Mercy, he said in a whisper. His face casts an expression of pure amazement. He couldn’t be looking at me with the tenderness that showed in his face. I didn’t deserve it even in my dreams.
Unable to stop myself I reach out to him. Luke. I love you. Even if it was only a dream, it felt so important for me to say it.
“Mercy.”
Chapter Twenty Eight
timorous (adj.) timid, fearful
Knocking woke me up from the dream I wanted to stay in. Things were still good there. Hiding my head in my covers, I try to ignore the sound until the knocking became pounding. Then the door opened.
“Mercy,” the voice said, sounding much like my dream.
Pushing stray hair that has escaped my pony tail holder from my face, I looked up to see Flynn standing in my doorway. Shifting, I caught the time on my alarm clock. It read seven a.m.
“Mercy, you’re not ready. We’re going to be late,” he said frostily. So much for me thinking we’d overcome what drove us apart.
“I can drive myself,” I said. There was no way I was going to school today. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. I didn’t answer to him.
Face expressionless, he began, “Look.” Changing his mind about something, he said, “Whatever, I just need to make sure you get up.”
I laid my head back down not really looking for a fight. Confrontation just wasn’t my thing and I really didn’t feel up to it today. “I can take care of myself. You can go.”
“Fine, just get your ass up and to school,” he said and closed the door behind him.
Turning, I buried my face in the pillow and willed myself back to sleep not caring much if my demon half took over. Maggie texted me last night saying she wasn’t going to school today. Luke wasn’t going to be there. I was too worried about him and everything else to go. I would just be sitting like a zombie anyway. Plus, it had been really crazy the last several days. My body still craved sleep. Easily, I slipped back into a dreamless existence.
It felt like I’d only just faded to black for a moment when a voice called out, “Mercy.” And for the second time today, I’d been woken up by the sound of my name.
Wiping sleep from my face, I looked up into vacant expressionless eyes. “Sebastian,” I said on a croak.
His hand touched my arm. “I was looking for you. You weren’t at school and neither was anyone else.”
Frowning, I narrowed my eyes. “No one is at school?” I puzzled.
“I mean, you, Flynn, Maggie, Jay, Kathy, Brent, Tom, Paul and well of course Luke,” he said quickly. “I was worried about you.” Worried about me, I didn’t think so. Not after our fight last night and him ignoring my phone call.
Rolling onto my side, more of my hair spilled over my face. He reached out and brushed the tendrils of my hair back from my face with such care. My hair had a mind of its own and fell forward again. Pushing on my elbow, I sat halfway up and pushed my hair behind my ear.
Recognizing this look, I couldn’t believe it. Now was so not the time for this. He looked at me the same way Paul and Luke looked at me. This is so not what I needed right now. My heart belonged to someone else.
Finding something to do in the silence between us, I pull my pony tail free. My hair tumbled around my shoulders like it was happy to be free of the binding. Starting to gather it up to pull it back, Sebastian inched closer. He pivoted and took my hands. Pulling them to my sides, he said. “Don’t.”
Letting my hands free, he did the one thing I didn’t desire. He threaded his fingers in my hair and pulled me to him. Frozen with indecision, he moved his mouth on mine. Feeling vulnerable, I did nothing to encourage or discourage him. Sebastian was a death eater. He could steal my life right this moment.
Afraid to speak in order not to give him any opening, I finally pulled away enough to say, “Please.” But the word came far too late, I was jerked back into the passenger seat. My demon wanted this and I could feel it.
My hands moved to match his. Gripping his head, she opened for him to deepen the kiss. His hands left my hair moving south. Jumping from my perch, I fought with my demon for control and so far I was losing.
Heat rushed over my body as it responded to his touch defiantly against my wishes. My hands were snaking down his arms matching his touch for touch. Desperately, I willed the mist to form and stay solid, so I could slip into it and become one with my enemy.
Not paying attention, I had no idea what made Sebastian pull free from me at first. “McKayla,” he breathed.
My body leaned in towards him. Panic crept over me. I wasn’t making any headway for control. My demon was much stronger than she had let on before. So I watched while I fought.
He moved fast and away, raking a hand through his thick black waves. My demon looked squarely into his eyes, chin up. “Let Kayla back,” he said.
“If I let her back, she’ll make you leave,” my demon purred. Fluidly, she stood and backed him up to the wall. “She doesn’t want you. She only wants him.”
Her hand went to his chest and slid south. “Don’t be a fool,” she said and pressed my mouth to his along with all of me.
This wasn’t good. Frantically, I worked to gain control over my body because this was so not happening. I’d made enough mistakes for a lifetime. My resolve greater than the beast that stirred within me, took the reins back.
Once done, I moved us to step back. His hand was still on the small of my back holding me in place. “Rat,” I said sternly.
His eyes flashed with alarm. Dropping his arm, he let me go. Stumbling back, I found the bed with my hands and sat.
Quietly but clearly, he said, “I’m sorry.”
“Why,” I said before looking over to the wall where he still leaned. “All this time, you’ve acted like nothing but my friend. Why me and not Rune?”
In his eyes, there was a flash like lightning. As unreal as it seemed, it reminded how not human he really was. “I told you before there was nothing between Rune and I.”
“But why not?” I asked. “There is no shame in being gay.”
A burst of unexpected harsh laugher escaped him. “Gay is a human term, Kayla. There is no such thing as being gay in the demon world. You pleasure yourself as you see fit. There are no rules, no boxes to put people in, or shame for how you feel. You humans are such hypocrites.” His words were harsh but not terribly cruel.
Shifting uncomfortably, I stayed silent. “As for you lass, I didn’t expect to want you,” he spoke. “You were an assignment nothing more. Your fragility in your human shell wasn’t something I expected to find remotely interesting. You’ve been to the school. Demons are physically attractive to play on the shallowness of our prey. So your beauty didn’t affect me.”
A mist of frost seemed to form around words that had shape in the air between us. As much as I wanted to look away from him at his half compliment, I needed to watch his face as he spoke. Although I truly thought I could trust him, so much yet had been revealed.
“When I met you,” he continued. He looked off as if he could mentally visualize it all happening. “I couldn’t believe a succubus even a half one could be so…” The word hung in the air while his hands moved to find the words his mouth didn’t. Turning to me he said the word directly looking in my eyes. “Pure.”
Pure could mean so many things. But none of them seemed to connect with me. I’d done so many things wrong. It felt like my actions were the catalyst for all the bad that had happened.
“Sebastian,” I said, ready to tell him the truth. And the truth was there was a part of me that was attracted to him. That part was my demon half and as much as I liked to dismiss her, she was somehow a part of me. I wasn’t going to allow that to change anything. Not as long as I was in the driver seat. I needed him to respect my decision and not take advantage.
He pushed away from the wall and began a languorous walk towards me. “Kayla, you have to admit, I’m the one that has stood by you this whole time. Luke left you. Flynn left you.
Paul left you. I waited and now it seems like a good time.”
My mouth opened a second before my bedroom door did.
“Why the hell aren’t you at school,” Flynn bellowed.
Startled, I frowned. In that moment, Flynn turned to see Sebastian and narrowed his eyes. “Why is it I keep catching the two of you together?” he asked.
My brain did a quick unfreeze when I remembered that Sebastian said none of us were in school. “You have a lot of nerve. Why weren’t you in school today?”
“I was taking care of biz,” he said.
Huffing out a half laugh, I knew exactly what “biz” he was referring to. And this was one of the main reasons why if Luke had never been in the picture, Flynn and I couldn’t be together. I was so not into sharing.
“So was I,” I said and looked towards Sebastian. Maybe it was wrong of me to be so petty. But in that moment, I couldn’t help what I was thinking.
“Flynn,” a voice came from somewhere out in the hall.
I twisted my head to look back at Flynn who was scowling at Sebastian. “Who is that?” I asked none too nicely.
Flynn found my eyes and said, “Kristen. She’s here to do homework.”
“I just bet,” I said sarcastically. “Was she your biz earlier today?”
“None-,” Flynn said. Clearly, he was about to say none of your business. I just rolled my eyes.
Sebastian cut him off. “No, Amanda was,” he said, looking at Flynn.
“Flynn,” Kristen called out again and her voice was getting closer.
“Both of you, get out,” I barked.
They looked at me and I pointed at the door. Flynn excited and Sebastian did his disappearing act. I was left alone. I’d forgotten to talk to Sebastian about Paul, too many things to think about. This demon thing was getting to me. I couldn’t share my body with something that had no care for everything I’ve valued and waited for. At the same time, I couldn’t stay awake twenty four hours a day. My timorous sleep wasn’t stopping her either. I’d been awake when Sebastian came and that hadn’t stopped her. Yet I scared me to think that if she somehow took over again without my knowledge, would I wake no longer a virgin?
Chapter Twenty Nine
ennui (n.) boredom, weariness
As much as I didn’t want to, I went to school the next day. The idea of school almost seemed ridiculous with everything I now knew. However, school was normal and that is what I needed. Maggie was there but Jay and Kathy were no shows, figures. Flynn was back to his King of the School routine with girls fawning all over him. I tried to ignore it but it seemed like it was worse than ever. I couldn’t believe the shamelessness of some girls. I mean really, throwing yourself at a guy was not a way to his heart. It was however, a way for him to get into your pants.
“What’s the matter Eme,” Maggie said.
Feeling jaded with life, I said, “Nothing more than usual.”
“When do you think Jay will contact you?” she asked. I’d clued her into everything vowing not to keep secrets from her anymore.
Sighing, I said, “Not quickly enough.” I so desperately wanted to leave this school. But I was eternally grateful to David for the car. At least I didn’t have to ride with Flynn.
We were sitting at the elite lunch table today. Brent wasn’t in school and automatically without thinking we’d gravitated there. Realizing my mistake, I tried to choke down my burger as I gagged at the freshman girl who was damn near sitting in Flynn’s lap. I didn’t know her, but she had to be a freshman to do something so totally idiotic.
Deafly, I heard her murmur something to Flynn. Her breathless high-pitched voice was lost to my hearing. But I heard Flynn all too clearly. “Ask Mercy, she’ll tell you.”
My eyes darted to his while mentally I threw icicle darts at him. The bubbly girl who was making me lose my appetite said, “So is his car really comfortable to lie down in.”
I choked and spit food in my hand. Maggie’s hand clapped my back. “You ok?” she asked, oblivious to the conversation. She’d been talking to Amber whom, I was supposed to be listening to. This time flames leaped from my eyes while flame leaped from my eyes headed to Flynn. Keeping my eyes on him, not giving the girl any of my time, I said, “I Wouldn’t Know!” My voice wasn’t loud but my meaning was clear. Flynn just laughed at me and turned his focus back to the girl. He whispered something in her ear and she giggled. She stood and bobbed her head up and down in agreement to whatever he’d whispered. When she turned he patted her bottom making her giggle more. She strode happily over to her table where her friends had been watching.
Most of my burger I had been able to swallow before this happened. So I turned to Maggie and said, “I’m going to the bathroom.” She acknowledged me and I left the table without even looking back him. So what he’d done had worked. He’d gotten to me. I wasn’t going to give him any more satisfaction. Tomorrow, I would be sitting at my table again.
The day had been brutal. It felt like every teacher piled on the assignments to ensure all of us had no social life. One bright spot was that I had my own car which I was sitting in pissed when I realized that I left my history book in my locker. I really didn’t feel like making the trek back into the school. Maggie just left a few minutes before. The parking lot was thinning out. Softball practice had been cancelled. The coach was out with the flu along with the assistant coach. Nobody was up to self practice, so I sat with my head on the steering wheel trying to talk myself into going back in the school. Thinking about how behind I was already with my missed school days, I got out of the car and headed back in.
The halls were clear and it was just so odd to see them that way when not twenty minutes before these halls had been packed. My chucks barely made any noise on the tiled floor. It was my noiseless footfalls that had me turning the corner and getting an eye full. Flynn had some petite brunette pressed firmly to the bank of lockers not far from mine.
He was so thoroughly kissing her, neither of them noticed me. Pivoting, I was about to make my escape but I decided my chance at college was more important than his groping hands at her waist. Holding my chin up, I walked to my locker and recognized the girl. Well, I should know her. It was her locker they were pressed against. I saw the girl every day. She was cute, but no Amanda. I was certain Flynn was making her year. She and I weren’t friends. Heck, I couldn’t remember her name for the life of me.
Spinning the dial on my locker, they hadn’t come up for air to even notice my presence. I tried telling myself that was the reason why I was annoyed. Once my locker was open a folded note with my name scrawled across the front greeted me. My locker was pretty neat because I liked things in order. Needing to leave, I pocketed the note and grabbed what I came for. With my book in my hand, my locker made a thwack when I closed it a little too hard.
Now they broke apart. Glad I was no longer facing them I allowed the tiny bit of satisfaction show on my face. Reaching the corner Flynn called out, “Mercy.”
Stopping in my tracks, I was pissed with myself that I hadn’t kept going. Just barely turning as I nearly hugged the corner waiting for retreat I saw the sly grin on his face. “I won’t be home for dinner, so don’t wait up.”
Okay, I wanted to curse him, spew out ten-letter words that would baffle him, or give him the finger, but I did none of it. I just walked off. Even though I heard them laughing, I made my way out the building just as casually as I’d come in.
I ended up in my car but not heading for home. The intimacy I’d witness had brought jealously out of me, but not for Flynn, I told myself. I was missing Luke like crazy. So when the in dash car navigation system signaled that I’d reached my destination, I found a parking spot. It was close to the end of the day. So, most people were leaving the city, not coming in. My parallel parking skills were put to the test getting into the spot I found. Thankfully, my lack of driving up to this point didn’t hinder my abilities.
Parked, I walked slowly to my destination. My memory filled my senses
with the last time I’d been here. The water was a shimmer of darkness that crept in from the retreating light of the sun. The temperature was dropping. Wrapping my arms around myself, the coldness that crept deep inside was more than just the outdoors. It was that I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get to see him again and have a chance to apologize for all the wrong I’d done. Sitting on the steps in front of the great man, I remember Luke’s word about choices.
With my legs wrapped up in my arms, staring out onto the majesty that is the “Mall” in downtown DC, I lay my head and watched the tiny ripples in the water of the reflecting pool. With my head down on my knees, I remembered the note. Pulling it out, I looked at the neat handwriting of my name and didn’t recognize the writing. Unfolding it, it read, ‘I know what you are, you demon whore.’ The creep factor rolled up my spine. Crumpling the note, I fisted it in my hand as I look around nervously as if the writer had followed me here.
Waiting for Mercy (Cambions) Page 29