairs. “You should go visit Loren some time soon, love. He is desperate to meet you.”
Inside I tensed at the suggestion, but I didn’t show it. “I’ll do that. I suppose it is time.” Then I paused and decided to give him some honesty. “Thank you for… letting Finn stay with me for a while longer.”
“Until you find yourself a real boyfriend, hopefully Julian, I don’t mind… you’ve been obedient, loyal, and productive with the family and that’s being rewarded.” He hesitated. “Just… you’re not wanting him to stay because you have feelings for him, do you? Are you sure?”
“I don’t want to be with Finn,” I said, trying to keep my tone neutral. He was blindly digging around sensitive spots, like a passive-aggressive dentist with a metal pick, but I maintained my calm. “He’s a dear friend of mine and he’s been in tears over having to leave. Tyler, Kirrel, and Keela all began developing lives outside of us over their last year… Finn… Finn only has me.”
“Oh, my sweet boy,” Silas murmured. He touched my shoulder and rubbed it. “You can be so loving when you try.”
I growled at this… and Silas laughed, again he laughed and hugged me. “Have a good evening, my love. Come up for dinner tomorrow and bring Finn and Ju-Ju–” Ju-Ju? You’ve got to be kidding me… “–I’ll send Kinny over to the Dek’ko agriculture to bring us back some fish for sushi.”
I agreed to this and finally freed myself from the marshmallow rainbow that was Silas. I opened the door to my apartment, preparing myself for the next annoying person I needed to speak with, and heard Julian’s ringing voice.
“My lion!” he called out happily, his voice a song. He looked up and smiled that goofy half-smile that made me roll my eyes, and began walking towards me. “How was your day?”
“Hi, Elish!” Jack called from his bedroom.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. I walked to the hallway and knocked on Apollo and Artemis’s room. Jack’s was open and the boy seemed engrossed in his drawing. The boy was talented in the creative arts and was turning out to be a stunningly adept painter and drawer. However, the boy was growing up too sensitive and I was having him spend as much time with me as I could to teach him to grow a backbone.
“Silas wants all three of you upstairs,” I said to him, while I said this the twins’ door opened. “He’s having a video game night with the younger ones.”
“Awesome!” Jack crowed. The boy, with his silver hair hanging in his black eyes, ran past me and towards the stairs.
But Apollo and Artemis decided to act like teenagers. “We were going to meet with our friends in an hour,” Artemis whined.
I snapped my finger and pointed to the stairs, my eyes fixed on the both of them. They stared back, sighed collectively, and walked past me in the most slaggish, resistant way possible.
I did despise teenagers.
When they left, Julian chuckled, his head shaking at the now closed door. “I can’t believe how old I am now. I remember when those two were fucking newborns. Now they’re all grown up and acting like dicks.” Then he turned to me. “So what’s happening? How did the meeting go?” He walked to the couch and I followed, the smell of expensive cologne following him. I’d made Julian’s life quite kosher over the years, or well, Silas had anyway. Julian wore what the family wore, which was the most expensive, tailor-made clothing money could buy. The chimeras of normal height loved switching clothes and raiding each other’s bedrooms, but since I was tall enough to have my shirts and pants be loose on them, not to mention my taste was probably much too boring, my room was left alone.
I sat down on the couch. “Where’s Finn? He didn’t tell me he was going out.”
Julian scoffed. “Always, always ‘Where’s Finn? Where’s Finn?’ But do I ever hear ‘Where’s Julian?’”
“Of course not, because you’re not around when I’m asking,” I stated plainly.
Julian gazed at me like my words had melted his heart. “Really? You do ask about me?” He sat down beside me and squished himself right up to my body. “You can really make me feel special.” I groaned at him being so close, but that had become a thing between us. He was forever trying to get close to me, and I was forever pushing him away. It had become an endearing back and forth over the years.
Even though I did love Julian, it wasn’t the love that Silas wanted us to have. I was just… happy with how things were. Why did things have to change?
And like I told Finn whenever he gave me that pouty look… No matter what he sees happen between me and Julian, I came home to him. I also reminded him that it had been seven bloody years and if he was still insecure about Julian that was his own god damn problem.
I loved Finn, but had long ago gotten tired of his bad mood when it came to Julian coming over. This, of course, had gotten worse since I’d separated the two. Finn seemed to think that if Julian and I were alone together, that we were obviously having sex. He was surprisingly jealous and possessive.
“Answer my question already,” I said. “Where’s Finn? He was supposed to be home.”
Julian rolled his eyes. He put his head on my shoulder and breathed in deeply. “I got here and heard you upstairs with Mr. King. I wasn’t attacked by your blond pit puppy so I scouted it out and saw that he was conked out in your bedroom. It’s kind of cute actually, he has his head resting on top of the text book he was reading.” Finn had been taking college courses like the other sengils but he had been doing homeschool classes much like I had. Finn wanted his business degree now. He had dreams of being a member of the council like I was. I think the truth was that he just wanted to be able to see more of me. It was endearing to be loved as much as that sengil loved me.
I rose and walked to my bedroom. I smiled to myself when I saw Finn with his head literally in a book. My sengil was sound asleep, and even lightly snoring.
Gently I roused him, and as he mumbled incoherently, I helped him up and walked him to the bed.
“Sorry, Master,” he mumbled, then yawned. “I’ll get you your tea.”
“Shush now,” I said. I pulled the blankets back, and without protest, Finn laid down in the bed we both shared. “Don’t worry about me. Go to sleep.”
Finn smiled sleepily at me. “Thanks, Master,” he murmured. “I’m happy you’re home.”
I stroked his hair back, my heart always warming whenever I was near him. “I’ll be there soon. Go back to sleep.” I patted his head, and with one more exchange of good nights, I closed the door and walked back into the living room.
“Make yourself useful and get me some wine,” I said. “You may need some as well, I don’t have good news about Ivan.”
This caught Julian’s interest. “What’s happening with Ivan?” he asked. He walked past me towards the small bar I had in the northern corner of the house and I heard bottles tinkling around.
“He’s apparently giving me one more show and then he’s leaving,” I said. Even saying it had my mouth full of barbs. “I don’t like it… but the newspapers are all over the Dark Skylander. I don’t think we really need him anymore.”
Julian snorted. “Typical asshole leaving us high and dry. You’re
going to kill him once he leaves, right?”
I gave him a look. “No, he has no reason to sell me out. He can leave unharmed.”
“You’re not killing him afterwards?” Julian said, and I did not like the amusement in his voice. I knew that tone enough to mouth exactly what he was going to say next.
“Have I taught you nothing, my lion?” he said and I mouthed.
Julian laughed when he saw my lip movement. He walked over and handed me my drink, a glass of bloodwine which I’d grown fond of over the years. Julian couldn’t stand the thought of drinking chimera blood so he opted for a much safer rum and coke.
“I may need him in the future,” I said. “I don’t want to burn any bridges.”
Then there was a sudden crackle of static. Julian and I exchanged glances realizing it was the handheld radio we both had to communicate with Ivan and his family. I pulled it out of the side table near where I was sitting but before I could speak into it, a female voice sounded on the other end.
“Meeting at the second. I’m alone and I have to speak with you privately.”
That was Onika, or Oniks as we called her. I glanced at Julian who shrugged a shoulder. “Grab some guns and meet? What do you think?”
I wasn’t overly fond of the idea. I didn’t want to meet someone alone in the late evening. But the second as it was called, was our code for meeting behind Alegria. It was a safe spot to talk, and after that we could move to a place with more privacy.
But I still didn’t like it. “I’ll go down by myself, you follow behind in the shadows. If you see anyone else there lurking besides Oniks, shoot her in the head.” I brought the radio to my mouth and said quietly, “Roger that.”
“Sure,” Julian said, but then his brow furrowed. “Wait, isn’t she pregnant? She looked pretty round the last time I saw her.”
That was true. I’d noticed that as well but had never asked. If that was the case I felt a little safer meeting her. Ivan would never put his daughter, or his first grandchild, at risk.