Something about his calm voice forced a little steel into my stomach. My legs proved strong enough not to collapse when I tested them a moment later. Bending down was a bit of a trick, and when the blood rushed to my head I almost blacked out, but I managed to get the little man to his feet without falling on him.
“Hnnn... it is always, er, difficult to stand after so long in meditation. Hold my arm for just a moment while I gain my legs.” Poko’s arm shook violently, though whether it was from some illness or simply from being probably slightly younger than the cave in which we sat wasn’t really clear.
He bent over from the waist, his back made a series of popping sounds that sounded like a tree breaking off at the trunk, and then he twisted to and fro before tapping his cane on the ground a few times.
“There! Feels better, some.” He clenched his bare feet, popping each of his toes. He coughed and shambled nearer, his cane clattering on the ground as he did. “Now, sit. Unless you’d rather stand?”
I nodded. I braced myself with my hands on my knees, bending slightly, which relieved the ache in my back and the absolutely wonderful wave of nausea that hit me out of nowhere.
Suddenly, Poko froze in place and looked into the air, finally opening his eyes. “Oh!” he said. “Oh, very good.”
Oh God his eyes... they’re white.
Luckily a booming, thunderous sound from the mouth of the cave jerked my attention away from his ghastly eyes. Something was dragging itself back to where we were and I knew instantly what – who, I mean – it was.
“Quickly, Lily,” Poko said. “Before your mate returns.”
Seeing the shock on my face, he raised the hand that wasn’t clutching his cane. “Very sorry, I mean Damon. I forgot very easily that not everyone is so versed in all this. Comes with age, I’m afraid.”
The clawing along the floor was getting louder and suddenly I had a terrible fear.
“Is there something wrong with him?”
“With Kataro? Er, Damon? No. Though he certainly feels like there is. We – our people – undergo a very difficult transition when we come of age, which is presently happening to Damon. I have long forgotten the specifics of the pain he feels, but I recall it being terrible. Many Skarachee do not live through the process, but once it’s complete, he will be in full control of his powers.”
My head was spinning, and those weird scratching noises just kept getting closer and closer. “I’m sorry,” I said, rubbing my temples. “What does this have to do with me? Seriously like two days ago my grandpa was going on and on at me, telling stories about werewolves, and I thought he was just telling me old folktales. I’m lost.”
“We all are,” Poko said with that curious smile and his milk white eyes wide open. They weren’t as frightening as the first time I saw them though. He had a way of calming me.
Damon was almost to us. “Poko, I... I’m bleeding, I can’t walk, I –”
“Steel yourself, Lily. You must care for him, because I cannot. He needs strength and I’ve none left. Staying alive takes all I have. Be prepared that he will not look like anything you’ve ever seen.”
“Even when I saw him on the mountain the other day?”
Poko averted his eyes. “Come, pup, you’ll find solace here,” he said. “Someone you wish to see has come to find you.”
“Lily?” His voice perked up before Damon descended into another fit of moans and coughing.
I looked at Poko, not knowing what to do. “But I need him. I need him to be strong for me, not the other way around. I came looking for him because—”
“In time,” he whispered. “He will give all you could ever need. But right now he needs you.”
Swallowing hard, it took me a couple of tries to find my voice before it actually worked.
“Damon, I’m here,” I licked my lips, looking to Poko, who nodded. “You’re safe. Are you hurt?”
Finally he stepped – or rather shuffled – into view. In the orange light of the cave’s belly, he looked exhausted and had one arm clutched around his chest. He took hesitant steps and dragged behind him a larger, disproportionate leg that scratched the ground. I had to look away for a second but I clenched my teeth and turned back.
Be strong, Lily. He needs you now just like you needed him a year ago with all those nightmares about your parents. Be strong.
“I, uh,” he trailed off and took a deep breath before exhaling a laugh. “Maybe a little?”
He hit the ground, bouncing off the floor as he entered the ring of light and warmth around the fire.
“Damon!” I screamed, unable to control myself. “Damon, hold on, stay with me.” Crouching beside him, I patted his human hand and grabbed the other one no matter how awful, how horrifying it was, and turned him onto his side.
There was the slightest flicker of light still in his eyes. Damon shook a little. He opened his eyes, then closed them tight for a moment.
“Lily,” he said again, squeezing my hand with fading strength. “I can’t,” he swallowed, his parched throat clicking. “Thank you for... this...”
The next time he closed his eyes, they didn’t open again. I clutched his head against my breast and rocked him back and forth, or as much of him as I could manage to lift onto my lap. Smoothing back his hair, I covered his forehead in kisses, just like I remembered my mother doing when I felt bad.
He was hot. So hot it alarmed me a little, but a glance back to Poko reassured me somewhat. Again I kissed his forehead, then his cheeks, then his nose. I felt his breath on the side of my neck.
“Where else do you hurt?” I whispered into his ear, before stroking his face with my thumb.
Without opening his eyes, Damon lifted his hand and pointed to his cheek. “Here,” he whispered.
I pressed my lips softly right where he pointed.
“Here, too,” he said, touching himself on the jaw, below his ear.
Licking my lips, I sucked gently where he indicated, and got a little bit of a smile from his busted lips.
“Oh, and, uh, here.” He pointed at his chin.
A quick peck was all he got there, because his stubble was really, really damn sharp, but it made me giggle anyway.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “You kept... I mean keep, me feeling normal, even when...”
“Shh,” I touched his lips with my finger. “You need to rest. I don’t care what you look like, Damon. You have the most wonderful heart in the world. And you put up with all my bullshit, so we’re even.”
He grinned, then winced. “Hurts to smile. Oh,” he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Hurts here too,” he touched his bottom lip.
“I’m sure it does,” I grinned and kissed him gently to make sure not to hurt.
With the last of his strength, Damon held me tight, his arm shaking as he did, and kissed me as hard as he could.
Moments later, our lips parted with a sweet suck that echoed off the cavern, and a half-beat later, he was asleep in my arms.
Eleven
Every day was a little better than the last one, and even better than that, every day was mostly the same.
I woke up early, like always, fiddled with my story some, asked Grandpa Joe some questions, poked around in old books about the town and the mountains and the people who lived there, and then in the early afternoon, I’d go out in to the woods and tend to Damon. It became sort of a routine.
Routine. The thing I’d always fought against turned out to be exactly what I needed. When I fell into one, everything was better. My head worked better, I didn’t panic, and I kept things moving forward, but for some reason, I fought against falling into them.
It’s stupid, and I know it is, but whenever I get comfortable with something, I always try to shake it up, having convinced myself that anything routine is actually a rut. Not this time though, I decided. I wasn’t going to screw up my trajectory again by being constantly unhappy.
No, I decided that for the first time in my life, I would take things
as they came and appreciate them for what they are instead of what I wanted at some distant, vague point in the future.
And for a while, at least that first week after I started nursing Damon back to health, it worked. He needed me and I needed to be needed.
“I think I’m ready to try walking,” Damon said as soon as he saw me round the corner into the back part of the cave where he slept.
That reminds me – Damon’s parents. His parents had gone on some year-at-least long cross country trip. It was just their way, the Skarachee. They raised him from a baby and then handed him off to the pack’s elder. I couldn’t understand it, but then again, I don’t really understand NASCAR, so I might not be the best judge.
Normally he stayed at his house, like a normal human being. But with him in this state, both he and Poko thought it best that he be under some kind of watch constantly, so in the cave he stayed.
“What’s up?” I kissed him gently on the head and sat down on the little pallet we’d arranged for him near the warmth of Poko’s ever-burning fire. I had heard him perfectly well, and felt awful about it, but I kinda hoped the second time he’d say he was ready to talk or something. For some damn reason, I just couldn’t handle him getting better.
“Walk,” he said with a grunt. “I think I’m ready to try.”
My stomach sank into my feet. It was a combination of not wanting him to stop needing me to be around – as stupid as that sounds – but also that I didn’t want anything to change. Just when I fell into a comfortable routine, I had to adjust.
I’m not good at adjusting, which is funny for someone who fights against routines so hard.
“Are,” I paused to stop my voice from cracking. “Are you sure you’re ready for that? It’s only been a week.”
Damon smiled that dashing damn smile and my knees went from strong to goop in about a half a second. Before I knew it, I was over by the side of his pallet with my hand out to help him up.
“Damn,” he grunted under his breath. “Harder than I thought.”
He got one foot underneath himself, and when he put weight on it, his knee made the most gut-wrenching popping noise I’d heard since Poko stood up. With one hand on the side of the cave, he took the first tentative step.
“You’re really heavy,” I said when he leaned on me for support. “Wouldn’t guess it by your huge body and big muscles, huh?”
That got his shoulders shaking with laughter. “Don’t do that to me,” he said. “Hurts bad enough to walk without laughing at the same time. Anyway, my ribs are... ooh,” he sighed and clutched himself. “Still broken probably.”
“How?”
“What do you mean, how?”
I wished Poko hadn’t fallen into his meditative trance quite so early that day. He cared for Damon while I was working on my stuff in the morning, and then as soon as I got there, he sat down in his little bundle and was dead to the world, searching through the spirit realm or whatever it was moments later.
He would have been a lot more useful for answering actual questions than Damon was. But, I had to work with what I had. I grabbed him under the arm and put every ounce of effort into keeping my half-human boyfriend on his feet.
Boyfriend? Did I really think that? No such luck here, you’re just a nurse.
No matter what happened or what Damon said, I couldn’t convince myself of anything else. I have no idea why, wouldn’t even want to try and probe that particular mental mystery without the help of a team of psychiatrists.
“You don’t want me here, do you?” I said from out of nowhere.
With a loud grunt, Damon took another step, pulling his left foot up immediately after it touched the ground. Two days before, that foot had been swollen up like a rotten cantaloupe, but now it had started working, though apparently still hurt like hell.
He settled down a little, resting his weight on the ball of his injured foot, to stretch it out a little. Then it struck him that I’d talked. “What? Did you say something?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I – no, you know what, it’s just me being dumb and insecure. Don’t worry about it. You have more important things on your mind.”
The tenderness on his face when he looked at me took me by surprise.
Damon shook his head, eyes wide open. “No I don’t. Whatever’s bothering you, tell me. That’s how this works. That’s how it worked when we were,” he paused to swallow. “You know, back then.”
“You barely ever talked to me,” I said. “But I always knew you were there for me. Always willing to listen to whatever silly thing came across my mind.”
He grabbed my hands, steadying himself on his good leg. “I wanted to open up, Lily. I wanted to tell you everything, but, I couldn’t. Trying to believe what was happening to me was one thing, but involving you? That’s... it wouldn’t have been right.”
“You’re too nice to me,” I whispered. “After all the stuff you’ve been through in the last week, you’re telling me to unload on you. What is this man I’ve fallen in love with?”
Oops.
Well there it was, hanging right out in the open. To Damon’s credit, he didn’t laugh at me or give me that squinting look that said ‘are you sure you meant to say that?’ or make some obnoxious Freudian slip joke. He watched my eyes for a second, and then grabbed my hand, holding it tight in his.
“If it weren’t for you, Lily, do you think I’d even be here?” His face was very serious, his voice very soft. He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. The twitching fingers on my shoulder told me he wanted to touch my cheek, tilt my head back and ravish me with a kiss, but he was afraid of losing his balance.
“I guess not,” I said quietly, looking down and averting my eyes. Truth is, I’m ashamed of my almost constant self-doubt, but I don’t know what to do about it. “I’m sorry. I’m so selfish. I just don’t know how to turn it off.”
“Turn what off?” he squeezed my hand and grunted in pain, but got his hand to the side of my neck anyway. His fingers curling against my neck and right below my ear sent a little chill through me. “Whatever you’re feeling is okay, Lily. We’re all scared – I know I am for damn sure. Tell me what’s on your,” he grunted again, wincing in pain. “Actually can you, uh, help me down first, and then tell me?”
I eased Damon to the ground, and he used his hands to get into a halfway comfortable position. At first I stood over him, then I crouched, and then he grabbed my hand and pulled me onto his lap.
“Oh hey!” I giggled. “Watch where those hands are going! Hurt or not, fresh is still fresh.” He smiled and poked my cheek where my left dimple popped up, but only when I was really serious about smiling.
“Tell me,” he said. “What’s got you twisted up?”
I didn’t want to. I really, really, didn’t want to tell him that I was a dumb girl in love with a guy I screwed up a relationship with. Especially not with him hurt this badly. I fought it with every shred of willpower in me, but then it all came out anyway.
What a surprise. Me with my heart on my sleeve, even when I thought I was so good at being guarded and closed off. Well, maybe with anyone else, sure, but not with Damon.
“How do you continually make me admit things that I’d never admit to anyone else?” I asked, absently stroking the side of his neck with two fingers.
“Would you accept ‘werewolf magic’ as an answer?”
Damon’s smile, I thought with a giggle, needed to be licensed as a lethal weapon. God, those cheeks! I wanted him so bad to grab me in his big arms and squeeze me and kiss me and ravish every inch of me with affection. I wanted him to kiss all over me, throw me against the wall and have his way with me, I – really needed to calm down.
“Remember,” I said, desperate for something to break the tension between us, “when you forced me to leave the house and go to the sophomore prom?”
A smile danced across Damon’s face. “It was the least I could do. You were so upset about your parents, watching you hurt just killed me.�
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“It was just so sweet... you brought me those lilies because you’re a cornball and you had that dress I bought right before my meltdown. I’d never had anyone do anything like that for me before you.”
“You have no idea how much it hurt when you left. I deserved it though.” He looked away for a moment. “I mean, I never blamed you. I know it was my...”
I touched his lips with my fingertip. For a moment, we just stared at each other. The flush on my cheeks was painfully obvious, but luckily it’s hard to see blush in a cave light only with a campfire.
“Anyway,” Damon whispered, breaking the silence. “What’s bothering you?”
Playfully, I shook my head. “I’m learning to believe a whole lot of wild stories, but I think that might be stretching it even for my newly open mind about all this Fox Mulder stuff.”
“Who’s that?”
I laughed a little. “Not much for 90s television?”
Damon twirled a lock of my hair around his finger, pulling just a little. That little tug sent a thrill creeping down my back. I needed him to get this all over with, no matter how embarrassing it was to admit, or I’d be the world’s biggest mess.
“You’re not going to get out of this, pretty lady.” Damon pursed his ruby red lips and kissed me right in the sensitive spot behind my ear.
I could have straight up died. The ache between my legs had me so hot that I was a vaguely afraid of jumping his bones and breaking this giant of a man in two with over-eagerness.
“Talk,” he whispered into my ear then sucked my earlobe gently, clipping his teeth together when he pulled away. “Or I’ll torture you until you do.”
I purred. I never purr. “I bet you would. But are you sure that’s a good idea with you all busted up?”
Damon let out a loud laugh, followed immediately after by a groan and a wheeze. “Oh God, yeah probably not. I can still tease you though, right?”
The last time you lost me it was because you wouldn’t even go that far. Or was it me?
Taking a deep breath, I said, “Is the only reason I’m here because I have to be? For... destiny or whatever it is? Or is it because you actually want me here? You can be honest. I’d rather know the truth now than have it come out later when—”
Fated Mates: The Alpha Shifter Boxed Set (12 Book Bundle) (Insatiable Reads) Page 35