Baby, Me, OMG: Motherhood fiction (Surprise Baby Romance)

by Suzy K Quinn

  She said, ‘Oh.’ But it was three syllables long. ‘Oh-hh-hh.’ Then she added, ‘You weren’t married then? Before you had Daisy …’

  I said that we’d nearly got married. But we’d fallen at the last hurdle, i.e. saying ‘I do’ in the church.

  Clarissa said, ‘Oh wait. My God. It wasn’t you … … who was stood up at the village church?’

  I said, ‘I wasn’t stood up. I was the one who left.’

  Clarissa gave me a pitying smile. ‘Oh dear. Very sad. Especially for Daisy. That you couldn’t make a go of it …’

  I felt myself nodding. Then, out of nowhere, I started crying.

  Alex’s black eyes went all serious. He snapped at Clarissa, ‘Do you make a habit of upsetting people?’

  Clarissa said I was obviously having ‘an emotional day’. She rummaged in her Ollie and Nic handbag and thrust a business card at Alex, saying, ‘Jonathan and I have been meaning to catch up since the Granger thing. Do give us a call.’

  Alex didn’t take the card. Instead he turned his back on Clarissa and asked me how I was getting home.

  I said my car had broken down so I’d probably end up catching the bus.

  Alex frowned at my stroller, laden down with water wings and soggy swimming towels.

  He said, ‘You’re not taking the bus. I’ll drive you back.’

  I told him that Daisy needed a car seat.

  He said, ‘We can take the car seat from your broken-down car.’

  And then the stupid tears came again, and I couldn’t talk anymore.

  When we got to Alex’s MG, he had a bit of trouble folding up the stroller. He kept kicking at the folding mechanism like he was trying to start a motorbike. But he managed it eventually.

  Then he took Daisy from me and put her in the child seat, testing all the straps to make sure they were secure.

  He even blew raspberries at Daisy and made her smile.

  ‘You’re just like Jemima,’ he said. ‘When she was a baby. Utterly adorable.’

  The car seat looked a bit weird in Alex’s sports car. If the MG could have talked, it would have said, ‘This indignity must never be spoken of’.

  I ended up in the front seat.

  I was such a mess that Alex had to reach over and do my seatbelt for me.

  I sniffed, ‘I really don’t mind getting the bus.’

  Alex said, ‘Don’t be ridiculous. You have a baby with you.’

  I said, ‘They do let babies on buses.’

  He said, ‘Still. Public transport with children …’

  I said, ‘Some people have to take the bus. Not everyone can inherit a hotel chain.’

  Alex said, ‘I didn’t inherit a penny. The Dalton hotel chain wasn’t left to me – I had to fight for it. I was never given any money by my family. Everything I own, I earned myself.’

  I said, ‘Including this flashy car?’ Trying to make a joke, sort of.

  Alex said, ‘It isn’t flashy. It’s elegant.’

  I said, ‘But a vintage MG sends a message though, doesn’t it? You know – that you’ve done well in life.’

  He said, ‘I don’t drive an MG to show off how much money I have. I drive it so people know I’m Alex Dalton. Not Harold Dalton. My father hates this car.’

  I said, ‘Why?’

  Alex said, ‘Because Mr Dalton Senior owns car manufacturing plants in China, India … all over the world. He could have given me any number of brand new cars for free. Yet I bought British. And just to rub it in, vintage British.’

  As we got nearer the village, Alex said, ‘Just so you know, I think Nicholas Spencer is an idiot.’

  I said, ‘Why?’

  He said, ‘Because he let you get to the church without marrying you. Zach told me about the wedding.’

  I said, ‘Don’t you have more interesting topics of conversation, like the New York stock market or the best marble for your hotel floors?’

  Alex said, ‘He thought I’d want to know.’

  I said what a big mess everything was. Daisy not living with her dad.

  ‘From what I heard, she never had much of a dad anyway,’ Alex said. ‘You can do much better than Nick Spencer.’

  I said that I didn’t want to do better. I wanted Daisy to have two parents.

  He said, ‘Would you take him back?’

  I said, ‘If he did some really serious apologising. Maybe.’

  Alex said, ‘The man’s a car crash. Don’t throw your life away.’

  I asked Alex what made him an expert on relationships with us commoners.

  And he said, ‘Commoners? You think that’s a word I’d use?’

  I said yes.

  He said, ‘Just because I drive an expensive vintage car doesn’t mean I look down on people.’

  I said, ‘You do though. Don’t you?’

  He said, ‘Only men like Nicholas Spencer. And that’s because of who he is. Not where he comes from.’

  I said, ‘What about people who use public transport?’

  He said, ‘I don’t look down on them. You have me wrong there.’

  We were a few roads from the Oakley Arms and I said, ‘Just here will be fine. We can walk from here.’ Like I was talking to a taxi driver.

  Alex said, ‘Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll drop you outside your mum and dad’s pub. You’re staying there, aren’t you?’

  I asked him how he knew that.

  He shrugged and said, ‘I noticed.’

  When we pulled up outside my parent’s pub, I caught myself wondering what Alex must think of the place.

  To most people, our house is quite big. Posh, really. Well – big and flashy. Lots of bedrooms. Tudor beams. Great big garage and garden.

  But to Alex it must look a bit tasteless. What with the big neon sign that says ‘Bob and Shirl’s Place’. And all the gnomes in the garden.

  Alex helped me with the stroller and baby swimming stuff.

  Then he took Daisy out of the car while I got the stroller ready.

  I thought Daisy would cry when he took her, but she didn’t.

  Alex held her against his chest and stroked her downy little head.

  Daisy gave him an unexpected gummy half-tooth smile – something she hardly ever does for strangers.

  I was a bit worried that Mum might come running out in her see-through dressing gown and offer to help unload. But luckily she didn’t.

  Alex lowered Daisy into the pram and strapped her in.

  He stood for a moment, watching her. Then he said, ‘She’s a beautiful baby. Goodbye Juliette. Take care.’

  And then he was gone.

  Thursday August 20th

  Gorgeous blue sky today.

  Lovely big yellow sun.

  I love my mum and dad. But they’re so LOUD.

  ‘Bob. BOB! I’m going into town. One or TWO PACKETS OF SAUSAGE ROLLS?’

  ‘SHIRLEY! WILL YOU KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN!’

  Mum only has to walk past my bedroom and Daisy wakes up.

  Dad tries a bit harder to be quiet. But in a way, he’s louder when he’s trying to be quiet. He does all this exaggerated, ‘SHHHUUUSSH! DAISY’S SLEEPING!’

  Of course, Daisy isn’t the easiest sleeper.

  It takes half an hour of shushing and rocking and patting to get her dozing off. Then I gently lay her down in the cot. Take a few careful steps back like she’s a bomb that could go off. Careful … careful … don’t creak the floorboards …

  And Mum’s voice will come bellowing up the stairs, ‘I’ve got TWO FROZEN PIZZAS! Bob? Shall I cook both of them?’

  Still. It’s nice being home.

  It’s especially nice not having Helen walk in at any moment.

  But I do need a place of my own.

  I just don’t want to live alone. Daisy doesn’t really count as other people. I mean, she’s lovely. But she can’t tell the difference between carpet fluff and food. It’s not like we have long conversations.

  She does make me laugh though. 

&
nbsp; Friday August 21st

  Went running today and did four miles!

  Amazing!

  Even though I haven’t trained for ages.

  I can’t believe it.

  I mean, fair enough, it took nearly an hour to run those four miles. But I didn’t stop or anything. I just kept running and running.

  Saturday August 22nd

  Took Callum out for a walk today.

  How does anyone cope with two kids?

  The second we got to the woodland path, Callum hurtled off towards the lake.

  I ran after him, stroller bumping over sticks and mud, shouting, ‘Callum! Callum! You’ll ruin your flashing trainers!’

  Before I knew it, he’d jumped in the lake.

  He splashed around shouting, ‘Aye, Aye Captain Birdseye!’

  I shouted at him to get out.

  Then I offered him a biscuit.

  He said, ‘I want a Magnum Chocolate Infinity.’

  (How has he even HEARD about those? I blame Mum.)

  Thank God an old man with a fishing rod shouted, ‘Come on out now sonny and I’ll show you my fishing line and maggots.’

  Callum loves anything disgusting.

  The man showed Callum a patch of daisies too, and picked one for him to take home.

  Callum seemed quite interested in the daisy. But as we walked back through the woods he said, ‘That flower tasted horrible, Aunty Julesy.’

  How am I going to cope when Daisy can run around?

  Sunday August 23rd

  Very, very weird day.

  Sadie came round the pub.

  Brandi opened the door and screamed at her to ‘FUCK OFF AND DIE’.

  But I said she could come in.

  Sadie was SO nervous. Shaking, actually.

  Mum took Brandi, Callum and Daisy out into the garden.

  The pub was pretty empty, so Sadie and I grabbed a corner booth.

  Sadie started gabbling and crying, ‘I’m so, so sorry. I know I’ve fucked up. I’ve ruined everything. I love you more than anything in the world. You’re the only one who ever accepted me. My only true friend. And I did this to you. I know I’m a massive selfish bitch. But all that’s going to change. I promise you. I’m having a baby. A baby!’ Her eyes were all crazy. ‘I need you in my life, Jules. I can’t do this alone.’

  I said, ‘You’re living with Nick aren’t you? Won’t he be in your life?’

  She said, ‘But I need adult support.’

  Then she said things with Nick weren’t going well because he didn’t pay any bills or flush the toilet.

  I told her she and Nick deserved each other.

  She said, ‘I’m not that bad, am I?’

  Then she went on about how her boyfriends always fancied me and it had been nice for once that it was the other way around.

  I laughed and said, ‘Your boyfriends fancied me?’

  Because she goes out with football players and male models from toothpaste adverts. When she’s not sleeping with directors.

  She said yes, and that I didn’t notice because I was ‘too nice’.

  Then she said we should go for a drink. Just us two.

  ‘It’ll be like old times,’ she said. ‘Before you had Daisy and everything got messed up.’

  I asked how she could move in with Nick. After ruining my wedding and Daisy’s life.

  She said she thought it was to do with hormones.

  Helen has been very nice to her, apparently.

  She said, ‘It just feels good to have a stable home.’ With seemingly no understanding that she’d wrecked my stable home.

  After an hour of banging on about herself, I realised Sadie is a lost cause. Selfish to the core.

  I actually felt a lot better for seeing her. Because now I know I haven’t lost a friend after all. Sadie was never my friend to begin with.

  When she left, Brandi said, ‘You need to unwind. We’re hitting some clubs. I’ve got a silver Lycra dress that you can cram yourself into.’

  I pointed out it was only 4pm.

  Brandi said, ‘So? Mum will babysit.’

  Monday August 24th

  What is it with babies? It’s like they KNOW when you’ve stayed out late.

  After weeks of perfect sleep, Daisy woke up every two hours.

  My poor little girl!

  I gave her Calpol, milk, water … everything. But she wasn’t having it. Actually spat everything out.

  Waaaaa! WAAAAAH!

  It broke my heart seeing her crying. But at the same time I REALLY wanted to sleep.

  Far too tired to write about me and Brandi’s night.

  Sleep now.

  Tuesday August 25th

  Somehow Brandi and I ended up in the West End the other night. At this posh nightclub.

  Brandi is a bad influence on me. Mums should NOT go clubbing on a Sunday night.

  I swore I’d only stay until nine, but Brandi made the DJ put on ‘Independent Woman’ and we ended up dancing on the tables and shouting WOO!

  Suddenly it was midnight.

  I suppose I did need to let go, really. I’ve been carrying around a lot of stress.

  We got talking to some posh girls who went to school with the Daltons.

  They said ‘gorgeous’ Zachary is rumoured to have a ‘mystery’ girlfriend.

  It was hysterical when they found out the ‘mystery’ girl was our sister.

  They wanted to see photos of Laura, like she was a celebrity or something. And they all said she was ‘rather lovely’.

  I asked if they knew Alex, and they all said how gorgeous he was too.

  When the girls left, Brandi said, ‘You always fancied posh Alex, didn’t you? Shame you didn’t go for him instead of Nick.’

  I told her I hardly had a choice. Alex runs a major hotel dynasty. I’m not heiress material.

  Brandi said, ‘Well, he’s always staring at you.’

  I said, ‘What, Alex Dalton? I don’t think so.’

  But just for a moment, thinking about the lift home from the sports club and the running training and the champagne at afternoon tea, I thought … maybe.

  Wednesday August 26th

  Brandi is dating someone she met on Facebook called ‘Spider’.

  She can only meet him at his house because he has an electronic curfew tag on his leg.

  Dad asked why she couldn’t find a nice man like ‘Laura’s Zachary’.

  Brandi said, ‘BLURG! Vomit city! Those two are soooo soppy. Oh you go first Laura. No, you Zachary.’

  Mum said it would be lovely if Laura and Zach got married.

  Brandi told her to ‘get real’. She said, ‘Zach knows Prince Harry and walks like he’s being held up by string. He’s very nice but he’s from posh land. There’s no way he’d marry Laura.’

  Mum roared about Laura being drop-dead gorgeous and having a university degree.

  She said, ‘They so could get married.’

  Brandi said, ‘If you believe in fairy tales.’

  Thursday August 27th

  Had the BEST idea today. String! I tied a piece of string to the stroller, and then sat on the sofa and pulled it back and forth.

  Brilliant!

  Got to watch all of Downton Abbey while Daisy slept. Why didn’t I think of this before?

  Friday August 28th

  Daisy has got wise to the string. She cries and tries to eat it.

  Bugger.

  Saturday August 29th

  Real Ale Festival at the pub this weekend.

  Dad spent all morning lugging ale barrels around, while Mum drank half pints from each of them.

  After lunch, I picked up Nana Joan. She loves the Real Ale Festival.

  I set her up in the shade with a pint of cloudy cider and Daisy on her lap. But she wanted to be nearer the band.

  So Dad showed Daisy how well his raspberries are growing, while Nana sat by the stage stamping her feet.

  When I took Nana home she was a tiny bit worse for wear, but happy. I had to hel
p her into bed and got covered in sparkles from her party dress.

  Sunday August 30th

  The pub is PACKED.

  The whole village is downstairs, drinking ales with funny names like Rat’s Piss and Bishop’s Foreskin.

  Mum tried every one of the thirty on offer. Then she got all shouty and called the vicar a ‘massive fucking hypocrite’ for drinking on a Sunday.

  The vicar started swearing back, and Dad had to intervene. After years of running a pub, he’s good at calming people down. Even the vicar, who has major anger management issues.

  Monday August 31st

  Summer Bank Holiday

  Mum claimed she wouldn’t drink any ale today.

  Then Dad put out a new barrel out called ‘Morning Sparkle’ and she said, ‘Oh go on, I’ll try it then.’ And had a big tankard full with her cornflakes.

  I’ve lost six pounds!

  It must be the running. Because it’s certainly not my diet.

  Not after a weekend of beer and sausages.

  Tuesday September 1st

  Nick came over today to see Daisy.

  It was pretty awkward.

  He was supposed to come at 1pm, but didn’t turn up until 3pm.

  He’d been rowing with Sadie, apparently. She’s being ‘pregnant and mental’, to use Nick’s words, and wasn’t happy about him seeing Daisy.

  Nick spent twenty minutes chucking Daisy into the air and saying, ‘Say Dadda! Say Dadda!’ But then Daisy got tired and started grizzling. He panicked and asked what was wrong with her.

  I said she was just tired.

  He said, ‘How do you know things like that?’ As if I was some magic oracle.

  Then he gave me his puppy-dog eyes and said, ‘I miss this, you know. You fix things.’

  I remained all aloof and snooty and asked when he’d be coming to see his daughter again.

  Nick did his guilty head-scratching thing and said he couldn’t commit because of ‘Sadie’s hormones’. But he’d be in touch soon.

  Wednesday September 2nd

  Daisy’s birthday in a few days.

  My maternity pay has been successfully transferred to my new bank account, so I can finally pay my way now.

  Also, found a stash of department store vouchers so bought Daisy some bits and pieces.

  Just a few things.