“I’m fine,” he answered, but the red blot on his shirt said differently. He tore a piece of the green fabric from the bottom and started to tie it around his shoulder like a tunicate. I moved closer to try and help him. “I said I’m fine!” He yelled, shirking away.
“We’re back to this again?” I sighed. “You’re really gonna be pissed at me now? A minute ago, you were ready to die to keep me safe.”
“I think that would have been preferable to what’s happening,” he said, struggling to tie the cloth with one hand.
“We’re going to find a way out of this,” I said, though I wasn’t sure if I actually believed that.
“In a day?” Owen asked, burning into me with that electric blue gaze.
“We’ve been in worse spots,” I answered. “Besides, we have to. I can’t-“
“We’re not doing anything,” Owen muttered, still working to tie the strip of cloth.
“What?” I asked, sure I had misheard him.
“We’re not doing anything,” he repeated. “You’ll marry Sevie. I’ll wait for Merrin to wake up and marry her. We’ll live out the rest of our lives. The Council can’t get into our heads. We’ll be safe.”
My eyes narrowed. “I’m sorry; did that bullet somehow migrate to your brain? Because that’s the only way to explain what you’re saying right now.” I took a deep breath, calming myself. “I can’t marry Sevie, Owen. What about us? What I said about how I felt about you in front of the Council, it was real.”
“I know that,” Owen said, finally giving up and letting the strip of cloth fall to the ground. “And I love you too; you know I do. But it doesn’t change anything. We are where we are. I don’t see a way out of that.”
“We’ll leave,” I said. “Allister Leeman got out. Both my moms got out. There has to be a way,” I said.
“All of those people disappeared from the field. Getting out of the Hourglass itself would be a completely different animal.” He shook his head. “And it doesn’t matter. If we left, it would destroy Sevie. I won’t do that to him.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “To him? What about me? “
“Listen,” he said, with his eyes on the ground. “I know you don’t understand this-“
“No, I think you’re the one who doesn’t understand!” I said. “Sevie is Sebastian. Sebastian isn’t who he says he is.”
“That’s not his fault!” Owen said, so loudly that it shook something deep inside my soul. “He doesn’t…It’s just not his fault, okay.”
“Owen, what is it?” I asked, inching closer. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“No Cresta,” he threw his hand out to stop me. “You don’t get to know this. I love you and I want what’s best for you, but you don’t get to know this.”
“What’s best for me is you, Owen,” I said, blinking back tears.
“At what cost?” He asked, and suddenly there were tears in his eyes as well. “Merrin’s already fighting for her life. How many more people have to get hurt for us to be happy? Your mom is dead. Wendy is dead. Casper is gone. Weathersby is a memory. We can’t afford to lose anything else.”
“So we lose each other?” I asked bitterly, no longer able to keep the tears back.
“It’s the only way,” he said.
“It’s not,” I said, pleading coloring my voice.
“He’s my brother. I won’t risk hurting him, Cresta. Not for you; not for anybody.”
“He won’t get hurt, Owen,” I said. “He’ll move on. He’ll find somebody else.”
“You don’t get it,” Owen shook his head.
“Then tell me. Tell me what’s going on. Tell me why you’re acting like this. I’ve told you everything. The least you can do is be honest with me.”
“I wish I could,” Owen said in a whisper. Clearing his throat, he looked up at me. “I need to get this looked at. “ He motioned to his shoulder. There was ice in his voice. “I’ll be there tomorrow obviously, for your wedding. But after that, I think it’d be best if we didn’t see each other for a while.”
It was like he encased my heart in concrete and threw it in a river. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I opened my mouth, and the words, “Owen, are you breaking up with me?” came tumbling out; the most pathetic, cliché, teenage girl thing that I could have possibly said.
He winced. “I just- I think it’s for the best.” Biting his lip, he said. “Take care of yourself Cresta.” And then, he walked away from me.
Chapter 18
Down the Rabbit Hole
The day he died in my arms also happened to be my wedding day. I woke early, before the sun came up; though woke might not have been the right word, since I hadn’t done much in the way of sleeping. I was nervous. Since the Council of Masons decreed that my wedding be moved up to today, everything went into hyper drive. Celeste had jerked me around ever since coming back from my meeting with the Council, totally ignoring my obvious emotional decimation as she had my hair cut and colored a brighter shade of blonde and took me around the Hourglass’ sparse shops for accessories and the like. Normally, I wouldn’t have gone for that sort of thing. Highlights and high heels were ridiculous in my opinion. I had never been that type of girl. But I wasn’t myself. I was like a soldier who was suffering PTSD, staring at myself in the mirror as Owen’s mother dressed me up and told me how excited everyone was.
There was a silver lining to all the back and forth though. It left me no time to stay at home and stew about everything that happened and, more importantly, no chance that I would run into Sevie. He might have been –as every freaking person in the Hourglass told me- the sweetest person on God’s earth and completely deserving of happiness. But he was also the face of my doom; the literal ball and chain that would trap me here forever. And the fact that he was Owen’s brother meant that, no matter how much he wanted it, Owen would never fight for me. Suffice it to say, I had a brand new appreciation for the world’s rising divorce rates.
I watched the sun come up from the window in my bedroom. Owen hadn’t come home at all last night, and that made me nervous. The last time I saw him, in addition to ripping the heart out of my chest, he had a pretty nasty wound on his shoulder. He said he was going to the infirmary, but he was so damn stubborn he really could have done anything. For all I knew, he was unconscious in a ditch somewhere, bleeding all over his ugly green and blue ensemble.
“He was with me.”
I sighed. Merrin’s voice drove into me like nails on a chalkboard. I had been dreading seeing her, and the fact that she was inside my head, sifting through my thoughts, didn’t help anything.
“Just vanish, would you?” I asked, not looking at her.
“He told me he was sorry; said everything had just gotten out of control, and that he didn’t mean for things to turn out this way,” she said, her voice less forceful than I’d ever heard it before. “And then he cried. I wish I could have said it was for me, but I know better.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, looking at the rising sun long enough for it to bring tears to my eyes. “My course is set, and Owen won’t do a damn thing about it. I’m sure you heard it,” I muttered bitterly. “I’m sure you were dancing when he said it. We’re over. I’m marrying Sevie. You win. You were right. You can have him.”
She was quiet for what seemed like a long time before she said, “I’m not going to wake up, Cresta. I can barely feel my body anymore. Even being here now, so that you can hear and see me, is taking every ounce of strength I have. I don’t win. I don’t win at all.”
I turned to her. She was at the foot of my bed, dressed in the same clothes she wore that day back in Weathersby when it all went down. It was strange. She looked exactly the same, glowing, gorgeous; without even a hint of what was happening to her.
“I didn’t mean for-“
“Stop,” she said, lifting her hand. “I’ve been in your head for days now. I know your intentions were. They-they don’t change anything, but I app
reciate it.”
“Do you want me to take you to see your body?” I swallowed hard. “I mean, before it’s too late.”
“No,” she shook her head. “Do you remember the first time you ever saw me, back in Weathersby? Do you remember how you felt?”
“You were perfect. You were breathtaking. I hated you,” I admitted.
“Right,” she smiled. “I think that’s who I’d like to be in the end, not some slab of meat hooked to machines. I’d rather be the girl you hated.” She smiled again, but it was a tired thing.
“It’s hard for you, isn’t it; sticking around?”
“It hurts,” she said. “But pain lets us know we’re alive; at least for now anyway.” She stood. “He’s always been a good man, Cresta. But he’s a better one when you’re around. I see that now. Whatever your relationship is, don’t take yourself away from him. It wouldn’t be right.” She looked around the room. “The world can be a wonderful place. Be good to it, Cresta.”
“This isn’t how I imagined any of it would play out,” I said, running my hands through my newly highlighted hair.
“You know, me either,” she chuckled darkly. “But that’s the thing about fate; she’s never going where you think she is.” She started to fade away. “Happy wedding day, Cresta,” she said, and then she was gone.
“Thanks,” I muttered to the vacant air around me, unsure whether she could still hear me or not.
Opening the door, I found a sparkling white wedding gown hanging on the other side, where just twenty four hours earlier, my eye stabbingly ugly Council appointed rags had been. I took it off the hanger and tossed it on the bed. Same appointers; just fancier rags. On the floor sat a covered dish. I opened it to find another serving of Sevie’s breakfast lasagna. On the back, where I had become accustomed to finding Sevie’s little messages, were the words ‘Every day that is to come. Yours, Sevie’. I slammed the top back on the platter and picked it up. Why did everything have to suck so much? Why couldn’t fate have chosen the other brother? Why couldn’t I have just been a normal girl and Owen be my normal boyfriend? I should be thinking about colleges right now, worrying about what I was going to wear to prom; not standing here with a wedding dress resting beside me like the last nail in a coffin I’ll never be able to escape.
I wanted to pull my hair out. I wanted to break everything in this Godforsaken room, to tear this whole house down, to watch the Hourglass- and everyone who was holding me down- burst into flames and burn down to ash. But I couldn’t. I mean maybe I could. I had no idea what my powers were capable of. Maybe, if I got pissed enough, I could blink my eyes and rip this whole place out of the ground. Lord knows the whole world would probably be better off. I certainly would be. But even if I could, I wouldn’t. Doing something like that would only serve to prove that I was who they thought I might be; the Bloodmoon, the destroyer. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t hurl this stupid platter of lasagna across the room.
And hurl it, I did. The food splattered against the wall; tomato sauce smearing the otherwise plain wall like blood-like Owen’s blood after that son of a bitch shot him. They would own me now. Sevie would own me. The Council of Masons would own me. And fate, for all I had tried to fight it; fate would own me too. But that didn’t mean I had to be quiet about it. I was Cresta Karr, damn it. I was my mother’s daughter and, even if it was for the very last time, I was going to see the only person left of earth who made me feel like her.
I slid the dress on over my head. It fell like a cloud onto me. Sevie had been right. It fit me perfectly, like a glove- not that I looked at myself. I rushed past the mirror that had been placed in my room without so much as a glance, opting instead to grab the compact mirror from my pocket, a candle from the dresser, a packet of matches that say beside the candle, and one other very particular, very precious, piece of cloth.
“You’re dressed already?” Celeste asked from the kitchen as I barreled toward the front door.
“I’m taking a walk. I’m not coming back to the house. I’ll see you at the ceremony,” I said, without taking a break, much less giving her a chance to respond. If Sevie, or Owen, were there, I didn’t see them. And frankly, at this point, I didn’t care to. I only wanted to see one person right now, and for that, I needed privacy.
I found the privacy I was looking for at the lake where I had seen Dahlia the day before, the place she told me Sevie was actually Sebastian, and that Weathersby had been taken from us forever. It was quiet today. The sun was up. The wind was still, almost nonexistent. I sat, which I know you’re not supposed to do in a wedding dress, but seriously, grass stains were the least of my problems right now.
Quietly, without even thought, I set the candle up beside the lake, digging a hole into the hard ground and shoving the pocket mirror into it so that it sat straight up. Without even remembering it, I struck the match and lit the candle’s wick. The cloth felt heavy in my hand. It was so much smaller than it had been when Casper left, and I had been so wasteful with it. Yes, I had needed him every single time that I sat fire to piece of that sweater. But I had never needed him like I did today, and like I was sure I would need him in the days to come. But the thing was, I wouldn’t get to see him in the coming days. This was the last piece of the sweater, the last connection I had with my best friend in the world. This would be the last time I would ever see him. It would be goodbye; for real this time.
I hesitated. Couldn’t I wait? Was this really the best use of my one and only Casper lifeline? But I already knew the answer. I’d never get through the day if I didn’t see him, if I couldn’t look into his eyes and remember who I was; who I really was. So, with a heavy heart and a shaking hand, I dropped the cloth into the flame and watched it disappear.
The mirror started to fog up and the breath caught in my throat. I waited as patiently as a girl with nothing else to live for could as the fog began to take shape and garner colors. Soon enough, Casper was standing there in the mirror, surrounded by woods with his back turned to me. He wore black jeans and a red t shirt. Though I couldn’t see the front, the back of had the word ‘Lucky’ stamped across it. “It’s not working,” he said, with his back still turned to me. “Because I know. If it was working, I would be able to see it working. And then I would know it worked.” He must have been on the phone because I couldn’t hear whoever he was talking to, even though both his hands were clasped behind his back.
“I don’t see how I could be doing it wrong,” Casper said. “I literally stand here. That’s the extent of my involvement in this. I know this is a radical- and some might say silly- idea. But, given that you have to do about a bazillion things perfectly so that this has a chance of going right; maybe, just maybe, you’re the one who is doing it wrong.”
It’s amazing how instant the effect was. Just looking at him, even the back of his head; just hearing his voice made me feel more like myself. I could breathe. I could relax and, even if it only lasted for as long as this candle burned, I didn’t want to rip my own teeth out with pliers.
“Maybe you’re wrong,” Casper said. “Maybe she’s not doing it now. We could always try again later.” He chuckled. “Please. You love the sound of my voice. It’s ambrosia to your ears.”
Okay, so he was talking to a girl. I knew the Casper flirting tone like I knew my own name. Seemed like, even without his memory, some of what I knew about him had survived. A thorn of pain pricked at my heart as I realized that I didn’t know anything about his life. He wasn’t Casper. He was Toby or whoever. He was talking to some girl, standing in some random woods, and I had no idea why. He was gone from me, but at least he was laughing. I had done a good thing. I had given him a life to replace the one he had lost just for knowing me. And maybe that was enough. Maybe I could live out this life, this awful choice-less thing, taking strength from the knowledge that at least Casper would be free and happy.
Casper’s left arm went up to his ear. He had something in there; some sort of Bluetooth thing. “Right now? Are
you sure?” His other hand clenched into a fist. Where was he? Who was he talking to? And what was he talking about? “What do you mean turn around?” He asked, with his hand still at his ear. “Okay,” he muttered. “That doesn’t make any sense, but I guess you’re the expert on all this garbage.” Slowly, the Casper in the mirror turned toward me. As he spun, I saw the ‘Lucky’ on the back of his shirt was met with a ‘Bastard’ across the front. God, no matter what they called him, he was still Casper on the inside. But it wasn’t the (semi) profanity on his shirt that stole my attention. As I took him in, I saw that Casper now sported a long scar across his right cheek.
“Cass,” I whispered instinctively, finding that my hand had traveled to cover my mouth. What the hell happened to him? When did it happen? I had just seen him a few days ago, and he was fine. I said goodbye to him to keep him safe, and now he had a freaking scar across his face.
“Oh my God…” Casper muttered from the other side of the mirror. His eyes got wide. His (now scarred) face went white and expressionless. “ Liv was right. It’s working. I can’t believe it, but it’s actually working.” He walked closer, staring forward like-Well, like he could actually see me. But he couldn’t. No, I wouldn’t even let myself entertain that thought. “Is this it?” He asked, looking exactly where my eyes would be if I was actually in front of him. “I wanna do more,” he said. “I know I said this would be enough, but it’s not. I need to-“
From the corner of my eye, I saw the flicker of my candle blow out. It disappeared, and took Casper with it. “No!” I yelled. How did this happen? There wasn’t a lick of wind in the air today. Even now I couldn’t feel so much as a breeze. Quickly, I struck another match and lit the candle. I held it up close to the mirror so that it might fog up quicker. I didn’t have any of the sweater left, but it was the same candle. Maybe it held some of the same essence. Before I could figure that out though, the candle’s flame went out again though. But again, no wind, no breeze. Someone or something was blowing this out. But how? “Stop it!” I screamed. “This is my last chance!”
The Breaker's Promise (YA Urban Fantasy) (Fixed Points Book 2) Page 20